He dared never look back.
A clammy sweat coated his body, and he wondered if he'd ever be warm again. His emotions numb from the blow he'd just given himself, he tried to concentrate on what to do next. Every thought struggled through his pain. What next?
T'Ash sucked in a breath, but it left him unsteadily on a low moan. He could barely breathe, let alone think. What next?
Automatically his hands sent the glider far from the park noisy with laughter and cheer, far into NobleCountry. What next?
Something to finish the whole thing. Everything was over. Nothing could be made right. All gone. Except a debt.
He had an outstanding debt, to T'Ivy. T'Ash would arrange a trip to Gael City to procure a sky-crystal as the T'Ivy Testing Stone. He would take a designated member of the Family as witness. He only hoped they could leave today. The sooner, the better.
Once more he faced T'Ivy in the Ivy ResidenceDen, across the ancient desk. The man stared at him under beetled brows, fingers steepled. "You're sure you want to travel to Gael City now?"
"Yes," T'Ash said, realizing he was lapsing into Downwind shortspeech again and vowed to answer better, next time. T'Ivy didn't look as if he wished to drop the subject, and as a mighty GreatLord, T'Ivy was accustomed to doing what he wished.
"I understood that your request for a new Passage was based upon the necessity of crafting another HeartGift. What of your HeartMate?"
T'Ash bled inside, his wound too painful to touch, to think of, let alone speak of. He welcomed the annoyance that came from T'Ivy's probing.
He shrugged.
T'Ivy tapped his fingers together, one brow raised. "As a matter of the transaction between T'Ivy GreatHouse and T'Ash GreatHouse, the potion didn't fail you?"
"No." He struggled to add more. He'd thought he'd broken the habit of Downwind speech a long time ago, but he'd lapsed so often lately that he knew it was in just one more area that he'd failed. "T'Ivy GreatHouse honored its word; I've come to honor my own."
T'Ivy sighed. "You know, being HeartMates doesn't mean that you don't see the other's faults, or ignore them. It simply means that you love in spite of the faults."
T'Ash was the one with the overwhelming deficiencies, not Danith, but he had no intention of telling this to T'Ivy.
"During the time two souls cleave together, one can cleave the other," T'Ivy looked pleased at his turn of phrase. "Your soul, made just for hers, hers just for yours. The claiming of a HeartMate isn't easy very often."
T'Ash said nothing.
T'Ivy looked at him, then looked away. When his gaze rested on T'Ash once more, he had a hint of vulnerability in his eyes. "You know I met my HeartMate when I was midage. Before that, I'd had children by a wife and was widowed. I had a wife." He hesitated an instant. "T'Ash, it is not the same. Companionship, respect, affection, even sex, is not the same as when two souls entwine in the HeartBond."
T'Ash stood. He felt pale and his insides clenched with the still agonizing pain of what he'd lost. He could not take any more "words of wisdom." He formed his sentences deliberately. "I am here to fulfill my word. If you wish to waive my service, do so; otherwise let us discuss the bargain."
T'Ivy gestured to T'Ash's chair. "Please sit."
T'Ash sank back into the comfortable seat. For some moments more he endured T'Ivy's scrutiny, then a gleam came to the GreatLord's eyes, and a small smile graced his lips. He pressed a crystal, and the Ivy butler silently entered. T'Ivy nodded to him. "Eiddew, please locate Hedara and relieve her from her duties until further notice. Ask her to come here for her next project as soon as possible."
Eiddew bowed. "At once, my lord." He bowed to T'Ash also, before leaving.
"Now," T'Ivy said briskly. "The agreement you made with my HeartMate was that you would choose and obtain a sky-crystal as a Testing Tool for T'Ivy GreatHouse. Your trip expenses to Gael would be paid by us, and we would provide a Family member to accompany you and witness your honorable and best service. Her trip expenses would also be paid by us."
T'Ash just wanted to nod. "That is correct," he said instead.
"Hedara will accompany you. I think you will find her an excellent traveling companion." The door opened. "Ah, here she is now."
