She couldn’t bear the thought. She didn’t want to leave now. She never wanted to leave again. She was sure God had intervened in her life. He had put the two of them together for a reason. The more she told herself that, the more confident she felt. Sooner or later, she would be able to tell him about Johnny.
She wanted to do it before they married, though. It wouldn’t be right to trap him in a marriage he didn’t want to be in once he found out the truth.
Her chest tightened and her heart raced. He did want to be married. He wanted to be married to her as well. She was sure of that. He hadn’t hidden his feelings from her at all.
She could tell just by the way he looked at her.
“I’m going to marry you, Ben Connelly,” she murmured to the air around her. “I’m going to marry you and make you a happy man. I’ll be a good wife. I promise you. I will.”
Nan thought about Ben until the darkness covered her mind and she fell asleep. Even while she was asleep, her mind was still on him and they had many adventures together.
CHAPTER 16
Unexpected Illness
Nan woke up the next morning still on the couch. She was immediately sick to her stomach, turning over on her side and retching on the living room floor. Groaning, she pushed herself up and stumbled to the kitchen to get what she needed to clean herself and the floor.
As she cleaned up, she thought about the dinner she’d had the night before. She couldn’t think of anything that would have made her sick. She wondered if anyone else had gotten sick.
She warmed up some water to sponge herself off, aware that Ben could show up at any moment for the lemonade pitcher. She didn’t want to look or smell bad. Their relationship wasn’t strong enough for that yet.
She thought about when Johnny had been alive. She’d vowed to take care of him in sickness and in health. However, she hadn’t gotten the opportunity to love him and care for him in illness. He’d never gotten sick.
Neither had she, for that matter, which was what worried her now. No one at the dinner party was sick or even sneezed one time.
She sighed, sitting on the edge of her bed, wishing Ben wasn’t coming over so early. She wouldn’t be in the mood to talk. She would have to shoo him away and that might anger him.
It was only a few minutes later when she heard a light knocking on the front door. She pushed herself to her feet, regretting every moment of it, her stomach turning over as she walked to the front door.
She ran her hands through her hair before she opened the door slightly. It wasn’t until that moment she realized she should have brought the lemonade with her. She could have given it to him and told him she needed to go back to bed. Now she would have to invite him in while she retrieved it.
It was too late, so she smiled at him, pulling the door open wider.
“Good morning, Ben,” she said, attempting a happy voice. It didn’t sound very happy to her. It sounded strained. His returning smile, however, was as bright as it could be.
“Good morning, my dear. I’m here for the lemonade. Did you make it?”
She raised her eyebrows and stepped back, clutching her robe around her neck as she did so. He passed in front of her, looking around the room.
“Yes, of course, I made it,” she responded, giggling. “Did you think I wouldn’t?”
“I figured you’re a woman of your word,” he replied, turning to her with a wink.
“I am.” She nodded as she went toward the kitchen. She was proud of herself for hiding how miserable she felt. She didn’t know how long she could pull it off, but she would try her best not to let it show until after he left.
She hoped he had plans to work at the ranch instead of spending it with her. It was with regret that she thought that, because she enjoyed spending time with him. She wouldn’t be very much company being sick.
She got the lemonade pitcher from the icebox and took it back to him. She handed it to him with a smile. “Here you go. If you tell the men we took it, tell them I hope they enjoy what I’ve made and that I appreciate them letting us have it.”
“I’ll tell them. They might wonder where this came from, if it tastes different.”
Nan pushed a stomach churning nauseous feeling down before responding. “I don’t know about you, but I’ve noticed that most people make their own versions of it. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don’t. But I like the way they made it.”
“I’m glad. What are your plans for today?”
Nan swallowed hard, turning away from him so he wouldn’t see the painful expression that had to have crossed her face. “Oh, I don’t know. I’ll just stay here at the cottage while you work I guess.”
