Jacob, who appeared to be choking back tears, put his hand on Gabriel’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry. I just want you to know that I’m here if you need anything. . . anything at all. I mean that. Whatever you need. . . okay?”
Jacob patted him a couple of times, then wiped his eyes. Their poignant conversation was joined by a loud screech that echoed in the canyon.
Gabriel picked up the flashlight and rose to his feet.
“I know that sound.” He shined the narrow beam across the water and onto the opposite canyon wall.
“Where are you?” he said toward the noise.
The screech happened again. This time Gabriel shone the light slowly onto the trees jutting out of the rocky wall.
“There you are!”
Like a guardian of the canyon, an albino red-tailed hawk rested on a tree branch in clear view just a hundred yards away.
“Do you see her, Jacob? She was around when we camped here a few weeks ago. She followed me all day on that river trip. It’s like she knows I’m here or something.”
“That’s one beautiful hawk. Quite rare too. I don’t think I’ve ever heard one call like that at night.” Jacob slapped his hands. “What do you say we finish our trip? We don’t have too much farther to go before we get to the Jeep.”
“Isn’t there some pretty aggressive water ahead?” Gabriel hadn’t forgotten what happened on his first trip.
“You must be talking about Widowmaker. Yeah, that’s a fun but crazy stretch of water. But we won’t be running those falls at night. We’ll take out before we get there.”
Gabriel exhaled in relief. “Hey, can I show you something before we go?”
“Of course.”
Gabriel reached into his dry bag and pulled out a twice-folded piece of paper. He opened the sheet and held it in his left hand while shining the flashlight with his right.
“I have a journal from my father and grandfather that my mom gave me. It has all kinds of writings about their time with The River. This morning I copied a portion from one of my father’s entries, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot. With everything you said. . . well. . . I thought you’d like to read it.”
Gabriel scooted closer to Jacob, who fixed his eyes on the crinkled, handwritten note, and read aloud:
For my son—
Gabriel, I hope you experience The River someday as I have. To see you become a river guide would be a dream come true for me. Only you can make that decision for yourself. Great adventure awaits you. Don’t ever settle for the shore, Gabriel. Get all the way in.
I see courage in you. Even as a three-yearold, you seem ready to take on the world. I long for the day when we can run The River together. You are my little champion. I hope when you are able to read this someday, you will realize that you were made for The River.
Dad
Jacob kept staring at the note for a long time.
“I have no words, Gabriel. That is truly remarkable. And to think your father thought to write these things down. . . amazing.”
“I’ve been reading The Journal nonstop since Mom gave it to me. I can’t tell you how incredible it’s been to hear from my father all these years later. It’s like he’s teaching me the ways of The River. The best thing of all is that I’m getting to know how much he really loved me.”
Gabriel folded up the paper and put it back in his bag. “Thanks again for bringing me out here.”
“Thank you, my friend.”
It was well past midnight now, dipping into the morning hours.
For Gabriel, time had flown by on The River. The two men gathered their things and embarked on the last few minutes of their trip together. The last half mile of water was gentle and peaceful, allowing them to reflect on their journey.
This evening of adventure and camaraderie moved Gabriel closer to his destiny. . . closer to The River. He felt like he and Jacob had formed a seemingly unbreakable bond that night.
It was a bond that would be tested to its limits.
TWENTY - TWO
The War Room
A FEW DAYS HAD PASSED SINCE GABRIEL’S NIGHT-time run with Jacob. Big Water Adventure Camp was in full swing. Guests were coming in greater numbers every day, and Gabriel loved this new season of his life.
There was no part of life on The River that he wasn’t thankful for. From morning until night, he gleaned all he could from the experience. He loved being around Jacob, learning from this icon of river rafting, who by his presence alone infused life and confidence in him. In addition, his evening conversations with Ezra on the deck were always a welcome end to the busyness of the days, but nothing topped the time he spent with Tabitha. Their times together were never enough.
