by Jody Sharpe
“I know,” my eyes tear. I wipe them hard.
“I think we should call Hattie Msumba. Your Dad doesn’t think so but I really do. Her law firm could take care of this right now before he sells too many books.”
“It would be a long shot. And the cover is just a resemblance.” I think of Shirl Olsen hitting on it without a second thought. A thundering headache has come on and my sweet aunt doesn’t know our secret so of course it clouds her perspective.
“Maybe it will go away like Dad says. It’s just a book, not life or death.” Yet, I don’t tell my aunt it could destroy our lives. I can’t bear the thought. Sam was very clever putting my stories together like that. I didn’t realize I was doing just that, writing our history down in novel form. He must really loathe me. Unaware of my fractured thoughts, Aunt Helen gets up and kisses me on the forehead.
“You invite Josh for dinner tonight if you want.”
“We’re off to look for the petting farm, but thanks anyway.”
When my aunt goes back in the kitchen, I can hear the clanging of pots and pans and her conversation with her cat. If people really suspected the truth, what would they do? How would Josh react?
Aunt Helen, Meredith and Tony may even figure it out now. My stories were written down to let my feelings out. My parents didn’t realize how much I needed to tell the truth. I loved to fly. It was a twenty-one year journal. Sam has stolen it to make money. But it’s a stretch for anyone to go from a novel to thinking angels live among us. I just have to calm down. If we ignore it, well, then what? No one in town knew about Sam and me except my family, Meredith and Tony. Though I remember I told Taylor about him and he didn’t think Sam sounded like a good guy. We made sure we went out in other towns. Except one time we ran into Andy in San Francisco at the Pelican Wharf. Suddenly, I hear my mother’s voice whisper at my shoulder, “I love you.”
Do I really hear her or am I going mad? Seeing the animals asleep on the porch brings serenity for a moment. I can’t help marveling again at the sight of them nestled together. The yard is full of birds eating dropped seed by the feeder and two bunnies nibble on grass. It’s as if they’re all friends having dinner together. A little mocking bird sings on a tree limb above them. These are the scenes of life I adore, and for a moment more I feel hopeful. Then my feelings dip again seeing Josh drive up.
He pulls up behind our house squeaking his brakes. He looks so adorable in jeans and a Hawaiian shirt. Duke and Dawn run to them like they haven’t seen them in weeks. Louie wags his tail like a windshield wiper. I’ve been so happy since Josh came back into my life and now my life feels like a spinning top. Should I tell him? Yes, I have to.
“Hey what’s the matter? Your text worried me. What’s happened?” Josh sits down by me on the stoop and gives me a quick kiss.
I wish I could smile but it’s not there. I can’t get the courage to speak.
“Is it about Dawn?” The concern in his expression makes my heart ache. I close my eyes then look at him again as he takes hold of my hand. I look down at his hands and begin.
“No, Sam, the professor, has published a book with a woman who looks like me on the cover.” I hand Josh the book. He takes it carefully and gives me a quizzical look.
“He’s plagiarized my work from his class except he’s saying his characters, perfect descriptions of Dad and me by the way, are angels. He hinted in an interview on TV today there’s a particular woman he’s been inspired by. We know that’s me because he’s plagiarized everything and sent the book to me Fed Ex.”
Josh is silent as he looks at the book and turns the pages. The silence seems to go on forever and so I force the situation with words that sound artificial to me even as I say it. “And so maybe we should break things off because… he’s put love scenes in it. It’s incredibly embarrassing and I’d understand if you didn’t want to be with me.” I begin to cry and push the white tears away fast so he won’t see.
“Han, no.” Josh shakes his head and looks so sad. “Don’t be ridiculous, it’ll be okay, really.”
“I’m not sure what tomorrow will bring. You should just go. Let’s stop the relationship. It’s okay. I get it. I really do.”
Josh touches my face. “Look at me Han.”
I look at him.
“We will get through it, I promise you.” He smiles and it makes me want to smile back, but I can’t.
“I don’t know.”
“I don’t intend to go anywhere. We’ve just met again and you think I’m going to let some loser get under my skin? You don’t know me very well. No matter what this guy does, no matter if you are the woman in the love scenes. I don’t care!”
