She rummaged through drawers and cabinets, emerging after a few minutes with a box of corn meal and a can of small salad shrimp. She couldn’t tell by the stamp on the can, but she had a sneaking suspicion that the shrimp was bad.
She closed her eyes for a second. Please, have something in the fridge. She turned and eyed the old metal handle on the green fridge, gripping the handle and nudging it open. Half-opening her eyes to see, she had to wait until the old light clicked on. The bright glow wasn’t the newer LED versions, but the older ones that could warm up the fridge, if left on too long.
At that moment, it wouldn’t matter if the light bulb was UVB, there was nothing inside to show. The fridge was empty. Not even a box of baking soda sat inside.
At least it was clean. Tessa was just hungry enough she might have thrown something, if it was filthy. But dirty wasn’t how Mom did things.
She leaned forward, her forehead pressing into the cool metal of the fridge. What was Tessa going to feed Nathan? She didn't have any cash. The last of their money was spent on the final gas tank to get there.
Chewing on the soft skin of her inner cheek, she looked around the kitchen anxiously. A little bit of a boon in some manner would be greatly appreciated, since she needed more time to get things figured out. With everything pulling at her, not having to worry about food would have been so nice.
A rusty-cornered recipe box with a white sticker reading “Bills” on the front sat next to the fridge. Great, was Tessa going to be stuck with leftover bills from her mom, too? That would exactly fit Jillian and her mannerisms with money.
Tessa turned to the side, her hip resting on the edge of the counter and slowly opened the box. The front bills all had red stamps declaring “overdue”, “late”, and “delinquent”.
Frustration welled in Tessa's chest, forcing tears she’d been fighting out her eyes. She turned and braced her hands on the edge of the counter and shook her head. Why? Why was she also expected to pay for her mom's stuff when she couldn't even stay on top of hers?
She pressed the back of her hand to her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut. She was trying. She was trying so hard. When would she catch a break? What was she going to tell Nathan? Sorry, buddy, Mommy and Grandma have no idea how to manage money so you get to go to bed hungry tonight. Not mother-of-the-year stuff.
She crumpled the few envelopes she had pulled out of the box and shoved them back on the counter, pushing everything against the backsplash. After a second, Tessa lifted her head.
Jillian always kept emergency cash in the freezer. Had that changed?
Holding her breath, Tessa opened the top drawer and looked inside the ice box. A lot of collected frost added a thick layer of ice to the inside all but eliminating any real significant shapes or angles. Tucked in the back, a small Tupperware box sat in the corner with its own ice chunks holding it in place.
Pulling the box out, Tessa shallowly breathed as she opened the lid, cracking the brittle plastic when the lid pulled up half way. About five $100 bills were folded and thrown inside.
Tessa leaned against the fridge and slid down until her rear end hit the floor. For a second, her angry tears turned to streams of relieved anguish. The bump came at just the right time and shored up her mood. For just a minute, she felt like she wasn’t drowning.
With just one of the bills she and Nathan could run down to the small store and grab some food. They could make it an adventure. There was probably enough money to buy groceries for the next few weeks.
Thanks, Mom.
A beep on her phone pulled her from the moment. She had a message. But... She didn’t have any friends to text. Who was messaging her?
“We filled your position. There's no need to come back in. We won't have anything for you. We will send your final check to your mailing address on file.” Her boss at the restaurant she worked at for the past seven years. Who fired someone with a text message?
Her shoulders slumped forward. What was she supposed to do? She’d have to get the classifieds out while she was home. She was still waiting on that apartment. A blinking icon on her phone insisted she had a voicemail. When had she gotten a phone call? Maybe when she unloaded the truck and had to leave the phone on the counter.
She didn't recognize the number. Her boss might have called to say the text message was an accident. Or maybe... Maybe she had gotten the apartment! She needed something good to happen. Something... anything at this point.
