Atonement

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by J H Cardwell


  The scenery was beautiful from Winston-Salem to Danbury, miles of winding roads with tons of Mountain Laurel making a beautiful backdrop for the landscape. The fall leaves were rainbows of yellow, red, and orange…spectacular! I was a little leery of hiking through the woods. Mostly I was afraid of snakes! I heard there were rattlesnakes in these woods, and I wasn’t sure I could sleep later on for wondering if one might try to slither into our tent during the night.

  We hiked to the waterfalls; they were gorgeous, and COLD! Trying to climb the slick rocks like Tate had, I slipped right into the creek, soaking both feet (tennis shoes and socks) through to my ankles. At first I was shocked, and everyone was silently waiting to see how I would handle it. Then we all started laughing hysterically. Leave it to me to be the clumsy one. The air was chilly, and I quickly became a little miserable. Tate carried me on his back down the mountain, while I begged him over and over to ‘put me down’!

  Once I changed socks and shoes (I happened to have brought another pair), we set our picnic out on a wide, wooden bridge suspended between two mountains overlooking another set of waterfalls. The view was breathtaking. We took pictures of each other as couples standing in front of the railings. I also caught Tate taking still shots of me looking over the bridge. No telling what the last pictures looked like with my ever-changing expressions.

  He came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. Then he swept my hair to the side and began nuzzling my neck. His soft lips and musky scent were intoxicating.

  “Hey,” he whispered. “What are you in deep thought about over here?” He asked between stealing kisses on my jawline.

  “Mmmm, just how happy I am to be here with you, and experiencing this,” I said as I tilted my head out over the lush forest.

  Turning me around, he kissed my lips, “Dance with me,” he said. Grabbing my hand, he pulled me into a tight embrace. We had our iPhone playing music. “Someone Like You” by Adele was sweeping light lyrics over us. I loved having his firm body pressed tightly against mine. I was sure I could feel how much he liked dancing like this with me. He pulled back slightly, and looking directly into my eyes he said “I love you Reese,” and kissed me on the lips slow and seductively. I got lost in his kiss. His wet lips slipped over mine like they fit perfectly. The feel of his teeth when grazing over my bottom lip brought out tingling, electric impulses all over my body. I instantly got chills.

  After we sat back down on the blanket for another glass of wine, Elle and Finn were finishing joking about something stupid one of the other players had done at one of the away games. I was utterly content with being with my boyfriend and best friend. Tate scooted closer to me and pulled me onto his lap and started tickling me.

  “There you are with that serious look again. I had to lighten your mood.” He said still tickling me.

  “Ahh, stop” I was laughing between yells. “You’re going to knock over my wine.” I was laughing so hard, I couldn’t breathe. When he finally stopped I caught my breath, and laughing, I smacked his arm. He pulled me tighter and whispered in my ear, “I can’t wait to get you in our tent tonight,” and he drew in a long, slow breath. I suddenly felt his arousal underneath me. I couldn’t wait to spend some alone time with Tate either, but I was nervous too.

  Elle and Finn, probably feeling a little uncomfortable, stood up clearing their throat, and took off for a walk. They strolled away hand in hand…Elle leaning her head on Finn’s shoulder and each with a glass of wine in their hands.

  Tate turned to me with a little smirk on his face. “I guess we embarrassed them with our heavy petting,” he said playfully grabbing my breasts.

  “Tate!” I grabbed his wandering hand.

  Seconds later he had me on my back, laying his long, strong body on top of mine. “Reese, how did I get so lucky to have you? I can’t believe we’ve made it so far, and through so much.” Then he started kissing my neck and moving slowly up to my mouth. His hands were kneading my hips and my backside. He whispered, “I love you so much.” Then our lips meeting, turned slowly to a long, sensual caress of our tongues. He kissed the sides of my mouth and I grabbed his tongue with my teeth. He let out a low moan. Our breathing was changing quickly. Suddenly we heard sticks popping behind us.

