by CJ Lyons
She pushed his arm aside and stalked away. He jogged after her. "Let me go first, explain to Helman how I found you--"
"Are you more worried about me or your job?"
"That's not fair. I could have told him who you were yesterday."
"If you go in there, will you tell Helman I won't have the surgery unless he makes sure Alex gets his DNR?"
"I can't do that, talk to him that way. He's the Chief of Neurosurgery, for chrissake."
She tossed her head. "You may not have the guts to make a deal with the devil, but I do. Probably because I've got nothing left to lose but my soul."
She halted in front of the door to the conference room, her palm spread flat against it as if testing for flames. Then she raised her head and turned to him. Her eyes were clear, resolute and he knew he had lost.
"Goodbye, Vincent." She turned the knob and plunged into the inferno that waited beyond.
He shook his head and started after her, wanted to pull her back, to save her from the fire. But then he stopped, chewing his lip as he regarded the solid panel of wood between him and her. She didn't want saving, not really.
And that was really the heart of the matter, wasn't it?
He now knew what he had to do. Time to leave fantasy-land and return to the real world, the one where he was facing a malpractice suit, had bills to pay, and a living to earn.
He turned and walked away, tugging his lab coat by the lapels, the mantle of responsibility settling on his shoulders. This is what doctors did. They made decisions, weighed the evidence, knew what was best for their patients and acted upon that knowledge.
When he reached the information desk in the front lobby, he used the house phone to call Eve Warden. He licked his parched lips, hoping that she would speak with him, help him. She was his last hope to salvage the career Grace was about to send up in flames.
Leaving Jimmy snoring in the company of the children, sneaking out before any of them woke, had been one of the hardest things Grace had ever done. She didn't think she'd have the strength to go through with this. Just the thought of losing precious time with him made her desperate to run back upstairs to him.
But Vincent's words had strengthened her resolve. Someone had to be an advocate for the children, and it obviously wasn't the Chief Resident.
Grace pushed through the door to the conference room. Helman, seated in the chair at the head of the table looked up at her, eyes blazing at the interruption. A stack of charts sat before him and his mouth was open as if he'd been ready to issue a proclamation.
"What is it?" he snapped. The other committee members were a blur in Grace's peripheral vision. "This is a confidential meeting."
"And I have something to discuss with you in confidence, Dr. Helman." She swallowed hard and took the two steps necessary to reach his side.
"Who the hell are you? Are you on the agenda? Why wasn't I notified of this?" His gaze swept the table, raking over the huddled committee members.
"My name is Grace Moran," she said, sweeping her hair back to reveal the surgical staples in her scalp. "I would like to discuss an experimental surgical procedure with you. As well as several other matters." She turned to the others who were shuffling their papers nervously. "Alone, please."
The rest of the committee bolted before Helman had a chance to dismiss them. His cheeks blossomed with fury, but to his credit he said nothing, merely shifting in his seat to reach for the water pitcher and pour himself a glass.
"Do you realize the trouble you've caused me?" he asked after taking a sip.
"You mean like sending a stranger to rummage through my house? Like prying into my personal affairs? Dr. Emberek was most thorough in his efforts to find me," she said, taking the seat beside him and reaching for her own glass of water. She needed it, fear had leached her mouth dry. "Too bad he hasn't been as interested in protecting the welfare of his patients."
Helman bristled at that. "That's quite an inflammatory charge, young lady. Would you care to explain it?"
"First, I need your word that you'll hear me out. If you agree to my terms, I'll have your surgery, agree to any treatment course you want, no questions."
His chuckle rattled off the paneled walls. "You'll have the surgery one way or the other--with your psych history, I can have you involuntarily committed."
"I sincerely doubt it, Doctor. I know the law as well as you--maybe even better. Up until four years ago I was a physician in the ER here at Angels of Mercy."
That caught his attention. "All right," he conceded. "What's so important that you'll risk your life by making this ridiculous bargain?"
