by KT Strange
Buck had the decency to blush, and it made his blue eyes stand out even more.
“I was an ass.”
“I think was means past. You still are.”
“A little bit,” he grumbled, before lifting me up in his arms to kiss me. My feet left the floor, and I felt the thick strain of his muscles, making me all swoony and ridiculous for a moment until the metal of the bleacher rang out when he set me back down. “Only an ass in the right ways. I’m an ass to anyone who’s trying to hurt you.” He sighed, running a hand through his long hair, pushing it away from his face. “I don’t think I can stop apologizing for how I didn’t stand up for you enough recently. I got caught up in my own bullshit, I guess.”
I grabbed his hand.
“It’s okay. Or it will be okay. Right? Let’s not worry about it. You’ve said you’re sorry a lot. Let’s go make sure Shawn stretches instead of stressing out. You won’t do it again, I know you won’t.” I gave him a big smile. He’d been going through his own hell. Being back at his house wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. He didn’t even want me going over there, saying that he didn’t want to make memories with me in a place he hated so much. I was still trying to figure out how to convince my uncle to let Buck move back in, but my uncle was a bit of an idiot and was either being super strict with me on some days, or totally lenient on others. On the Buck living with us issue? He was being as strict as he could be without being an outright asshole about it.
My feet pounded down the bleachers, making the metal complain, until I met Shawn on the field.
“I’m all sweaty,” he warned me, but I threw myself at him anyway, hugging him tight.
“Stretch, moron,” Buck said with a laugh when he got to us. My uncle, down the field, kept a close eye on the three of us, packing up his folding chair with the deliberate slowness of someone determined to eavesdrop.
Shawn snorted.
“Who nearly tore his ankle open from not stretching in freshman year? Yeah, you’re not one to talk.”
“I learned my lesson,” Buck said, crossing his arms over his chest. “Don’t repeat my mistakes.”
My phone buzzed again as I shook my head over their banter. Shiv once more.
“Hey, I’m just gonna call someone,” I said, turning away to hit the phone button.
“Hey,” Shiv’s voice was in my ear in a second. “I’ve been trying to text you for hours, but I just got service again. My mom decided to cut me off because I didn’t do great on an essay, but she doesn’t know I have a spare credit card and I just paid the bill with that.”
I laughed.
“She’s going to find out at some point.”
“That’s a problem for future-Shiv. Um, how are you doing?”
“I’m at the football field. I’m… pretty good.” I glanced over my shoulder. Shawn was doing planks, the tight muscles of his back flexing in a way that was so much hotter than it should have been. Except Buck was critiquing his form. So much for stretching for a cool down. If I didn’t stop them fast, they’d end up doing a sit-up competition until they puked. And I was hoping to spend the rest of the evening sandwiched between the two of them on the couch watching horror movies as part of our first ever ‘trio date’, especially because my uncle was planning to go out for the night to something he had to do in the city.
“Shawn’s there, right?” She asked, sounding a little worried.
“Yeah, why?”
“Um, Garrett dropped by my place,” she said. “He’s kinda… he’s acting really weird. I think he’s still pissed at his brother.” She sighed, and I tried to get a good read of her over the phone. I wasn’t sure if she was happy about Garrett being mad, or something else. I know she felt really unsupported with the way Shawn dumped her and immediately turned around to start dating me, and in that way, I’d let her down. Garrett was going for some sort of olympic record at staying pissed at his twin though. Shawn’d told me that they still weren’t talking.
“Is Garrett still there?”
“No, he left a little bit ago, but the way he was talking… I’m kinda worried he and Shawn are going to get into it again.”
I closed my eyes and sighed.
“Well if they do, they do. They need to sort it out on their own, right?” She had me worried, even though I knew that Shawn needed to fight his own battles at least until he asked me to help.
“Yeah, yeah I guess. Okay. Well. Just giving you a heads-up,” she said, then sighed wistfully. “I know this mega-weird, given that you’re… dating him now but I really miss him. A lot. Can I say that to you? Is that okay?”
My heart broke and I closed my eyes.
