by Erin Osborne
“Cassidy, you wormed your way past my defenses and into my heart. There’s a difference between lovin’ someone the way I love you and just wantin’ your body. I want your body, your heart, and your soul. You’re the glue that holds us together and the only person to put the puzzle pieces of my soul back together. Words will never convey how much I love you. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for takin’ a chance on us and lettin’ us in. For takin’ a chance and givin’ yourself to us. We’ll show you every day how grateful we are, and fifty years will never be enough time with you,” Chains says.
Cass speaks her vows to the two men, but I can’t tell you what she says. Her voice is so low, and Kora and my mom are crying along with a few other women in the yard.. The look of love and tenderness on her face is the only clue I have about what she’s saying. It’s a look I’ve waited to see on a woman’s face as she looks at me. But, I’ll never let anyone close enough to see it. I’ve learned my lesson and I’m not the only one to pay the price for it. Kora has also paid a steep price.
By the time the three are married and committed, I’m ready to let loose and have a cold beer. It’s hot as hell outside and we’re all sweating to death. One beer is all I’m drinking with Kora being here, I need to be alert in case she needs me. So, I’ll have a drink and enjoy my night with my daughter and the rest of my Satan’s Anarchy family.
Chapter Two
Natasha
IT’S BEEN A few days since the robbery at the convenience store. I’m still shaken and all I want to do is stay in my home. I don’t want to see anyone, talk to anyone, or go to work. Unfortunately, if I don’t go to work, I’ll lose my job and then I’ll be screwed. So, I’m up and ready to leave the house.
As I walk out my door, I frantically search the area surrounding my home and car. I don’t see anyone suspicious or anything out of place, but it doesn’t prevent me from running to the car and locking my doors as soon as I’m inside. I take a few minutes to calm my breathing before turning the key in the ignition and backing out of my driveway.
On the short drive to the lawyer’s office, I constantly check my mirrors to make sure no one’s following me. If I were smart, I’d have called Hadliegh and asked to talk to Psycho about what I witnessed. Maybe the club could help me, keep someone watching over me to ensure no one comes after me. But, I’m not attached to the club, so they probably wouldn’t do anything about the situation I find myself in.
Hadliegh invited me to Cass’s wedding, but I turned her down. I’m not even sure what I told her, but I know it was some lame-ass excuse. She’s smart enough not to have bought it, but she didn’t pressure me either. That’s the thing about Hadliegh— she’s been through her own shit and knows when not to press too hard on someone. Unless she cares and knows for a fact a person has been hurt. Then she doesn’t hesitate to go all bad bitch or send her husband, Psycho, after someone.
Pulling into the parking lot of the office building, I look around carefully before leaving my car. People are walking up and down the street, looking into the storefronts and having a good time. They don’t have a care in the world, and I wish I was any one of them. Instead, I push the thought from my mind and scurry into the office so I can get to work and feel somewhat safe with the security system we have and other people surrounding me.
The office building Tanner’s office is in holds five different offices. There’s an insurance office, our office, and a career office on the first floor. The second floor holds a small investment company and a loan company. None of the offices hold very many employees so all the businesses are small.
When you walk in the building, my office is through a door on the left-hand side of the hallway with the insurance company across from us, and the career office at the back of the building. They open later than us, so I’m usually the first one in the building. Usually, I love spending a few minutes here alone in the morning, enjoying the peace and quiet. This morning, it only serves to remind me there could be men after me and I have no clue.
Taking a seat at my desk, I see the light blinking on the phone and listen to the messages before starting a pot of coffee. As I’m taking my seat behind my desk, Tanner, my boss, saunters into the office. He’s in his late forties and there’s always a cocky air about him. He doesn’t think anything is ever going to happen to him, or that he’s ever going to lose a case in court. It’s why he’s so busy with new clients wanting to book appointments with him.
