by Bruce Gordon
What steps can you take now so that these C’s will be met in greater ways over the coming years?
We are to trust God even when it doesn’t make sense. Anxiety is the opposite of peace. What issues are causing anxiety for you? What can you do to alleviate anxiety and increase your trust in God?
[1] Paul McKeon, “How to find peace of mind at any age,” Starts at 60, October 1, 2017, https://startsat60.com/health/how-to-find-peace-of-mind-at-any-age.
41
The Value of Thankfulness
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
1 THESSALONIANS 5:18
SOCIETAL CONSUMERISM BOMBARDS US. Rather than telling us to be grateful for our blessings, society constantly reminds us how little we have. We’re pressured to want more.
People connect their happiness to acquisition and achievement rather than having gratitude for simple pleasures and everyday blessings.
God understands our DNA, and it’s why 1 Thessalonians 5:18 is written for us. Living a life of gratitude is transforming. It’s the path to happiness. You can’t underestimate the transforming work of being grateful.
I don’t want to grow into an old, thankless grinch, and I suspect you don’t either. Here are five results that come from living a life of gratitude.
It increases your sense of happiness.
It realigns what you’re focusing on. When you’re focusing on the negative, you’ll move toward the negative. Having a positive outcome breathes new life into yourself and others. One way to manage this focus is to keep a gratitude journal like my wife, Denise, does. Writing down what you are thankful for gives you added opportunity to reflect on your many blessings.
It combats your fears. We all have fears and anxieties. It’s a challenge to be fearful and thankful at the same time.
It places God in the rightful place in your life. If you believe that all things work together for your good (Romans 8:28), then possessing a thankful mindset expresses trust and faith in a God who loves you beyond compare.
It gives you purpose. It inspires you to dream and encourages you to reach for those goals.
You might want to begin spending five minutes each day writing in your gratitude journal. Then prepare to be transformed.
Questions
Write five things you are thankful for today. How does writing down your blessings place God in the rightful place in your life?
What other benefits has thankfulness brought to you?
In what ways does ungratefulness harm you or make life more difficult for you?
Why do you think thankfulness is particularly helpful to those who are 55+?
42
Help! I Feel Like an Outsider
It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you.
DEUTERONOMY 31:8
WE BOYS LINED UP IN FRONT of the backstop after gobbling down lunch so we’d have as much time playing baseball as we could squeeze in before we trudged back to the classroom at the ringing of the bell.
Two captains were chosen, and I stood quietly in the lineup. Each captain took a turn choosing a player until there were only two of us left. I still remember how I felt when the other boy’s name was called by one of the captains. I stood alone, and then the other captain motioned me to come and join his team. He was stuck with me. Though this happened decades ago, I can still see the faces and feel the sense of being an outsider.
Sadly, the sense of outsidership does not go away. The title of this devotional is something I hear over and over from the 55+ crowd.
There’s a connection between feeling like an outsider and feeling the loneliness or isolation that’s common in this demographic. Research suggests that isolation and loneliness contribute to health issues.
This is such a huge problem, and I don’t want to diminish it with a few short points. Yet the verse above is directly from our Father. God is always near to us. Here are a few prescriptive measures:
Don’t blame yourself for how you’re feeling. Many things can contribute to feeling like you don’t belong.
Consider helping someone in need. Serving others gives one a great sense of fulfillment, connection, and value.
Talk to your church leadership. Ask them about helping to form a ministry to your demographic. Your group doesn’t need to meet every week. At our church we have a reception time for our Boomers once a month. They pack the room for an hour. We interview individuals and couples to tell their stories. This is such a valuable time. People tell me they wouldn’t miss it.
Find a confidant, a friend, or a companion. Loneliness is a commonality among those in the 55+ age group, especially when grieving the loss of a spouse. Here are four thoughts I pass on to you.
Don’t confuse companionship with completeness. You’re different now, and you’ll never replace your spouse. A person you may attract could be nothing like the person you lost.
Don’t overdo being busy. Moderation is key. You need time to rest, reflect, learn what it feels like to be alone, and form a new routine that works for your new situation.
Don’t spend time with those who bring you down.
Don’t be afraid to try something new.
Give yourself permission to have “me time.” Develop healthy boundaries, because you need to protect yourself.
God delights in surprising those who are feeling alone, isolated, lonely, and grieving. Until you’re in this place, it’s difficult to explain it.
My challenge for you is to begin to act on the points from this devotional that you especially resonate with. Be proactive.
