by Sonya Weiss
Giving him a quizzical glance, she stepped aside and headed to the bridge. In the light tan capri pants she’d purchased earlier and the emerald green top, she was a vision. His future. He hoped. He felt nervous. Unsure. Everything around him seemed different. He needed to tell her the truth—that he’d sought out a relationship with her to help his reputation. But he was afraid that would push her away.
“C’mon, we don’t have much light,” Abby said. She waited until he neared and slipped an arm around his waist. She leaned her head closer to him.
Nick’s stomach muscles tightened at the touch. The warmth of her body against his was both sweet and bitter. She didn’t know how he felt. What would her reaction be? Every sense was magnified. Everything hung in the balance.
Extending her arm, she held her phone away from them and took a photo. “Hang on. One more.” After she took the photo, she texted something and then hit send.
“What was that about?”
“Just sharing a copy with Sue.”
“Nice. Making sure you send it to Sue, who in turn will show it to Oscar so that you stay on his mind for the building, huh?”
“Of course.” She tucked her phone into her pocket.
When she was done, Nick took her hand. Holding her hand felt right, and he knew exactly why. It belonged there. Now if only she would realize that.
…
Back at the room, Abby took a shower, and when she left the steamy bathroom, champagne and the chocolate-covered strawberries rested on a table by the bed. She looked at them and then at Nick. “Oh no. I have no intention of getting drunk and serenading you.”
Nick took the pajama bottoms he’d purchased earlier in the day from the shopping bag and slung them over his shoulder. “I called for it because it’s already been paid for. Shame to waste it.”
She considered that. “Okay, but I’ll only have one glass so don’t expect a song.”
He laughed and crossed the room toward her. When he reached her side, he said, “Aww, but, honey, you made it become my favorite song.” Walking past her on the way to the bathroom, he said, “You can trust that I won’t take advantage of you whether you’re drunk or not.”
“Yes, but can I trust myself?” Abby muttered.
“I heard that.”
She turned slowly and licked her lips. “I didn’t mean for you to.”
Grasping the hem of his shirt, he whipped it over his head in one fluid motion. Abby’s gaze traveled hungrily over his muscled chest across the length of his tribal tattoo. Clenching her hands into fists, she forced herself to look away.
“Abby.”
She looked back at him.
“I’m sure there’s still plenty of warm water if you want to join me.”
“I already showered.” Her voice sounded alien to her ears. Husky and raw.
“Then you can help me shower.”
“I think we’ve proven before that doesn’t work out so well. We get distracted.”
“I like distraction.” He indicated the bathroom door with a jerk of his head. “Feel free to come in there and distract me at any time, but I’ll understand if you don’t.”
“Nick, I look at being in a relationship with you like jumping off a tall building without a parachute. I know the landing is going to be painful.”
“Okay.”
He was supposed to argue with her. To give her all the reasons why they should have sex, why they should pursue a relationship. She could refute those. “Why are you looking at me that way?”
“You know why, Abby.”
She swallowed. “I’m scared of feeling too much with you. I can’t go there.”
“You said it would be like jumping off a tall building without a parachute.”
She nodded.
“Where the hell do you think I would be?”
“What?”
“I’d be right there, by your side. You would never fall alone. Not on my watch.” With that, he turned around and walked into the bathroom.
After a second, Abby heard the shower water turn on. She exhaled the breath she’d held and drew in hungry gasps of oxygen. She couldn’t do this. She’d end up getting hurt. Hadn’t she learned that lesson? The awful shards of brokenness from her past had cut too deeply. If she got involved with Nick again, those shards might end up cutting him too. So by staying away from him, she was actually doing him a favor.
She paced the room. Picking up the remote, she turned the television on. Channel surfed. Nothing good here. Unlike in the shower. Frustrated, she cut the television off and put the remote back.
Would being with Nick be worth the fallout if things ended badly between the two of them? Was the risk worth the moments of bliss she felt in his arms?
Nick would never knowingly hurt her. The thought started tentatively and then grew stronger, firmer until it was a solid belief. So what harm could possibly come from taking this night and spending it with him?
Spinning on her heel, she hurried across the room and put her hand on the bathroom door. Right or wrong. He was where she wanted to be. It was only one night. She would make the most of it. She pushed open the door and stepped in.
Keeping her eyes on the steamed up mirror, she waited until Nick pulled back a portion of the shower curtain. As soon as she heard the sound, she turned to look at him. His hair was wet, and water ran down the sides of his handsome face to flow across his chest and below.
“So, there’s room in there for me?” she asked.
“Always, Abby. Always,” Nick said.
Chapter Fourteen
Shortly after midnight, in between moments of kissing, they finished off the last of the chocolate-covered strawberries. When Abby snuggled against his chest, splaying her hand out across his skin, Nick couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this kind of hope when it came to the possibility of being with her. Surely tonight was the sign of something good for the two of them. Pressing a kiss to the top of her forehead, he scooted up and back against the plump pillows. Reaching under the blankets, he lifted Abby up beside him.