However, it does nothing for anyone else he tries to bring in to work for him. Or with him. No one ever lasts past a few weeks. They all hate the way he acts, the way he talks, and the type of clients he takes on. He’ll take the worst men and women just to prove he can get them out of whatever they’re being charged with. Especially if it’s a murder charge. I can’t stand working for him either, but I don’t have much choice right now.
Jobs in Shadowville are hard to come by and when someone finds one, they tend not to leave it. So, I’ve been looking but haven’t had much success. I’m honestly ready to move somewhere else with more job opportunities and where no one knows me. But, that would mean leaving Hadliegh and them behind. I’m not sure I can do that either. It’s so confusing.
“Morning, Tanner,” I say as he walks past my desk. “I’ll bring your coffee right in.”
He doesn’t even acknowledge me as he heads to his office. This is the type of man I work for. Yeah, I need to get the hell out of here before I become just as bad as he is. I was raised better than that and I’ll never stoop to his level. If I had known what he’s about when I got a call for an interview, I would’ve passed on it.
After taking Tanner his coffee and messages, I head back to my desk. As I round the corner, I come to a dead stop in the middle of the large waiting area. Filling the room are the men from the robbery, along with several more. The only reason I know it’s them is because of the cuts on their back and their greasy appearance.
“C-c-can I-I-I help you?” I stutter out.
“We got an appointment with Tanner,” one of the men says, turning his full attention on me.
“I’ll let him know you’re here,” I say, not bothering to find out their names because I don’t want to know.
“You do that, sweet cheeks,” he responds.
I shudder in revulsion as the men take seats and I pick up the phone on my desk. After Tanner tells me he’ll be with them in a few minutes, I sit back and keep an eye on the men. Most of them are looking around the waiting room while four of them keep their gazes locked in my direction. Their stares range from hostile to pure lust. I’m not sure which one is worse.
“Don’t I know you?” one of the men asks, breaking the silence surrounding us.
“No, I don’t think so. I’ve never seen you in here before,” I answer, trying to keep my voice steady.
“Yeah, I’m sure I’ve seen you before,” he replies, sitting forward and looking at me closer.
Tanner walks from his office at that point and I’ve never been happier to see the man in my life. I pretend I’m looking over the paperwork sitting in front of me as the men file past me. Unfortunately, it doesn’t prevent me from seeing the look of recognition on the man’s face when he finally gets up close to me.
“Yeah, I know where I’ve seen you before. Have a late-night run to the store over the weekend?” he asks, letting an evil smile fill his face.
“No. I worked all weekend,” I answer, briefly looking up.
“Yeah. I know you were there,” he says as Tanner calls out to him. “I’ll get you later.”
As soon as they’ve left the waiting area, I run to the bathroom. There’s nothing in my stomach to get rid of, but my body is trying to anyway. I haven’t been able to eat since the night of the robbery. And I’ve barely slept. I’m surprised the man could tell it was me just based on my appearance after the last few days.
By lunchtime, I’m ready to go home. The earlier appearance of the men has me spooked even worse. And Tanner’s been acting
weird since his meeting with them. Instead of working in his office as he normally does, he’s chosen to sit at the large conference table in the room behind the waiting area. The room is encased in glass walls so he can watch me. It’s unnerving and creeping me out. Is Tanner somehow involved with the men?
It doesn’t matter one way or another. I’m out of here. Walking to the room, I knock on the door before opening it.
“Tanner, I’m gonna head home. I’m not feeling great and I’ve already been sick once today,” I say, not outright lying to my boss.
“Oh, okay. I hope you feel better by tomorrow morning. It’s going to be a busy day,” he answers, a sinister smile plastered on his face. “I’m in court most of the day, so just leave me a message if you can’t make it in.”
“Thank you, I will,” I respond.
I stop at my desk long enough to shut the ringer off on the office phone and grab my purse. Once I’m through the door of the office building, I sprint to my car and lock myself inside once again. I internally debate going home, because there’s nowhere else I can go now. Hadliegh would know something’s wrong as soon as she sees me. And I don’t have any other friends here, so there’s no place to go but home.