A woman slightly younger than Danith glided into the room, a long blue gown shot with gold swirled around her. She wore a many-braided hairstyle that would have taken hours to fix.
T'Ash reluctantly rose. She curtseyed to T'Ivy, then swept a deep curtsey to T'Ash, with a respectfully bowed head.
Danith had never curtseyed to him. He didn't even know until now that he'd missed the little courtesy. Then his heart stung at the thought that he had betrayed her with that complaint, a very minor thing.
When Hedara lifted her head, T'Ash saw she had the sky-crystal blue eyes of the Ivys, eyes that perfectly matched her gown.
T'Ivy came around the desk and took her hand to present her to T'Ash. "My niece, Hedara Ivy. Hedara, GreatLord T'Ash." She curtseyed again, exactly as deep as proper manners ordained.
T'Ash nodded shortly.
Her cheerful countenance dimmed a little.
He felt a brute but had no interest in any woman but Danith. He let Hedara find her own chair as T'Ivy explained the undertaking to her.
"Now for the trip." T'Ivy raised his voice slightly. "ResidenceLibrary present plan, time, and expenses for two non-related travelers to Gael City with a return to Druida."
"The Ambroz Pass through the HardRock Mountains is currently blocked from rockfall; thus glider transport is excluded. Air transport over the mountains is not cost-effective. Stridebeasts are recommended," ResidenceLibrary said.
T'Ash cursed.
Hedara looked taken aback, then tilted her head. "Do you ride?" she asked T'Ash.
"Yes." Damned if he was going to try and moderate his speech anymore.
She nodded, her blond-brown hair wisped around her face. "I do, too." She smiled, showing perfect teeth. "Very well. We should have no hardships there."
"For a moderate pace, the round trip itself will take a week, an eightday," said ResidenceLibrary.
"How long will it take you to conduct your business in Gael City?" asked Hedara.
He could pick the gem in under fifteen minutes, haggle with the merchant for another thirty. "A day in Gael City."
She made a little moue with her mouth, but her eyes were amused. "A lot of riding with little relief, but if that's what you wish, GreatLord—"
"It is."
Once again her head bent gracefully. "Then I concur. We can leave in two septhours, if that is agreeable?"
"Fine."
"Ivy GreatHouse keeps a stable. I'll have the stridebeasts waiting outside the gates for you, T'Ash," T'Ivy said smoothly. He studied T'Ash again. "I have a large HairyStrider that should carry your weight for the trip."
"Nothing too high-strung," T'Ash said.
"He's not a hybrid," T'Ivy replied.
"And my own mount, if you please, Uncle," Hedara said, smiling. She rose and crossed to T'Ash, holding out her hand.
He stood and shook it instead of kissing her fingers.
She raised her eyebrows again. "Until later."
"Yes."
She turned and exited, hips swaying with feminine grace and her innate poise, and with completely no allure for T'Ash.
"A man could do worse for a wife than my niece," T'Ivy murmured. "And an alliance between T'Ivy and T'Ash…"
T'Ash inclined his head. "Merry meet."
"And merry part."
"And merry meet again. I'll obtain your sky-crystal."
"Oh, T'Ash?"
"Yes?"
"I will want the old stone reshaped."
"We can discuss that later."
"Agreed. As long as you make it a priority. I hear you have many commissions."
"Agreed. You will have a priority."
"Then go with the Lady and Lord."
T'Ash strode out.
Once home, he prepared to trave
l, trying to put his love from his mind. He ached with the devastation of losing Danith, and would have preferred a male traveling companion.
The merits of a long trip slowly sunk in. The extended journey would make his break with Danith complete. She would be settled into a new routine by the time he came back. And the trip would give him time to become accustomed to the fact that she would never be his.
But he wanted her triply protected. He'd welded a strong golden net around her, one that should last while he was gone. Also, she now wore a powerful shielding stone. But this was not enough. He scried T'Holly and felt some relief when he was referred to the GreatLord's personal holo cache, and didn't have to actually speak with the perceptive man. "This is T'Ash. I'm journeying to Gael City. I remind you of your vow regarding the safety of my HeartMate. Blessed be."