“You want another glass of champagne?”
“Mmmm. No.” She raised her head from his chest and smiled up at him. Her skin was flushed, her lips swollen.
He couldn’t help but lean down and taste her lips again. No matter how often he kissed her, he knew he would always hunger for more. When he settled again, he said, “Be honest. You planned this trip, right down to taking your crappy car, so that you could get me into bed.”
“You figured me out. Obviously, I don’t have a career as a villain.” She rolled slightly away from him and tucked the sheet around herself. Then her teasing expression turned serious.
“What is it?”
“You know this doesn’t change anything about which one of us buys the building? Because this”—she indicated the bed with a sweep of her hand—“doesn’t mean I give up that option.”
Nick groaned in exasperation. “Will you forget the damn building for now?”
She sighed. “It’s the way I’m wired. Always thinking about the future.”
“I get that, and I get that you probably started looking at life that way after your parents died. But if you look too intently at the future, you miss the present.”
“That’s deep.” She frowned. “Did you come up with that?”
“No. I read it somewhere,” he admitted with a laugh. “But it sounded wise so I thought I’d toss it out there.” He traced his fingertips down the length of her arm. He wanted to tell her what was in his heart, but he held back because he suddenly felt that earlier sense of foreboding return. He didn’t want to tell Abby that he loved her and have her chalk it up to sex. For him, it had never been about the sex. Well, not all about the sex.
“I learned to be careful, to always look ahead. That’s why I think so much about the future.”
“I guess with my childhood, my brothers and I just concentrated on getting through a day at a time.”
She pressed her lips
together, then blurted out, “My ex was like your father. I divorced him because he hit me.”
Nick stilled, feeling the blood drain from his face at the thought of anyone laying an angry hand on his sweet Abby. He knew what growing up in an abusive home had done to him and his brothers. The thought that Abby had experienced some of that made him sick. “He hit you?”
“We’d gone on a weekend getaway. While we were there, he brought up the idea of me selling the diner. I didn’t know at the time that he wanted me to sell it because he’d run up so much debt. I refused and we argued and he hit me.” She said the words quickly as if she needed to rid them from her body.
Nick clenched his jaw as his stomach tightened. “If he were in town, I’d kick his ass so hard a doctor would be able to do a colonoscopy through your ex’s mouth. As it is, maybe I’ll still pay him a visit.”
Abby shook her head. “I got out of the relationship immediately after that.”
By the inflection of her voice, Nick could tell there was more she wasn’t saying. “You want to talk about it?”
“There’s no point. It happened the one time; it’s over.”
“This is also what I was talking about on the trip up here when I asked you if you’d let yourself grieve over the things that hurt you.” He put his fingers below her chin and gently lifted her face upward. “I meant what I said about you never falling alone. Let me share your heartache, Abby. Let me be the one in the trenches with you. I know you’re used to going it alone, and I’ve seen how strong you are, how you take on tough things. But you don’t have to and I don’t think you realize that. I want to be with you.”
He was shocked when Abby burst into tears and got out of the bed to stand by the windows.
…
At the windows, looking out but not seeing anything, Abby bowed her head, hunching forward and sobbing. Damn it all. This was why it was best to go it alone. Now she’d dragged Nick into her scarred-up world because she’d selfishly wanted to feel that same warmth she’d felt in his arms before. She cared about him despite desperately not wanting to.
“Abby?”
He clasped her upper arms, and Abby wanted to rely on his strength, but she knew better. She’d made it so far because she’d been the strong one. She wasn’t about to let go of that strength. Nick needed to know everything; he needed to see the wounded pieces of her so that he would know among that wreckage there was no hope for the survival of a long-term relationship.
She faced him, and the concern on his face was almost her undoing. Feeling the need to sit, she selected one end of the love seat and curled her knees up, hooking her arm around them. “The day my ex hit me was also the day I miscarried. I was eight weeks pregnant.”
“That sonofabitch.”
“I did file a police report, and he was arrested.” Abby shivered at the memory of sitting in the police station. “He received probation and an order to attend anger management counseling. That was it.” She wiped her eyes with her fingers. “The doctor said that women usually experience a miscarriage if there’s something wrong with the embryo, but I’ve always wondered.”
Nick slid closer to her and put his arm around her shoulders.
“I felt a bond.” She dropped her hand to her stomach. Taking a breath, she said, “I did grieve, Nick. I grieved for months. So what if I did it alone and privately? Handling things on my own is how I’ve managed to get through up until this point.”
He smoothed her tousled hair away from the side of her face. “You’re happy living your life that way?”
“I feel fortunate. Things could have been worse, but it’s why I can’t go into a relationship with my entire heart ever again and that includes you, Nick. There’s too much at stake.”
He pulled back at that. “I see.”
“If you want to have a casual relationship with me and you’re willing to take the deal we made about the building off the table, then we can talk about that.”
“But if you keep your guard up, you’re just waiting to see if something bad happens, almost expecting it, so you’re not really committed.”