I keep wiping my tears. “You don’t?”
“No, he can’t hurt us. Everything will be all right.”
“But he sent me the book, the same time he was on TV. He’s mean, spiteful. Shirl Olsen at the book store pointed out the cover resemblance and it’s only a matter of time until people read it in town and see the same thing. Plus a few friends know I wrote about angels and people will talk and your reputation…. those love scenes.”
“Look, let’s just take it one day at a time. So he made you an angel, so what? The plagiarizing thing is the real problem now. We can solve that.” He holds me to his chest and I feel safe again.
“Now let’s see your pretty smile again, that little cute dimple, please.” He leans back to touch my scar dimple, the one Sam hated. Josh is so great.
“That’s it, thank you.” He hugs me again.
“All my life I wrote stories about angels. I always wished I could fly with the angels.” The volumes left unsaid nearly make my tears come again.
“Hannah, look in the mirror. You’re an angel to me.” Josh holds me to him then kisses me gently on the forehead.
He has just said the most beautiful thing to me. He doesn’t know I’m lying about my father, about everything and I pray he never finds out.
Dad comes out the back door. He pauses for a moment then coaxes us in the house.
“Come in you two, Helen’s made her Chicken Rice Soup and biscuits.” Josh gets up and gives me his hand to get up.
“Dad we’re on our way to see the petting farm out in Millersville, and then we’ll be home later. Could you tell Aunt Helen to keep the soup on?” I turn to Josh. “I’m not up for dinner out tonight, is that okay with you? I feel drained.”
“Sure we’ll put it on hold for now.” Dad takes Dawn in the house with him and off we go in the truck with the dogs. Driving down Main Street Josh takes my hand and squeezes it. We turn onto Sea Breeze. Watching the town slip by us brings back a feeling of peace. We pass the bucolic scene of Doc Lindley’s farm. Their two painted horses graze peacefully as their well-brushed manes fly up in a burst of wind. The little guest house next to the red barn is Josh’s place. The white clapboard house with the barn and animals looks like something out of a storybook. We finally reach the spot where I stopped and found Dawn in the woods. We get out of the car and Duke leads us again, Homer by his side. But this time sunlight streams through the trees. The path isn’t as soggy but still hard to traverse. I’m surprised we found our way in the dark. Duke stops abruptly standing looking at me. “This must be the place.”
“His senses are so pronounced. Good boy, Duke.” When Josh bends to pet him he says, “Oh look, there’s a hole under all these leaves.”
“What?”
“Someone dug a hole here deliberately. Look at that pile of dirt next to it. Was she in a hole when you found her?”
“Maybe, it was so dark.”
“Someone put her here to die. That’s got to be how she got here.” He pulls his camera out of his back pack and starts taking pictures of the hole and the surrounding area. “Let’s look for anything else.”
We look around. Homer barks. “He’s found something,” Josh says. We walk back near the place we found Dawn. There in the bushes, is a chain link lead. “Another animal was here too. This must be how he gets rid of
the animals he doesn’t want. Let’s look around for carcasses.” He takes photos of the chain.
“Han, I’m going to bring Donnie here first thing in the morning before work if he can get away. We need him to look at this.”
Josh takes more pictures of the hole and chain. Looking around some more, we can’t seem to locate any evidence of a dead animal even though the dogs are sniffing wildly.
“Let’s head over to the petting farm before it gets dark.” Five-point two miles later we find the small petting farm on the right side of the road. We pull over next to a rustic big wood sign that says, “Jacob’s Petting Farm.” The sign on the dilapidated door says “Closed” but Josh gets out anyway. I stay in the truck with the dogs. There is a barbed wire fence all around the small unkempt office. About a half dozen thin deer that look like our Dawn walk around. Some of them come near the fence where Josh is standing. He reaches his hand over the barbed wire. The small wood office looks about as big as our garage. I see some sheep and an old worn German Shepherd lying down. He doesn’t even bark. There is another small house set way back towards the woods about thirty yards from the petting farm. There are a few chickens and a few trees but no visible shelter for the animals. Josh comes back to the car.