Just as he'd packed his saddlebags, and was lifting them to his shoulder, Zanth entered his bedroom.
Chapter Eighteen
« ^
The Fam took in the situation with a glance and sat solidly before the bedroom door, hissing. What you doing?
T'Ash narrowed his eyes. This was no time for Zanth to get temperamental. T'Ash was holding on to the straining link of his temper as it was.
"I'm fulfilling my promise to T'Ivy in payment for the Passage potion. My last vow, and damned if I'm going to ever make another so important. Do you want to go to Gael City? An eight-day trip to go there and back."
You stay here. No time to go. You not Mate with FamWoman.
"And I won't. She doesn't deserve us, Zanth. We can never give her the Family she wants."
Zanth snorted. She has Me as Fam, has Princess. Has many animals. You give her four children. Plenty Family.
T'Ash wouldn't let Zanth tempt him to break his will in this. "No. We've forced our way into her life, but no more. And I must fulfill this promise, now. I've made plans with T'Ivy."
Zanth lashed his tail. His growl fed the heavy silence for a moment. He muttered cat-talk to himself then speared T'Ash with an intense emerald stare. A week. Not flying?
"No."
Not gliding?
"No."
Zanth snorted. Then, how?
"Stridebeast."
You take horses, Me go. Me like horses.
"Horses are rare and valuable. I doubt if T'Ivy has any. And I don't ride them as well as stridebeasts."
Sallows have horses. You rent. Me know those horses. Me and FamWoman play with them.
"No!" He settled the saddlebags on his shoulder and glanced at his timer. "I made a promise to T'Ivy, and I'm going to Gael City. By stridebeast. Come or not, as you please."
Me stay, Zanth huffed.
"Fine. Hedara Ivy waits for me. I'll teleport to the T'Ivy gates. I'll be back in nine days."
Hed-ar-a. Female?
T'Ash bared his teeth in a smile. "Yes."
Me come see.
Hedara awaited them with two grooms holding the stride-beasts. Native to Celta, the stridebeasts were one of the first animals the colonists domesticated four centuries ago, particularly since horses had a worse adaptation rate than most Earth animals.
One of the stridebeasts was hairy with a broad back and sturdy-looking long legs widening to fat padded feet. Its neck was straight with a well-formed broad head and intelligent brown eyes. T'Ash handed his saddlebags to the groom to place on the beast and took the reins. He rubbed the animal between the eyes. The gray hair was as long and as soft as Princess's.
The second mount danced a little until Hedara took its reins and patted it, dismissing the grooms. It was obviously an animal bred for generations for beauty and an even gait.
Hedara looked equally elegant, again clothed in blue that matched her eyes. Her trous suit was both fashionable and suitable for riding. Not a hair escaped from her blond-brown braid, a hairstyle that emphasized the fine bone-structure of her face due to ages of noble breeding.
Her loveliness, obvious self-confidence, self-worth, and Nobility left T'Ash unmoved. He wanted Danith. He banished the thought.
Female, Zanth said, sniffing her legs.
Hedara stared at the huge cat, then looked at T'Ash.
He shrugged. "My Fam."
"Nice cat," she said, stooping with a hand out.
Zanth snarled, and she snatched her hand away.
Zanth sprayed on her boots.
T'Ash closed his eyes. When he opened them, Hedara still appeared shocked and appalled.
"My boots," she choked, then panted as the warm, wet stench of cat urine enveloped them. "My best boots." She hopped from foot to foot. She stabbed Zanth with an awful look, sent a beseeching one to T'Ash. "I can't travel like this. Impossible." She winked out, teleporting away.
She not like Me. Zanth grinned with satisfaction.
"You cat!" T'Ash wanted to singe the Fam's fur with a Word.
Zanth raised his nose at the insult. You man. You stupid. Go. Me stay with FamWoman.
"No! I don't want you near her, speaking to her, or visiting her while I am gone."
Now Me say No. Me do as Me please.
"You will do as I say, or I will see that you no longer see the chef in the mornings and that he feeds you nothing but oily fish for the rest of your life."
They matched glares. Zanth's tail whipped back and forth.
