by Laura Acton
Everyone else was in the other room working on finding the evidence against Major Plouffe and the proof was mounting. Patch was floored by how good Blondie’s team was in ferreting out information. Their minds saw and drew connections so well. Loki was freaking amazing on that laptop—it was scary how quickly he dug up the data and paper trails.
He saw the signs of waking and quickly called out to the others. Everyone dropped what they were doing and formed a loose standing semi-circle near the foot of the bed, all attentively watching, as Dan began to regain consciousness. Blaze had warned them not to crowd too close and Alpha Team had wondered why but no one asked.
William watched closely and hoped that Daniel saw the truth now about when Sara died. He hoped Daniel could give him a chance to mend things.
Awareness seeped in around the edges of Dan’s mind. Little by little the fuzzy, aimless, adrift feeling dissipated. First, he recognized he was pleasantly warm and laying on a comfortable plush bed with soft pillows. He felt serene and safe, his body was relaxed, his mind was numb, and he felt no pain. Dan liked this place and didn’t want to leave.
Sounds filtered in next … voices, several hushed voices … he knew them, but they were too low to distinguish words. His muted world was nice, soothing, and he wished he could stay.
Eyes fluttered open.
Unfocused, blurry images started to take form.
Eyes drifted closed, not ready to leave the warmth and security of his haven.
Multiple blinks and his eyes opened again.
Ten clear faces … faces he knew.
Warmth and serenity beckoned him again … his eyes gently closed.
Gradually his eyes opened again.
Anxiety, fear, pain, concern, grief, and guilt showed on faces around him.
Brutal reality bombarded him with a vengeance.
Retreat … need sanctuary … his eyes slammed shut to block it all out.
His name was called softly.
Dan ignored it.
Pain too real—like fire beneath his skin scorched him.
Wounds so deep, forever etched into his soul, threatened to destroy him.
Terror filled his mind … it was too much.
He was so tired of being alone … so alone … he couldn’t face this alone.
Help … need a safe harbor.
Seek the one who can help … the only one who knows how to help.
Eyes opened a small fraction … just enough to search.
Find the one … the comforting one … the safe one … find Dad.
Found him.
Frightened, blue eyes opened wide … locked onto caring blue-green eyes.
Dan’s voice was that of a scared child, “Bram, help me.”
Bram stepped forward instantly at Dan’s plea for help.
Nick softly whispered to the others, “Out, out now,” as he started to shoo them out and to leave the room himself. Everyone except the General moved quickly to comply. Nick tugged the man’s upper arm and firmly pulled him from the room. Patch closed the door swiftly behind them.
“I’m here. You’re safe,” Bram crooned gently in the voice he used with his little girls when they were scared. He slowly sat down on the bed. Dan’s wildly frightened, pleading eyes never lost contact with his eyes.
Bram leaned down and carefully gathered Dan close to his chest. He nestled Dan’s head in the crook of his left shoulder with Dan’s ear directly over his heart and carefully held him. Neither moved or spoke. Bram just held on, allowing Dan to draw in the compassion and strength flowing from his steady heartbeat—letting Dan know he wasn’t alone, that he wouldn’t allow him to fall, and that he would hold on for as long as Dan needed.
After a long while, Bram felt Dan’s body start to gently shake and he felt wetness on his chest indicating Dan was silently crying. He tenderly held on as he gently rocked and whispered comforting words.
Time and the external world held no meaning to Dan. He was terrified to be alone. Emotions too painful were threatening to extinguish the last tiny flicker of his light. He had reached the end of his rope and was slowly losing his grip—about to fall. He needed someone to clip him to a safety line or he was going to plummet into the black abyss.
He’d come so close to falling into oblivion after Brody’s death. So many nights alone, always alone, sitting on the floor with the ivory-gripped cold metal pressed against his heart—wishing he could end his suffering. But he had held tightly with all his strength and listened to a voice that told him to choose the beauty of life. It hurt to live—it hurt too damned much sometimes, but each time he’d listened to Brody.