“Of course it’s okay,” I whispered. “You can tell me anything.”
“It’s weird to say he’s not good enough for me when he’s with you,” she said, choking up on the other end of the line. “Because I still think he’s good enough for me, I just think he got really confused and…” Her voice hitched. “I gotta go. This is too weird talking to you about this. Bye.”
She hung up and I stood there, my chest and throat aching. It wasn’t fair. I couldn’t be happy when she was hurting so badly, when Shawn and I had hurt her like that.
“Baby?” Buck’s voice made me turn around. Him and Shawn were standing next to each other, red and brown bookends. Shawn had finally put on a shirt, and wasn’t breathing so hard.
“You okay?” Shawn asked, stepping forward.
“Yeah,” I said, slipping my phone into my bag. “Hey, can you guys take me home? I just need to be alone for a bit before we hang out tonight.”
Shawn exchanged a worried look with Buck.
“Yeah, whatever you need.”
I need to take a raincheck on tonight, I sent to both guys a few hours later. My uncle had just cooked dinner, and left the house. It was quiet, the only noise being the rush of the wind in the trees outside. The leaves were swirling. Soon the trees would all be naked, stretching their branched fingers up to the sky. It might be the first winter I wouldn’t have to sleep under a pile of second-hand sleeping bags. Wouldn’t that be a luxury.
Ugh. My thoughts were being really negative, but I couldn’t help it. Shiv’s hurt feelings, everything that was happening, it was weighing me down.
Like it should. I was a shitty friend. I didn’t deserve to go through the early stages of my relationship with Shawn guilt-free and happy. I was twisting a knife in my friend’s back every time I kissed him.
Being alone with my thoughts wasn’t helping any, but I needed to figure out where I was at before I saw the guys again. I needed to talk to Shiv first, really draw it out of her how she was doing.
A tree branch knocked against the living room wall downstairs and I nearly jumped off my bed at the noise. I reached for my phone and peered outside. The trees weren’t moving too hard in the wind, but it might have been a strong gust.
The sound came again, and this time it sounded like someone at the front door instead of on the wall.
Keeping my phone close to me, I crept down the stairs, and peeked out the curtain of one of the front windows. Shawn stood there, propping himself up against the wall with one arm beside the door. His shoulders were slumped.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, flicking on the porch light and opening the door. Shawn lifted his head. He had a black eye and a busted lip, blood running down the corner of it like he was an abused vampire. “Shit!”
“I’m fine,” he mumbled, the words a little slurred.
“Uh.”
“Can I come in?” He walked past me anyway. I closed the door and threw the latch behind him. He collapsed on the couch, one arm slung over his eyes.
I sat gingerly beside him and took his free hand in mine, my heart beating in panic. What happened?
“Shawn?” I asked softly.
“Garrett and me had a fight,” he said, not looking at me. “Do you… I know Buck’s bed is still downstairs. Can I crash here tonight? My mom told me to get out.”
�
��She kicked you out?” I stared at him, itching to text my uncle. He would want to know. He always took a heavy interest in his players, and I knew he’d been worried about Shawn lately. “Let me get you some ice for that lip. And a cloth.” I grabbed what I needed from the kitchen just as Shawn sat up slowly. I dabbed at the corner of his mouth, trying to be careful. “That’s swelling pretty bad.”
“Garrett looks worse,” he said, trying to smile and wincing instead.
“Do you wanna talk about why you guys fought?”
“Yes, and no. It was about you. And Shiv. He thinks I’m…” He shrugged. “Whatever, he thinks I’m a fuck up. But I always am. I’m the one who’s always fucking up, and he’s always perfect. He has no idea what it’s like.” He inhaled, the noise shuddery. His eyes were wet, and when he went to wipe them, he grunted in pain. “Fuck, sorry, you don’t need to see me like this.”
“I’m here,” I said, feeling helpless. This obviously ran deeper than Garrett being mad about Shawn dumping Shiv for me. There were old hurts, and this was just the catalyst to opening up an ugly wound. “You can tell me anything.”
