by Will Dunne
• About sales, Moss says, "What did I learn as a kid on Western? Don't sell a guy one car. Sell him five cars over fifteen years."
• About taking chances in life, Roma says, "When you die, you're going to regret the things you don't do."
• About hell, Roma says, "Bad people go to hell? I don't think so. If you think that, act that way. A hell exists on earth? Yes. I won't live in it."
• About life, Roma says, "What I'm saying, what is our life? (Pause.) It's looking forward or it's looking back. And that's our life. That's it. Where is the moment? (Pause.) And what is it that we're afraid of? Loss. What else?
• About work, Levene says, "A man's his job
• About the world today, Roma says, "I swear ... it's not a world of men... it's a world of clock-watchers, bureaucrats, officeholders ... what it is, it's a fucked-up world ... there's no adventure to it. (Pause.) Dying breed. Yes it is. (Pause.) We are the members of a dying breed. That's ... that's ... that's why we have to stick together."
• About truth, Roma says, "Always tell the truth. It's the easiest thing to remember."
Each of these dialogue excerpts presents a universal statement. We may accept them as either truths or lies, but either way, we must look beyond the characters and see ourselves as well. This type of dialogue is quite different from that about the plotting and planning of the robbery. In a great story, most dialogue is plot-specific, but it is interwoven with great truths or great lies that elevate our emotional experience of the story. We walk out of the theater with much to think about.
For the dramatic writer, the key to using universal statements is to interweave them so seamlessly and appropriately into the dramatic action that we take them in without ever leaving the story. Balance is important. Too many universal statements will make the dialogue feel like a lecture. Too few will make the dialogue seem trivial.
ABOUT THE EXERCISE
Try this exercise to help you revise dialogue that you have already written. The goal is to strengthen the impact of the dialogue by blending universal statements into the plot specifics. To begin, choose a scene with dialogue that you want to revise and write down the names of the two most important characters in it.
WHAT YOUR CHARACTERS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THE WORLD
I. Identify topics. Read the scene you have chosen to revise and think about what happens. As the event of the scene unfolds, different topics enter the dialogue. Some may relate to small, everyday matters-such as a streak of bad luck-and some may encompass larger issues of importance-such as the meaning of life. List the general topics, large or small, trivial or profound, that your characters discuss or mention in the dialogue of the scene now.
2. Highlight universal topics (if any). Review what your characters have to say now about the topics you listed. Most or all of this dialogue is probably plot-specific ("Someone should rob the office"), but you may already have some universal statements among these lines ("A man's his job"). Highlight any universal statements-large or small-that you find in the dialogue now.
3. Select topics to explore in more depth. Think about the two most important characters in the scene and how they each see the world. As an exercise, step out of the scene for a moment and imagine that each character will make a universal statement about some of the topics you just listed. Circle the most interesting topics on your list.
4. Develop universal statements. Remember that a universal truth or lie may be large or small, and may express a generalization ("It's a world of clock-watchers, bureaucrats, officeholders"), opinion ("Bad people go to hell? I don't think so"), question ("What is our life? ... Where is the moment?"), adage or law ("Don't sell a guy one car. Sell him five cars over fifteen years"), warning ("When you die, you're going to regret the things you don't do"), or advice ("Always tell the truth. It's the easiest thing to remember"). Such statements are broad in scope.
Think about your unique characters: who they are, how they express themselves, and what they each might have to say about the topics you circled in your list. For each topic, write two universal statements-one from each character. Think of these lines as completely separate from each other rather than dialogue exchanges. Let each line stand on its own and reflect what the character believes independently of the other. Express each line briefly and in the character's unique voice. Look for similarities and differences between the characters. When you complete this step, you will have two sets of universal statements-and you may have learned something new about your characters in the process.
S. Integrate universal statements. Review the universal statements you wrote. Which of these can be integrated into the scene so that they heighten the dialogue without interrupting the dramatic action? How seamlessly can you accomplish this?
Try to blend some of these statements into the plot specifics of the scene. As you do this, keep in mind who is saying this to whom, how these characters each feel, what they are each thinking about, what they each want, and why the speaker is saying this here and now.
WRAP-UP
Continue looking for opportunities to add impact to your dialogue by weaving in universal statements that speak to the audience on a higher level. As a follow-up exercise, pick up a favorite play or screenplay. Read a scene with the two levels of dialogue in mind-plot-specific and universal-and see what you can learn.
THE QUICK VERSION
Refine the dialogue of a scene through technical analysis
BEST TIME FOR THIS
During the final stages of editing
SPEAKING, TECHNICALLY SPEAKING
Dialogue includes what your characters say, what they don't say, and what they hear as they listen. These activities can be so emotionally charged and can unfold in so many unique ways that no rules of diction will always hold up. Nevertheless, certain basic principles of dialogue are usually at work in most dramatic scenes. These principles govern to some degree how lines operate and connect, what patterns they form, and what impact they have on the mood and action of the scene.
