by Megan Derr
Table of Contents
The Heart of The Lost Star
Book Details
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Coming 2018
About the Author
The
Heart of
The Lost Star
Tales of the High Court 3
MEGAN DERR
Kamir is on the verge of losing everything. Knowing full well he can't meet the ultimatum his parents have issued, he instead finally puts in motion his plans to live completely independent of them. His plans are interrupted, however, by the unexpected return of his despised ex-husband—and thrown even further into upheaval when he ends up comforting the man he's secretly loved for years.
Jader may not know where he comes from, but he knows where he belongs and what he wants—until he helps rescue some stranded Bentan travelers, one of whom looks almost exactly like Jader, throwing his life and everything he thought he knew into tumult. Scared and overwhelmed, Jader flees—and lands unexpectedly in the arms of a man he's always seen but never really noticed.
The Heart of the Lost Star
Tales of the High Court 3
By Megan Derr
Published by Less Than Three Press LLC
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission of the publisher, except for the purpose of reviews.
Edited by Samantha M. Derr
Cover designed by John Coulthart
This book is a work of fiction and all names, characters, places, and incidents are fictional or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual people, places, or events is coincidental.
First Edition August 2017
Copyright © 2017 by Megan Derr
Printed in the United States of America
Digital ISBN 9781684310609
Print ISBN 9781684310616
To the abused, the overlooked, and everyone who's ever been told they don't belong
Chapter One
"Papa!" Chiri cried out, waving one arm enthusiastically.
Though Kamir still felt like crying as he left the bedroom, his mother's letter weighing heavily on his mind, he smiled to be greeted so warmly. Rare was the morning his daughter didn't happily greet him, and he dreaded the day she grew too old to be happy her father had entered the room. Chara, Chiri’s twin brother, didn't react by more than glancing Kamir's way, but that was typical of him, so much more quiet and contained than his sister.
Reaching the breakfast table, Kamir kissed the top of Chiri's head, ruffled Chara's hair, and took his seat.
Velinabustled over and set down a plate heaped with food and the teapot. "Good morning, my lord."
"Good morning, Velina. Thank you. I hope the visit to your friend goes well. I appreciate you lingering long enough to watch over the children until I managed to drag myself out of bed." Or rather, sat in his room trying not to cry over the letter from his parents. Though he'd been expecting it for some time, finally reading the words had come as a blow.
She smiled, sympathetic and understanding. "Always a pleasure, my lord. I'll be back late tonight. I hope your day goes well."
"Thank you……" She bustled out the door, and Kamir poured himself a cup of fragrant jasmine tea, sipping it leisurely for a few minutes before he felt awake enough to start on his breakfast. Velina always gave him too much, insisting he needed more meat on his bones, but Kamir seldom had a large appetite. The only exception had been when he was pregnant.
He picked away at the spiced potatoes for a few minutes, smiling and murmuring dutifully as Chiri talked so quickly she tripped over her words, then switched to the flatbread and chutney.
By the time he'd finished a second cup of tea and half his plate, Chiri was winding down and actually eating her food, and Chara was waking up properly. Poor boy had inherited his sire's inability to function for the first couple of hours after waking, where Chiri had inherited Kamir's ability to be wide-awake and ready to go almost immediately upon waking. In so many ways, it was obvious they were twins, but in many others…
Well, he hoped his children got along better than he ever had with his siblings. More importantly, he hoped they didn't turn out like him and not realize a bad decision until too late. If not for Velina, who'd been a friend and support when he'd most needed it, Kamir might still be in that mess, and his children with him.
Sometimes, it felt like he was still in it, given how much he was forced to live beneath the weight of his parents. But he'd come a long away from where he'd been. He had a job. His own income. Happy children. A good home for them and all the food they could need was available. He wasn't a failure anymore. Someday, maybe he'd believe that.
Pushing away the unhappy thoughts before they could further spoil his morning, Kamir glanced across the table at the clock on the bar against the wall. "Your tutor is going to be here soon, children. Run along and get dressed. Give me a kiss first." They kissed his cheeks, Chiri hugging him as well, before dashing into their bedroom to get dressed.
The bickering over who got to wear what started mere seconds later, but Kamir ignored it. Better to let them work the problem out themselves than get in the middle of it.
Ten minutes later, just as he was finishing his third cup of tea and forcing down a last few bites of food, the door opened and Bremm, the tutor, stepped inside. He bowed to Kamir. "Good morning, my lord."
"Good morning, Master Bremm. Would you care for breakfast? Tea?"
"No, but thank you, my lord. Anything particular on the schedule today?"
Kamir set down his teacup, wiped his mouth and folded the napkin on the table, and stood. "No, I leave them wholly in your capable hands. I will not be back until tonight, however. If you need to leave sooner than the closing bell, have Amaria summoned to tend them until I return."
