by Lillie Love
“So, how’s it going?” Pieter broke the silence after a few minutes, giving me a sideways glance.
“Pretty shit.” I sipped my beer, wondering how honest I could be with him. Sure we were friends but he was also my business partner.
“You wanna talk about it?”
I shrugged my shoulders starting straight ahead.
“You said you love her.”
I glanced up at him. “I do love her.”
“So what the fuck are you still doing here?”
“What?”
Pieter smiled, a knowing look in his eyes. He took his damn time answering.
“I can tell your heart’s not in it Julien. Maybe you didn’t recognise it, but I can see you’re not feeling it anymore. Especially now that Ellie’s gone.”
I sipped my beer. “Is it that obvious?”
“No. Not to anyone else. But I’ve grown to know you, I could see how happy you’ve been with Ellie…but somehow, you’ve been detaching yourself from the clinic.”
“So what do I do?” I sighed. “This is all I’ve ever known.”
“It’s a big world out there, hot shot. You can start anywhere, doing anything.” He spoke softy. “Trust me. I know.”
There was clearly a lot more to Pieter. He didn’t reveal a lot of his past, clearly a very private man.
“I know a few investors who would happily buy you out. Of course, if that’s what you’d consider.”
“Are you serious?”
“Without a doubt. Go to Ellie, Julien. Your heart and mind is with her.”
I thought about his proposition. Surely it couldn’t be that easy, could it? But then again, I guess I’d been blessed in that way. My whole life had been easy up until this stage. Now it was time to tackle the next part. The hard part - getting to and through to, Ellie.
“I admit…I am - have been, somewhat…distracted for a while. Maybe I just need a change of scene.”
“Just say the word, man, and I’ll get things moving.”
I nodded, with a new determination to start a new chapter in my life.
I blew out a breath. This was huge, the biggest way I’d ever stepped out of my comfort zone.
“I’ll do it. Speak to your colleagues.”
Pieter clinked his bottle to mine. “I’m sure this is a tough decision for you, dude, but seriously, if you’re not one hundred percent present then it’s no good for anyone,” he grinned, shoving my shoulder. “Besides, you’re a hustler, man, you’ll find something new. Probably better.”
I smirked. Yeah, he was right. I had enough connections in the medical field to do something different. I was at the top of my industry - seeking work would never become an issue for me. Hell, with the amount of money I had, I’d never have to work another day in my life, if I so chose to.
“Maybe, if Ellie will have me, we can go bum on a beach or something…like Southeast Asia, take some time out.”
Pieter looked at me sharply. “What do you mean, if she’ll have you? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you anything but supremely confident in seeking what you desire, Julien. Why the sudden change in attitude?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Part of me thinks I’m losing her. Just this crazy feeling I have.”
“All the more reason to show her, then, how much you care about her.” He glanced at his watch. “Sorry man, thanks for the beer, but I’ve gotta shoot - very early start tomorrow.”
We stood, shaking hands. He had become a good friend.
“Don’t run yourself into the ground, Pieter. You’re a workaholic.”
“Says the man who used to practically work twenty-two hours a day?” He raised a questioning eyebrow.
“Yeah…you got me.”
I walked him out and watched as he started up the engine to the Ecosse. This piece would definitely be going on my new freedom list.
I had to shout over the deep rumble of the engine. “Thanks for stopping by, man, I really appreciate the advice and help.”
He strapped his helmet together. “No worries. Go get your new life.” And then he flicked the stand, pulled back on the throttle and roared off into the night.
Ellie
“Are you comfortable, dad? I’m not pushing too fast, am I?” A few days later, my father was discharged and I was wheeling him out of the ward, ready to go home together.
“Stop fussing, Ellie. I’m fine.” He raised his hand over his shoulder to squeeze mine reassuringly. I was used to transporting patients and it was second nature, but somehow, having my father’s health in my hands was completely different. I was so nervous.