Dan couldn’t hear Brody now—he had no more strength—it was too much. The rope finally slipped from his grasp and he started to fall just as strong arms encircled him, held him secure, and kept him from falling into the void. He heard a solid, steady heartbeat that provided solace and strength. He was sheltered in a safe harbor. He wasn’t alone. Years of tears streamed down as he was gently rocked.
Bram held on as Dan released years of pain. He had no idea how much time passed. Dan eventually stilled. Bram tilted his head to look at Dan’s face—his eyes were closed, his body slack, and his breathing even. Sleep had claimed Dan and he looked so very young—so vulnerable. Bram continued to hold him—he would hold him until Dan woke. He didn’t want Dan to feel abandoned. Dan couldn’t be alone—Bram was sure Dan would fall if he was alone.
Dan slept for about thirty minutes held securely in Bram’s arms. Bram recognized when Dan awoke and softly said, “You’re safe.”
Hearing Bram and being held close, Dan sighed. He felt stronger—he didn’t have to do it alone anymore. He slowly lifted his head to meet Bram’s eyes and saw compassion and acceptance. He whispered, “Thank you for catching me.”
Bram smiled gently, “Always.” He hugged him lightly again—careful of his ribs—then gradually laid Dan back down onto the bed. “What do you need?”
“Time.”
“I’ll be here,” Bram replied. He rose, pulled a chair close to the bed, and then calmly sat down again. He placed his hand on the bed in case Dan needed a lifeline. He did—Dan lightly grasped his hand then closed his eyes again.
Dan had closed his eyes, but he wasn’t sleeping. He was starting the agonizing process of sorting his emotions.
Sometime later Bram was pulled from his thoughts when Dan’s eyes opened and Dan asked, “Why?”
Bram thought for a moment, seeking an answer that wouldn’t come. “I can’t answer that. Talk to me and let it all out. It’ll help,” Bram finally said as he squeezed Dan’s hand encouraging him.
“I thought … I believed … but it wasn’t …” Dan’s eyes welled with tears. “I don’t know how … it hurts … lost so much … so confused. If he didn’t … If he cares …Why? Why would he do what he did to me for six years?”
“He didn’t.” Bram quietly responded.
Dan’s grip on Bram increased. “I was there … he tried to kill me for six years … if he loved me, he wouldn’t do that.”
“He didn’t. Someone else is responsible.”
“What? Who? How?” Dan asked as emotions swirled out of control. Bram wasn’t making sense.
Knowing that it would be painful, but necessary for healing, Bram shared what they had learned about the General and about Plouffe. Dan’s tears flowed again. Bram held him close again as Dan weathered the storm of emotions.
When he released Dan after the storm ebbed, they talked quietly on and off for several hours. Dan was silent for most of the time, but he did open up and share several things from his childhood. Bram’s heart ached for Dan’s suffering and loss, yet he felt honored that Dan trusted him enough to confide in him.
Grand Citadel Hotel – Main Suite – 1:00 p.m.
Everyone worked quietly for about three hours while Bram was with Dan. Their thoughts were distracted and their eyes often strayed to the door of Dan’s room. No one really knew what to expect when Dan awoke, but
the fear in his eyes and the way Dan had pleaded for Bram to help had deeply shaken all of them.
What they’d recently learned about Dan’s past was dreadful—but he was definitely a survivor. It was only three days ago, Dan was smiling brightly and full of life as they worked out before that fateful shift. He would make it back again, they had to stay positive. Bram would know how to help. He always knew how to comfort them when they hurt. Dan was safe with Bram.
Lexa continued to glance at Dan’s door and found herself also looking at the General. He hadn’t spoken in the past three hours—except to order lunch—which no one ate. He sat by himself and they all gave him his space. His face was unreadable—just like Dan’s had been for so long.