“I don’t want you to think you have to sit around alone while I’m working, Nan,” Ben said in a kind voice that melted Nan’s heart. “You can go to the main house and see if Carrie is around, and you’re always welcome to take one of the horses to Low Valley and explore. Meet some new people. There are women’s clubs you can join. I think they have a sewing one and a book club. And there might be some other girl stuff going on I don’t know about.”
Nan was amused by his term “girl stuff” and smiled at him. “I will do that.” She almost added “if I feel better” but didn’t. She was glad. She didn’t want him to know how bad she really felt. It would worry him. Plus, if it was something she’d eaten, it would fall back on Kay Mason and it was never a good idea to blame your host for getting sick.
Ben didn’t look like he felt bad at all. She felt it was best not to mention anything to him.
“Do you have to work all day?” she asked.
She noticed the look of dismay on his face. His hands gripped the brim of his hat in his hand as he nodded. “Yeah, I’ve been neglecting my job since you got here. I really gotta make it up to the men. They’ve been working hard to cover for me, but I’m second around here under Tony and Dean, they share the foreman job, you know.”
Nan nodded, though she hadn’t known that.
“So I’ll be workin’ till nightfall, I expect.”
“That sounds like a long day.” Nan wanted to invite him back to the cottage when he was done. She wanted to fix him a nice dinner while he got cleaned up and rested. It was what she’d always done for Johnny.However, if she was still sick, she wouldn’t be able to do that for him. He’d see how bad it was and either be angry that she didn’t mention it or angry at the Masons for making her that way
She didn’t want either of those things to happen. For a moment, she felt helpless and confused.
“I’ll come see you at lunchtime, see how your day is going,” Ben said. He lifted the lemonade in the air. “Thanks for making more lemonade for the men. They’re gonna appreciate it, I’m sure! Probably gonna be better than Jim’s and they’ll want you to make it for them all the time.”
Nan grinned and chuckled softly. “If that happens, I’ll have to meet them first. I want to know who I’m making my lemonade for. When it’s not a replacement for what I stole.”
Ben laughed delightedly, the sound covering Nan’s arms in chills. “No, no. We didn’t steal it. They won’t think that either. Silly woman.”
Nan laughed with him and ushered him out the door. She was surprised by how easy it was. When she closed the door and watched him hurry to mount his horse and take off for the chow house, she realized that he was feeling rushed. He was probably glad he hadn’t been at the cottage long, grateful that she wasn’t up for long conversation.
The pleasant visit helped distract her from her churning stomach so much that when she walked back in from waving goodbye, she felt better. She pulled in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
She went to the kitchen and prepared a ham biscuit for her breakfast, hopeful that she would be able to keep it down. She poured a glass of milk to accompany it and stood at the kitchen counter, eating, leaning back with her ankles crossed.
She stared blankly in front of her, amazed by how much better she felt after Ben’s visit. She almost
regretted sending him away quickly.
Now she had Ben to feed and care for. It was all she wanted in life. It was her dream for the future.She’d hid it all from Ben as well. If she woke up the next day sick again, she would know something strange was going on. It wouldn’t be long before Ben would find out either. She tried not to feel guilty for keeping it from him. However, if things went her way, she wouldn’t have to worry about it. She would be right as rain in the morning and go on to enjoy her happy life with her soon-to-be-husband.
CHAPTER 17
Ben Pays A Visit
When Ben left with the lemonade, he couldn’t deny the worry etched deep in his mind. Nan did not look like herself. She looked like she was feeling ill.
He could tell she was trying to hide it and didn’t let on that he knew. However, the moment he stepped into the cottage, he could tell something was wrong. Something was off. She wasn’t acting like herself and it wasn’t morning grogginess either. He’d seen her very early in the morning already. He could tell the difference between feeling ill and being tired from just waking up.
He went about his day of work distracted. He knew it and regretted it. Every time he found himself thinking about Nan and worrying about her, he realized he was still putting the men behind in their work.