Dialing the voicemail, she punched in her password when prompted. Crossing her fingers, she waited breathlessly. A very curt no to the apartment left her blinking back more tears.
The call ended with her slowly lowering the phone and leaning her head against the fridge. She got help in the form of hidden cash and then she was left with nothing.
No apartment to go back to. No job to pay for anything anyway.
Would she be stuck living at her mom's house? That was all she had at the moment. She wasn’t sure who handled those things, but maybe she at least had the apartment and the bar. Or... maybe it would just come with more bills and debt.
One good step forward, fifty-three shoves back.
How could she have come full circle only to end up right back where she started?
Chapter 4
JJ
Next morning dawned early with a soft spring breeze that would burn off by lunch. JJ drank his fourth cup of coffee and his hands shook a little as he put the cup down. It wasn’t from the caffeine.
Nerves had taken hold and he wished he had hiccups instead of sweaty palms. Before leaving the office, he turned his Open sign around to show Closed and he ran back for one more sip of coffee. Headed downstairs, he decided to go back into his office to use the restroom. Too much coffee provided plenty of opportunities for procrastination.
As if he’d arrived there by blinking, JJ suddenly found himself standing at the back door of the bar. A small faded Honda sedan nudged the walking space behind the building and JJ glanced at it a couple times, wondering if it was Tessa’s.
He stood at the back door for quite a while, staring at the scratched brass knob.
Going through the bar wouldn’t be appropriate since it had been closed since Jillian was found. Plus... while he had a key, Tessa lived there now and JJ didn’t want to insinuate himself into her space.
Jillian’s death had sucker punched him. She hadn't only been his business partner. She had become his friend, both of them initially united because of Tessa’s flight. In her early 50s, she had been a spitfire. A blunt woman with a heart of titanium – altogether strong, rare, and sweet – she’d been more of an outsider in their community which she’d been fine with. While she’d been fine, JJ hadn’t. He’d wanted so many times to point out that she did more for Bride than anyone realized.
More than once, JJ had witnessed Jillian offering a free meal to someone down on their luck, either a resident of Bride or someone just passing through. He’d asked her why once when she was usually treated with disdain by neighbors and other people of the community. Her reply? “I’m not sure if or when Tessa will be in need. I just hope someone out there is watching out for her in whatever way they can.”
JJ hadn’t looked at anyone the same after that. He’d watched for possible need and he’d chased after a chance to meet it with the same mindset. Wherever Tessa had been, he didn’t want her to be in need. Not if he could do something to help.
Now... she was here. In town. Yards away with just a door or two separating them. Tessa. She’d arrived but only after her mom had passed away. After all those years, maybe she’d changed. Maybe she wasn’t the same woman who had left.
He reached out and touched the cool handle and then pulled back. He wasn’t ready. Talking with Tessa would be hard, especially since she had no idea how close Jillian and JJ had become. They'd been close friends and that might cause Tessa to become suspicious or think he had ulterior motives. He wasn’t sure what she would do with the knowledge but he didn’t like the idea
that she wouldn’t be comfortable with it.
He actually was okay with that.
Accepting the fact that he wouldn’t mind if Tessa was a little uncomfortable after leaving him like she did, he finally reached out and knocked on the glass of the back door. After a few minutes of scanning the parking lot and only coming up with weeds, gravel, and the sedan, he rapped his knuckles on the window again.
The sound of feet running down the stairs to the right of the door had him taking a deep breath. Okay, here it goes. He didn't have enough time for a pep talk – that time was over.
He looked forward, hoping to have his expression ready for Tessa but he wasn't sure how to look. Did he put on a pleasant smile? Did he maintain professionalism? Too late, door was opening, so he settled on a salesman smile with, of course, too many teeth showing.
The door opened completely and JJ looked around, his too-bright smile faded as he realized nobody was there. What was this? A haunted tavern because Jillian hadn’t finished something?
A small boy cleared his throat. He reached out and tugged on JJ’s arm. “I'm down here.” The voice was sweet and impatient all at once.
