I nodded. “Sure, if it might help me regain these memories, or whatever they are.”
“Okay. Let’s get started then. I want you to close your eyes and start counting slowly backwards from one hundred. Listen to my voice, and try to block everything out.”
I did as she said, and within moments, I was feeling drowsy. I needed to sleep so badly…just a few minutes wouldn’t hurt…
Suddenly I was wide awake again, and I sat up. Dr. Steinberg was still in her seat, and her eyebrows were raised slightly despite the fact she was obviously trying to keep a neutral expression on her face. I knew immediately that something had happened. I must’ve said or done something bad while I was under the effects of the hypnosis.
“Is it over?” I asked tentatively.
She nodded. “You were under for five minutes. You said a lot of things. Some more…relevant than others.” Her voice sounded troubled, and my heart began to pound as she took a long pause. “Lily, you said something about a man. Perhaps he’s the same man you mentioned being in your new nightmares earlier.”
She pressed play on a recording device, and I listened closely.
‘Lily, where are you right now? What’s happening?’ Dr. Steinberg was saying.
I heard my own voice a minute later. ‘I’m here. At Jackson and Jenna’s house. He’s here too. I hear him.’
‘Who’s ‘he’, Lily?’
‘He’s saying that I did it. He’s asking why I did this. Oh god, there’s blood everywhere. I have the gun…oh no. I think I did this. I did this!’
I cringed as I heard myself say those things on the recording. Jesus. Maybe I was losing my mind.
Maybe I already lost it years ago.
Maybe I really did kill Jenna….
Dr. Steinberg pressed pause, and I knew what she was thinking. She was thinking that it was looking more and more likely that I had something to do with Jenna’s death, but of course she couldn’t say that. “Do you think that’s the same man?” she asked.
I nodded, hands shaking. “Yes. That’s the man I keep hearing in my dreams. He always says ‘why did you do this, Lily?’ when he finds me with the blood everywhere.”
“Again, this doesn’t necessarily mean you did anything,” she said. “As we discussed earlier, it’s likely just feelings manifesting themselves as events in the dream. Events that might’ve never happened. But on the chance that it’s a real memory coming back to you…do you have any idea who the man is?”
I shrugged. “No idea. He says other stuff too. In the dream, I mean. He comes to me at the start, or sometimes at the end, and he says everything will be okay. But I think I know who that is. I think that’s actually a different man.”
“Who?”
“My dad,” I replied. “In real life, after he came home and found me asleep that day, he hugged me and told me everything would be okay. He told me that the other day.”
She nodded. “In dreams, real memories of events are often interspersed with imaginary ones. So that likely is your father’s voice you hear telling you everything will be okay.”
“And the other voice? The other man? Who could he be?”
She was silent for a moment. “I have some homework for you, Lily. Are you going to be coming in for another session this month?”
“If I can get some more money together,” I said.
“Okay. Well, I’d like you to. But even if you can’t, I have something I want you to do, like I said a few seconds ago. Every night before you go to sleep, I want you to try and think about who this other mystery man could be, and why he would be at Jackson and Jenna’s house that day—if he really was and if it’s a real event you’re remembering. We often dream about things we were thinking of right before we fall asleep, so if you keep concentrating on this man’s voice, you might dream about him again. More and more. This might help reveal his identity, and that can help us figure out these dreams in turn.”
I nodded. “Okay. I’ll try.”
Even right now, I was trying to think of who this mysterious man could be. But try as I might, and despite everything that’d just happened….there was only one man I could think about right now: the man who’d just rescued me from a horrible assault only an hour and a half ago. The man who comforted me, talked to me and made me feel safe afterwards. The man who made me feel….everything.
The man I had to have.
The man I was going to have.
Jackson.
Chapter Ten
Jackson
“Looking forward to your first day?”
I glanced over at Lily as I cruised down the highway, and she smiled. “Yes. Thanks again for the internship. And thanks for giving me a ride to the office while my car’s out of commission.”
“No worries; I was going there anyway, so it made sense. And as for your car, judging by the look of it, you might just need a new one,” I remarked.
She shook her head. “I can fix it. I can’t really afford anything new at the moment,” she said softly. “Dad isn’t exactly doing well at the company anymore.”
My heart went out to her. I had no idea things had gotten so rough these last few years. “Well, you might be able to afford something new soon,” I said. “This internship pays pretty damn well, if I say so myself.”
She jerked her head up, her eyes wide. “I thought internships were unpaid.”
“Not at my offices. I don’t believe in exploiting young people for free work. You’ll be paid twenty-five dollars an hour.”
That was more than I’d usually pay an intern, but I wanted to take care of Lily. I knew she wouldn’t accept me simply handing her a check or wad of cash, so I had to do it in a sneaky way.
“Twenty-five an hour for six weeks,” she said, doing some mental calculations. I could tell by the way she held up her fingers and counted on them. “That’s how long we need to take the internship for. So that’s…six thousand dollars. I could definitely afford a new car with that. Not brand new, but something newer than the blue rust-bucket.”