"Of course. I hope you have a good day."
"Thank you. I hope the children behave. Do not hesitate to send for me if they prove unmanageable. I've left a note on the bar about the best places to send word."
Bremm laughed. "I can say with complete sincerity, my lord, that yours are the most pleasant children under my care."
"I'm flattered." Before he could say more, Chiri and Chara came charging out, and he only barely got farewell hugs from them between all their demands on what to do with their lessons for that day.
Once they were settled in the schoolroom—really meant to be an office or sitting room, but Kamir already had his workshop and didn't need an extra sitting room—he went into his bedroom to dress properly for the day.
The note from his parents had arrived right before he'd gone to bed. It still lay on his writing desk, smudged in spots from tears, wrinkled from when he'd gotten angry and crumpled it. He'd read at least a hundred other letters just like it, diatribes about his being a failure, letting the family down, how much it hurt them all to see what he'd done to himself, and them, with his choices and behavior, and if he'd only do what they said, everything would be so much better for all of them. Didn't he
care about anyone but himself?
Sometimes he wanted to ask them if they appreciated the way they always reprimanded him for his selfishness and insisted he think about them, them, them. But the pleasure in asking that question was not worth the pain that would result.
Turning away from his writing desk, Kamir stepped into his dressing room and picked through his wardrobe for what to wear that day.
He caught his reflection in the mirror and paused to admire his hair: long, thick and heavy—and currently dyed a rich, dark violet, which was his only indulgence. Otherwise, he preferred to spend as little of his monthly allotment as possible, using what he must for the children and necessities but carefully and quietly funneling the rest away for the day he knew was coming. The day he'd always known would come, from the moment he'd defied his family to marry his true love.
And oh, how his family would never let him forget he'd been wrong about that and they'd been right. Like he was the first young fool to think love existed where it didn't, the first young fool to be manipulated and lied to and used.
If only his family had been as eager to help him out of his mess as they'd been to tell him told you so. Though he was also forced to concede he still would not have listened. He'd found love and been determined to live his perfect, happy life with his beloved.
But it didn't matter. He'd been scared, poor, tending two children with only Velina—sweet, smart, kind, stubborn Velina, who'd had no reason to stick by him all these years but had anyway—but he'd escaped.
Then he'd defied his parents further by coming to live with them at court. They'd agreed quickly to let him have his own suite, well away from them, on the guise of giving him and the children their own space. It was about the only good thing they'd ever done, though he tried to remember they had raised him and even now gave him sufficient funds every month…
But they did all of that to save face. He was embarrassment enough as it was.
Although even that was not going to save him for much longer. Not with his latest failure on top of all the others: embarrassing first marriage, even more embarrassing divorce, and two children. And now the Duke of Fathoms Deep was married to a pantheon-forsaken pirate, a nobody, his parents wailed incessantly. If Lord Lesto had wanted to be eccentric and marry a nobody, they loved to rant, Kamir had been there the whole time.
Nevermind Lord Lesto had shown rare decency in speaking with Kamir politely and at length, and they'd both agreed they were ill-suited. But his parents hadn't wanted to hear that. All they saw was their eldest flourish as the heir, their middle child was a force to be reckoned with as Captain of Shadow Bell… and their youngest had made himself unappealing as a marriage prospect and was therefore useless.
Kamir could only be more of an embarrassment if he stripped off his clothes and ran through the palace naked until he passed out or was taken into custody.
Removing his dressing robe, he finally settled on black breeches, black shoes with gold flowers and heels, and a long jacket slit twice, front and back, straight up to his hips, with a translucent gold underjacket embroidered with violet flowers.
The outfit went stunningly with his violet hair and light brown skin. Hopelessly vain and ridiculous though his hair might be, it was the one small pleasure he granted himself. He hated the dull, mousy brown of his natural hair. Why settle for that when he could have blue, green, purple, or one of a hundred other colors? One day, he wanted to do many colors all at once, turn his hair into a riot of them. But the cost of that, all the extra dye and time required, was well beyond the tiny budget he gave himself.
And after this, he would have to return to his mousy brown because his parents had finally decided they were better off without him. He'd expected the long tirade about how he was a failure. He had not expected the ultimatum, though only because he'd always thought they'd issue it in person for full dramatic effect: secure a marriage to someone who would do the family proud before the year was out, or he would be disowned. If he could not make himself useful and contribute properly to the family as he should, then he would cease to be their burden.
He'd have been angry, but this had been coming for a long time. Beyond that, anger was exhausting, and he had too much to do to waste strength on it. Better to focus on what he could control.