We stopped by the nurse’s station on our way out.
“Ah, James, good to see you going home. You take care of yourself.” Jackie looked up from her desk, grinning at the sight of us.
“I will, Jackie. Especially now I have my daughter back.” He looked up to give me a loving smile. “Thank you very much for looking after me so well - and please pass on my thanks to the other nurses too.” Giving me a slight nod, I gave him the large bouquet of flowers he requested and the box of chocolates, which he presented to Jackie.
“Oh, James. Thank you! You didn’t have to do this.” Jackie was smiling as she quickly sniffed the flowers. “And Ellie - thank you to you too for making our job so easy. It was a pleasure having you assist us…in fact, do call me if you want to get back to work.”
“Thank you, Jackie, I’ll definitely bear that in mind. Right, the taxi is waiting downstairs…I guess we’d better go.” I looked at my dad. “Ready?”
“Let’s go.”
“The man has spoken! Thank you again, Jackie. All the best.” I gave her a quick hug and then we made our way over to the lift.
“I can walk you know, Ellie,” he muttered.
“I know you can, dad, but you heard your doctor. You have to take it easy for a while.”
“Fine, fine.” He grumbled. Dad had tried to be extremely brave about his heart attack but I knew from talking with Jackie that it had come as a huge shock to him. It would take him a while until he was fully back to health again. And I was here to make sure his recovery was as smooth as possible.
We got home a little while later and after settling him on the sofa with a blanket, I went into our small kitchen to fill the kettle for some tea. One of the perks for being back home - I had missed a good cup of English tea, although my palette hadn’t protested with Julien’s super-amazing-all-dancing coffee machine.
Julien. I absentmindedly fingered the delicate gold necklace which I hadn’t taken off since he gave it to me a week ago, the morning he was flying back to LA. My mind drifted back to that day. I was getting dressed in the hotel room preparing for my visit to the hospital, all my thoughts with dad. Suddenly I felt his hand take mine and lead me to the bed. I looked into his eyes questioningly, painfully aware that this was the last time I would be seeing him in a while. He held a black velvet box in his hand and sat next to me.
“Ellie, I know this is not the best time, but I had bought this for you a few days ago. I was planning on giving it you a couple of nights ago…but we kinda got carried away.” He smiled and I blushed lightly.
Snapping open the box, I gasped at the shimmering heart shaped diamond and simple gold necklace.
“Oh my God, Julien, it’s beautiful!”
He carefully took it out of the box, the diamond immediately catching the light and reflecting in all its glorious beauty.
“I had it made for you.” He took my hand, looking at my intently. “This is a symbol for how I feel about you, Ellie. You’re my light…don’t ever forget that. You’ve brought clarity into my world.” He kissed me softly. “I love you.”
Now one week had gone past since we last saw each other. It felt like a lifetime. My heart ached when I thought of him, wondering how he was, what he was doing. Each time, my mind won the internal battle, guilt winning that I was selfish enough to worry about our relationship, when my father had such a close call with death.
The kettle had boiled and I shook myself out of my thoughts as I poured the hot water. I hadn’t spoken to Julien in three days. With the time difference and taking care of my father, I had only texted him a few times and could tell from his messages that he was getting increasingly frustrated at the lack of contact. I just didn’t know what to do anymore. Sighing, I carried the hot cups of tea back through to the front room.
“Here you go dad. Can I get you anything else?”
“Thanks, darling. No, I’m fine for now. Just feeling a bit tired from the journey.”
I adjusted his blanket, making sure he was comfortable.
“So, now I’m back home, what are you going to do?”
My eyes drifted to his. “I don’t know, dad.” I took a sip of tea, slightly wincing as the hot water scaled my tongue. “But let’s not worry about it now, okay? Let’s just concentrate on getting you better.” I smiled brightly as he frowned lightly.
“Julien?”
“What about him, dad?”
“Well, have you decided how you’re going to keep seeing each other?”