Questions
In what areas of your life do you feel like you belong? In what areas of your life do you feel like an outsider? How has belonging or feeling like an outsider affected you?
How could outsidership lead you to pursue a deeper relationship with God? What would be the benefits of this?
How could outsidership make you more sensitive to the needs of others? How could you meet their needs?
How could storytelling counteract outsidership? When could you tell your stories to others? When could you listen to the stories of others?
43
Investing in Your Marriage
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly,
since love covers a multitude of sins.
1 PETER 4:8
RESEARCH IS SHOWING THAT the divorce rate for adults ages fifty and older has doubled in the past twenty-five years.[1] So what is contributing to this alarming statistic?
Here are five factors that we need to understand and pay attention to.
People are living longer and feel more entitled to live life to the fullest. They’ve raised their children and feel that now it’s their turn to fully live. One person said to me, “I’ve been unhappy in my marriage, and I don’t want to be unhappy anymore.”
People are more accepting of divorce. There’s no longer a stigma attached. It’s very common and even accepted.
People are more financially stable, and many partners have their own careers.
Couples may have had marital instability in their earlier years and never addressed the issues that contributed to this. They stayed together because of the kids, and now that they’re empty nesters, there’s nothing to hold them together.
People are regularly viewing pornography. The statistics are increasing for those who are seriously struggling with pornography. A popular porn site is receiving 100 million hits per day. This is astounding. It has a huge impact on marriages.
We need to take action so that we don’t find ourselves in this situation. I offer you five strategies to reflect on and then implement in your own way.
Remove any thinking that you might be better off outside your marriage. Divorce isn’t an option! Of course, there can be exceptions where a spouse is unfaithful and not willing to seek help or reconciliation. Another exception is in the situation of abuse.
Share yo
ur financial expectations and budgets.
Give each other space. While you both need quality time together, you also need time to be alone and time to be with friends.
Establish operating principles. Denise and I developed a list during a challenging time in our marriage. You’ll find this list below the question section.
Seek help. Do this before it’s too late. Be proactive, and meet periodically with a trusted friend or counselor. We have found this to be invaluable.
Questions
How has your marriage changed over the years?
How is your marriage going right now? What can you celebrate about your marriage? Where do you think you could make changes for the better? Discuss this with your spouse.
What expectations do you have for your marriage? Are your expectations reasonable? Ask your spouse what expectations he or she has for your marriage. Listen well to what your spouse has to say.
Review the Gordons’ Ten Principles below. What principles would you establish for your marriage? Consider creating a list of no more than ten principles with your spouse.
The Gordons’ Ten Principles for Protecting Our Marriage
Give priority to our marriage
Establish date nights and fun days
Draw and maintain boundaries
Set goals together
Reach an agreement. A yes, plus a no, equals a no (we use this for major decisions where there’s a risk of cost or life change; if one party is not on board, then hold back and don’t act until both of you are in agreement).
Be purposeful in resolving conflict
Pray together
Develop your personal relationship with God
Protect two weekends per month to spend together
Review potential purchases with each other. This can also refer to requests for the use of your time, such as taking on a commitment that will take time away from the other person. Don’t commit to anything on impulse. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t eventually commit to these purchases or opportunities. Rather, you should discuss things and reach agreement before you make a commitment.
[1] Tera R. Jordan, “The Divorce Rate for Americans over 50 Has Doubled,” Considerable, June 6, 2019, https://www.considerable.com/life/divorce/gray-divorce-rates/.
44
Coping with Dismay
Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all.
2 THESSALONIANS 3:16
LAST WEEK I WAS LISTENING to a radio announcer who was trying to figure out why he was feeling down emotionally during the coronavirus pandemic when he’s normally a positive person.
I believe many people, including this radio announcer, experienced grief and struggled with trauma, isolation, or loss during this difficult time. Being isolated can escalate what we’re feeling. Grief can even lead to depression.
Here are some ideas on coping with dismay:
Give yourself permission to grieve. We are relational beings with emotions by God’s design. It’s very natural to feel grief. And while you need to give yourself permission to grieve, it’s also important that you don’t stay there.
Know that you aren’t alone. God is your Grand Designer. He knows and understands you. This is one of the reasons He has given us the Holy Spirit to help us, to equip us, to speak to us, and to encourage us. In Romans 8:26-28 we read that the Holy Spirit prays for us. The word intercedes is the Greek word hyperentunchanō. It means “to fall into with.” It gives the picture of the Spirit falling into our situation, sharing with us in this experience, and then bringing us freedom and peace—to move on our behalf, to bring relief. It’s the Holy Spirit saying, “I am here with you. We are going to press forward together. You are not alone.” What a great encouragement! He will not stop; He will not give up on you.
