“I’m not confused. I even told Alice during our first meeting that if I ever had a daughter, I’d want it to be someone like her. There was just something about her that made me feel as if she could be mine, and now I know that I wasn’t so far off the mark.”
I wasn’t going to dispute his emotions or the paternal feelings he had for her. I appreciated that his heart was in the right place, but there was still going to be hell to pay with Alice. “When are you going to tell her? As difficult as it’s going to be, she has a right to know.”
“I was hoping that you could help me get closer to her before I say anything.”
“Me?” I flinched. “That’s not a good idea.”
He shot me a chastising look. “Why? Because you used to get drunk and sleep with her? I’m not an idiot, Spencer. There’s no way that you and Alice had a respectful thing going. With as wild as both of you used to be, that’s just not feasible.”
“You suspected all along that I was lying?”
“Yes, I did. But I lied to you, too, so I think that makes us even.”
“I’m seeing her again.” As long as we were clearing the air, I laid that out there, too. “But Alice and I agreed that it’s only a temporary thing. She wants a husband someday, and I couldn’t even begin to contemplate a relationship.” My only goal was to stay sober, but I figured that went without saying, especially to Kirby.
“I understand. But promise me that you’ll be good to her while you’re together.”
“I will.” The last thing I wanted was to hurt her. “She’s going to LA with me next week. I have some business dealings there, and I invited her to come along.”
His gaze sought mine. “Will you help me get closer to her?”
As desperate as he was, how could I refuse him? He’d never turned me down for anything before. “I’ll certainly try. But I have no idea how I’m supposed to accomplish it.”
“Just say nice things about me.”
“She gets mad when I do that. But I’ll keep doing it and try to bring her around.” It was obvious how much Kirby wanted to be her father. That in his heart, he already loved her. “I don’t want her to keep hating you.”
He rewarded me with a smile. “I think you’ll be a positive influence on her. If anyone can make her see the good in me, it’s you.”
I hoped he wasn’t giving me more credit than I deserved. “I’ll do my best. But how long are we going to keep this a secret?”
“I’ll tell her as soon as you think she’s ready.”
“Then we’ll just take it day by day.” I didn’t expect overnight results, if I got them at all. But I wanted to make a difference. No one had ever needed me for something so important.
And regardless of how it turned out, the possibility of Kirby being Alice’s father was about as important as it got.
Eight
Alice
I sat on Tracy’s sofa, surrounded by her woodsy décor, clutching an embroidered pillow to my chest—one of those old-fashioned “Home Sweet Home” things. The scented candle she’d burned earlier had gone out, smoldering down to its wick, as I told her about sleeping with Spencer.
“The sex was amazing. And so was the time we spent together afterward.” I couldn’t deny how attentive Spencer had become.
She set her chair in motion, an old bentwood rocker she’d gotten at a flea market. “Then why do you still seem scared?”
“It’s my fear of getting too close. While I was with him, I kept warning myself not to get attached, but what if I do?”
“You’re bound to feel that way after so many years of being alone. But the idea is to have some fun, right? Isn’t that why he invited you to go to LA with him?”
“Yes, but our affair isn’t going to last. He already told me that he can’t be my Mr. Right.”
“Is that what you want him to be?”
“I don’t know. I’m just confused, I guess.”
“Then maybe you shouldn’t go to LA with him.”
“But I want to see him again.” I wanted to crawl back into his big strong arms.
She watched me squeeze the pillow. “Then you have to decide what’s best for you.”
“Truthfully, I just want to have some fun and quit worrying about it. But my past keeps coming back to haunt me. The wild girl who’d made all of the wrong decisions.”
“You’re not that girl anymore, Al. You’ve grown up since then. And in my opinion, you’re allowed to have some adult fun, to be with a sexy guy, even if he’s not Mr. Right.”
I nodded, grateful that she was encouraging me to live a little. “After five years of celibacy, I deserve to have a good time.” To quit beating myself up about the past, I thought, and to quit panicking about getting attached. “I’ll just have a great affair with Spencer. Then later, I’ll find the man I’m meant to be with.” Somehow, someway, I would meet the guy of my dreams—when all of this was over with Spencer.
She smiled. “There you go. Your decision is made.”
But would it be that easy? I asked myself. God, I hoped so. Nothing about my life had been easy this far.
Tracy went silent, and I got the sneaking suspicion that she was thinking about her ex. I watched her, waiting to see if she would mention him.
Then she said, “Not that it should matter, but I wonder how well Spencer knows Dash. If they’re friends or just new acquaintances.”
Bingo, I thought. She couldn’t go a week without Dash’s name coming up. Deep down, she was as troubled as I was. “I don’t know. But I can ask him, if you want.”
“Sure, okay.” She seemed reflective, as always, when it came to her ex. “Do you think Spencer knows that Dash and I used to be engaged?”
“I have no idea. But I can ask him that, too.”
“A lot of people in this town know. But a lot don’t. I guess it depends on how gossipy they are.”
“Spencer doesn’t seem particularly gossipy. But he has been talking about himself and his family, telling me about his past. He never used to do that before.”