I smiled, glad I could help her out, even if it was just in a small way like allowing her to afford a new means of transport. I dearly wished I could just gift her a brand new car, but I knew she’d never let me do that. At least not yet. “Yes. So what’s happening with the next six weeks, anyway? Does it affect your other classes for this semester?” I asked, curious to hear more about her studies.
She shook her head. “In the business degree at my college, there’s always one semester during the coursework which is mostly for completing an internship. So there’s the class that deals with that, and that’s it. There’s been a few lectures and papers for that already, and then we do the internship full-time. While we do that, the professor also emails us lecture slides and notes to read through. When the internship is over, it’s back to usual lectures and then exams. Then the following semester, it’s back to four separate courses per semester, instead of just the one intensive course.”
“I see. Things are so different now than they were when I was in college,” I said, thinking back to my own university days. So long ago…Christ, Lily made me feel almost ancient. Like a dirty old man. “Although I suppose it differs from college to college.”
She nodded. “Yeah, it does.”
“And interning at a campaign office is okay for a business degree? I would’ve thought something else might be more appropriate.”
“It’s more of a ‘getting used to a work environment’ kinda thing,” she replied. “As long as it’s at an office somewhere, we’re golden. I even emailed my professor to make sure your office would be okay.”
“Good. So what do you plan on doing with your business degree, Lily?” I asked, turning to her when we stopped at a red traffic light.
Her cheeks turned slightly pink. It was adorable. “I want to have my own restaurant one day,” she replied. “Dad tells me it’s stupid. I know he’s right; it’s silly to do that in this economy, when most eateries fail within the first year of bei
ng open. But I’ve always loved the idea of it.”
“It’s not stupid. It’s your dream,” I replied firmly. I knew then and there that I’d do anything to make this dream come true for her, whether she knew it or not. “You’ll do it. One day, I’ll be buying dinner at your restaurant, and I look forward to that.”
“You can eat me out whenever you want, Jackson,” she said, before clapping a hand over her mouth for a second. “I mean, you can eat out for free whenever you want. At my restaurant,” she went on hurriedly. “I wouldn’t make you pay when you’ve been so nice to me.”
Freudian slip, I thought to myself with a smug smile. I averted my gaze from her so she wouldn’t notice and pulled through the light, which had just turned green.
“It will be a demanding career, though,” I said, trying to keep the conversation going on the career subject to avoid any more embarrassment for Lily.
“Like yours?” she said cheekily.
I chuckled. “No shit. Mine is as demanding as it gets these days.”
“How did you get into politics, anyway?” she asked. “I don’t remember you talking about it when I was a kid. Although I guess I was so young back then, I probably just don’t remember.”
“No, you’re right,” I said with a nod. “I wasn’t always interested in the political world. It just seemed to naturally build after I was elected to the city council, and the only reason I ran for that was so I could have an opportunity to rework the building codes.”
“Why?”
“I wanted to construct a new office complex in a certain part of town—for my company—but the old codes and other bullshit prevented anyone from doing anything there. The whole area was dead because of it. Stagnant. Anyway, I ended up being the spokesperson for the media on that whole issue, and the public response I got was positive. Everyone wanted that area to be redone too. So I just kept continuing up the ladder after that.”
“And did you get the building codes changed?” Lily asked.
I winked. “Of course.”
“I bet you always get what you want,” she said, her voice suddenly breathier. Nervous. I didn’t miss the change. I also didn’t miss the way she shifted her leg so that her skirt rode halfway up her thigh, revealing her smooth caramel-colored thighs.
“Maybe I do,” I said with a chuckle, although I think we were both aware that I wasn’t entirely joking. I could feel her watching me from the corner of my eye as I drove, and a more serious expression took over my face. “Lily, I—”
“Oh my god! Watch out!” she cried as a cyclist suddenly and stupidly careened into our lane in front of us. I slammed on the brakes to avoid hitting him, and the moment was lost. Probably for the best, anyway. Lily was nervous about starting work at my office, and I didn’t need to add to that shit by putting the moves on her just yet.
I could wait. That’s what mature adults did—had patience. If I wanted to take care of Lily and be a good influence on her life, I needed to set an example.
When we arrived at the campaign headquarters, I took her coat and directed her toward my office. “It’s early, so no one else is here yet,” I explained on the way there. “Thought I’d bring you in before all the madness started so you could get a feel for the place before it’s filled with people.”
She nodded, eyes wide and filled with wonder as she gazed around. “This is all for you,” she mused. “All because of you.”
“I suppose so.”
“I hope you win one of the seats.”
I smiled and gestured toward my office door at the end of the hall. “That would be nice. Here’s my office, by the way. You have any issues when you work, you can come straight to me.”
I unlocked the door to show her in, and I frowned as I looked over at my cherry wood desk. It didn’t look like anything was missing, but I could’ve sworn certain objects were in different places than they were before I left the other night. There was also a faint scent lingering in the air, something floral. Violet, perhaps? It seemed familiar, but I couldn’t quite place it before it vanished, mixing with the smell of warm circulating air from the central heating I’d automatically turned on upon entering the building earlier.
