by Maria Siano
He pushed through his front door and dropped his suitcase onto the sofa. Then he grabbed his phone from his back pocket and ordered a pizza. While he waited for it, he dialed Vera’s number.
Ring... Ring. "Hello," Vera answered.
"Hey, sis." Kyle reached for a pair of shoes at the bottom of his suitcase.
"So how does it feel to be back in your place?" she asked. "I love your apartment on the beach."
"Being back here feels different than I thought it would," Kyle admitted. "After filming wrapped on Wreckless last year, I imagined what things would be like when the movie finally opened. It felt like the most important thing at the time. Now it doesn’t feel so important."
"I’m a little afraid to ask, since you sound so somber..." Vera hesitated. "How are things with Summer?"
"Not good." He exhaled.
"Just give her time to process what happened," Vera said. "I’m sure you’ll be able to resolve things."
"I don’t think I’ll be able to fix this." Kyle grabbed a pile of clothes from the suitcase and jumped up from the sofa. He tossed the laundry on top of the washer in the hallway.
"Then you have to focus on all of the things happening with your career," Vera said. "You’ve waited so long for this. You’ll have a chance to fix things with Summer after the film opens. And maybe some time apart will help."
Kyle sprawled out onto the sofa. His legs hung over the armrest. "I wish I could go back to the day I saw Summer in Faith’s hospital room. I would tell her everything, right from the start."
"Kyle, we can’t change the past, we have to deal with things as they are."
The psychologist in Vera is never far away, Kyle laughed to himself as he closed his eyes and tried to imagine a different life, one with Summer. "Maybe everything would have been different if I had been able to go through my cancer battle with her by my side," he wondered aloud.
"Kyle, that isn’t healthy thinking." Vera’s voice grew stern. "You have to stop this. You did what you thought was right, at the time. You can’t keep second-guessing every decision you’ve made. And maybe it doesn’t have to be over with Summer."
"You didn’t see how hurt she was when I told her I lied." Kyle buried his head in his hand. "I’ve waited so long for this second chance at my film career, but now I realize Summer means much more to me. I can’t believe I had a second chance with her, and I just threw it all away."
"Kyle, you should be enjoying yourself now. The premiere is in a few days. Try to be happy about this opportunity."
A lump stuck in Kyle’s throat. "Regardless of what happens with the film, I won’t be happy. Not without Summer. If I could, I’d give up my film career, if it meant I could get Summer back—"
"Don’t sabotage this chance to revive your career," Vera interrupted. "Don’t punish yourself. It won’t bring Summer back to you. Besides, you’ve worked too hard for this chance, and sacrificed too much."
"My film career once seemed like the only thing that mattered," he whispered as his throat tightened again. "It doesn’t matter anymore."
Vera let out a sigh. "I hate to see you like this."
"Don’t worry about me, sis." Kyle forced a laugh.
"You know I’ll always worry about you a little."
Kyle let out a yawn as the jet lag hit him. "I have an interview in a few hours, Vera. I think I’m going to grab a bite to eat and then catch up on some sleep. But I’ll call you after the premiere on Friday to let you know how it went."
"Until then, I’ll be looking for you on Access Hollywood." Vera giggled.
Kyle hung up the phone and laid his head against the armrest.
He knew Vera was right. He finally had a chance to make a comeback in Hollywood. And he should be happy about that.
But he was miserable. And he would continue to be, until he figured out a way to make things right with Summer.
***
Summer checked into her hotel in midtown Manhattan and went up to the room to unpack. She draped a few blouses onto hangers in the closet and then sprinted back downstairs to hail a cab.
"Court Street, Cobble Hill!" Summer shouted as she climbed into the back of the cab, hoping the driver could hear her over the noise from the busy city street.
The driver dropped her off on the corner of Court Street, and as she strolled down the sidewalk, she examined the brownstones. While her salary as a Tribune reporter would be more than at any other paper she worked for, she still wouldn’t be able to afford Manhattan rents. She hoped Brooklyn would provide the perfect alternative, a place to start her new life in New York. My new life without Kyle.
Summer checked her watch. 1 p.m. With the appointment with the realtor still an hour away, she popped into a coffee shop and ordered a chai latte.
She took a seat at the tall, long table facing the wall of windows that looked out onto the sidewalk. She reached into her bag to grab a small notebook.
As she watched the people pass by the window, she scribbled a few ideas for article topics she might discuss with the editors at the Tribune when they called her for an interview.
She lifted her head as a man on the sidewalk passed by. What? Her head snapped back. Kyle? Her eyes followed the man as he continued down the street. Then she lowered her head and chuckled. Of course it’s not Kyle. He’s in Los Angeles. Where she was supposed to be, with him.
***
After the appointment with the realtor, Summer hailed a cab and got out at Columbus Circle, right in front of the Tribune building. But she didn’t have the nerve to go in. Anyway, it wouldn’t help her chances to hound them about an application she sent just a few days earlier. She needed to be patient. As hard as that would be.
