I heard his footsteps, not ready to face him. I felt his hand grasp mine as he knelt before me – my eyes grew wide as I turned to see his calmed expression.
"I think you deserve to be happy, Scarlet. Just like anyone. I may not be in the position to say these things, but you need to know you're worth it. I know how it feels to be in a relationship where you don't know why you're in it. In fact, I questioned why I lasted as long as I did with Rebecca. It was so obvious to the world that we didn't connect. But, I still doubted...thinking I didn't want to be a copy of my dad who was a womanizer. So, I get it. But you need to do what's right for you, baby. Regardless of your decision, I'll be right there."
I stared at him as I fought with every ounce of power in me, not to break down and cry on my first day. Whatever power that brought us together that day at the club clearly wanted me to be happy. Maybe Jaxson would be able to help me overcome my inner struggles.
I nodded.
"Thanks, Jaxson."
"Anything for you Scarlet."
I stood up, walking behind our chairs and knelt down – placing the paperweight back onto the ground where I found it.
“What are you doing?”
“Putting it back where it belongs. On the ground. I’d throw it out, but you never know when you’ll need it to hit someone with.”
He laughed.
“What a perfect reason to keep a paperweight.” He replied. I shrugged.
“Hey. You never know. It could be helpful one day.”
We finished up with explanations and I was given my badge, access code and forms for my physical test to acquire my handgun. Jaxson had asked to see my phone for a moment. I took it out from my blazer pocket and passed it over.
"Michael will go with you then you'll head to the investigation site. If you don't understand anything or have any questions you can ask any of us. Myself, Junho and Michael are assigned to this specific case, but Christian and Ethan are always available as well. I've added all our numbers into your phone." Jaxson explained as he handed me my phone.
"Thanks. So, I'll see you later?" I questioned, wondering if we'd meet again during work or after hours.
"You're doing that thing tonight?" He replied with a question.
"I'm doing it right now. He should be sober by now. It's better to get it over with." I replied. He frowned.
“Want me to come?"
“You don't have to. You have to see Michael."
“It can wait."
“It’s work related. It’s important."
“And so are you."
We stood there for a moment, staring at each other.
"You're stubborn." I pointed out.
"So are you." He retorted.
"Fine. You can come but you don't need to come in or anything. You can wait downstairs till he leaves. It shouldn't take long." I gave in, knowing he wasn't going to take no for an answer.
"Good." He replied. I smiled, heading to the door.
"Scar."
"Yes?" I replied, reaching the door. I turned to face him; not realizing he was right behind me.
His hand wrapped around my waist as he pressed me against the black wood – looking into my eyes.
I froze; my heart pounded against my chest at the hunger in his eyes; my body hummed with desire.
"Raise your hand." He requested.
I gave him a confused look, lifting my left hand.
"What does this have to do with –" I began before his free hand gripped my wrist, gently; directing my hand to press against my lips before he leaned forward – his lips pressed onto the back of my hand.
My eyes widened at the sensation of those magical lips against my flesh, wishing my hand was my lips to get to enjoy his taste once more. I let my eyes close, enjoying the moment, feeling more confident for what I was about to do. I hoped it would be worth it.
He retreated, giving me a confident smile.
"Let's go. Time to make you a single lady."
Chapter Eleven
"Jake, we need to talk."
He glanced up from the television; his expression blank. It was a bright, sunny afternoon, and with the look on his face, I knew this wasn’t going to go well. Jaxson was downstairs waiting in the car. Michael, Junho, and Christian were apparently close by; Ethan stayed behind to finish off the background checks on a group of girls who they presumed were being targeted by Xerxes.
"There’s nothing to talk about." He mumbled as he rose to his feet.
"Excuse me?" I questioned, confused.
"Scar, you didn't come home last night, again." He began. I raised my hand, signaling him to stop.
"Jake. Don't. Cece called you and explained what happened. I already had to deal with the embarrassing situation of fainting, while working with an investigation team that had no idea about that little problem. I don't need to deal with you thinking I was elsewhere, again." I pointed out, emphasizing the fact this was the second time he had insinuated I was cheating on him.
Sure, he was technically right the first time, but Cece had sent a picture with the exact date and time of me sleeping in bed to reassure him.
"Your best friend is just covering for you." He argued.
"Covering for me. She sent you a fucking picture! Jake, this has to end. I'm not doing this anymore. We don't love each other anymore. You sure as hell don't love me. You sit on that couch every day, and at night go out to party with your friend – or should I say, girlfriend." I accused; the bitter words escaped me as I glared at him.
He froze.
"You’re my girlfriend."
Liar.
I heard that voice again – the voice from my dreams. Are those my thoughts or someone else? I know I hadn’t thought the word liar. But if I’m not thinking my thoughts, who’s thinking them for me? Maybe my consciousness is speaking to me? Warning me.
I could feel down to my bones that he was lying to me. No, it was more than that. I knew in my soul; he'd moved on to another person – whom he passionately adored. I was nothing but a stepping stool.
"How..."
He began but fell silent as we stood there facing each other. I waited – my heart ached to see some type of reaction. Maybe I wanted to see regret or sadness in those brown eyes that stared back at me.