Since she was just visiting from North Camp, they usually worked on different tasks throughout the day, so mealtimes were definitely a highlight for Gabriel. They always sat together, and if they were talking about something interesting, they flirted with each other incessantly.
This clear mountain morning started no differently than others with a breakfast of iron-skillet-cooked eggs, sausage, biscuits, and coffee. It was midweek and there were no guests today, so Samuel had given Gabriel a few hours off to do whatever he wanted.
Gabriel finished chewing and swallowed his bite of biscuit and jam. “This food is so good. It’s hard to stop eating! Good thing your dad has me working so much. Otherwise I’d be a blimp.”
Tabitha chuckled. “I don’t think you have to worry about that. Come here.” She motioned with her hand to Gabriel and then pointed to her chin.
“You have a little something right here.” She reached over and wiped a biscuit crumb from Gabriel’s getting-scruffier-by-the-day beard.
“Thanks.” The two locked eyes as she blotted the speck from his face.
“My dad and I have to head back up to the North Camp today to take care of some things. Dad’s teaching a guide class this morning, and I have a little time before we leave. You wanna take a walk with me?”
“Absolutely, Miss Fielding.”
They cleared their dishes and headed out of the dining area to a well-worn path that circled the camp, running right along The River’s edge. Tabitha reached out and took hold of Gabriel’s hand and snuggled close to his side. Her head pressed into his shoulder as they walked.
“I wish I could stay here with you.”
“Me too,” Gabriel replied gently.
“So there isn’t anyone back in Kansas? Any. . . girl?”
“What? No, no. . . no girl back there for me.” Gabriel chuckled nervously. “The only girl who really spoke to me in high school was Selma Eldridge. Selma was nice, but she never looked me in the eye when she talked—and oh, could she talk. I’m pretty sure she didn’t need to breathe when she was telling a story. Funny thing about her. She always smelled like peanut butter. I like peanut butter and all, but that just didn’t work for me.”
Tabitha burst into laughter and playfully slapped him on the arm. “That’s not nice. Poor Selma. She just thought you were handsome.”
“I know. . . I’m sorry.”
The couple stopped walking, and Tabitha moved in front and faced Gabriel. The water babbled over the smooth stones in the shallow current of The River as the trees swayed with an intermittent breeze. Tabitha looked straight up into Gabriel’s eyes.
“Well. . . there may not have been a girl in Kansas for you. . . but there’s one in Colorado.”
Tabitha stood on her tiptoes and closed her eyes. Gabriel leaned down and met her with a tender kiss. The world stopped in that moment. Her hands holding tightly to his shoulders, his hands resting around her waist—it was official. He was in love and completely captured by her. They kissed for several seconds before she broke the connection.
“Is everything okay?” Gabriel was nervous he’d done something wrong.
“Yeah. . . yeah, everything is really great.” Tabitha smiled. “I just have to go soon. . . and I don’t want to.” She gave him a peck on the cheek. “Let’s go over
here.”
Simmering in the glow of their encounter, the two sauntered along the path that took them away from The River and back into the woods. They heard the sound of a solitary voice talking in the distance.
“That’s Dad. He’s getting revved up teaching the greenhorns.”
Just a few paces ahead, they came upon a large oneroom, shedlike structure, up on stilts to compensate for the uneven ground at the base of the hill. The rugged building could fit about forty people in a classroom setting. With large plywood flaps for window coverings that could be raised and lowered by a rope and pulley, the rustic structure was a mountain cabana of sorts. At the front of the room was a large chalkboard and small handmade podium. Tabitha lowered her voice as the two approached the small building from the east side.
“Dad calls this the War Room,” she whispered. “It’s where he does his safety talks and planning sessions.”
“The War Room?”
“Yeah. He lectures rookies and hammers out ‘battle’ strategies, as he calls them. He wants every guide to be as prepared as possible for anything that could happen on The River. I’m telling you, he’s serious about safety.”