Eventually, they were going to get tired of it and he’d be in trouble with them. That was the last thing he wanted. They’d always shown him respect. He didn’t want to work with men who didn’t have any respect for him.
He tried to keep his mind off Nan until lunchtime. He was leaving the chow house, where he’d gone for a cup of cold tea before riding out to the cottage, when a hand clamped down on his arm. He looked to see who’d grabbed him.
It was Bee. His heart sank a little. “Hello there,” he said in a low voice. “What are you doing in here?”
“Carrie said she wanted to see you,” Bee said in a light-hearted voice. “So I volunteered to come find you.”
Ben raised his eyebrows. “Do you know what she wants?”
Bee shook her head. “I didn’t ask.”
“Well, did she look upset?” Ben tried to think of something he might have done at the dinner party that could have upset Carrie. He couldn’t think of anything, which only served to compound his worry.
Bee shook her head again. “No, not really. She… well, maybe she look worried but she didn’t look mad or anything like that.”
Ben nodded, pushing past her to get to the door. “Thanks for telling me. I’ll go find out what she wants.”
“I’ll walk with you,” Bee said quickly, keeping up next to him as he went out the door and hurried to the main house. The air was dusty and stung his eyes as soon as he went out into it. He remembered the coming storm Carrie had predicted and felt a sense of relief. That must be what she wanted to talk to him about.
Her brothers were the only ones who showed any skepticism and everyone knew if a storm was really coming, they would prepare for it. They believed their sister. She must have new information about it. That’s what she wanted to talk to him about. That’s what she was worried about.
He went up the steps and across the porch, glancing back at Bee as he went through the front door. “Is she in the parlor?”
“Yes, she…”
He didn’t wait for her to finish. He jogged across the foyer and went through the door of the parlor, closing it behind him as softly as he could. Carrie was seated in a chair by the window, a stack of paper in one hand and a pen in the other.
“Oh, Ben, good. Open that door just a little, if you please, I want a draft through the room. It’s stuffy in here.”
Ben reached behind him and pulled the door open a few inches.
“Come and sit down,” Carrie said, waving one hand at him. He walked quickly to where she was and dropped into a nearby chair.
“Bee said you’re worried,” Ben said. “What is it?”
Carrie’s eyebrows shot up. “Bee said I’m worried, did she? I didn’t say anything to her. She must have seen it on my face.”
“Yes, probably. What’s wrong, Carrie? Is it the storm?”
Carrie nodded. “Yes, I’m worried about the storm, Ben. But there’s something else, too. Something I noticed at the dinner party. About Nan.”
Ben’s stomach turned over and his chest tightened with anxiety. He couldn’t imagine what Carrie would have against Nan. He braced himself. If he had to defend his future wife, he would do so but he would do it politely because he liked Carrie.
“What is it?”
Carrie’s brows came together and she gave him an inquisitive look. “How much do you know about her, Ben? Was she very much in detail when she wrote to you? Have you talked a lot to her?”
“Of course I ha…” Ben stopped himself. He didn’t want to be rude to Carrie. How could the woman think he hadn’t talked to Nan in the week she’d been there? “Yes, I’ve talked to her. She hasn’t really gotten much into her past yet. I’m waiting for her to be comfortable with me before she does. I’m willing to give her time. What is it? Do you not like her?”
Carrie shook her head abruptly. “It’s not that I don’t like her, Ben. Don’t think that. She seems like a very nice girl. And I really mean that. The only reason I bring this up is because at the dinner party… well, I noticed something about her. It made me feel… odd… I think she may be ill.”
Ben frowned instantly. He thought about the way Nan had been that morning. He was anxious to have lunch with her now that Carrie’s suspicions confirmed what he’d been thinking. “How do you… I mean why do you think that?”
Carrie gazed at him thoughtfully. “So you think she is ill, too? What made you think so?”