“No one here, this place is horrible. They’re Fallow deer just like Dawn and they’re miserable and malnourished. There’s no shelter. This place needs to be shut down.” His voice is quivering a bit. I’ve never seen him so emotional. I reach for his hand.
“Josh, how can these people do this? How can we prove they left Dawn?”
“I don’t know but we’re going to try. I can’t let this go on just miles from where we live. Animals are revered and loved in our town. ”
“Can we call Donnie now?”
“Yeah, I think I will.” He takes his camera first and takes a photo of the farm from the car. A scowling old unshaven man comes around the corner of the house wearing dirty overalls and a denim shirt.
He yells, “We’re closed now unless you want to pay me twenty bucks. No pictures unless you pay, got it?”
“We’re leaving,” Josh waves him off. He turns around in the gravel drive and heads back to Mystic Bay.
“That must be Mr. Jacob’s, Bambi’s grandfather,” he says with anger.
“This is the worst day in a long time,” I say half to myself.
“I know, but it’s gonna be okay. I’m calling Donnie.” He takes his cell and gets a hold of him.
My father and aunt are in the living room talking when we get home. I notice the book is on Dad’s lap. Aunt Helen has soup hot and ready for us. Dad takes Sam’s book and without a word sets it on top of the refrigerator. Bubbles jumps on the counter then on top of the refrigerator on the book. I normally would laugh. Bubbles always watches us eat hoping with eternal optimism that she’ll get a morsel when we finish. Dad holds out a tiny piece of biscuit which she jumps down for and turns round and round. I laugh for the first time all day as she jumps right back on Dad again. How does Dad do it? He’s even got Dawn house-broken like Bubbles. My pack, my stability is here but I have to face the fact that I’m lying to Josh and my aunt. What if they find out? I look at Dad across the table now; his very expression has changed to a sad one over the course of a day. Aunt Helen isn’t humming as usual as she puts cookies and fruit on the table. Josh explains what we found at Jacob’s Petting Farm. “Would it be alright if I ask Donnie, Laurjean and Doc and Shari over tonight? We can put our heads together to try to shut that place down.”
“Of course, let’s call them,” Dad agrees.
Always ready to feed a crew Aunt Helen claps her hands. “I’ve got more of these fresh chocolate chip cookies and fruit and I’ll put on a pot of coffee.” She gets up from the table and fusses with dishes, cookies and napkins.
Josh tries to lighten things up a bit since we’re completely ignoring the other issue of Sam and the book. “Thank you Helen, you’re the best cook ever. Thanks for feeding me. I’m taking you all out for dinner, how about next weekend, at Jack’s?” My father and aunt accept. Josh smiles but I know deep down he must be mulling around the mayhem of today. What have I done? My father deserved to be anonymous. Why was I obsessed telling angel stories when I knew I never would get to fly again? Why weren’t the memories enough?
Eric and Shari Lindley arrive first. “Hey everybody,” the kind older vet says warmly.
Shari, a diminutive gray-haired lovely lady hugs everyone. “Helen your cookies, yum, you are positively the best. You sure you don’t mind bringing these to the Garden Club meeting at my house next week?” She chomps on a cookie. “You know I’m no Betty Crocker.”
“Shari, I love to bake. I’m baking molasses for you.” Aunt Helen would bake cookies and cinnamon rolls twenty four-seven if she could. Donnie and Laurjean come in with Chris and Katie. We’re all animal lovers here and so, with determined minds we start the plan brewing.
……………………………………….
The long night of tossing and turning finally ends and I wake up knowing something’s wrong. Then I remember Sam on TV exposing our lives to the world and the starving deer at the petting farm. My stomach grumbles from emptiness. Josh stayed the night holding me close. I watched him sleep thinking all night how he reacted to the news with such kindness. He’s up already because he’s picking Donnie and Doc up at six to go to the deer farm. I hear him showering and getting dressed. He leans over, pulls the covers up, and kisses me on the forehead. I don’t want him to know I’m awake, so I feign sleep. He takes Homer and shuts the door quietly.” Please be just a bad dream!” I look down at Jesse curled at my chest. I start to cry. She nuzzles me and I stroke her fur. I feel Duke jump on the bed nuzzling me too, and then a kiss from Dawn on my hand. When I open my eyes to look at Dawn I sense something in the corner.