I shrugged it off. No one had any reason to go through my things and inadvertently move stuff around. I wasn’t running a dodgy campaign—not like some people—so if someone had managed to get in somehow to find dirt on me, they were going to be sorely disappointed.
“So this is where you work when you’re here,” Lily said, still staring around the office with an excited light in her soft brown eyes.
I nodded. “This is where the magic happens.”
She smiled. “Jackson…I know I already said thank you earlier, but I just wanted to thank you again. I really needed this. Not just the internship. The money, too. You’re so generous.”
She looked so earnest, so happy to be working here. Her eyes were full of openness and clarity, wondering at the newness of everything in her life, and meanwhile a guy like me had pretty much already seen it all. Done it all. Just being around someone so young and vital made me feel more alive than I had in years, like a bonfire was erupting in my belly, but with that also came the knowledge that I’d been wrong to think I could have her, and all plans of seduction immediately flew out the window.
What kind of prick would I be, taking advantage of a young girl who was just trying to get ahead in the world? Even though I was sure she found me attractive—she’d made that abundantly clear by now—it still suddenly felt wrong to take advantage of that. She was too young to know what she was doing, too young to truly understand the ramifications of sleeping with her boss. Or sleeping with any man, really. I guess I’d just been thinking with my dick the other day when I offered her the internship as a means of getting closer to her.
I cleared my throat, trying to keep my gaze on a respectable place despite her bountiful cleavage, which I’d just noticed now that her coat was off. “You’re welcome, Lily. I’m glad to help.”
“Maybe I could somehow help you in return?” she said, her voice barely above a murmur now.
My chest tightened. Part of me had honestly been expecting her to try and pull something like this ever since I realized she was attracted to me. Not as soon as this, but either way it was happening. Fuck. I wasn’t going to take advantage of it; I really shouldn’t. I knew exactly why it was happening. I was an older man in a position of power, and she was a younger woman who thought ‘helping’ me out in certain areas would make her more relevant in the workplace; make me have a reason to keep her around. But that wasn’t necessary. She had a job here whenever she wanted. No seduction needed.
“I don’t want anything in return,” I said gruffly.
“Maybe there’s something I want to help with, though,” she said, stepping closer. My cock twitched in my pants at the expression on her face. She was trying to look sensual, and she did, but her eyes betrayed her underlying nervousness. She’d never done this before; that much was obvious.
“You don’t need to do this, Lily,” I said, a warning tone in my voice now.
“I know. But I don’t want to hide what I want. I’m tired of it.”
I raised an eyebrow, unable to resist asking the question. “And what do you want?”
She hesitated, looking down at the carpeted floor before staring up into my eyes through long thick eyelashes. “I want you,” she said. “I want to…to fuck you.”
Jesus Christ….
If I wasn’t so turned on right now, I would’ve burst into hearty chuckles. The poor girl didn’t know what she was in for, saying shit like that, and I found it amusing. I stepped forward and closed the distance between us, a hard look in my eyes as I stared back at her. “You couldn’t handle me, little girl,” I said.
I saw goosebumps rising on her arms. “Why not?” she asked breathily.
Fuck, she was driving me insane. I couldn’t actually reply to that, right? I shouldn’t. I needed to tell her to get out, find some work to
do in the main office, but my mind was a runaway train now. All because of her. I couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out even if I tried. “I don’t let women fuck me,” I growled. “I fuck them. You see the difference?”
Lily’s eyes widened even more, resembling saucers by this point. Surely she’d stop now. Surely I’d frightened her with the intensity of my words.
But she didn’t stop. She was gutsier than I’d originally given her credit for.
“That’s what I meant,” she said, touching one finger to her cleavage and slowly stroking between her breasts. Then her hand traveled farther south, sliding into her skirt. “I want you to fuck me…”
“What the hell are you doing?” I asked, trying to control the primal urges I felt at the sight of her. I could so easily have her right now. So easily bend her over my desk, slide into that pussy and fuck her senseless. Every inch of me, every damn cell in my body, was itching for me to do it. I was taking it too far in my head already, pushing myself from dangerous territory to downright forbidden.
Lily moved her other hand up her skirt now, and I could tell from the movement that she was hooking her fingers around her panties. She yanked them down, and my mouth dried up as I saw the pale pink cotton panties bunching up around her ankles.
“Stop,” I said sharply. I wanted so badly to bend her over and teach her a lesson about behavior like this, but I was frozen stiff right now. If I moved, I’d take her. I just knew it.
Lily tilted her head up to look at me again. “I want you to fuck me. I want you to be my first.”
“Shit,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper now. I was right this whole time. She was a virgin. Every man’s fantasy—exploring totally untouched territory. Conquering it. Making it his.
Making it mine.
I shook my head and snapped myself out of the haze of lust. “Lily, no. This can’t happen. We both know why,” I said for what felt like the tenth time.
She took a step back, her expression filled with confusion now. “I thought…I thought you wanted me too. The way you’ve been acting since I saw you…”
Daddy's Toy-Box (A Daddy's Best Friend Romance) Page 7