  I said, “Tate…we better stop before…”

  “Are y’all decent?” Finn hollered out, and we both sat up quickly. “Hey man, come down here. I want to show you this cool rock hangover.” Tate looked at me and mouthed “later” and squeezing my hand took off toward Finn. Elle came and sat beside of me, giggling.

  “It’s a cool rock cliff; you should check it out too.” She said grinning at me and winked. I knew she was kidding me about Tate and me getting heated. She playfully knocked my shoulder with hers, and we were both laughing. Then we heard a phone vibrating. We were laughing and searching around the blanket for it, and found a phone underneath one side of the picnic basket.

  “It’s Tate’s,” and picking it up, I couldn’t help but read the name on the screen…Lisa Davis. What the hell! Of course I didn’t answer it, but then her voicemail popped up. Shit.

  “Elle, that was Lisa. Why the hell would she be calling?” I said wondering when she would try to show up in Tate’s life again, I guess I just got my answer.

  “She’s probably bored to death, her husband being in jail and all. Damn her Reese. You should check the voicemail,” she whispered encouragingly. I was thinking the same thing. So, I did…cringing the whole time. Then, I wish I hadn’t. Her message said: ‘Tate, it was good to hear from you. I have missed you, and your touch. When are you coming back through town? Or can I come to you? Call me’.

  I was frozen. Elle gasped, she had heard it too. “Reese, what in the hell does she mean? I know, check his call log.”

  “Here you do it, I can’t”, and I threw Elle his phone. “I can’t believe this”, I said feeling sick all of a sudden.

  Elle checked his call times and dates. “Dang Reese. He’s talked with her at least once a week for several weeks now. Or at least she has called him, and it doesn’t show up as a missed call. So he must have answered them. I guess he didn’t think to delete the calls. There aren’t any more voicemails listed though, so he must have erased those, if there were any.”

  My head was spinning. I couldn’t believe this. Why had Tate kept this from me? And what was that comment about his touch? Ugh!

  We were so caught up in discussing Lisa that we didn’t hear the guys walk up. “Elle, why do you have Tate’s phone?” Finn seemed confused. We were speechless. Why couldn’t we think of something like, ‘we wanted to play music’ or ‘we were just looking at the time’?

  “Your phone rang…we heard it vibrating.” I couldn’t look at Tate. I was staring down at the ground. “It was a very important call.”

  “What’s wrong Reese? What do you mean important?” Elle, looking pissed, tossed him his phone. With a confused look, he started going through his calls. Then his expression changed. He suddenly looked terrified and pale.

  Tate looked up at me “Reese, I can explain…just… give me a minute. It’s not what it seems like,” Tate said, looking wide-eyed.

  I was silent. I really didn’t want to have this conversation in front of Elle and Finn. I was still looking at the ground when he came up near me. He touched my shoulder. I jerked away. He seemed worried I would jump at him or something. He was near me, but off to the side “Reese, are you okay? Can we talk about this?”

  I finally looked at Tate “No Tate, not right now…but we have a lot to discuss…in private.” I glanced at both Elle and Finn. They seemed to be worried too. I was calm and cool on the outside, but on the inside I was boiling mad.

  “Oh…Okay Reese. Um, let’s set up our tent and then we can get settled in. I promise you’ll understand once we can talk about this.” Tate was antsy and stuttering a little. I wasn’t sure I even wanted to stay here…in the mountains with Tate. But, I also knew that wouldn’t be fair to Elle and Finn. I fig
ured Elle would let Finn in on all I had learned, and about what Lisa had said in her voicemail.

  The mood had changed abruptly. It seemed we were all on a mission to get set up, and be alone as couples. Finn shook his head a lot at Tate. It seemed to me like he was saying ‘damn man, you screwed up.’ I was sure he already knew what Lisa and Tate were up to, but I would find out the real deal soon. After all was complete, and we had another near silent hike to another waterfall, it was time to wind down at our makeshift campsite. We had a small fire outside the two tents, and were making sure everything was put away when Tate walked up behind me. He slid his arms around my waist and put his mouth close to my ear. I could feel how tense his body was.