“It’s good that he’s opening up. That he trusts you with his past.”
“It’s been nice having real conversations with him. I think there are still some subjects that make him uncomfortable, though.”
“Dash had trouble sharing his feelings with me. And when he did share them, they weren’t very comforting.”
Because Dash didn’t believe in love, I thought, and Tracy did. “They say love hurts.”
She touched a hand to her stomach. Was she thinking about the baby she’d miscarried? The child she should’ve had with Dash?
She looked up at me. “It only hurts when it doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to. But it’s going to be perfect when it happens to you. You’re going to marry someone who’s going to love you to the ends of the earth.”
“Someone who isn’t Spencer,” I said, confirming that no matter how wonderful my affair with him was, it had absolutely nothing to do with love. I couldn’t risk my heart on a man who wasn’t interested in marriage.
* * *
On the night before Spencer and I were scheduled to leave for Los Angeles, my sister asked me for an emergency favor. Her nanny was sick, and she needed someone to babysit the twins. Naturally, I agreed to watch them. I adored Hudson and Hailey.
I was in the master bedroom with Mary, and so were the kids. They loved watching their mommy get fixed up. She and Brandon were attending a black-tie event, something they often did. Brandon was downstairs, attired in his tux and waiting for his wife. He’d greeted me earlier, when I’d first come to the door. He was a wonderful husband and father, even if he was Kirby’s son.
I turned my attention to the kids. They sat on their parents’ bed, dressed in their pajamas. At four years old, they were smart and spry, with their dark auburn hair and bright blue eyes. Hailey was bei
ng a pistol, as usual. Since I’d arrived, she’d already spilled some of Mommy’s perfume on the floor. Hudson hadn’t done anything, except smile at me like the pint-sized gentleman that he was.
“What do you think?” Mary asked, as she spun around in her emerald-green gown.
“Mommy pretty,” Hudson said.
“Very pretty,” I agreed. I was Mary’s stylist, so I’d picked out the dress for her. Her closet was filled with choices I’d made. “Your hair looks amazing, too.” She’d styled her long red locks in a chic updo. When we were younger, she’d always looked like the girl-next-door type. These days, she was far more glamorous.
“What about you?” Mary asked her daughter. “Do you think I need some earrings? Maybe a necklace?”
“Yes!” Hailey bounded off the bed.
She always chose the jewelry her mother wore on formal occasions. But the kid had a great eye. She’d inherited her style from me. Her rebellion, too, I supposed. Even Spencer had teased me about that, and he didn’t even know Hailey.
I watched my niece sort through her mother’s jewels. She examined each piece carefully. Of course, Mary didn’t leave it around for Hailey to get into on her own. She kept it locked in a safe. Otherwise the little girl might be tempted to wear it herself or put it on her dolls or bury it in the yard like a hidden treasure.
Hailey chose a diamond ensemble with ruby accents that complemented the shiny red soles on Mary’s heels.
“Now Mommy perfect,” she said.
“Yes, she is.” My sister had everything I hoped for: a kind and loving husband, two beautiful children, a successful career.
“Will you tell Daddy that I’m almost ready?” Mary said to the kids.
“Yup!” Hailey pulled her brother down off the bed, and they dashed off, excited to deliver the message.
“What’s going on?” Mary asked me after the twins were gone. “You seem preoccupied.”
Rather than hide my feelings completely, I said, “I’m seeing someone. In fact, I’m taking a trip with him. We’re leaving tomorrow afternoon. He has business in LA, and he asked me to accompany him.”
“Really? Who is he?”
“His name is Spencer Riggs.”
“The songwriter?” She angled her head. “He’s friends with Kirby, isn’t he?”
“Yes. Kirby recommended me to him. But I knew Spencer from a long time ago, too.”
“Is it serious?”
“No.” I wasn’t about to admit that he was the last guy I’d slept with before I became celibate. Mary didn’t know about my sordid history with Spencer, and I wasn’t keen on telling her, either. “He’s just someone I’m seeing for now.”
“Are you still hoping to meet the right man someday?”
“Yes, I am. I just have to be patient enough to find him.”
She glanced at her wedding ring. “I hope falling in love is easier for you than it was for me. The way I lied to Brandon in the beginning, hiding my identity from him.”
“I still feel awful for being such a big part of that.” I’d orchestrated her deception, encouraging her to hurt Brandon. I’d believed at the time that he’d been involved in destroying Mama, which wasn’t true, and Mary had gotten close to him under false pretenses to find out the truth.
“It’s over now.” She gazed at her ring again. “Everything turned out the way it should.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, envious of her life, but glad for her, too. “You better get going or you’ll be late.” I picked up her gold clutch and handed it to her.
She took the purse, checking her belongings inside of it. “Brandon must be keeping the kids busy. Otherwise they would be back to see what’s taking me so long.”
We went downstairs together. Me in my comfy babysitting outfit, and Mary in her gown.