Pulling up to my house, I park in the garage and wait until the door is shut behind me. I jump out of my car and run through the garage until I come to the door. I’m shaking so bad, I drop the keys in my attempt to unlock the door. Picking them up, I manage to slide the key in the lock and get inside. I slam the door shut and make sure it’s locked behind me. These men know who I am now. They know I was in the store and I don’t know when they’re going to come after me.
I make my way to the living room after checking every room in the house, changing into sweats, and I take a seat on the couch. Huddling in the corner, I jump when my cell phone rings. It’s Hadliegh calling me. Shutting it off, I lay it on the table in front of me and pull a blanket up over my freezing cold body. For the rest of the day, I don’t move. I watch every corner of the house’s interior, waiting for the men to force their way in and kill me.
Chapter Three
Renegade
THE CLUB HAS been celebrating the wedding for hours now. My mom already left and offered to take Kora home with her, but my daughter wants to stay with me. It’s not because she’s uncomfortable with my mom—we’ve had a breakthrough today. Ever since she asked if I never wanted her, Kora has been glued to my side.
This upsets me and I’m trying to hide my pain from Kora. For her to believe for twelve years I never wanted her absolutely kills me. I wonder what else Saralyn has told my daughter about me. In the coming days, I’ll know it all. Kora and I will sit down and have a conversation about everything. There’s no other way for me to reassure her I want her with me unless she knows the entire truth.
The babes have left me alone. I’ve already told them I’m not to be approached for anything if my daughter is out of her room. Today, she’s right next to me and I won’t have her subjected to them. Or the fact I’ll never be with anyone in a serious relationship again. But, I have no problems fucking the babes whenever I need or want to. It’s not her business and I won’t have her know it’s how I live my life.
“Are you havin’ fun?” I ask Kora as we sit at a table and eat our dinner.
“I am,” she answers as Psycho and Hadliegh join us.
“Kora, you look so pretty today,” Hadliegh tells her.
Kora changed earlier and is wearing a summer dress. Her hair is hanging loose and softly blowing in the light breeze around us. I never thought to tell my daughter she looks pretty. What the hell is wrong with me?
“Yes, you do look very pretty,” I tell her.
Kora blushes under our compliments and turns her face down toward her plate of food. Just one more thing to add to the growing list of reasons I want to know where Saralyn is and what she’s done to my daughter. Hadliegh and Psycho look at me, their expressions telling me how upset they are about their niece and her behavior.
“Kora, you want to come keep me company at work on lunch tomorrow? You can take a tour of Anarchy Ink and see where I work,” Hadliegh asks, trying to draw Kora into a conversation.
“Oh, um, no thank you,” she answers. “My grandma wants me to come to the diner and hang out with her for a while tomorrow. I already said ‘yes’. Can we do it another day?”
“Sure. Anytime you want to. Kora, we can hang out, go shopping, or you can call if you just need a female to talk to. I am your aunt and I’d like to get to know you,” Hadliegh tells her.
A tear slips from Kora’s eye at her aunt’s words. Every single day, my heart breaks more and more for my daughter and the comforts and show of love she’s been denied so far in her young life. There’s not another fucking day she won’t feel loved, special, or have whatever comfort she needs. Not when she’s with me and Satan’s Anarchy.
“What are you gonna do with grandma tomorrow?” Psycho asks, shoveling a forkful of food into his mouth.
“I don’t know. She just wants to get me away from the clubhouse for a while,” Kora answers, taking a sip of her soda.
“Good,” I tell her, knowing the guys are going to be hungover.
After we finish our food, Psycho and I take care of the garbage while Callie joins the girls at our table. Hawk, Cass, and Chains are getting ready to leave and the party is still going strong. I know the guys are just waiting for me to usher my daughter inside, but they can wait until she’s ready to go to bed. This is her clubhouse as much as it is theirs and they’ll have to learn that.