  “Reese, are you ready to go in our tent now? I think we need to talk.” Tate was obviously trying to get me to be alone with him.

  I looked right in to his eyes. “Oh, I can assure you it will only be to talk Tate.” My words came out a hiss. He dropped his head and shook it lightly.

  “Okay Reese, I get it.” He seemed ultimately defeated. His romantic evening suddenly shot all to hell. Well good I thought…this is all your fault Tate Justice.

  It was dark now, and the flickering of the fire outside our tent gave a mysterious hue to the night sky. I wasn’t sure I was ready to hear Tate’s explanation, but I needed to know the truth.

  We were sitting in the tent, on a large sleeping bag that Tate had spread out to make a double, maybe even a queen size bed (although much harder). Tate was staring at me, I’m sure wondering what I was thinking, and how he would get out of this new predicament.

  I hadn’t said a word. He reached over and grabbed my hand… I reluctantly let him.

  “Play the message Tate…I want us to listen to it together.” I broke the silence. I hadn’t meant to, but I wanted him to tell me what Lisa meant by her words. I needed to hear directly from him why she would say such a magnitude of crap.

  He did play it, and afterwards his face turned white. The message sounded twice as bad the second time around too, especially on speaker phone. “Oh God Reese…I’m so sorry. I can imagine how that sounded…I…I had no idea she had said that.” He was searching my face, my eyes “First of all, she’s so lonely, and I guess she calls to check up on me and wants to keep up with what I’m doing. Maybe it gives her another purpose.” I had to be looking at him like he had three heads. Really? I couldn’t believe this was his tactic.

  “Seriously Tate, you know how bad this looks, and this is what you’re starting with…Lisa is lonely? For God sakes, I know she’s lonely, I also know she has the hots for you, and I know she wants us to break up. But, more importantly, I also know she says she enjoys your touch? What the hell is that supposed to mean? And, why didn’t you tell me before now?” I was fuming. I was sad and angry and hurt all rolled in to one.

  “Reese, you know about my agreement with her this summer. She told me all about Tony (my date rapist’s father who ended up killing his own son) and what he did, but not without me promising to help her and be there for her…that’s all this is. I have no idea what she means by my touch…I swear! I can only think that is the first time she has ever left a message, maybe she wanted you to hear. Maybe she was drunk. Hell if I know, but I’m sorry you think I have or would ever touch her since the first day I met you.” Tate was standing by me now. I had tears in my eyes. He grabbed my shoulders and begged me to look at him. I was too busy staring at the ground. He lifted my chin, so our eyes would meet.

  There was a long pause while we stared at each other. Then he picked up his phone, only moving his eyes from mine for a brief second. Then while looking in to my eyes again I heard his phone on speaker dialing someone. Lisa picked up. I sucked in an audible deep breath. “Lisa, I’m sorry I haven’t called you back in a while…I’ve been swamped with baseball”, Tate said his eyes still locked on mine. “I got your voicemail from earlier. Listen, I hope you’re doing okay, but I don’t think it’s a good idea that we talk again.” Lisa tried to butt in but Tate quickly said “I wasn’t quite sure what you meant by the statement that you missed my touch, but Lisa, you know that hasn’t happened in nearly two years. So, I don’t think you should say that. Besides, I don’t think Reese would appreciate it if she heard you say that.” My eyes were softening to Tate’s. I couldn’t believe he was telling her this. He had her on speaker, so she could say anything. He didn’t seem nervous, just upset. “So, I’m glad I could be your sounding board in the past few months, but I love Reese, and I’m sure you understand that right?” Tate asked.

  “Tate, wait, I just wanted to see if I could see you sometime…I…I miss you…please!” Lisa begged but Tate ended the call. “I’m sorry Lisa, but I’m glad you’re okay. I’m sure Josh, (Carter’s older brother), could help you out if you need it okay?” He pressed end and threw the phone on the side of the tent.