He’s there again, Archangel Uriel. This time he stands, his feathered wings sparkle, folded to him like a blanket. But then he stretches them out in their full rainbow of beauty for a moment. It’s breathtaking. His white robe shines like diamonds then he gently folds his wings to him again. He gives me the slight smile that always changes everything. I feel joy, knowing somehow I’ll get through this nightmare. He is gone again like the last flicker of a candle.
I notice the animals remain staring at the corner where he was. If animals can see angels, then why can’t people? I know why, because animals are like angels so pure in their love, with no agenda like us. That’s what Josh was talking about when we saw the deer on Valentine’s Day. I feel better and get up to turn on the TV to CNN like I usually do. What am I thinking? Of course I’m not prepared for Sam touting his book again.
July North, the country’s most famous TV talk show host sits across from him. Her dark shiny hair looks pretty against her olive complexion. She is wearing a taupe suit with a shocking pink blouse and shiny taupe patent leather heels. Why do I love fashion when my wardrobe consists of jeans and sweaters? Sam sits with an ascot no less and a tweed jacket. He’s certainly playing the part of the accomplished writer.
July’s smiling at the camera, then turns to him. “Your new novel, “My California Angel” is getting a lot of press. It’s the talk of the book world today. Tell us about this passionate story, a human and angel falling in love. Have you always liked angels?”
Sam uses the engaging smile I used to admire as I sat in the third row of his lectures in college. That was before he asked me out for coffee, before he seduced me with his lies.
“Yes, the thought of angels has always intrigued me. Max, a professor falls in love with his student, a beautiful young woman. He finds out she’s a real angel and the torrid love affair begins. I was inspired by a young woman I knew once. Maybe she is an angel, I don’t know.” July and Sam laugh like it’s a big joke.
“Oh God, why is he doing this?” I’m talking to my animals. Somehow, I sense they get it.
The TV camera pans to the audience, they’re smiling, obviously intrigued by the story.
>
“Sam, you know, women especially will love the idea. Your writing truly is romantic. The descriptions of Honor and Max flying are amazing and beguiling really. It will have people reading into the night. Does this woman you based the book on know you have written this?”
“Oh no,” he lies shaking his head. “I should tell her, shouldn’t I? Haven’t seen her in a long time but she should know I guess.” Sam’s lying teeth seem etched on his face as if it’s carved on an evil version of Mount Rushmore on a wicked unknown planet.
“Wouldn’t we all like to know some angels these days?”
“In the book the angel, Honor, does physically resemble the woman I know. She’s quite captivating.”
July looks into the camera, “Young lady, if you are out there, every woman in this audience has a fantasy to think she might have inspired a song, a painting or a beautiful love story. Wouldn’t you ladies out there?” July laughs and the applause is heavy. The faces of the mostly female audience nod and smile in agreement. Then, she holds up his two books. “We have a surprise for you, “My California Angel” and the anthology featuring his award winning short story “The Paper Boy’s Diaries,” are under your seats today!”
There is applause again and a few hoots and whistles and the smiling faces of the audience only confirm how well this book will sell to women. The audience scrambles for the books under their seats.
“Thank you so much, July.” He takes her hand briefly in appreciation. He smiles and waves to the audience. Then he adds in almost a seductive tone. “To promote my book I have actually got some tattoos. Would you like to see them?”
July’s face gives her away. She knew this was coming yet is still horrified. She laughs with a rather fake “ha ha” saying, “Well, are we all up for this audience?” Hoots, hollers and whistles abound.
“I had angel wings tattooed on my back. I’m getting a real positive reaction from them. I thought it would be a way to get people to think about angels and get them interested in reading the book.” He stands up and turns away from the camera while unbuttoning his shirt. And there on his muscled back are long rainbow colored angel wings tattooed from his shoulder blades to his well-defined waist. In the middle in small lettering is the title of his book. I feel my mouth drop to the floor.