But as I watched his blank expression and the silence continued to reign between us, I knew he had no regret. He didn't regret wasting five years of my life, and he didn't regret cheating on me. My heart felt like it was being ripped to shreds as reality finally sank into me.
Don't get angry Scarlet....nothing good happens when you get angry. I said the words to myself, but it didn’t matter…
“Yes. I’m seeing someone else…” He confessed.
I felt the anger within unleashed; my fingers trembled, yet I remained silent, staring at him.
“Scar.”
“Get out.”
His eyes widened at my order; my voice nothing but toneless – not an ounce of emotion left. I refused to let him provoke me.
“Let’s figure this out.”
“Get out.” I repeated.
“Scarlet. Listen to me! You can’t kick me out!”
“Get out Jake. This is over.” I couldn’t stop the outpouring of words. I couldn’t hold back the anger any longer.
“I clothed you. I gave you shelter when you lost everything. I give you a fucking ALLOWANCE while your ass does nothing but sit there on MY couch. I allowed you to sleep in MY bed. Everything in this fucking house was bought by ME! You have done jack SHIT the last four years! Of course, you’re just fucking some cunt ass –” My words stopped abruptly when something hit the side of the face.
I felt the sting across my cheek as the pain radiated and spread. It took me a moment to come out of my shock; my head turned to see Jake’s hand still raised. His eyes wide with anger.
“She’s not a cunt! She makes me ten times happier than you. Fuck, Scarlet; we haven’t had sex in months! Yet, you're trying to put the blame on me!” He yelled
.
“Did you just hit me?” He looked at me in shock, as if he hadn’t realized what he just did until the words left my mouth, entering the thick air around us.
The sunlight that once shone through the window disappeared, and it suddenly grew darker outside.
“I…shit Scar, I didn’t–”
“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!” The words erupted from me hotter than lava from a volcano.
“I swear to the fucking gods themselves, if you DARE come even close to me again, I’ll fucking murder you, and believe me when I say they will never find your no-good-cheating-ass remains!” The building trembled beneath the weight of my words as wind lashed against the outside of the windows. I could hear the constant noise of something beating against the glass, but my eyes were focused on the male before me. His eyes widened in shock, and his hands raised in a sign of surrender.
He backed away before darting to the door.
“You’ll regret this.” He whispered before opening the door, slamming it behind him.
I stood there, motionless. I bit my lip hard, anything to ignore the pain I felt within me.
Anger, sadness, confusion. I didn’t know which emotion hurt more; the feelings fought for dominance inside me as I continued to stare at the floor. The pain in my cheek still pulsed through me; the slap hard enough to leave a bruise.
No one had hit me since Dad. No one.
“Meow.”
My eyes noticed my little cat, sitting at my feet; those turquoise orbs looked sad as he stared up at me.
I knelt down to pet him.
“It’s just you and me buddy.” I whispered. I felt a tear roll down my aching cheek, dropping to the floor. Drip – Drop – Drip – Drop.
The tears wouldn’t stop – visible on the floor as they continued to stream down my face. Moonlight reached up on his back paws as if to encourage me to cradle him in my arms.
I pulled him into my chest before rising to my feet, walking straight to the washroom, closing the door behind me.
I pressed my back against the wall, sliding down to sit with Moonlight still in my arms. It was all the same. It felt exactly the same.
I remembered my aunt walking in – the screams and curses flowed around me. I wanted to leave. I wanted to be with my mother. She loved me. She adored me for who I was.
I felt everything I had felt that day – the pain resurfaced as if I’d opened the tiny box within me that been sealed and buried for years.
I didn’t realize I was screaming until the lights began to flicker on and off. I kicked my feet, smashing into the base of the sink over and over as I wailed.
Why am I not enough?
Why did the world take my mom away from me?
Why did my dad cheat on her?
Why did he hate me so much?
Why do I have this fucking gift?
Why do I give everything only to get nothing in return?
WHY, WHY, WHY!?
I felt so much rage, yet I was overwhelmed with confusion as the tears continued to flood down my cheeks. My head ached, the pounding so severe.
Emotions that hadn’t been released in years poured out of me as easily as water from a faucet, and I was powerless to stop them. It was a cleansing that I needed. A release my body had begged for, yet I had denied it for so long.
“Someone…help me.” I begged.
I couldn’t control these emotions anymore. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I didn’t want bad things to happen like back then, but I was so angry, sad, and heartbroken.
Maybe, Dad was right...I should just disappear.
“SCARLET.”
No one can love me wholeheartedly.
“SCARLET. Please! Open the door.”
No one will ever accept me.
“Baby, please. Open the door. Let me in.”
No one will miss me.
"Scarlet. Please."
I opened my eyes; the lights continued to flicker on and off. I looked at my palms – strange swirling marks emitted green and blue lights, glowing off my skin.
Oh, hell nah. I’ve officially lost it. Glowing hands? I tried to steady my breathing, rubbing my arms in an attempt to remove the markings that continued to shine brightly - my actions unsuccessful.
I closed my eyes, wrapping my arms around Moonlight as I began to shiver in fear. It’s just a figment of my imagination. It's all just a nightmare. I’ll wake up and everything will be back to normal.