  I threw myself at him, wildly. I was kissing him, rubbing him, needing him… “Reese, I’m going to regret this, but I think I need to talk about this.” He pushed me back gently. “I love you, I don’t want Lisa…only you. Please tell me you understand that. I don’t want you to question this…ever.” I nodded my head slowly. I was amazed at this man in front of me.

  “Okay Tate. I get it. It just sounded so awful, I know you would feel…” Tate cut me off.

  “I would kill someone…well, I would kick his ass first, then ask questions second.” He had a light chuckle, but I knew he meant it. “Now kiss me,” he said, pulling me to him.

  We had a sensually pleasurable evening in our tent. I loved kissing and snuggling with Tate. He was still respecting my boundaries, but it was getting harder and harder. This experience of being in our own tents was definitely one of the hardest. But it helped that we knew Elle and Finn could hear every word we said out loud, not to mention other noises.

  After we were settled in, spooning each other on our sleeping bag, and Tate breathing deep and slow in my ear…because he was sleeping, I texted Elle. It was just a simple text from my tent to hers that all was okay in the Tate and Reese saga. She sent me back a smiley face, and the words ‘Thank God’.

  I loved and trusted Tate with my all; however, it was Lisa and the other tramps I knew I would have a hard time with.

  he months flew by. Tate and I saw each other as much as possible, although as much as possible wasn’t nearly enough. He was always practicing, and I was always studying. My major had finally been decided. I wanted to be an anesthesiologist. I knew I loved medicine, but this was a major that would be very lucrative as well, just many more years of college. I could do it though; I was sure….right, wasn’t I? After all, Wake Forest had a great program in that area of medicine. Although, once I had gotten into it by second semester, I realized I would have to move away for a year of residency. However, I could do a large portion of my main residency at Wake Forest Baptist Hospital if I got accepted into that program.

  Tate had single handedly (along with his sidekick, Finn) kicked ass during all of their scrimmages. He truly was amazing at baseball. He had a skill most players could only dream of. I was so proud!

  We had managed to make it through the first half of our first year of college. I found a way to avoid most parties (I loved Tate too much to worry the whole time I was there). I also had ignored every single guy thus far who had volunteered to walk me to my classes, or to call me later (even though I never once had given them my number to call). There were a lot of cute, smart guys at Wake, but not one held a candle to my Tate. The only other person that ever even remotely made my heart flutter just a little, (okay, a lot), was John. He was my quick innocent fling at Emerald Isle beach. I‘d been broken up with Tate for a few short weeks when I met John. He was my beach god. My gorgeous, dark haired, blue-eyed, sculpted muscles, RICH beach god. He had quickly taken to me, a serious problem, since I had gotten back with Tate only a day later. John however had taken a while to give up on the fact that I could never be with him because I was in love with Tate.

  Luck
ily, I hadn’t heard from him, not once since coming to Wake Forest in August. It was now March. I missed his presence, but I was thankful he had moved on…I think. What was I thinking, of course I was thankful. I loved Tate and Tate alone. Right?! Actually, if I were honest, I would have to say a tiny sliver of my heart went to John, and the fact that he was completely smitten (Chloe’s word) with me. But for the sake of good intentions, I hadn’t heard from him in a few months now. The threat that he would pop up at any time was…a little scary (and exhilarating, all at the same time). After all, he only lived about an hour away in downtown Charlotte. His father kept him extremely busy, thankfully, with his oil empire…Rider Industries.

  Tate had had a nice break over the holidays from baseball. But practice had started back with a bang. Their games were now in full swing. It had been freeing to be able to spend SO much time with my man. We even went home together at Christmas. I was able to spend time at my parents and at Tate’s parents. We are blessed to have both sets in the same town…makes things much easier. The best part was seeing Maura and Chloe again. We hadn’t been separated that long…ever. So, we made plans to have a girl’s week during Spring break in April. Elle’s dad had given us four round trip tickets to anywhere!! It was some perk he had with his current job, free plane tickets. We decided to use them when we would all be out of school during spring break. And we might as well use them for the longest distance we could think of…California. That would be a cross country trip for us, but La Jolla was calling our name. I couldn’t wait!

 

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