The first order of business was a new place to live. It would need to be quiet, secure, where he could trust the children would be safe, even if they were out of his sight or he had to leave for the day. Probably someplace outside of Harkenesten, unless he got extremely lucky. There was no way he could afford to live in the city with the limited funds he would have. But it would still have to be close enough he could go into the city easily to drop off his completed pieces and pick up new commissions.
Renting was an option, but traveling all the way to Harkensten had put him off that. Some of their stops, they'd been able to stay at the special homes meant for people like him: penniless, recently come from bad marriages or homes, victims of abuse and worse. But the program, long ago started by High Consort Nyle and continued by the High King after his death, was far from complete. Too often they'd been forced to let rooms, rest for a few days, once for nearly two months while he and Valina recovered from being sick. Their landlord had been terrible, and reminded him too much life with his parents, and life with Theoren. Never again would he live somewhere that wasn't one hundred percent his.
After he found a house, there would be making it habitable, hiring staff, a new tutor, possibly a nanny as he was going to have to work more to keep them in funds…
Tears stung his eyes as the list of what he needed to do threatened overwhelm him, but Kamir drove them back. He had gotten this far more or less alone, he would continue on the same just fine. And he did that by taking it one step at a time.
The end of the year was ten months away, which was more than enough time to set up a new life. He just had to focus. Take it step by step. The first step was the house. Everything else could wait. And no matter how difficult the next several months were going to be, being rid of his family once and for all was a good thing.
Most days, his current situation didn't bother him. He was used to being the Tesly embarrassment, the fool who'd married young and was now 'stuck' with two children. Everyone else might think him wasted potential and a disappointment, but whatever his mistakes, and despite his damnable family and ex-husband, he had managed to build a decent life for himself and his children.
But sometimes he wondered how different his life might be now if he hadn't defied his family to marry Theoren, if he hadn't thrown so much away for a man who'd been nothing but a bundle of lies in a pretty, charming package.
What bothered him most, though, was that everyone thought he didn't deserve to have that life now. The High King could marry, have kids, have his marriage fall apart, and end up in a happy second marriage with no one thinking that strange or unfair. With everyone thinking, in fact, that he deserved to remarry and be happy.
And he certainly did—but why couldn't Kamir have the same?
Instead he was consigned to a life of loneliness. His only friend was Velina, and that was no small thing, because without her, he would not have come this far. But he still sorely missed the days when he'd had more people to talk to, invitations to parties and outings. When he hadn't been completely outcast, even if he'd never been entirely happy either.
Perhaps once his new life was in place, and he was well away from his poisonous family, he could try again at making friends. And maybe, just maybe, a lover, even someone he loved enough to marry. The thought of attempting another relationship was terrifying, and who knew if he'd be any smarter the second time than the first… But he'd already lost too much of his life to being afraid, or being too stubborn about the wrong things. He'd been afraid of angering his parents, then determined to make his own choices to the point of marrying Theoren. Then he'd been afraid of Theoren, and too scared and alone and self-doubting to figure out how to escape. Pantheon only knew wh
at might have happened to his children.
He was eternally grateful he would never know.
But between his family and Theoren, a relationship wasn't something he'd ever considered. Not until an intriguing man had drawn his attention and stirred unexpected thoughts and wants, because if he was going to dream foolishly, he may as well be the biggest fool: Jader Star, High Commander of the Imperial Army. A man Kamir would never have, and maybe that was why the thoughts had felt free to burst to life. Daydreaming about the impossible was safe.
Daydreaming also made him wish for something real, though he had no idea how to go about it—especially when he was the court laughingstock, and especially now when he was months from being disowned.
He laughed, picturing his parents' faces if he did somehow manage to catch the eye of Commander Jader. He was the first lowborn to ever be named High Commander. Before it had always been held by a noble, and often an Arseni. But the High King and Lord Lesto were nothing if not unconventional, and High Consort Allen and Lord Shemal were proving to fit in quite well, as far as Kamir could tell. He wasn't exactly part of that inner circle. He was fairly certain that, apart from Lord Lesto, they didn't know he existed, and why should they? Tesly was a wealthy and moderately powerful title, but the Norring family had only held the title for a few generations, after the previous claimants died out and the most tenuous of family connections had legally shifted it to the Norring family. It was not something they'd ever expected, and just being handed a title for little to no reason was not enough to bring one into the inner circles of the High Court. Neither did overcompensating and trying too hard, but Kamir wasn't stupid enough to say that to his mother's face.
Thankfully, it would never be an issue. People like Jader didn't notice people like Kamir, and he'd rather die than drag someone into all his family drama and woes—pretending for a moment that anyone would remain after learning about Kamir's past and issues, which wasn't likely.
Nor did it matter for now. That could be dealt with after he and his family were settled in their new home, and his parents were once and for all a thing of the past. Soon he would live apart, all on his own, just him and his children.