“I didn’t notice at the dinner party,” Ben said in a low voice. “I went to see her this morning to get some lemonade she’d made for the men and noticed then. She seemed fine at the dinner party.”
“Did she say anything to you about feeling ill?” Carrie asked, narrowing her eyes. Ben could tell she was sorting through the clues in her mind, trying to come to an answer.
“She didn’t.”
Carrie looked away from him, staring off into space, looking contemplative. “So she isn’t saying anything which means one of two things. Or both things. It means she’s trying to hide something or she wants to deal with her illness on her own.”
“You don’t think…” Ben’s thoughts gave him chills. He had to speak them aloud and get Carrie’s reaction so he forged ahead. “You don’t think she is a drunk, do you?”
Carrie shook her head aggressively. “No,” she said firmly. “I don’t believe that. I think it’s something else. I think she either doesn’t know she’s ill and wants to hide it so she doesn’t get what she thinks is undeserved sympathy or she knows what it is and is determined to take care of herself on her own.”
“She doesn’t need to do that now,” Ben said, disappointed that Nan would feel alone when she was surrounded by people who cared about her.
“She may not realize that,” Carrie said. “It’s only been a week. Give her some more time. If she suddenly feels better, we can put it in the past and rest with the thought that she dealt with it on her own. That will tell us what a strong woman she is. And if she does come to us for help, it will show how much she trusts us. Well, I have a feeling I should be saying you rather than us.”
Ben shook his head, giving Carrie a reluctant look. “She needs friends like you, Carrie. She needs to get out of the cottage and make some trips to Low Valley so she can meet other women her age. Like you.”
“I’ll tell you what, Ben, I will take the buggy and go visit her this afternoon, what do you think?”
“I think that sounds like a great idea!” Ben replied, feeling his anxiety lighten a bit. “You’re a good woman to be friends with.”
Carrie lifted her eyebrows. “Because of my money?”
Ben grinned from ear to ear. “Well, that doesn’t hurt.”
Carrie gasped and slapped him pla
yfully on the arm. “Ben!”
He laughed and pulled away from her, cringing as if he’d been wounded. “I’m kidding!” He announced. “You know I think you’re a fantastic woman, Carrie. Tony is lucky to have you. I had my eye on you once, you know.”
Carrie gasped again, her eyes opening wide. Ben had never had feelings for Carrie, who had only married a few years prior. He and the woman of the ranch were just friends and had been since the day he arrived to work there.
“Oh, you did not,” Carrie said, shaking her head and laughing. “Don’t be a big ol’ liar, now.”
“I’m sorry,” Ben blushed, chuckling. “You’re right. I didn’t. Always liked Tony, too. You two get along might fine. That’s how I want to be with mine.”
“You will be, Ben,” Carrie said. “You and Nan will be just like us, I’ll bet on it.”
CHAPTER 18
Bee Listens In
Bee watched Ben go in the parlor and close the door behind him. She had been cleaning in there and knew for a fact Carrie wanted it open some, so she moved to the side and waited for him to open it again.
When the door pulled open, she grinned and stood stock still on the other side of the tall plant in the foyer beside the door, her ears perked and listening to their conversation.
It wasn’t fair that Ben had sent for that woman from the east coast. She had been pining for him for nearly two years and he knew it. It wasn’t like she hid it. She was always “running into him” in various places, a coincidence she’d set up long in advance. She’d been giving him presents like fresh baked cookies, fresh lemonade or tea, sewing up his socks or torn clothes, replacing buttons on his shirts… hadn’t he noticed everything she did for him?
Granted she did those things for the others on the crew, too, but only if they brought her something. She always went through Ben’s clothes and checked to see if he needed anything done. He didn’t even know about her little visits to the bunkhouse when all the men were gone. She liked to sit on his bed and read his books and go through his letters to friends out of state.
A Secretive Mail Order Widow For The Humorous Rancher (The Love of Low Valley Series) Page 8