“That’s right, because you’ll take it all, right?” Shawn looked disgusted, but it wasn’t with me. “You’ll just listen… to my shit, or Buck’s shit, or take crap from Shiv and half the fucking school. Garrett was right about one thing. I know how to royally fuck up someone else’s life. I picked yours, I dunno why I just…”
He looked at me, his gaze unwavering.
“We’ve all made mistakes,” I said. “But we can move on from that. And Garrett needs to forgive you. It’s not his business. Also… he needs to not assault you.”
“I started it,” Shawn said, looking pained. “I hit him first.”
“Yeah but did he push your buttons? Nobody knows how to push you like Garrett does. He knows you in and out.”
Shawn closed his eyes hard and lifted the ice-pack I’d brought him, to his lip.
“Yeah he really knows me,” he said softly. “Fucking curse. Wish he didn’t. I wish I was an only child. Or hell, I wish I’d been born into a different family.”
I didn’t know the whole story, but I gave him a stern look anyway.
“You’re being a little extra,” I said. “It will get better. You guys will make up.”
“Yeah, but we can’t un-say the shit we said to each other. It’s always going to be there, waiting. You know?” He sighed, and flinched, pulling the ice away from his lip. “Shit. That fucking stings.”
“It’s gonna blow up like a balloon if you don’t ice it,” I warned him. He gave me a weak smile.
“Aren’t girls always looking for pillow lips?”
“Yeah, on their own faces, not on yours,” I shot back with a grin. “Besides, it’s kinda creepy. I don’t want you looking like a Kardashian.”
“Yeah, Buck might wanna kiss me instead of you,” he said with a wink and then groaned. “That hurt.”
“Stop moving your face,” I ordered. He laughed quietly.
“I can’t help it,” he murmured. “Plus… if I can’t move my face, how am I supposed to do this?” He leaned in, catching my chin with his fingers, his touch gentle and cool from the ice. His mouth moved over mine with a sweet, light kiss. I tried not to kiss back, because he was hurting so much.
His tongue slipped out though, teasing over my lower lip and I sighed, shifting my weight to press up against his chest.
“You’re injured.”
“And kinda turned on,” he said, his eyes shadowed as he looked at me. “That… weird?”
“Fighting turns you on? With your twin brother?” I wrinkled my nose and he groaned.
“No. Just, you taking care of me, it’s… nice. Yeah. I’m into it. Having you fuss over me.” He was trying to smile, I could tell, but it hurt him too much.
“Not weird, everyone likes to be taken care of,” I said. He closed his eyes. He looked so tired, and worn down.
“Then take care of me?”
“Yeah,” I said, “I’ll do that.” I stood up, offering him my hand. “C’mon. Upstairs. Let’s go lay down for a bit.” He gazed at me, intensity in his eyes that made me shiver. I knew that I wasn’t just asking him to lay down and nap. He knew it too. It was just hard to put it into words. He followed me up the stairs, the wood creaking. My back hit the blankets on my bed, and I shifted over, making space for him. My whole body was warm, tiny sparks of electricity humming along my skin as he reached for me, his palm rubbing up the side of my arm. His rough callouses rasped over me and I shivered.
“Mia,” he said, and kissed me, slow and soft. I shifted until I was close enough to curl my hand around the back of his neck. All I heard was the sound of him breathing, and the rustle of the blankets as we moved on them, until I was splayed over top of him.
“Hang on.” I stopped for a moment, trying to catch my breath. I reached up, flicking my fingers on the lamp beside the bed, sending us into darkness.
Shawn hitched his hips under mine; I could feel his erection hard against my thigh through his jeans. When I slipped my hand down to cup it through the thick fabric, he groaned.
“Not yet,” he said, “hurting too bad.” He eased my hand away. “Sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry, I should’ve asked-”
He kissed me, cutting off my words.
“No apologies, you’re perfect,” he said. His other hand rested heavy on the small of my back. He teased his thumb over the rise of my butt, dipping just under my waistband. “Can I touch you?”
I let out a breath I’d been holding.