JJ blinked, turning a startled expression towards the boy. He took in the dark, sloppy hair which fell into the child’s eyes that he pushed back as if it was an afterthought. Large brown eyes gazed up at JJ with curiosity.
Standing there in silence, JJ couldn’t believe the boy was his son. Of course, he was though. He could’ve been looking at a walking version of his school picture at that age.
He struggled with what to say. Hi, I'm your father didn’t seem appropriate. He didn't even know what the boy's name was.
Tessa had completely blocked him out. The constant anger JJ had wrestled with for the last seven years bubbled inside him. She’d never even told Jillian about the child.
JJ covered his emotions as he knelt to gain eye level with the boy. His dark, tussled hair had slight curls in it, a lot like JJs. JJ swallowed, resting his hands between his bent knees. “Hi, there, is your mom here?”
The boy’s serious expression split into a smile. He motioned toward the stairs. “Yeah, she's upstairs. We are in a really cool apartment. Have you ever been here?”
His engaging smile tripped up JJ’s confidence. JJ nodded, but the movement was jerky. “Yeah, I have been over here. I'm glad you like it.” He stepped inside and out of the way of the door’s reach.
The boy shrugged. Closing the door behind JJ, he pointed up the stairs. “Yeah, it's just sad how it happened though. My mom's mom died. I guess that makes her my grandma, but I never met her.” He walked a few steps ahead of JJ. Halfway up the stairs, he turned, his eyebrows furrowed. “Did you know your grandma?”
JJ smiled in understanding. “I did know her. She was an awesome woman.”
The boy nodded his head softly. His shoulders hunched forward and he returned to climbing up the stairs. “That's what I thought. Grandmas are supposed to be awesome.” They reached the top of the stairs and JJ was relieved to see nothing had change since his last visit with Jillian a little more than two weeks before.
There were a lot of places for Tessa to hide in the apartment, but if she had sent her son down to open the door, she was either in the bathroom or in the small kitchen to the right of the living room. Unless of course she was in one of the bedrooms and didn’t know someone had knocked. JJ didn't want to think of her in an intimate setting like a bedroom.
He climbed the rest of the stairs and looked around for any sign of where she might be. His heart tripped and beat with a faster rhythm.
With the sound of her voice, his heart might as well have stopped.
“Nathan? We need to go for more groceries. Are you—” She stepped out of the bathroom, towel drying her hair. Well-fitting jeans and a tighter T-shirt showed her shape had only become more womanly. Pink painted toes peaked from beneath the hem of the snug jeans. She hadn't lost her youthful appearance and the curves of her hips had only become more feminine after childbirth.
JJ couldn't speak for a moment and that frustrated him more than he could say.
It wasn't fair that she still had an effect on him – any effect was frustrating, but that one was almost unforgivable.
As far as he was concerned, he had to stamp down any reaction to her presence and make sure it didn't happen anymore. He’d hoped deep inside his heart that he would be so anxious to see her again only to find that she meant nothing to him and everything had been hyped up in his head.
That wasn’t the case. He felt like she’d turned him upside down and dunked him in a vat of cold water and then wrapped a warm blanket around him. Those kind of tingles were both alarming and exciting. Dang her, for that.
And Nathan. The boy's name was Nathan. Tessa had named their son after JJ’s dad.
Even if she hadn’t meant to, she’d handed him more with that gesture than anything else she could’ve done – short of staying with him.
Chapter 5
Tessa
Tessa couldn’t find her hairdryer and towel drying was the closest she was going to get to managing her hair.
Seeing JJ with his broad shoulders and still trim waist under his fitted suit made her want to hide under the towel for good. She shot a glance between Nathan and the man she suddenly realized she’d never been able to forget and she tried to calm the pitter-pat of her heart beat. Nathan looked so much like his daddy. What was she thinking to leave like she had?
Leaving had been the best move for everyone. Jeremiah looked to be doing well. He wouldn’t have that, if Tessa had hung around and saddled him with a baby.