"First, your word. I want you to present Alex Weiss' case to the ethics committee and get him the DNR he wants. And I want Katherine Jellicle to remain on Peds until her surgery. You have to promise that she'll never have to go back to the ECU or be under the care of Eve Warden again."
His eyes squinted into a suspicious stare. "Eve? What's she got to do with this?"
"Everything." Grace inhaled, forced her voice to remain steady, and told him about Warden's abuse of Lucidine and what was going on up in the ECU. When she was finished, he shook his head.
"Basically it boils down to the girl's word against that of a renown and respected physician," he said. "You can't blame Eve if her night staff has gotten slack, allowed a few loose cannons to roam--"
"Loose cannons! They attacked me and Kat."
"Ah, but you said yourself, you're the one who used the pool stick against them. You're lucky they don't press charges." He frowned. "I'll have to ask Eve about that. You might have placed the hospital in a very difficult position. One patient assaulting another--"
"You mean five against one, don't you?" Grace pushed her chair away. This had been a huge mistake, coming here.
"Sit down, young lady." When she didn't comply immediately, he pounded his fist on the table. The stack of glasses jumped, the top one falling over, shattering on the polished oak tabletop.
As the echo of crashing glass faded, Grace remained standing, leaning against the table, palms flat, forcing all the weight of her anger and frustration into her glare.
"Last chance, Dr. Helman. Will you give Alex his DNR and guarantee Kat's safety, or do I go to the press? Spread it far and wide how you not only lost a desperately ill patient, but then allowed that same patient to be assaulted in your hospital?"
Helman rose to his feet, towering over her, his face ruddy as he tried to stare her down. Grace planted her feet, refusing to bow.
He blew his breath out, his lips twisting together as if he were swallowing something unpleasant. "You'll have the surgery?"
"Yes. If you agree to my terms."
"That's all, just the DNR and moving Jellicle to Peds?"
"And investigate what's going on up in the ECU."
He gave a small nod of his head. "You realize, of course, that to prepare for the surgery, you'll need to be admitted to the ECU yourself, undergo the brain mapping procedure? With Lucidine?"
It took every ounce of her strength not to let her voice quaver. Sweat pooled at the base of her spine, but despite it she was shivering. "Yes."
The corners of his mouth turned up in a feral smile. "All right then. Done."
He extended his hand across the table. Grace reached out with her own and took it. His grip was crushing, but her own fingers were strong enough from climbing to squeeze back with a force that obviously he hadn't expected. To her surprise, the wasps were silent--there was no crawling under her skin, no dampening of her vision.
"Let's go," he said as he released her.
"Now?" No, she needed to get back to Jimmy before his time was up. But what was she to say? Excuse me while I return to my dead husband's ghost?
"Of course now. You don't think I'm going to give you the chance to run away again, do you?" He marched around the table and took her by the arm. "Come on, we've work to do."
He opened the door and propelled her out into the hallway. As they crossed the lobb
y to the elevators, a gleeful voice sounded behind them.
"Jonas, thank heavens you've found her!"
Grace pivoted. Eve Warden was emerging from the stairwell, her face beaming as she approached Grace. She took Grace by both arms, ignoring Grace's attempt to pull away. For one awful moment Grace thought Warden might try to kiss her on her cheeks, European style. But instead the physician merely held her at arms length, inspecting her as if she were damaged property.
"Thank goodness you're all right, Grace. I've got everything ready for your treatment." Eve turned to Helman, her smile widening. "I should have known you'd find her, bring her to me, Jonas. Now we can make sure that everything goes smoothly for your surgery." She released one of Grace's arms to stroke her hand against Helman's. "I'm so proud to be part of this. You're going to make history, Jonas."
The words came to Grace in a blur as she fought to remain standing. Wasps buzzed, encircling her heart, squeezing tighter and tighter as they stung. Her lips and hands were numb, as if parts of her body were already dying beneath Eve's touch.