Remember that God is in control. I recently received an e-mail from Dr. Darrell Johnson, a pastor, professor, and author. He stated that during times when we feel out of control, God is working out His good purposes. One of God’s purposes is helping us realize just how vulnerable we are in a broken world. This world is not what He intended it to be. It’s broken, and we so need Him.
If you’re struggling with dismay, may you be comforted by the words of 2 Thessalonians 3:16.
Questions
What causes you dismay? Write out the situations and how they affect you.
In what ways does God’s presence bring you comfort? What specific truths from Scripture bring you peace?
Who do you rely on to bring you hope and wise perspective? How can you bring hope and wise perspective to others?
What do you need to do to move through the grief that you may now be experiencing?
We live in a broken world. Who are you interceding for? You may wish to keep this confidential; however, consider what a tremendous encouragement it would be if that person knew.
45
Leaving a Career Legacy
Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.
1 CORINTHIANS 15:58
THE WORD LEGACY SEEMS TO be used more as we age, especially into the 55+ years. I was recently reminded of this by a friend who is currently focusing on leaving a legacy in his career. We processed ideas one should be thinking of as he or she approaches retirement years.
Earlier in this book, I wrote about how to define legacy and gave a few practical points and questions to think about. Legacy is so important that I’m picking up the theme again, with some additional thoughts.
Here are five points my friend and I talked about:
Consider not taking on new leadership roles. Instead, we can be mentors and sages to those who are younger. Initiate connecting with younger workers, and become a resource to them. Transferring knowledge and information is key, and both younger leaders and your organization need your wisdom. Be proactive on this. This can include documenting processes involving your role and even allowing others to shadow you for a period of time.
Embrace change. As we grow older, there is a comfort in routine and the status quo. Help the organization stay relevant into the future by being flexible.
Share your expertise. You have knowledge that’s worth sharing. At one point I was in a significant transition for about a year and self-published a small book. I found it very therapeutic and fulfilling to write.
Reach out to your network of people. That network will probably change as you transition to retirement. A friend who had a medical career meets with former colleagues twice a year over lunch. This has been a practice of his over the past ten years. None of them would ever miss these times together. My friend also works to build a network with the people he comes in contact with currently. It’s important to stay connected with former colleagues and to build new networks.
Stay connected to your field of expertise. Look into aspects of your field that you may not have had time to explore while working full time. If you ever return to work for a time, you’ll be current on trends and knowledge.
Questions
What values do you stand for and want to leave behind?
What are three legacy words for which you want to be remembered?
Have you shared with your children or your spouse about your spiritual journey and what you want to be remembered for? Align this discussion with your past careers. What important lessons do you want to share with your children?
What have you been putting off that you need to accomplish? Some would call these late-life action steps. Make a plan to get these done.
46
Five Promises
I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his children begging for bread.
PSALM 37:25
MY FATHER RECENTLY PASSED AWAY. Just before he died, he gave me his Bible, which I had given to him as a gift some thirty years ago. There is hardly a page that isn’t marked in some manner.
/> Psalm 37:25 is heavily underlined. It’s almost as if he had to mark it again each time he read it. This verse was one of many promises that my father lived by. The verse was certainly proven accurate in his ninety-two years. Dad often quoted it to me.
Every so often I’ll read one of the psalms that Dad loved. I guess I’ll need to read all 150, because he has marked nearly all of them.
Recently, five promises impacted me from Psalm 37.
37:28—He will never desert us. We will be kept forever in His faithful care.
37:29—We will inherit the earth. This tells me that this earth will have a new future, and we will have ownership in it.
37:30—We make the best counselors. Of course, this depends on how well we listen to the Holy Spirit. When we listen well, our words possess wisdom and those we counsel will benefit.
37:31—We don’t need to be anxious about the future. With the Word of God in our hearts, we won’t slip.
37:37—We will have peace and a bright future. We can look forward with hope.
This week, read through Psalm 37. When you get to verse 25, underline it; you may also want to underline verses 28, 29, 30, 31, and 37.
There’s a request from God in this psalm in verse 34. He asks us to keep His ways as we wait on Him. When we do this, He will bring blessing to us.
If you’ve failed in the past and it still entangles your thinking, take a step forward.