They moved in and sat down on the ground and leaned against the shed. They were perched underneath a wideopen back window so they couldn’t be seen. Jacob’s voice became crystal clear as Gabriel and Tabitha tuned in.
“There is nothing more amazing than running The River. That’s why you’re here—The River has captured you. When you experience the majesty and grandeur of The River, it’s breathtaking. What a privilege it is to enjoy such beauty. . . to experience such power. So respect it. Stand in awe of it. The River is infinitely bigger than any of us and deserves our very best.”
There was a momentary silence, and Jacob’s voice continued, low and firm. “I want to challenge you: don’t just be around The River, but really study it. Get to know it. The more you get to know, the more your knowledge will ignite your passion, and it will spill over every day as you guide others. This is bigger than a job, guys—it’s a way of life. Some of you will join us here, and sure, you’ll learn all the technical stuff, but you’ll never really immerse yourself fully in what the water has to offer you. It’s about the journey, man! The River will teach you new and exciting things every day.”
A momentary pause broke Jacob’s enthusiasm, and the pace and volume of his monologue dropped. “I took so much of this for granted when I was young. I did some childish things. . . stupid things. While there is so much joy and adventure in running The River, if you don’t pay attention. . . if you don’t work together. . . if you don’t really prepare yourself and understand what’s in play, bad things can happen. Life and death are in the balance, and when you don’t respect that, you could die, plain and simple. Or worse yet, someone else could die.”
Gabriel didn’t move a muscle as he listened to Jacob’s passionate speech. He stood up just tall enough to peer over the back windowsill. Standing in the shadows, he was just out of Jacob’s line of sight. Tabitha stood on her tiptoes to sneak a peek as well.
A dozen students scattered around the stark room sat in old wooden chairs. They were focused, hanging on every word without a peep. Jacob scooted his podium to the side and moved closer to the apprentices. He unbuttoned his plaid oxford shirt and took it off, leaving his fit torso in just a gray undershirt. Jacob draped the outer shirt on the podium and turned with his right shoulder to the students. With his left hand, he pulled his right sleeve up over his shoulder, revealing the horrific scar.
“You see that? That’s Mercy. I name my scars, by the way.”
Jacob flashed a quick grin. No one knew whether to laugh or not, because that was one nasty scar.
He continued in a grateful tone. “Mercy reminds me every day what could have happened to me. This scar doesn’t hurt anymore. It’s a visible reminder, though, of a rock that took a bite out of me when I kayaked over some falls that I had no business navigating. Mercy reminds me I deserved to die that day, but for some reason I didn’t. This scar is a reminder to be thankful for everything. . . thankful for life. Mercy also reminds me of greatness. . . but not my greatness.”
Tabitha’s father looked down at the scar again, his eyes moist and red. “Mercy reminds me of the greatness of The River. . . and the greatness of the man who lost his life saving mine.”
A bone-chilling silence fell over the room. No one moved as Jacob put his shirt back on. Gabriel was beginning to feel a chill, a glimmer of recognition. . . but it couldn’t be.
Tabitha pulled Gabriel’s arm. “Let’s get out of here.”
But Gabriel was rooted to the spot. He shivered as Jacob carried on with the story.
“My decisions cost a man his life, and I will have to live with that until the day I die. A family lost a son that day. A little boy. . . lost a father. To tell you the truth, I’ve wanted to give up many times. I was in a dark place for many years. But I was given a second chance, so rather than give up and be swallowed by my guilt, I chose to do what I believe he would have wanted me to do—dedicate my life to The River and to those who come my way to experience it. That’s what my life has been about for the last sixteen years, and that’s what it will always be about. I want to honor John Clarke’s legacy in every way possible.”
When Gabriel heard his father’s name, time froze. Everything went silent. Jacob kept speaking, but each word blurred into the other. With glazed eyes, hands on his head, he turned, leaned his back up against the building, and slid down to the ground slowly, ending up in a heap of disbelief and confusion. Mortified by the implications of what he just heard, he could hardly process the stunning revelation.