“Scarlet please. It’s me, Jaxson. I need you to open the door. Baby, don’t let your emotions consume you. Let me in, please.”
I could hear the distress in his voice – my mind finally realized I wasn’t alone in the house.
“Jaxson.” I whispered. Moonlight jumped off my lap as I rose to open the door but as my hand reached the knob I froze.
“Scarlet?” He called out.
“I’m scared to open the door.” I confessed; my fingers trembled. I was afraid to let him in. He might do the same to me. He’d hurt me or leave me. He’d break my heart again.
“Scarlet baby. Listen to me. I know you're in a dark place right now. But I swear it, I’ll never hurt you. I vow it on my God. I’ll never hurt you. I care for you, Scarlet Sinclair. Just find it in your heart to give me a chance.” He whispered against the door.
Truth.
Again, the voice that wasn’t my own returned – the same soft melodic sound. Why was I hearing voices? More importantly, why did I believe their words?
I didn't know what was going on with me. Why could I feel the truth in every single syllable as he made his declaration; the door was the only real barrier between us. I knew deep within, he wouldn't stray from his words. He'd keep his promise. He'd never hurt me, intentionally at least.
Moonlight walked to the door, scratching at the wood as he sat down to look at me.
Guess Moonlight wants Jaxson in…or he’s just tired of me too.
"Meowwwwww." He quickly moved to my feet, rubbing his head against me. I smiled. In a dark situation, my cat seemed to try and shine some light.
It took everything in me to grasp the doorknob – finally having the courage to open it. I let my hand slip away, returning back to my side as if it had lost all its strength after fulfilling its duty. I stepped back, turning to face the sink.
I wasn't ready to look him in the face...to let him see the damage. He'd be pissed.
I heard the door creak open, closing a moment later. I stood still, closing my eyes as my head hung low. I felt so tired.
"Scarlet."
I didn't answer. I didn't know what to say; the words stuck in my throat. I knew if I opened my mouth, I'd break down.
I felt something warm press against my back – the touch made me flinch. He didn't move; allowing me to calm down. I realized he was behind me and wouldn't do anything.
"Scarlet. Turn around." He whispered. I shook my head.
"Please." He pleaded. The sadness coated his voice and tore at my heartstrings. I didn't want him to feel sad or sorry for me. I deserve this. His pity shouldn’t be wasted on someone like me.
I finally turned around; my eyes locked on the ground. My shoulders sunk as I clenched my fists. I noticed his hand reach out; the action meant with good intentions, but I couldn't help but flinch, pressing myself against the sink as I began to tremble.
He won't hurt you.
The voice in my head returned, telling me what I already knew. I knew he wouldn't hurt me. But my body wouldn't listen.
All it was concerned about was not getting hurt – not wanting to feel any more pain than that which was tearing at me from the inside out. The pain on my cheek was now a dull ache – nothing compared to the inferno that brewed within me.
"Scarlet. I won't hurt you. Please, let me see how bad it is." He whispered.
I looked up to face him; my eyes felt weak as I tried to keep my gaze on him.
I saw his eyes land on my cheek, and a deep frown formed on his lips.
I must have been out of
it – those amber eyes flickered to an orange glow and back to normal within seconds.
My eyes burned with the same stinging sensation that had been on and off for days. I rubbed my eyes. Are my tears the cause of the stinging? Is that why I’m seeing things?
“Guess I deserved it. I called his mistress or girlfriend a cunt. It took me five...five fucking years to find out he was cheating. I was so focused on school, my art, and my best friend that I couldn't see he didn't love me. I pitied him, thinking he'd have nowhere to go. I…didn't want to be alone again. I guess that worked out well." I laughed through sobs as I continued to tremble; my vision blurred from the tears that pooled in my eyes. The droplets of water fell down my flushed cheeks.
"Scarlet. You don't deserve to be hit by anyone."
"My dad hit me." I confessed, needing to tell him. He needed to understand where I was coming from.
"I was nothing but a nuisance to him. It's my fault my Mom died. I should have stopped her. I should have told her to stay with me instead of going out that winter day. Everything was my fault. That's why I deserve to be treated this way. It is my punishment for letting my mom die." I could already feel the build-up of emotions, threatening to overflow and consume me once more.
"Scarlet. Look at me." He whispered. I closed my eyes for a moment.
"Scar, baby. Please."
I looked up to face him.
"That wasn't your fault Scarlet. Did you use your own hands to kill your mother that day? No. Your father should have never taken his frustration out on you. No one should ever hit you." He stressed his last words.
"Jake did...I –"
"You don't deserve it, Scarlet. You deserve a man who will love you unconditionally. Fuck, Scar. I wish if only for just a second, you could get a glimpse of what I see. The beautiful, fierce woman who walks with confidence and will let the whole room know and feel your presence. When you dance, no one can help but watch you. When you laugh, it makes me so happy, even though I barely know you. But I want to. I want to know all about you. The happy and sad you. But I need you to know that from this day forward, no one will EVER lay a hand on you. Or I'll kill them myself."
Visionary Investigator Page 13