“I guess that’s one way to look at it.”
“Abby, half in a relationship is half out.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m declining. I want it all. I want the openness. The trust. I want a future, and I want it with you. I want you to at least be willing to give your all emotionally even if you’re not quite there yet.”
His words dug at her like angry wasps defending their territory. “You’re asking too much.”
“Yeah.” His lips twisted. “I was afraid you’d say that.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “I have something to tell you about the reason I pushed to be with you. A lot of people trust your judgment about a person’s character. I guess you could say by letting others see us dating, I’m using you to get people and potential clients to see that I’ve changed. That I’m the kind of guy who can be trusted. The kind who’s good enough for someone like you.”
“You were using me?” Her belief that he’d been honorable? He hadn’t been. He’d wanted the building. He’d wanted her for his own means. All his talk about caring and being the one beside her was a load of bull. She’d been a fool. Again. The knowledge hurt, raking her heart across the coals. “How could you lie to me?”
“I didn’t lie to you. I just didn’t tell you the whole story, that’s all.”
“Half the truth is a half lie, Nick. You used me and you lied to me, and that’s all there is to say.”
“I’ve been turned inside out with how I feel about you. I only wanted casual, and then I wanted more. I think you feel something for me, and you’re scared to trust yourself. To trust us.”
“And you proved me right, didn’t you?”
“Forget it. You want to push me away? Fine. Consider it done. We’d better get some sleep. Keith will be here early tomorrow morning to pick us up.”
Clenching her hands, Abby said, “You want a guarantee that I’ll love you after what you just told me, is that it? Haven’t you listened to anything I’ve said? I’m incapable of loving you the way that you deserve to be loved. I’m incapable of taking a chance. Especially knowing you weren’t honest with me.”
“Well, that’s too damn bad. I guess we’ll never know what could have been. And I wasn’t dishonest…just…tell me. Where does this leave things?”
“We’re back to where we started—adversaries over a building. Nothing more. Not now, not ever.”
“I guess so. Good night, Abby.”
When he turned out the lamp on his side and crawled into the bed, a wave of loneliness washed over Abby stronger and deeper than anything she’d ever experienced.
Chapter Fifteen
Three days had passed since they’d returned from the botched trip. Nick still saw Abby for brief periods of time in keeping with their original agreement about the building, but they rarely talked about anything except things that didn’t matter.
He still tried to wheedle Oscar into selling to him, and he knew that Abby was doing the same.
Having been so close to her, on the brink of hope only to have it crushed, was painful. But he knew better than to cave to the pain in his heart and tell her that he’d take the kind of casual relationship she’d offered. It was ironic that he, king of casual relationships in the past, now wanted one that would last.
To spare his heart as much turmoil as he could, he avoided eating lunch at the diner as usual. Instead, he drove the extra ten miles to a burger franchise in Summerville. When he walked in to the restaurant, Eric was already waiting for him. He pulled out a chair and sat down opposite his friend.
“I ordered you a veggie burger,” Eric said.
“Like hell you did.”
When the waitress came to take his order, Nick didn’t even have to look at the menu. He ordered the steak burger minus the mushrooms.
“You look like someone dragged you around the block and then kicked your ass,” Eri
c said once the waitress left. “Problems with the business?”
“Nah. Work has turned around and things are going well. I’m booked solid through the holidays. This is something worse than problems with the business. It’s problems with Abby.”
Eric took a swallow of his beer. “I could have predicted that. After her divorce, when did you ever see her date anyone other than every now and then?”
“Yeah, I know.” Nick tried not to take offense at Eric’s not-so-subtle I told you so.
“So what time do you need my help out at your place?”
“This evening’s fine.”
Eric looked surprised at that. “I thought you and Abby were working evenings together at Oscar’s building? Is that off now?”
“She takes a night and goes in there to work, and I take the next. It’s better this way. We’re mostly doing some cosmetic stuff.”
“Oh, wow.” Eric leaned back when the waitress set a plate in front of him. As soon as she put a second plate in front of Nick and left, Eric continued, “When are you moving out to your house?”
“Next weekend. You volunteering to help move my stuff?”
“You buying the brew?”
“You know it.”
“I’ll be there. I’ll round up a couple of the guys to help. Keith gonna make his famous barbecue?”
“Says he is.”
“You don’t sound too thrilled.” Eric frowned. “You’re about to move into the house you busted your ass to build. Business is booming. So why… Ah, I understand now.” Eric bit into one of his fries.
“You understand what?”
“You’re white-picket-fence-take-the-kids-to-soccer-practice in love.”
Nick lifted the top of his burger and slathered it with steak sauce. He fixed the bun and took a bite. Eric still looked expectantly at him. “Doesn’t matter. Me loving her doesn’t change a damn thing.”
“Did you tell her you love her?”
Nick frowned. “I didn’t have to. I practically spelled it out for her. I let her know I’d be there for her. What the hell are you smirking for?”