As we walk closer to the table, I can hear Callie trying to convince Kora to join them on the dance floor. She’s refusing to go. I’m not sure what’s holding her back, but I will find out. My daughter will know she can do anything she wants to, within reason of course. If she wants to dance, she’ll dance. It’s a sad day when a young girl refuses to dance, especially after her eyes have been lingering on the dance floor since we sat down.
“I’m gonna take Kora for a walk. I want to show her somethin’,” I tell the girls, getting her away from their questioning.
Kora stands up and follows me to the side of the clubhouse. We have a large piece of property and I’m building a house for us there. It’s to the right of the clubhouse and will give us a sense of freedom, but I’ll still be close enough if I’m needed in a hurry. Kora doesn’t need to be raised in a clubhouse and I don’t want her around all the debauchery the guys and babes get up to at night.
I come to a stop when we get to the stop the foundation is already laid. Kora looks at the hole in the ground for the basement and I know it shows how large the house will be.
“We’re gonna have a house here?” she asks, walking closer.
“Yeah. It’s gonna be a two-story home with a finished basement. I may add a pool later on, I’m not sure about it yet. You’ll have your own bedroom and bathroom. And, you’ll be able to decorate it however you want. Our construction company has been workin’ on a big project, but soon more guys will be workin’ on our house so we can move in,” I tell her, putting my arm over her shoulders as she steps closer to me.
“I’ll really get to decorate my room?” she asks, looking up at me.
“Yeah. Kora, we need to talk,” I tell her, moving us to the picnic table by the foundation.
“Did I do something wrong?” she asks.
“No, you didn’t. I want to know about your life with your mom. What happened there?” I ask.
For a few minutes, Kora stares into space. Her face is completely blank, and I know she’s trying to determine how much to tell me and how much to leave out. I want to know it all, but I’m not going to force her into talking.
“It wasn’t always so bad. When I was little, my mom loved me the way other moms love their children. Things didn’t change until I was about four. My grandparents died in a car accident. After that, my mom stayed in beds for days at a time. When she was up, she still wasn’t there for me. I learned to do things
for myself,” Kora says.
“When you were four?” I ask, astonishment filling me.
“Yeah. Peanut butter and jelly became my staple,” she says.
“Kora, I’m so sorry. What about when your mom got better?” I ask.
“By then, she was more concerned about the men rotating in and out of her life. Most of them don’t want to bother with a child who’s not theirs. So, being alone became my normal daily life,” she answers.
“Never again,” I tell her. “From here on out, you don’t have to worry about bein’ alone. We’re all gonna be there for you and make sure you have what you want and need. All you gotta do is open your mouth and let us know.”
Kora wipes the tears from her eyes and wraps her arms around me.
“Dad, do I have to go back to her?” she asks.
“Never. I’ll keep you forever,” I tell her honestly.
“Good,” she tells me. “Can we go back so I can go to bed now?”
“Yeah, Kora. We’ll head back. I’ll bring you back when more work gets done,” I promise.
Kora and I walk back to the clubhouse. I guide her around the side of the house and away from the craziness of the party going on. Once we’re inside, I walk with her to her room and make sure she locks the door behind her before I cross the hall and go into my own. I don’t want to go party or try to find a piece of ass for the night. There’s a lot I need to think about when it comes to Saralyn and ensuring my daughter begins to live her life the way she was intended to live— free and happy.
Stripping down to nothing, I climb into bed and stare at the ceiling. Instead of thinking about Kora and what I want to do about Saralyn, thoughts of Natasha fill my head. The woman hasn’t been far from my thoughts since meeting her at Anarchy Ink. I want a taste of her— bad. One day, I’ll get it. But, I’ll only let myself have a taste.
Natasha is someone I can see digging her way into my heart and putting her mark there. After Saralyn, no one will ever get past my barriers again. I’ve been burned and fucked over one time and that’s all I’ll ever allow.