CHAPTER 32
Sweet Dreams
Alex slept, his arms wrapped around Jimmy's chest. It was the first time since he'd left his mother's womb that he'd had the chance to sleep with the heartbeat of another person echoing his, rocking him into his dreams.
In his dreams, the sky was a brilliant blue, its colors shimmering in warm sunshine. The breeze was sweet with the scent of honeysuckle and new spring grass rustled beneath his bare feet. Alex sighed. This was his all time favorite dream.
Made better now with the addition of a family. Warm arms surrounded him, cradled him when he dropped to the ground. A woman's laugh--Grace's--circled around him, snuggling him in its embrace. She was answered by Kat's mischievous chuckle and he closed his eyes, content to drift in the joyous harmony.
Grace's voice soothed him as his breath caught and a quick spiral of pain shot through his chest. Kat held one hand and Grace the other. Sunshine warmed his face, danced in bright plumes of crimson through his closed eyelids.
Alex allowed himself to fall into the blissful realm that beckoned.
Lukas was reliving his favorite dream. The day he met Grace, the day they fell in love. He remembered his embarrassment, a man his age--twenty-eight he'd been back then, six years ago--shouldn't lose control like that, punch a wall just because his mother had left him again, extending her stay in Washington.
After all, he had a job to do, so did she. Together, she had promised, they were going to change the world. Just the two of them. Because Lukas was special, so very special.
He'd taken the bus to Angels of Mercy. Actually two buses and a walk of almost a mile. But he didn't drive and couldn't stand to ask George, the chauffeur and handyman who was responsible for Lukas when his mother was gone. Sure, George pretended that he was really watching out for the estate, that he and Lukas were buddies--but Lukas knew better. He'd seen the gleam in George's eyes whenever his mother handed him an extra-bulky envelope before she'd leave for a lengthy trip.
It was the same look his father's whores had when Earl had plied them with free drugs and cash. That same measuring look that they'd cast over Lukas as if weighing if allowing him to watch was worth the payoff, deciding if they were selling their special services too cheap.
George had been particularly condescending, laughing when Lukas had become immersed in his mother's latest assignment--a feasibility study of a re-introduction of a bill designed to circumvent Roe v. Wade. Lukas had wandered out of his room in search of food, unaware that he'd passed almost two days in cyberspace without bathing. Which in itself was not unusual, but Lukas had also forgotten that he wore the Toy Story pj's his mother had bought him for Christmas. Or that he'd fallen asleep at the keyboard, clips of naked women lying spread eagled on kitchen tables playing in the background, and had a wet dream.
Lukas had not said a word when George had looked at him and his wet Buzz Lightyear pajama bottoms and burst out in laughter. Instead he'd pulled himself up straight, shoulders back like his mother had taught him, and returned to his room.
He'd emerged, clean and suitably attired a half hour later, his fury simmering, ready to confront George. But George was gone, busy on the grounds somewhere and Lukas was left alone with his anger. Soon, as was all too often the case, he found himself in his father's bedroom, a red rage blurring his vision as he searched for something, someone, anything to hit.
But all that had faded into distant memory the moment he saw Grace. Ah, Grace. Those deep, blue eyes of hers had promised him so much, the healing touch of her hands, so gentle yet so strong.
The way she'd listened with interest, never challenging his story that he was a brown belt in Karate. The way she'd looked at him--really, truly at him--like no one else had ever, ever done.
Love at first sight.
Of course, Lukas was too shy to approach her directly. And she was far too reserved to ever tell him how she felt. Besides, she was a doctor, had her code of honor, she couldn't overtly get involved with a patient.
But she found many little ways to show her affection for him, to prove her love. Lukas began to volunteer at Angels of Mercy, a hardship since he didn't drive and refused to allow George or anyone from his past to cloud the perfect future he was building.
Every time he was there, Grace would do something to communicate with him. She'd taken to wearing a special pin, an enameled blue ribbon that matched her eyes, on her lab coat and he knew it was to show him how much she cared. Another time she thanked him for wheeling a patient to X-ray for her.