Her assumption had been right. Dan’s relationship with his father was way more complicated—but no less painful—than her relationship with her father. They were both estranged from their families and the path back—if there was a path—would be long and arduous. She hoped Dan could reconcile.
She wanted to go into Dan’s room to comfort him but couldn’t. How would he deal with the hurt and loss of nearly twenty years? She had four years of estrangement—it was so unbearable at times, she just wanted to hide from the world. What would it be like to feel that pain for twenty years—or as a child?
Swiping away a lone tear, Lexa knew that at least she’d had a good childhood to remember when things went bad. But Dan—he didn’t even have that if he’d been estranged from his family since he was nine. Her ninth year was awesome and so full of joy—except for looking like a boy that summer because she had to cut off all her hair. Stupid Quinn and his honey and marshmallow cream. But other than that, it was the happiest year she had with her whole family.
Lexa refocused on what she was doing. She wanted to nail Plouffe to the wall for what he had done to not only Dan, but everyone that cared about him. Lexa wondered if the team would truly ever know the full extent of Plouffe’s treachery because they were restricted from viewing many files. They had to rely on the General, Blaze, Winds, and Patch to review many of them and then they only shared minute or relevant details.
This morning, before Dan woke up, General Broderick told them that they’d heard some mission details yesterday that were beyond their security clearance. He reiterated the consequences of divulging anything outside this room to anyone. That warning and the serious expressions of the unit gave them insight into Dan—he wasn’t being evasive by not talking about his time in Special Forces—he was under a legal obligation not to tell anyone.
Blaze, Winds, and Patch sat quietly together. They had seen Blondie on the edge before. They recognized that he was about to fall off completely. They hoped that Bram would be able to hook him before they lost him forever.
It had surprised Blaze that Blondie had called out for Bram. It had always been him and Brody to save him before. It should’ve broken his heart that Blondie hadn’t called out to him, but it did the opposite. It made it soar. It meant that Blondie truly had a place he felt he belonged and was safe.
Glancing at General Broderick, Blaze felt bad for the man—especially knowing what he did now about the real situation. Blaze had seen the look of loss on the General’s face when his son didn’t call his name. Perhaps with time Blondie and his father could salvage and rebuild a relationship.
As William stared blankly at the wall, his mind was in a swirl. He never wanted to see stark panic like that ever again in his son’s eyes. His heart was heavy he had to find a way to help Daniel—to let him know he was loved and had always been loved.
Daniel had reached out for help from Mr. De Haven. It hurt that he wasn’t the one that Daniel called for—but what did he expect? No, Daniel wouldn’t reach for him when he needed help. He’d failed his son too many times. He’d been blind to Plouffe’s machination—all the while his son was forced to struggle to survive hell on earth.
Bram had responded to his son’s call without hesitation. That said something in William’s book. Perhaps he should have a talk with Mr. De Haven—maybe he would have some advice to help. Yes, he would definitely need to talk to Bram, he wanted his son back. Walter had been right, there was hope. He would cling to that for now. Hope was good.
William shifted his eyes and glanced over at the Blaze, Winds, and Patch. He owed them more than he could ever repay. William stood and walked towards them. He was glad they were off in a corner away from the TRF team. William needed to say a few things to them.
On his way, William grabbed a chair and pulled it close then sat down facing the three men. He looked at Patch first. He’d had an opportunity to tell him last night, but Blaze and Winds needed to hear him too.
His voice was calm, not showing the inner chaos, as he said, “Gentlemen, I know you are angry with me and rightly so. As a father, I failed my son. As a General, I have failed all my men. Words cannot express the deep gratitude I have for what you all did for my son.
“I do not seek forgiveness. My actions and inactions are unforgivable. I vow to you here and now to make restitution in whatever manner is fit—up to and including resigning my commission. You deserve a better leader. Someone that is more aware, more engaged, and wouldn’t allow the abuses that have occurred to happen. I give you my word that this matter will be investigated to the fullest and we will locate and remove the rattlesnakes hiding within our ranks.