"Do you hear me?"
Me hear.
"I mean what I say."
Zanth growled. He spat.
T'Ash didn't move.
Paws flashed, leaving deep scratches on T'Ash's boots, ruining them.
T'Ash stood still.
Zanth hissed and whipped himself through the dirt, a small, furious whirlwind.
Hedara appeared. She looked down her nose at Zanth.
"Now, that is a hissy fit." Her words were rewarded by clawed boots. She stared down at them with a pained expression on her face.
She would never like Zanth, T'Ash knew. Something inside him rejoiced.
"Zanthoxyl!" T'Ash commanded.
Zanth stopped, sat up straight with his solid back to T'Ash, and started grooming. I not see FamWoman. But you stupid, stupid, stupid. Go away. He ignored his person with more studied arrogance than he'd ever done before.
"You're nobody until you've been ignored by a cat," Hedara murmured, lifting an eyebrow at T'Ash as she easily mounted her beast and reined it in.
T'Ash gritted his teeth at the old saying. Something Danith might say. The black hole inside him expanded with every second. He mounted up. He refused to say farewell to Zanth and didn't even glance back as they rode away.
This trip would put his entire past behind him, and he could prepare himself for the bleak future.
Danith's spirits plummeted. T'Ash didn't come to her that night. She got chills and his big body wasn't there to warm her. She shivered all night long and told herself it was due to the cool summer night, not the insidiously creeping notion that T'Ash had given up on her.
She called his Residence but only reached the holo cache. She left a stilted message.
The next night passed without him. And the next.
He did not visit the AllClass HealingHall. The last living triad boy, Shade, needed constant care to keep him from dying.
Again and again Danith recalled how the other boy attempted to kill her, the appearance of T'Ash, the quick violence that ended the situation.
She remembered the emotionless stare T'Ash had left her with. She hurt more for him, for how that act had worked on his soul, than she grieved for the Downwind boy. T'Ash had handled the situation in the only way possible.
She missed him and didn't want to. She wanted a solid life, to establish herself as D'Mallow, and to know herself before she surrendered to him. She had to believe she was his match, that he could not overcome her with his powerful Flair.
She studied for the test on the laws that governed Nobles, GrandLords and Ladies, GreatLords and Ladies. She sweated through the test and answered every question correctly. She threw herself into her work
, rapidly building her career, until every minute of every septhour of every day were filled with activity.
But empty of T'Ash.
One morning during the next week, she was ordered to rest by all her instructors. Finally she faced the facts.
Her heart thumped hard. Her throat closed.
She was so tired and so hurt that tears seemed dammed inside her. She was beyond crying; it would bring no release.
She had waited too long. She hadn't summoned enough courage to tell the brooding man that she loved him. She hadn't tried to banish his darkness. She hadn't accepted his HeartGifts or the HeartBond.
She was glad her third and last Passage was over. If it hadn't been, the flagellation she inflicted upon herself for these regrets would have killed her.
Now she listened to her emotions. She'd lost him and she'd never live with him. That meant no more moments at the T'Ash Residence. That hurt, too. It was a beautiful house, with so much character and potential. She could make it into a comfortable home as well as a showplace.
No more Zanth. A fragment of her heart shattered. She missed the Fam dreadfully.
She shouldn't go to him if he didn't love her, didn't respect her enough to share himself with her. And was what she just thought true, or was it an excuse to be safe and not risk herself? She paced back and forth in her small house, following a pattern T'Ash had used.
It came down to trust and love and hope. Did she trust herself and him? Yes. She'd grown enough in the last few days to believe she could exorcize that seed of darkness within him. And she trusted his word when he said that he wanted them to be HeartMates, she trusted the emotions that flowed through the bond between them, feelings that were so much more than passion.
Danith went into the kitchen and made tea, keeping her hands busy as she sifted through recent events. He must love her. Even when he was infuriating, his actions told her she was special to him. He'd give her all his wealth, and his work he valued. He wanted her to live with him, involved in all aspects of his life. She should not be involved in fighting, so he teleported her away. He'd die protecting her.
HeartMate Page 33