As she scuttled down the long block, past throngs of strangers, she imagined Kyle beside her, holding her hand. She thought about what their life together in New York could have been like. Brunch every Sunday. Saturdays in Central Park, or at a museum. Or maybe a play, during the cold winter months. I wonder if he’ll pursue a career in the theater, maybe on Broadway, if things don’t work out with his film career? Then Summer stopped walking as reality hit her. What Kyle decided to do with his career would have no impact on her. They wouldn’t be spending lazy spring Sundays having brunch, or Saturdays in the fall walking through Central Park.
Her life didn’t include him anymore.
***
Kyle trudged down the red carpet at the premiere for Wreckless as photographers’ flashbulbs snapped and twinkled in his eyes. He stayed a few paces behind the other actors in the cast. They were all flanked by their publicists, and Maxine clung to Kyle, too, telling him where to look, reminding him to smile. And he needed the reminder. Although he had waited for this moment for twelve years, his heart ached with every step. Summer is supposed to be here with me.
He neared the end of the press line and imagined Summer standing next to him, observing everything through her reporter’s eye. He would have grasped her hand and intertwined their fingers. She’d whisper about how all the cameras made her nervous. He’d whisper back how she never looked more beautiful and tell her how much it meant to have her next to him.
But Summer wasn’t beside him. He was alone. Because he betrayed her.
He tucked his hands into his suit pockets and tried to envision a scenario where Summer might forgive him.
He couldn’t think of one. Not one. What I did was unforgivable. And because of that, he’d have to go back to living without her.
His life would be changing in the next 72 hours. One way or another.
If Wreckless became a success, he’d have other film offers. He’d be back in the industry, really back. He’d pick up his career where it left off twelve years earlier when he was forced to walk away to battle cancer.
And if the film flopped, the goal that consumed him for the past twelve years would be gone for good. He’
d have to abandon it once and for all, unable to regain what he lost after his cancer diagnosis.
Yet, even at this pivotal moment in his life, his thoughts still turned only to Summer. In the past few months, she became more important to him than anything involving his career, as he fell in love with her all over again. Still. He never stopped loving her.
And from the moment he ran into her in Faith’s hospital room, he viewed everything through her eyes. Her opinion became all that mattered. What did she think about him pursuing his film career? What did she think about Patrick Sheridan’s accusations? Did she think he’d used Faith’s death to get publicity for himself?
He even stopped looking forward to attending the premiere, and started looking forward to attending it with Summer. He no longer wanted to revive his film career to feel successful, or so others in the industry would consider him a viable leading man. He wanted to revive his career so Summer would view him as a success.
So when chance brought us back to together, how could I have thrown it all away?
Cameras clicked as Kyle reached the end of the press line. As he dragged himself into the movie theater, the image of the blond woman from his dream flashed in his mind.
He scanned the room. Hundreds of people meandered around the theater, mostly industry executives, actors, publicists, all shaking hands, air-kissing hello.
But, of course, Summer wasn’t there.
He found a single empty seat in the front row of the theater and slumped down into the chair.
***
Kyle pushed open the door to his apartment and plopped onto the sofa. He closed his eyes as both exhaustion and relief washed over him.
Everyone at the premiere said they liked the film. Yet he expected nothing less. No one in the industry ever let on when they suspected a film might flop.
While Wreckless had all the components of a blockbuster, he couldn’t know yet if it would be a success. Which future would he have?
His future. His eyes popped open. There has to be a way to fix things with Summer.
But he already apologized. And it wasn’t enough. What would be enough? He sat up and grabbed the laptop from the coffee table.
He took a deep breath and started to type a new email message:
Summer,
I wish I could say something to make up for what I did.
Tonight, at the premiere for Wreckless, I wondered what would have happened twelve years ago if I had revealed my diagnosis — to coworkers, to friends, to the world, to you. I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t kept it a secret.
Would it have ruined my career?
Twelve years ago, I was certain of the answer. But now I’m not so sure.
Twelve years ago, I could only see all the negative effects — all I might lose if I revealed my diagnosis. But now I see all the potentially positive things that might have come from sharing my experience with others. You made me see that. Everything you do as a journalist is to help others, by sharing information. I have a hard time with that.
That one decision I made twelve years ago, to keep my diagnosis a secret, changed the course of the rest of my life. Ultimately, it changed my relationship with you. It made me afraid to contact you at the time, and it led me to eventually lie to you in order to keep the secret.
I wish I could make things right.
I’ve caused you so much pain. I would give anything for the chance to make it up to you.
Kyle
He reread the message. Then he reread it again.
He took a deep breath and clicked "Send."
CHAPTER 10
Summer paused the recording of her interview with Mr. Lightner. She took off her headphones and thumbed through the stack of research strewn across her desk. She searched for the statistic about the total number of foreclosures in Wisconsin during the past year but couldn’t find it. Other thoughts kept seeping in. The fabricated article. That she wrote. About Justin. Who doesn’t exist.