“Gabriel. Gabriel. Are you okay?” Tabitha shook him, but Gabriel was lost in his own world.
Memories of that day flooded Gabriel’s mind in an instant. The lifeless man in the kayak. . . his father’s words. . . “I’ll be right back, Gabriel!”. . . the thunder of the waterfall. . . and his daddy disappearing beneath the blue-green torrent. Those Kodachrome images kept appearing in his mind’s eye. If that man. . . if Jacob. . . had not been so irresponsible, they would have finished their marble game that day. . . and that little boy would have grown up with his father.
I can’t believe this is happening.
My father died that day because he wanted to save a life. . . Jacob’s life.
And Tabitha’s father is to blame?
“I have to go.” Gabriel stood up, shrugging Tabitha’s hand away.
“Gabriel! Let’s talk.”
He couldn’t respond.
Walking slowly back down the path and numbed by the news, Gabriel returned to The River’s edge. He took a seat on a large moss-covered rock that jutted out into the gentle waters. After a few minutes of solitude, he heard footsteps but didn’t turn his gaze from The River.
“I thought I’d find you here.” Tabitha sat next to him out on the boulder. “I’m so sorry, Gabriel. You shouldn’t have found out this way.”
“Why didn’t he tell me?” Gabriel turned to Tabitha and lashed out in a more aggressive tone. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Dad wanted to. He was just waiting for the right time. All these years he had wondered about you.”
“Everything he said, about wanting to be there for me. . . is that what all this is about? Is he just trying to make himself feel better for what he did? I can’t believe this.”
“It’s not like that. You have to believe me.”
Tabitha leaned in to hug him, but Gabriel turned a cold shoulder.
“Well, what is it like, then? It seems like a man that I was really beginning to admire is the man who made really bad choices, and those choices ended up costing my father his life. . . his life, Tabitha!”
Tabitha responded through her tears. “He’s sorry. He’s so sorry. You heard him. He wants to honor your father. He wants to honor you. No one can bring your father back, but we can honor his legacy by how we move on.”
“Please don’
t tell me to move on.”
“That’s not what I meant to—”
Gabriel interrupted her. “I can’t do this right now, Tabitha. I’m sorry.” Shattered, Gabriel left Tabitha on the rock and retreated to his room.
After Jacob’s class was over, he headed back toward the front office. Tabitha ran down the path and intercepted him just before he got there. A little out of breath and frantic, she stopped him in his tracks.
“Dad, Gabriel and I were out walking, and we ended up sitting outside the War Room. Gabriel heard you talk about the scar and John Clarke.” The tears began to flow, her palm rubbing her forehead. “He’s really upset, Dad. I don’t know what to do.”
“Where is he?”
“I don’t know. His room maybe.”
Jacob didn’t say anything more. He headed straight back down the path, through the woods to Ezra and Gabriel’s cabin. He walked up the steps onto the deck and knocked on Gabriel’s door.
“Gabriel?” He waited. Then a little louder, “Gabriel?” The door opened slowly about halfway.
“Yeah?”
“I guess we need to talk.”
“I don’t have anything to say, Jacob.”
“Would you come sit down with me for a second?”
Gabriel quietly came out on the deck and leaned up against the rail. His face was stern and his body language cold.
“I can only imagine how difficult this is for you, and I mean that. I can only imagine. Please just hear me out, Gabriel.” Gabriel’s silence seemed to give him permission. “I had been waiting for the right time to talk to you about all this, but quite frankly, I was scared. You see, I’ve wondered about you all these years. I can’t tell you how deeply sorry I am for everything that happened. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about what happened that day. . . or that I don’t think about you. I have been haunted by my actions for years. I would do anything to take it all back if I could.”
Jacob’s lip quivered.
“I just hope you can forgive me, Gabriel. Please forgive me.” He sniffled and wiped both eyes. Gabriel did not muster a reply.
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