“Al told me you aren’t familiar with sewing,” Aunt Betty said, drawing Sadie’s attention back to her.
“I can do simple patterns,” Sadie replied. “But I can’t make a shirtwaist or a skirt.”
“Would you like to learn?”
“You wouldn’t mind teaching me?”
“Mind?” her daughter called out as she set a plate on the table. “She’d be in heaven.”
“Missy is right,” Aunt Betty agreed. “I love to sew, too.”
Sadie couldn’t help but be in awe of this woman who had so much enthusiasm. Was there anything she didn’t love doing?
Gilbert yawned and the woman chuckled. “Would you mind if he takes a nap in the other room? I still have a crib for when my older children bring the grandchildren over.”
With a nod, Sadie handed Gilbert to her.
As Aunt Betty carried the boy to another room, Missy set down the last plate and walked over to her. “Was it scary to leave Atlanta?”
“Oh, well…” Did Hazel look scared when she found her sitting alone in the restaurant? Sadie didn’t think so. She had seemed worried, perhaps. But not scared. “I wasn’t scared,” she slowly ventured, “but I did wonder what kind of man I had agreed to marry.” And that was true. Sadie did wonder what Al was like the whole time she was on her way up here.
“You chose a good one. He’s wonderful.”
Sadie caught the wistful tone in the girl’s voice. Missy was in love with him. “How old are you?”
“I’ll be sixteen next month.”
Feeling a little better, Sadie relaxed. She was still a child. She had no doubt Al saw her that way. And she had no doubt that Missy would outgrow her schoolgirl infatuation and fall in love with someone else. But Sadie could see why the girl felt the way she did. Al was a good man—a decent man. It’d be hard not to love him.
“You sure go through a lot of trouble for us,” a man said as he stepped into the cabin.
Sadie turned and saw a large man close to Aunt Betty’s age carrying a crate into the cabin. Al followed close behind, carrying another crate. Thankful for the change in topic while the men set the crates on the floor by a chair, Sadie looked at Missy. “Is that your pa?”
“Yes. He’s a bear of a man, isn’t he?” Missy leaned closer to her and giggled. “We nicknamed him ‘Bear’ for that reason.”
Sadie thought the nickname suited him just right. He was as big as one, and he had thick, dark hair and a beard that were starting to gray. When he hurried over to say hello and shake her hand, he had a nice, strong grip.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Hazel,” he said, just as friendly as Aunt Betty had been. “Name’s Nel, but people call me Bear.”
Forcing a smile at being called Hazel, she returned the greeting. “Nice to meet you, Bear.”
“I got your cloth and sewing kit on the chair in that room,” Al told Sadie, patting the small of her back.
“Thank you,” she replied.
“Want to check the traps with me?” Bear asked Al.
Al nodded but tipped his hat to greet Missy before he headed back outside with Bear.
Sadie sensed that Al knew Missy had a fondness for him, but to his credit, he didn’t do anything to encourage it. He managed to be polite without making her think anything would ever come of her feelings. A man Al’s age could easily impress a girl so young, and Sadie had been around enough men to know some would be more than happy to take advantage of a young girl’s feelings. But not Al. Al would never use anyone.
Aunt Betty came out of the other room. “I see the men brought in your sewing supplies. How much time do we have before supper?” she asked Missy.
“A half hour,” Missy replied.
“Hmm… It’s not a lot of time, but it’s enough to get started.” Aunt Betty gestured to one of the chairs. “The men will want to sit on the porch and talk for a while after we eat. We’ll get a lot more done then. But there’s no reason why we can’t get started now.”
“I am eager to learn how to make more than a simple dress,” Sadie admitted.
“You came to the right house.”
Relaxing, Sadie settled into one of the chairs and pulled out the blue cloth she’d been eager to work on. It was silly how she worried about coming here. Aunt Betty and her family were nicer than she’d ever dreamed. No wonder Al spoke so highly of them. And the fact that they spoke so highly of him spoke volumes about his character. Yes, she was truly fortunate that she got to marry him. Hazel had picked the best man possible, and she’d always be grateful to Hazel for it.
***
That night after Sadie tucked Gilbert into bed, she went to her bedroom and saw that Al was removing his pants. He glanced at her. “Would you like me to come to bed without anything on?”
She knew what he was asking. He wanted to know if she wanted him to consummate their marriage. She closed the distance between them and rose on her toes so she could kiss his cheek. “You’re such a wonderful man,” she whispered.
“Is that a yes or a no?” he asked with a chuckle.
“Al, I’m sorry about last night. You’re right. The timing isn’t right and when we finally do it, I want it to be right for both of us.” Because that’s what he deserved. He deserved the best. He asked so little of others but gave so much, and people like him were too often taken for granted. “I’ve never met anyone like you. You’re the most wonderful man who’s ever lived.”
His face grew pink. “Why do I get the feeling that Aunt Betty made me out to be better than I am?”
“She did no such thing. I gathered that all on my own. You’re a good man. I didn’t know men like you existed until I got here. I’m glad I’m your wife.”