Over the weekend while she was in New York, she had managed to fight every urge to check the readers’ comments on the Observer website. But now, in the quiet newsroom, she couldn’t fight it any longer. She needed to know.
She pulled up the Observer website on her desktop computer and scrolled through hundreds of comments posted at the end of the article. Then she checked the Observer’s Twitter account.
It confirmed her worst nightmare. People believed what she wrote.
Why wouldn’t they? She believed it all once, too.
She scrolled past a few more comments. All of them praised Kyle for openly talking about his cousin’s experience. Some readers even raved about how much they loved Wreckless. Have I become part of Kyle’s publicity machine now? she wondered.
Searching for just one mention of the health issue the article was supposed to inform readers about, she scrolled through more comments. What? Summer snapped her head back.
"LIE"? The word seemed to flash in front of her again like a neon sign.
Summer blinked and zeroed in on the post again. "It’s all a LIE."
She closed her eyes to make the words disappear. But they were still burned in her mind.
Who could have known that Kyle lied to her? Hadn’t he closely guarded his secret?
Her eyes finally located the author: Steve Baldwin.
Her heart raced as she took a deep breath and exhaled. She braced herself as she read the rest of the post. "I went to school with Kyle in Wyoming. ‘Justin’ doesn’t exist."
A cramp tugged at Summer’s stomach. Only three days since the Observer published the article, and the lie had already been exposed? How had Kyle managed to keep his diagnosis a secret for years?
But she knew how. There weren’t many social media sites when Kyle was diagnosed twelve years ago.
But now everyone had a public platform. If they wanted one.
Secrets can’t be kept anymore. Lies can’t be hidden.
In a matter of seconds, information can be transported around the world.
Why did I think I could hide the truth? Summer drew in a breath.
She had no choice now but to reveal everything to Drew. She took a deep breath and rose from her desk.
But she froze as she realized the paper would have to address the lie publicly. Why didn’t I tell Drew as soon as Kyle told me it was all a lie? She fell into the desk chair. At the time, she reasoned she couldn’t betray Kyle by revealing his cancer diagnosis. But was that just a convenient excuse, a way to ignore her part in the lie?
Drew barreled out of his office and headed straight toward her desk.
He knows? Summer’s heart raced. The tweet had just been posted ten minutes earlier. Were his eyes glued to the paper’s Twitter account all day?
As Drew reached her, he waved a newspaper in front of her.
Summer stood and gripped the desk to steady herself. "Drew, let me explain..."
"Please!" Drew scowled. "I’m all ears."
"Well... see Kyle told me... I just found out a few days ago..."
"Wait! What?" Drew interrupted. "Are you telling me you knew the story was false?!?"
"No. I... I..."
"Did you concoct this fake story with Kyle? Were you in on this?" Drew huffed.
"No. Of course not. I had no idea the story wasn’t true until last week —"
Drew’s freckled cheeks reddened. "But you knew the story was false before this tweet was posted?"
"Mmmhhmm." Summer sighed. A few days earlier, it seemed reasonable, even noble, to keep Kyle’s secret. Had her feelings for Kyle clouded her judgment that much?
Drew’s face continued to fill with red blotches. "And when you found out, you didn’t think it was important to tell me we published a fake story? "
"I...I... You’re right. It was a mistake," she blurted. "A huge mistake. A
lack in judgment. But I didn’t know the story was false before it was published."
Drew folded his arms. "I highly doubt that."
Summer slumped down into her desk chair. "Drew, you have to believe me."
Drew widened his stance as he towered over her. "How, exactly, did you find out about it?"
"Kyle and I —"
"You and Kyle, huh." Drew glared at Summer. "I’ve suspected for a while your relationship with Kyle was inappropriate." A throbbing vein bulged on his forehead. "You clearly let it become a conflict of interest —"
"No —"
Drew held up his hand. "Clearly, you did. And I ignored my instincts and trusted your judgment instead. But you let your personal relationship with him override your responsibilities to this paper, to our readers."
Even though Summer knew everything Drew said was true, it stung to have him lecture her about their responsibilities to readers. He had sensationalized stories about Kyle for months, using any angle to inject Kyle into the Observer articles.
But she needed to smooth things over with him. She couldn’t confront him about it. Not now. "No... Well... OK. I have been dating Kyle, but it didn’t affect how I handled the story."
"Did you and Kyle conjure up the story about a dead cousin to stop me from publishing the editorial that exposed him as a media hound?" Drew’s eyes widened. "You did, didn’t you? You planned all of this with him!"
Summer’s cheeks grew hot. "Of course not. I told you, I didn’t know the story was false when I wrote it. I didn’t!"
Drew tossed the newspaper onto her desk.
She gasped as she read the headline again: Kyle Mills Reveals Cousin Lost Battle With Hodgkin’s.
Drew pointed to the newspaper. "This is exactly the type of story journalists have intentionally fabricated in the past, to boost their careers. They embellish stories, and even make them up entirely, just like you did here. It’s an easy story for reporters to invent."
Summer picked up the newspaper. "But —"