“Please,” I said. It felt like my whole damn body was throbbing, and I reached between us to flick open my jeans, my face warm. I wanted it so badly, and Buck’d taught me to not be afraid of asking for what I needed. “Between my-yes.” His fingers worked into the back of my jeans, curving down between my thighs to slide over the crotch of my panties. His touch was warm, and insistent in just the right way. I squirmed, letting my thighs fall further apart.
“Right there?” He asked, cocking his head. His hips rolled under mine, and I moaned, the slow wave of pleasure building inside of me. His fingers were slow, moving over me again and again. It was right where I wanted it, and I buried my face in his neck, trying to cling onto the feeling in case it slipped through his fingers and left me desperate and empty.
That happened sometimes, I was figuring out. Not every orgasm came quickly or easily. Porn was a lie.
His breath was hot against me, and he was murmuring quietly into the top of my head as he touched me, teasing my clit through the thin fabric of my underwear.
“If I sank my fingers into you, you’d be so fucking wet right now, wouldn’t you, Mia?”
“Mmmph,” I wasn’t sure if that was me agreeing or not, but I shuddered, rolling my hips down into his. It wasn’t time for us yet, but my body wanted it. It was too soon though. Things were too new.
“If Buck were here, he’d fuck you for me, wouldn’t he? I’d watch the two of you, maybe get my hand between you and tease you until you were begging me to stop-”
His words were the lightning I needed, the last shove over the edge, and I gasped into his neck, panting hard as my whole body shook.
“Easy,” he said softly, pulling his fingers away and replacing them with his palm, pressing down on me as just right turned into way too much and my nerve endings tingled with being over-sensitive.
I licked my lips, they were dry all of a sudden. I sat up in his lap, not sure of what to do with myself, all my emotions shivery and fluttery inside of me.
Shawn watched me in what little light filtered in from under the crack of my door to the hallway, his hand sliding out from the back of my jeans. He was rock-hard against me and I shifted my weight. His eyes fluttered shut.
“Don’t, or I’ll be in worse than I already am,” he said, “c’mon down here. Lemme hold you close.”
My heart squeezed hard and I squirmed down beside him. He kissed the tip of my nose, and
then my forehead.
“That feel okay?” He asked.
“Um… obviously?” Was he nervous he wasn’t good enough?
“I just… didn’t want to push you,” he said, swallowing hard.
“I’m good,” I said, my voice hushed in the dark room. “I’m… I’m perfect.”
“Good,” he said, wrapping me up in one arm, and pulling me against his side. “That’s all I wanted.”
I let my eyes slide shut, listening to his even, slow breathing. He was the absolute sweetest I could ever ask for. Everything that had happened up until that point didn’t matter anymore. We were perfect, and nobody, and nothing, could ever take that away from us. Right?
Sixteen
I woke up the next morning, alone in my bed. Shawn had left a note on my bedside table. I curled up in the blankets to read it, smiling to myself.
You were sleeping and I didn’t want you to get in shit with your uncle. Or me get in shit with him. It’s a little selfish, I know, but here we are. Thanks for being just amazing, as always.
I’ll see you at school, sweetheart.
-S.
Rolling out of bed, I floated through getting ready for the day, slipping into my uniform and grabbing my bag.
“Morning Mia,” my uncle was downstairs when my feet hit the last step.
“Morning. You’re still here?” I asked. He was leaning against the kitchen island, sipping a cup of coffee.
“Well, I thought I could drive you to school today.” He must’ve seen the way my face fell, because he continued hurriedly. “I know Buck normally takes you, or Shawn, but you’re leaving on your trip this Friday, and I thought we could use some time together.”
My heart melted a bit.
“Yeah that’d be great.”
“I’ll even stop at McDonald’s and get you hot-cakes,” he said with a wink.
“I’ll be late to home-room,” I argued mildly. He laughed.
“Helps when your uncle is on the faculty. C’mon, you know you want hot-cakes.” He grabbed his keys, my stomach growling at the thought. He was completely right. I really wanted hot-cakes. Half an hour later, and my belly full of McDonald’s breakfast, I dropped into my seat for my first class with a sigh. I’d missed home-room, but my uncle had checked me in with a wink to the front-desk secretary.