Brandon was in his home office, sitting at the computer desk with the twins on his lap. He was letting them type on his laptop. Brandon was an entertainment lawyer, a high-society guy who loved art and music and fine wine. He had smooth black hair, regal features and stunning blue eyes, like the kids.
“I’m ready,” Mary said from behind them.
Brandon spun around on his chair, taking Hailey and Hudson for a spin, too. He let out a low whistle and said, “There’s my gorgeous wife.”
She smiled. “And there’s my handsome husband.”
The twins jumped off his lap and ran over to me. They seemed to know that their daddy was going to stand up and kiss their mommy. Sure enough, he did. It was just a chaste kiss, but it made my heart jump, reminding me of the future I longed to have.
But in the interim, I had Spencer to keep me entertained. And tomorrow, I would be headed to California with him, immersed in lust and passion.
* * *
Spencer picked me up at my condo and loaded my bags into his truck. I’d overpacked, but I was a clotheshorse, so that was normal for me.
As he pulled out of the parking lot, I said, “You look like a California boy today.” He wore his usual torn jeans, a plain T-shirt and slip-on sneakers with a checkerboard pattern.
“I just wanted to be comfortable.” He frowned. “I probably should have mentioned this before, but I haven’t been back since I left.”
“This is your first time going home?” I considered the circumstances. “I haven’t been back to Oklahoma since I left, either.” I was settled in Nashville now, and there didn’t seem to be any reason to return to where I’d been raised.
He drove toward the interstate that would take us to the airport. “I have good and bad memories of living in LA. But the bad ones always seem to take over.”
“What’s your favorite part about LA?” I asked, trying to cheer him up. I knew the pitfalls of being consumed with the bad stuff.
“The beaches,” he replied, his mood brightening already. “I used to surf a little.”
“I can see you doing that.” Tall and tan, with his skin tasting like saltwater. I touched a finger to my lips, almost as if I could taste it on him, too. It made me want to kiss him, everywhere, all over his body.
“Venice Beach was one of my teenage hangouts. I liked the artsy vibe, the weirdness, I guess. The surfing was good, too.”
I was getting more excited about this trip, anxious to spend time with him. “Can we go there?”
“Sure. I think you’d enjoy it.”
“I wonder if three days will be enough to fit everything in.” Suddenly, it seemed too short, too rushed.
He changed lanes, then glanced over at me. “Do you want to stay for a few extra days?”
“Do you think we could?” I’d already made up my mind to have a good time and try not to stress about the future. But somehow, I still had butterflies in my stomach over it.
“I don’t see why not. I can check with the hotel about extending the reservation.”
”Then let’s do it.” The longer we stayed, the more fun we could have—in and out of bed.
Or at least until my butterflies subsided. Or our affair ended. Whichever came first.
* * *
This was the life, I thought, as we boarded the plane. We checked in easily, with comfort and style, using a different part of the airport from where the commercial flights took off and landed. Both the pilot and our flight attendant greeted us, introducing themselves and giving us special treatment.
Once we were settled into our seats, I said to Spencer, “I’ve never flown this way before.”
He studied me, his dark eyes locking onto mine. “You’ve never been on a private plane?”
“No, never.” Aside from my association with Mary and Brandon, I wasn’t part of an elite crowd.
“My aunt and uncle used to charter planes. It spoiled me, I suppose. As much I hated living with them, I appreciated some of the luxuries.”
“Who wouldn’t?” This jet h
ad a glitzy black-and-tan décor with a dining table, two sets of sofas and a big-screen TV. “I used to rent party boats on the river. I burned through a lot of my settlement money, trying to live the high life and show off to my friends. But it caught up with me. I only took the job with you because I wanted to work with Derek and I was worried about my finances.”
“I figured it was something like that.” He nudged my arm, his elbow purposely bumping mine. “I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t fire you.”
“Smart aleck.” I adjusted my seat belt to fit more securely.
He watched me. “You’re not a nervous flyer, are you?”
“Maybe a little.” Soon we would be taxiing down the runway. “I’ve never really flown that much.”
“You can have a glass of wine, if that will help. Or a cocktail or whatever you prefer. I don’t expect people to avoid drinking around me.”
“That’s okay. I don’t need anything.” I wasn’t comfortable putting alcohol under his nose, in spite of his claim not to care. I chanced to ask, “Is it tough staying sober?”
He sat perfectly still, almost as if he didn’t want to react. Then he said, “I already told you that I can resist the temptation. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have a bar at my house.”
“Sometimes you still seem restless, like you used to be.”
As the plane started to move, he replied, “You seem that way, too.”
“Yes, but I’m not a recovering alcoholic.” To me, that made my restlessness less dangerous than his.
“Don’t worry about it, okay? Kirby will always be there to help if I need it.” He watched me again, deeply, closely. “One way or another, I’m going to make you see him for the decent guy that he is.”
“That’s never going to happen,” I shot back.
“You’re always so damned stubborn.” His voice turned rough, sexy, commanding. “Maybe I’ll just have to kiss you to keep you in line.”
My body went unbearably warm. The plane was gaining speed, making my breath catch in my throat. “Right now?”
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