He cupped her face in his hands and smiled. “I’m glad I’m your husband.”
“Will you hold me while we sleep?”
He nodded. “I enjoy holding you.”
She still didn’t understand how a man could hold a woman through the night without fulfilling the desires of the flesh, but he’d proven he could do it. With a smile, she gave him a chaste kiss before she got ready for bed.
Chapter Ten
Two weeks passed and Sadie finally finished the shirtwaist and skirt. Excited, she put the outfit on after she bathed and inspected her reflection in the mirror. The high neckline trimmed in lace and accented with a cameo Al had bought for her only enhanced the image standing before her. She pinned her hair back into an attractive style and stood back once more, making sure it was all real—that she wasn’t dreaming.
A smile crossed her face and she turned to make sure she looked as good from the back. And she did. She felt just like a princess in a fairytale. For the first time in her life, she believed she was a lady. An honest to goodness lady. So this was what it felt like to be a wife. No wonder the wives she used to pass in Nebraska were always smiling. Being a wife was an incredibly liberating experience. Dignified, virtuous, pure. Being Al’s wife had made this possible.
A flicker of guilt crossed her reflection, and she couldn’t bear to look at herself anymore. She was an imposter. She wasn’t really a lady. It was all a ruse. She was a prostitute. With a glance at her new clothes, she was tempted to rip it all to shreds. Gripping the edge of her skirt in her hands, she was ready to tear it along the seam when she heard the bedroom door open.
Jerking her head up, she turned and faced Al whose smile grew wide at the sight of her. “You’re absolutely stunning,” he said, motioning to her. “The men in Atlanta must have been falling all over themselves to get your attention.” Before she could answer, he closed the distance between them and kissed her hands. “I’m the luckiest man in the world.”
No, no he wasn’t. Perhaps if he’d been with Hazel, he would have been. But not with her. Clearing her throat, she released her hands from his and forced a smile. “You’re much too kind.”
As she turned back to the mirror, she made a pretense of lining up the comb, barrettes, and ribbons on the dresser.
Wrapping his arms around her waist, he kissed her neck, an action which startled her. She returned her gaze to the mirror and was struck by how tender he was. But that was his way. Tender. Sweet. Always giving. Never expecting anything in return.
“Why are you so nice to me?” she whispered.
Glancing up at her reflection, he chuckled. “Pardon?”
“You have yet to insist on your right to consummate the marriage, and yet, you treat me as if I’m the most wonderful woman in the world.”
Settling his chin on her shoulder, he gave her waist a light squeeze. “We didn’t get a chance to know each other before we got married. I want to make sure when we do come together, the time will be right.”
Lowering her gaze, she let out a soft laugh. “I would have thought performing our vows would have been the right time.”
“Our vows did bring us together as husband and wife. But only time can bring our hearts into the same union.”
Quickly blinking her tears away, she turned around to face him. “You have a noble heart, Al. You should have been a knight.”
“No, I wouldn’t have wanted that.” He kissed the top of her nose. “If I had been born in that time, I wouldn’t have met you.” He patted the small of her back. “I better check on the eggs. I don’t want them to burn.”
He kissed her cheek then left the room.
She brushed away a tear as it trickled down her cheek. If he knew who she really was, he wouldn’t be so eager to compliment her.
***
A week later, Sadie wiped the sweat from her forehead as she washed the dishes after supper. Had Gilbert not been awake and playing on the rocking chair, she would have opened the window to cool things off. But she wanted to keep the heat in the house from the cookstove going for his sake. She paused and looked over at the boy who was taking delight in rocking himself back and forth. His blanket, which was on the floor by the chair, had been forgotten but Sadie had no doubt he’d remember it before bed.
She smiled and resumed washing her dishes. The boy was such a sweet child. She didn’t know if all children were sweet like him, but she couldn’t recall a time when she felt so complete. She was his mother. After she was done with the dishes, she put them on the towel to dry and decided to see if Al needed more hot water for his bath.
Making sure Gilbert was still playing in the chair, she crossed the room and got ready to knock on the door when she heard a soft moan come from the room. She stopped and waited. She knew what the sound meant. She’d heard that sound many times over the past few years. It was the sound of a man receiving pleasure, though not at the point of climax…yet.
She softly opened the door to see what he was doing. He couldn’t be with another woman. Her gaze went to the bathtub where he was stroking his erection. He let out another moan as his seed spilled over his hand and into the water. Her eyebrows furrowed. How long had he been doing this? And why would he take care of his needs when she’d made the offer—several times—to take care of them for him?
What a ridiculous question. She knew why. He sensed she didn’t want to be intimate with him. And he was right. Despite her efforts to get him to be with her that way, she didn’t really want to do it. How he picked that up, she didn’t know. Maybe it was because he actually cared about her. Not all the men who stepped through a brothel were bad. But all of them knew she didn’t care about them and none cared about her. It was understood that she’d provide a service and they would go on their way after that.
But with Al, it wasn’t the same. He intended to be with her forever. That being the case, it was probably important to him that she truly wanted to be with him when they finally did it. Maybe she should have been upset, but it touched her that he’d rather take care of his own needs than do something that made her uncomfortable. Al was such a special person. She couldn’t think of any other man who’d give up something he wanted for her sake.