From a technical viewpoint, for example, dialogue helps set the pace for what's happening. Short speeches move the story at a faster pace and force the characters to keep interacting. Long speeches slow the action down and isolate the characters in their words. For most writers, short speeches work better than long ones. Short speeches are especially important for comedy and for times of tension. Long speeches work best for special moments where extraordinary or serious ideas are being revealed or where poetry is elevating the language above ordinary speech. For best results, vary the pace and rhythms of language throughout the scene.
ABOUT THE EXERCISE
This exercise asks you to step out of a scene you have completed and look at it from a technical viewpoint so that you can see the "bones" of the lines: the word choices, sentence constructions, line lengths, and speech patterns that fuel the talking and listening of your characters. This more detached viewpoint can help you look at the dialogue analytically and refine its performance. The terms speech and line are used interchangeably and refer to whatever one character says at one time. It may be as short as a word or phrase and can sometimes run on for more than a page, depending on the complexity and importance of the message.
SUGGESTIONS FOR EDITING DIALOGUE
The following technical guidelines can help you through the later stages of editing. Review these suggestions within the context of your unique writing style and script, and remember that they reflect principles worth considering, not rules which must always be obeyed. That said, many dramatic writers have found these tips helpful in crafting great dialogue:
I. Express one idea per speech. Each time your characters open their mouths, let one-and only one-thought come out. This approach forces the characters to keep interacting, and helps make the content clear and crisp. It can feel awkward when two or more ideas have been worked into the same speech. Review the lines of your scene to see if any seem too complicated. You may need to trim content or use more exchanges to explore
it.
2. Save the best for last. Just as drama builds to a climax, a line of dialogue builds to the most important word or words in it. By putting the operative part at the end, you force the other character-and us-to listen to the full line in order to grasp what's being said. This approach also lets the listener respond immediately to what matters most.
Suppose Jack says, "If it weren't for the money, I would never have agreed to be here doing something like this." And Jill says, "What money?" The word that explains Jack's motivation and prompts Jill's response is "money." When he is one third through his line, she wants to react, but must wait artificially through the rest of the line before she can do so. This delay can be avoided by switching the construction of Jack's line to read "I would never have agreed to be here doing something like this if it weren't for the money."
As you edit your scene, know what matters most in each speech and triggers a response. Try to keep these cues at or near the ends of the lines. This approach will build a strong stimulus-response pattern through the scene and help keep it from feeling wordy and slow.
3. Balance everyday and elevated language. Depending on your story, genre, and voice as a writer, your dialogue may be totally realistic or totally poetic. Most of the time, however, a blend of the two works best. Too much ordinary language can make the story feel flat. Too much extraordinary language can make it difficult to follow or believe. Even if you are writing a realistic scene, look for opportunities to use metaphors and similes to bring poetry to the lines, let your characters soar during special moments, and say more with fewer words. A "metaphor" is a word picture that compares one thing to another and may be either stated ("You are a mule") or inferred ("Stop braying at me"). A simile does the same thing, but uses the words like or as ("You sound like a mule").
4. Stay true to the world of the story. Your characters exist in a certain place, time, and culture. Know what terms, idioms, and references fit this world. If the story is realistic and takes place in 2001, for example, a character might use a little "down time" to put on some "rap music," visit a "chat room," and meet a vet from "Nam." If the story is realistic and takes place in 1951, however, the use of such expressions would be jarring and weaken the authenticity of the story's world. Check your dialogue for any anachronisms or inaccurate historical references. Do research if anything is in question.
5. Stay true to the emotional landscape of the scene. A dramatic story is primarily an emotional experience. We don't learn the story. We live it. The dialogue serves this experience by giving us access to the emotional lives of the characters. We often learn more by how characters express themselves than by what they actually say. Look at your dialogue from an emotional angle to see if the word choices, sentence constructions, and speech rhythms match how your characters feel. If they are angry or nervous, for example, are they speaking in a way that-for them-is angry or nervous? Try to avoid writing stage directions to the actor about how the lines should be delivered. A good test of your dialogue is to see how it reads with all of the stage directions removed.
6. Use the "rule of three" for important details. Dialogue is heard, not read, so we can't go back and review it if we missed or forgot what someone said. When a critical fact is being communicated, you can stress its importance by thinking in threes. Suppose that Mr. Godot, an offstage character being discussed now, will be key to action later in the story. Since we never see Mr. Godot in this scene, we may not remember him later if he has only been mentioned once. Why does it work to state something three times? Stating a fact once may not be enough to make it stand out; saying it twice feels like a mistake; and saying it four or more times feels redundant. Of the facts presented in your scene, which will matter most later in the story? Would any of these benefit now from the rule of three?