Once she'd even been so bold as to smile at him as they rode the elevator together. There were other people, so he couldn't return her affection, but he still remembered the warm, tingling feeling it had ignited inside him. He'd skipped the rest of his shift, hiding in the bathroom on the surgical floor and masturbating, unable to wait until he returned home to the privacy of his room and fantasies.
He began to follow her, she lived in a bad neighborhood, not far from the hospital, so he'd watch over her, frighten off any men who tried to bother her. There was one, a big guy, old--much too old--who kept coming back despite Lukas' best efforts. Moran.
The name made him grimace in his sleep. Then he smiled. He'd shown Moran who was boss. Moran had somehow convinced Grace to leave Lukas. It had been months before he'd found her again, living at Moran's house. He knew there was nothing going on, Grace would never betray him and besides, Moran was too old for her. It was Lukas she loved, Lukas she wanted.
He finally built up the courage to approach her, invite her home with him. But Moran was too fast, he took Grace with him out of the country, far away from Lukas.
For six weeks Lukas had watched and waited for them to return, collecting gossip from the ER until he finally had news that Grace was coming back. The people in the ER said she'd married Moran, but he knew that was a lie. A vicious lie Moran spread to keep her under his control. Grace would never betray Lukas or their love.
He remembered waiting, it was dark and raining. Waiting for Grace to come back to him…that's when his dream collapsed into nightmare.
Moran and Grace kissing passionately on the stoop under the bright spotlight, Grace leaving, and Lukas knowing it was his one chance to save her from Moran. Then blood, blood everywhere, raining on him, spurting up at him, splattering his mouth, his hands, his face until everything he saw was clouded in red and the world tasted of copper, the sound of a man's cries swirling around him in a crimson tsunami.
Then Grace was there. He turned to her, to show her what he'd done for her, how he'd protected her.
She had screamed, ran to save Moran. He tried to swallow his rage, to understand how Moran had confused and brainwashed her. But she'd begged for Moran's life, offered herself in his stead.
Then he saw the gold wedding bands on her finger. The evil emerald winking at him in the lamplight, the newer bright gold band woven through with foreign runes and spells.
&nb
sp; He knew then that it was too late; his Grace had crossed over to the other side. Moran had won.
The roar of a man's spirit erupting, being torn from his body, had filled all his senses. Lukas had no idea how much time passed before he looked down at Grace's limp, bloodied, ravaged body and realized that he had lost everything.
Blood steamed through Jimmy's veins, skimming through the dark alleys of his body to return to his heart, filling his atria and ventricles with rich molecules laden with iron, heme, and oxygen--the essence of life. It was a miracle. A heart beat where it shouldn't, when it shouldn't, but with unfaltering rhythm as if it might continue to beat forever.
Despite his steady heartbeat promising a long life to come, Jimmy was more exhausted than he'd ever been in life.
Sleep did nothing to revitalize him, instead it sapped him further, stealing his breath, his strength. Jimmy groaned in his sleep, unable to escape the weight crushing his chest, caught in a desperate search for sustenance. He was starving, body and soul, time racing away from him.
His dreams were dark and desperate. A dank London alley where the rancid smell of rotting fish barely made a dent in the stench of unwashed humanity. A dark cloaked figure searching, needing, wanting...then finding what he looked for in the figure of a half-dressed woman, wheedling to him from a butcher's doorway. Jimmy tried to run, to turn away but he was caught in the bloodlust.
Rich, steaming crimson bathed his senses, filling his nostrils with the welcome smell of copper and terror, quenching his all consuming thirst. Her warm, glistening entrails slipped through his fingers while she moaned, exhaled her last breath. He took his time, reveling in the moment, in the power, the sensations crashing over him, squelching the hunger.
The woman called out his name, opened her eyes, and it was Grace writhing beneath his fingers, Grace's blood drying in a sticky dark sheen on his face and hands, Grace's cries for mercy which had fed his soul.