I shook my head, the back of my eyes pricking with tears. “I think I’ve chased him away,” I whispered, “there’s no way it would really work out with us.”
“Why, Ellie? You seemed so happy a week ago!”
“I know dad…I was. It’s just, this is my life. This is reality. I think I just got caught up with the fairytale of living in LA…our lives are way too different.”
“Ellie, Ellie, Ellie. Have you even given the man a chance to see how he feels about the situation?”
“What? Well, no, Dad. I just know that… this is for the best…we need to get back to our lives.” My damn eyes were stinging with my words.
“I think you’re making a mistake. Talk to him, okay? I’ll forever be grateful with how he handled things for me.”
“You like him, dad?”
“I’ve not had the chance to properly meet him, Ellie, but I can see how good he’s been to you.” He sipped his tea and I noticed his eyes take a faraway look. “Sometimes in this lifetime you are blessed with meeting someone so special, someone who is the other part to your heart, someone you can’t live without.” As his eyes became misty, I knew he was thinking of my mother and suddenly I found it difficult to swallow as he continued. “Just don’t throw it all away without being sure.”
I nodded, unable to speak. We sipped our tea in silence and then his eyes grew heavy. Soon after, he was fast asleep.
I silently padded out of the room and located my mobile phone on the kitchen counter, whilst shutting the door behind me. It would be late evening in LA. I’d been strong for this long, surely I could make it through a phone call? Hesitating for a brief moment, my finger hovering over his name, I took a breath and hit the call button. He answered on the second ring.
“Ellie. Baby, I’ve been so worried, why haven’t you called?”
“Hey, Julien. Sorry.” I glanced down at the tiled flooring. “Sorry. It’s been…full on.”
“I understand. How is James doing? You said he was coming home in your last message?”
“Yes, he was discharged earlier today. He’s okay, thanks…pretty weak, but I guess that’s to be expected.”
“And he’s in very good hands.”
My throat closed up on me. Here we were making small talk, when all I really wanted was the comfort of his arms, to be looked after by my strong man who would shoulder some of my responsibility, giving me the strength I needed. I took a breath, feeling overwhelmed and trying to get my emotions under control.
But failed miserably.
“Ellie, are you there?”
Tears welled up in my eyes. “I’m here,” I said softly, my voice wobbling out of control.
“Ellie, I can be there tomorrow.”
“What? No!” The thought of having him here, all clean and expensive in my dingy childhood home, had me panicked. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout.” I was openly crying now, crying for everything that we had and everything that I was now losing. “Please don’t come, Julien. You have your patients.” I wiped away my tears, roughly. “Besides, I better focus on getting my dad better.”
“Ellie—“
“No, Julien…I’m sorry. It’s best this way.” I wiped my eyes again, feeling like my heart was shattering as my heart pounded away. “I’ve got to go…I’ll speak to you again soon.” Pulling the phone away from my ear, I could hear his protests as I wept, swiftly ending the call. Although he tried to call back numerous times, I let it ring out, staring at his name lit up across my screen, not wanting to deal with a confrontation. Fearing I’d hear him say that words that perhaps we should take a break, that a long distance relationship was impossible, that our lives were too different. I wiped away my tears and forced myself to believe that it was better this way.
Sitting on the kitchen chair with my head in my hands, it suddenly felt like I had regressed, as if I had never made it out of this place. Everything I experienced and felt in these past few months were fast slipping away.
Maybe it wasn’t meant to be.
Julien
Meeting investors, shaking hands, smiling, concentrating, legal documents. The list went on. The last few days were fucking tiresome. Pieter had immediately set to work, arranging meetings with potential colleagues - seemed like buying out my half of the business was pretty popular. If I hadn’t known he was moving this fast for my benefit, I might have taken it personally that he just wanted to see the back of my ass. But I knew the opposite was true, he had become a trusted and valued friend, having my best interests at heart.