Seeing JJ standing beside his son sent the strongest twinge of remorse through her gut. She’d taken that from him. Lifting her chin, she refused to give in to the inevitable guilt and the emotional instability of being back in Bride under the circumstances she was trapped in.
Not taking her gaze off JJ, Tessa reached down to her side and snapped her fingers. The sound was sharp in the apartment. Nathan didn’t blink as he hurried to her side. Tessa didn’t watch her son as he approached. He understood when she wanted to be minded and she didn’t need words for it.
Continuing to stare at the man she’d left at the altar, she held her breath. What could he possibly want? Her stomach clenched and unclenched. She swore she wouldn’t be able to breathe if he didn't say something soon.
Why did he look so good? He was supposed to get uglier with age. If anything, the man’s good looks had only increased over time. The absolute injustice of it was overwhelming. His dark hair hadn't begun to recede as an endearing chunk fell across his forehead.
The angles of his strong jaw were enhanced with the presence of a shadow. Dang, if she didn’t want to press the tip of her index finger into the small dimple in his chin. Dark eyes watched her without judgment, just perusing her from head to toe.
She clenched her jaw. How many times had he held her and kissed her and told her she was the one? How badly had she hurt him? She had all but physically slapped him in the face when she’d left him. The pain in her stomach took a different turn and she subconsciously dug her fist into the soft spot above her jean waist band.
Admitting that the sight of Nathan standing beside his father had almost undone her would never happen. She lifted her chin. She had to harden her heart against seeing him and the things he did to her insides.
Tessa had walked away from her chance with him. She took a deep breath. Keep things professional, Tess. “What can I do for you?” She furrowed her brow and finally looked toward the door. “How did you get in?” Was it obvious that she didn’t understand what was going on? Hopefully, he couldn’t tell how much his presence affected her.
No man needed that much knowledge of power.
JJ pointed down the stairs and glanced at Nathan. “The man of the house let me in.” His voice was still the same husky rough tone she'd always thought belonged in a Western song.
Tessa ran her fingers through her thick, damp hair an
d pushed away from the safety of the bathroom, heading toward the couch. She couldn’t show her weaknesses around him. She couldn’t...
Motioning in the general direction of the empty cushions of the longer piece of furniture, she smiled brightly as she claimed a spot in front of the short loveseat. “Well, come in. What do I owe for this visit?” She had just gotten into town and there he was, less than twenty-four hours later.
Of course, Tessa had Aunt Suki to thank for that. Stupid small town.
She inhaled, keeping her gaze trained on JJ, even though she wanted to eye Nathan. She would definitely add to his list of don’ts – answering the door for strangers when Mom didn’t tell him he could. She couldn’t be mad at him, because, of course, he hadn’t known any better.
Inclining his head, he stuck his hands into the pockets of his well-fitted slacks and turned halfway, glancing at Nathan and then facing Tessa again. His eyes were soft which only irritated Tessa more. “I heard you just got into town.” He didn't move toward her, as if ignoring her invite. Nor did he take a seat on the couch. Cocking his head to the side, he watched her as if waiting for information he already had from his aunt.
Small towns sucked.
If he wouldn’t sit, neither would she. She'd be hanged before he'd stand above her. Holding a pleasant expression on her face that she hoped didn’t wilt any time soon, she nodded. “I saw your aunt. Is she the one who let you know I was here?”
“Of course.” He smiled a long, slow, lazy curl of his lips that did things to her insides even after seven years since seeing the last one. Dang that man and his mouth.
Tessa looked around, unsure of exactly what she was supposed to say. She nodded, pressing her lips together. After a moment, she eyed him. “You look official.”
And he did with his neatly pressed button-up white shirt and red and blue tie. He didn't have the normal gut men in their late 20s usually were beginning to develop. He was fit and his pants were slightly loose at the waist with a straight front that wasn’t pleated.
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