With a quick glance at Gilbert to make sure he was still on the chair, she softly shut the door. She waited for a minute then knocked on the door. “Al?”
“Come in,” he called out.
She opened the door and saw that he was already out of the tub, drying off with a towel. “I was going to ask if you wanted more hot water, but I can see you’re done with your bath.”
“Yeah, I just got out.” He wrapped the towel around his waist and headed over to the dresser. “It was nice of you to think of me.”
Making sure Gilbert was content, she closed the door behind her and approached him. “You deserve good things.”
He smiled at her as he combed his hair. “I have good things. I have a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes on my back. And better yet, I have a wonderful wife and a happy son. I can’t think of much else a man could want.”
“Money, power, more land?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. It seems to me that the more you have, the more complicated things can get. But I take it that’s what was important to the men you were used to in Atlanta?”
“Power was the biggest thing,” she offered, though it was the power of a woman’s fate that seemed to mean the most to a particular few, especially Jefferson.
“Well, I think power is an illusion. You can’t really control anyone or anything except for yourself.”
“I suppose.”
He placed the comb on the dresser and turned to her. “You disagree?”
She shrugged. “I understand what you’re saying. People can’t control whether a person likes them or not, but they can control whether or not a person does something. If a person is sold into something, what choice does that person have?”
“You mean like a slave?”
Or a prostitute whose mother sold her into the business. What could a child possibly do in a situation like that? What could the child control out of any of it? But instead of asking those questions, she settled for nodding. “Yes, like a slave. Someone who was sold to a master and had no choice but to serve him. Because if he didn’t, his master hunted him down and did something like cut off his foot so he wouldn’t run away again. What about him?”
“I guess there are some things people can physically control, but one thing no one can control, no matter how hard they try, is the heart.”
And he wanted her heart. Blinking back her tears, she cupped the side of his face with her hands and brought his mouth to hers so she could kiss him. It was the first time she ever kissed a man because she really wanted to.
He didn’t respond at first, most likely because she shocked him. But then he warmed up to her and brought her into his arms to deepen the kiss. For the first time, she enjoyed it. Enjoyed the way his soft lips pressed against hers, the tentative brush of his tongue along her lower lip, and the gentle way his tongue interlaced with hers. She didn’t think she would ever like a kiss. She didn’t mind the kisses Al had given her up to this point, but this time was different. This time an unfamiliar thrill shot straight through her.
When she ended the kiss, it was with surprising reluctance. How she wanted to continue kissing him, but she heard Gilbert babbling and knew she had to tend to him. Her gaze met Al’s and she smiled. “I better get him ready for bed.” This time she kissed his cheek.
He returned her smile. “I’m looking forward to holding you tonight.”
“I’m looking forward to it, too.” And for the first time, she realized the bed could be a very nice place to spend time in.
***
Another week passed and the first snowfall of the season came. Sadie welcomed it. Being tucked away in a cozy cabin with Al and Gilbert was like being hidden from the rest of the world. At times, she liked to pretend it was just them and that she had come into the marriage without a tainted past. She liked to think her life didn’t truly start until she had stepped off that stagecoach.
One morning while Al went out to take care of the animals, she decided to help Gilbert stand up. The boy might only be seven months old, but he was already showing how determined
he was to explore more of the world around him. Part of that determination led to him trying to pull himself up on everything around him. So she would often oblige him by putting her hands around his and helping him to his feet. This earned her a big smile which made her chuckle.
“You’re doing good,” she told him when he was standing on his feet.
He leaned forward and she held onto his hands to help him maintain his balance. His legs gave out and she picked him up.
“You’ll get there,” she assured him as she rubbed his back. “Before you know it, you’ll be running all over the place.”
He reached out and touched her face. His fingers tickled her cheek and she chuckled again.
“I wish you could always be innocent,” she whispered. “Don’t be in a hurry to grow up.”
There was a knock at the door, followed by a cheerful, “It’s Aunt Betty.”
“I’m coming,” Sadie called out and carried the boy over with her. She opened the door and blinked in surprise when she saw the folded up clothes and a quilt in Aunt Betty’s arms. “I hope you didn’t go through a lot of trouble for us.”
Aunt Betty glanced at the items in her arms and waved her concerns aside. “It was no trouble at all. My daughters help me make these, and between the three of us, we’re quick. Besides, Al does such a good job of giving us good meat and sharing his vegetables and fruits. In return, I’ve been making clothes and blankets for him.” She glanced at the window and sighed. “I should add curtains to the list. What color do you like most?”
“Blue. It reminds me of the sky.” Never mind why. Aunt Betty didn’t need to know the reason. To Sadie, it now represented freedom. Freedom from Nebraska. Freedom from prostitution. Freedom to be a wife. And not just anyone’s wife. She was Al’s wife. And she couldn’t think of anything better than that. Returning her attention to Aunt Betty, she smiled. “Blue makes me think of Al.”
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