“Thank you for caring for and protecting my son. I have seen what you all have done. You have gone above and beyond so many times. That will not go unrewarded and unacknowledged.”
Blaze stopped the General, “Sir, we need no reward, no acknowledgement. What we did for Blondie, we did out of love, and that doesn’t require anything in return.”
Winds added, “Sir, I won’t lie, I’m still conflicted. The two versions of you that I know are warring in my head. And even if the caring father is the true you—I’m having trouble understanding how you could be so hands off as to not notice what was going on.”
William’s struggled mightily to maintain his stoic mask listening to the brutally honest words.
As Winds watched the General’s eyes, he saw the flicker of hurt. “But, Sir, you aren’t the only one to blame. All of us—every damned one of us, Blondie included—are to blame for what occurred. If just one of us had come to you or Colonel Sutton with our concerns, this wouldn’t have continued.
“There are so many that saw what was going on. All the units knew that Blondie was in the field constantly … but not a damned one said anything. Some hated or envied Blondie because he was your son. Some were indifferent. And as we now know, some were actively targeting him. But no one—not a single person came to you and made you aware. We all failed Blondie.”
Blaze stated, “Sir, if you feel you’re not fit to command for your failure, then I contend that none of us are fit to wear this uniform—especially this tan beret! Restitution comes in the form of ensuring it never happens again and by cleaning house of those that truly defile the honor of this uniform. And Sir, to be clear, that doesn’t include you.
“You’re an honorable man who unfortunately made poor choices of a personal nature with regard to your son. Some of it was precipitated by things out of your control. Blondie’s a resilient and good man. Give him a chance to forgive you. Given enough time and effort, you two may reestablish a relationship.”
William was left speechless for several minutes by the words of his men. He cleared his throat. “Good counsel. You are exceptional men and it is my honor to know you. We’ll clean house as you say and put safeguards in place to prevent this from happening to another soldier. Deeds not words!”
Patch, Blaze, and Winds all repeated the Special Forces motto, “Deeds not words!”
Grand Citadel Hotel – Dan’s Room – 3:00 p.m.
Bram held Dan for a third time as he wept for the lost years, raw pain, and undeserved hatred he’d held for his father. When Dan quieted again, Bram gently laid him back on the pillows—they were both emotionally exhausted.
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Dan looked at Bram and couldn’t believe he had been so open and had cried in his arms three times. He was an emotional mess. Nothing was what he thought. His voice was ragged from crying, “I need some time alone now.”
Bram nodded. “If you’re sure. You have a whole bunch of people out there worried about you. I could send one of them in.”
“No,” Dan said. Then he asked, “Did I really see Patch?”
“Yeah, you saw Patch. He’s been taking good care of you.”
“Can you ask Patch if he has Beauty with him?”
“Sure,” Bram agreed, wondering what beauty was.
Dan winced as he shifted on the bed. Bram helped him reposition so he was more comfortable. As Bram rose to leave he said, “I’ll send Patch in—you look like you could use some pain meds.”
Just before Bram reached the door, Dan said, “Bram.”
“Yeah?”
“Do you know that De Haven means safe harbor?”
Bram smiled, “Yeah, I do. You’ll always have a safe place with me.”
“Thank you,” Dan whispered as a few more tears slid down his cheeks.
“Anytime,” Bram replied and then opened the door and slipped out. Yeah, Bram knew he would always offer Dan a safe harbor to weather his storms.
Chapter Fifty-Three
July 18
Grand Citadel Hotel – Main Suite – 3:05 p.m.
All heads turned as the door to Dan’s room opened. Bram slipped out and softly closed the door. He went directly to Patch and said, “Dan needs pain meds and he wanted to know if you have beauty with you.”
A 1000-watt smile lit up Patch’s face. “Gotta run and get it, be right back.” He sprinted from the room.
Alpha Team looked to Bram questioningly. Bram shrugged—he had no clue. They didn’t have to wait long until Patch returned.