Although shocked, Lawrence had also given me his blessings, when I visited with him at his home the previous morning.
“Are you sure you want to do this, son? You’re at the peak of your game.”
I sipped my coffee before I spoke. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life, Lawrence. Nothing has felt so right in a long time.”
He was quiet as he watched me. Finally he spoke. “I’m very proud of you, Julien. I wish you and Ellie all the best for your future. You planning on bringing her back here?”
I shook my head, shrugging. “I have no idea, right now. I just know that she belongs to me. The rest, we’ll figure out as we go.”
“I understand.” He chuckled. “What is it with these damn women, coming into our lives and wreaking havoc?” I smiled, knew he was thinking of his late wife and the initial pains he went through with wooing her to his side. “I wish you the best of luck for tomorrow. You’re signing on the dotted line, right?”
I blew out a deep breath. “Yeah, tomorrow.” I was nervous, but it felt good. “Tomorrow’s the start of my new life.”
The next morning, following a lengthy meeting with the investors and attorneys, I finally walked out, my half of the business now belonging to another. It felt surreal. I needed a drink. Sitting at my desk, looking around my office for the last time, I had never envisioned the day would arrive when I would be leaving this place. That my life and entire career here could be wrapped up in three days. I probably wouldn’t have known any different or aspired for any better, if it hadn’t been for the beautiful English rose, who stepped into my life and irrevocably had me reconsidering my life choices.
I looked up at the quick knock on my door.
“Hey, how do you feel?”
“Come in, Pieter. Drink?”
Without waiting for his answer, I poured him a neat shot of whiskey and pushed the glass across the desk. “Cheers, buddy.”
We raised our glasses and swallowed the liquid, the burn feeling good as it slipped down my throat.
I sighed deeply, exhausted with the stress of events of the past few days.
“I feel like a man who has gone out on a limb, not really knowing what’s on the other side.”
Pieter nodded. “I get how you’re feeling. Don’t worry, it’s perfectly normal…once you’re on that plane ride out of here, this will soon feel like
a closed chapter. Plenty more adventures to experience, my friend.”
I sat in silence, sipping my drink. “I haven’t heard from her in three days. She won’t take my calls.”
“Wait. What?”
I smirked. “Yup…I’ve just packed up my life here…and I’m not even sure she wants me anymore.”
“Fuck, man. I’m sorry to hear this. But in her defence, her life has been thrown upside down. She’s probably a total case of emotions right now.”
“Yeah, I’m convincing myself of that theory too. That’s why I’m doing this - I’m not giving up on us just like that.” I snapped my fingers, my tone fierce and protective. “We belong together. I’ll do whatever it takes.”
The next morning, I locked my front door, suitcase in hand. For my entire life, I had never lacked in confidence, my wealth and status carrying me through every little trial I faced. Now, for the first time, I was experiencing what it felt like to be unsure, to be uncertain of what my future held - with Ellie. Because without her by my side, I don’t know how I’d be able to function anymore.
Some twelve hours later, after what seemed to be an unending flight, I was standing outside her front door.
Ellie
“Dad! Dinner’s ready! Do you want to eat at the table or shall I bring you a tray to eat on the sofa?” I called out from the kitchen, carving the roasted chicken.
“Nah, I’ll come and sit at the table, love. Smells delicious!”
I looked up as he walked slowly into the kitchen, sniffing the delicious aromas of the traditional roast dinner.
“This looks fantastic. Can I help with anything?”
“No I’m fine. Sit.” I shoved the microwave shut with my elbow and carried the steaming bowl of vegetables to the table, giving it a quick glance to see if I had forgotten anything else. The sound of the doorbell broke my thoughts.
“I’ll get it,” he said, making to stand up from the chair.
“No,” I said, quickly, putting the glasses down. “You start serving up.”
I stepped past him with a smile and a pat on the shoulder as I made my way to the front door.
My smile dropped as I felt the blood drain from my face. I quickly shut my open jaw.