7. Unleash verb power. Good diction relies more on verbs of doing than verbs of being. Verbs of doing-such as tiptoe, squeeze, and kiss-suggest movement and change. Verbs of being-such as is, are, and were-describe passive states. Too many verbs of being will make the dialogue feel weak and static. Look for opportunities in your lines to transform being into action-for example, change "She isn't here now" to "She flew out the door a few minutes ago."
8. Avoid repetition unless it's for dramatic effect. Selective repetition of words or lines can be a powerful way to stress information, stir emotions, or heighten mood in a dramatic story. Most of the time, however, repetition feels like a mistake. Try to say things well the first time so you don't need to say them again. When a topic must be revisited for the sake of the story, it's usually best not to repeat the same exact words. Look for different ways to express the same information-for example, use synonyms and different language constructions.
9. Trim the fat. The last step of the revision process is to see what else can be cut to heighten-not diminish-the dramatic power of the scene. Look first for any unnecessary lines that remain and then for unnecessary words within lines. Be especially wary of the following types of dialogue:
• Lines that don't advance the action, such as "What?" "What do you mean?" "What are you saying?" and "Tell me that again." Look for listener interjections that only break up a long speech-for example, "And then what?" "Really?" "No kidding!" and "What happened after that?" If the speech is overwritten, you may be tempted to compensate for its length by having the listener interrupt to make comments here and there. Instead, get rid of the commentary and shorten the speech.
• Lines that only set up or announce other lines, such as "Tell me all about it," "Listen carefully, I'm going to explain something to you now," and "You want to hear something funny?" Don't labor to set it up. Just do it.
• Lines that needlessly echo the previous line. If the character asks, "When did Jill decide to leave Jack and start running around with that liquor dealer from Chicago?" the response doesn't need to be "Leave Jack and start running around with that liquor dealer from Chicago? I thought she and Jack just got engaged." The reply can simply be "I thought she and Jack just got engaged."
• Words that slow down the stimulus-response pattern. A character may sometimes say something that seems out of the blue and is a delayed response to an earlier stimulus. Most of the time, however, characters respond immediately to what has sparked their interest or need. A lot of excess wordage can be found by knowing what each line really answers. Look again at what triggers each speech and remove any remaining deadwood between the stimulus and its response. Make sure the operative words are usually at or near the ends of the lines.
• Words that only take up space, such as "Well, "Anyway," and "As I was saying" at the beginning of a line, or unnecessary details or excessive description during the line. A lot of revising consists of piecemeal trimming: getting rid of a word here and a phrase there until only the essential words remain. As you do this, remember that characters don't have to speak in complete sentences and seldom address each other in paragraphs. Sometimes a sentence fragment, phrase, or even a single word will better fit the emotional life that the actor will bring later to the line.
WRAP-UP
When you are first developing a dramatic scene, the last thing you need to think about is how long the speeches are or where the operative words fall within them. Your story will be best served if your focus during writing is on your characters and the dramatic events they create and experience as they act to satisfy their needs.
Before you send out your script, however, your dialogue may benefit from some technical analysis and editing. By looking at the bones of the lines and seeing where you can refine, rearrange, trim, and cut language, you can create a more powerful blueprint for the actors who will bring your story to life.
Story is what happens when a character tries to accomplish something that is not only extremely important but also extremely difficult. The struggle to achieve this goal triggers a chain of events that challenges, reveals, and often changes the character. Use the exercises in this section to help you explore the roots of the dramatic j
ourney, develop an effective throughline, and get a clear big-picture view of the story so that you can better understand what it's really about.
THE QUICK VERSION
Choose a character focus for your story: single, dual, or group protagonist
BEST TIME FOR THIS
During story planning or any time you are not sure whose story you are writing
FIGURING OUT WHO MATTERS MOST
Choosing a character focus for a dramatic story is one of the most fundamental and important decisions a writer makes. Sometimes the choice is easy-an inherent part of the story concept-and other times it is a challenge that requires a lot of thinking and rethinking. In some cases, the writer gets distracted and begins to develop the script without really deciding whose story it is. In other cases, a choice is made but gets muddied as the details of story ideas begin to flow. For example, the writer sets out to write one character's story and ends up writing another's.
In the universe of dramatic possibilities, a story may center on one main character, two main characters, or more-even a whole group-depending on the nature and scope of the story concept. Each approach has its own unique set of dimensions and issues. In the end, what matters most is that the writer has made a clear choice about which approach to develop and whom to spotlight within it.
ABOUT THE EXERCISE
Use this exercise to help you define a character focus for the story you are working on now. You also may wish to use this exercise during the writing and editing process if you feel that the character focus has become unclear.
DIFFERENT WAYS TO CENTER A STORY
Will your story focus on the dramatic journey of one, two, or more characters?
I. Single protagonist. From Hamlet by William Shakespeare, to Wit by Margaret Edson, to Doubt by John Patrick Shanley, the vast majority of dramatic stories have focused on the quest of one main character-whether it's a prince of Denmark who has seen a ghost, an English scholar dying of cancer, or a nun running a Catholic school in the Bronx.