by Alex Apostol
“Alright,” he said, looking at me from across the truck. “Start driving.”
I pulled out onto the street and drove, waiting for him to tell me where to stop.
“There,” he pointed out the window at an old motel after only a few minutes.
I turned into the parking lot without question and parked in front of the office door. The words ‘vacancy’ flashed in bright red letters under its name. I considered offering to pay for a more expensive hotel, embarrassed by this one’s simplicity. Again, I was being silly. After all, he picked the place. Sari got out of the truck and walked around to the bed. As he leaned over to retrieve my bags, his shirt lifted up and I saw the defined muscles in his back tighten before they were covered again. My stomach started to flutter as if a million butterflies were trapped inside trying to get out. Before he could see me staring I reached inside my pocket, pretending to check the messages on my phone. Smiling to himself, he walked over to the motel office and went inside. I could feel my cheeks burning. He’d seen me looking at him.
The room we checked into was basic; one dresser with a small television on it, a tiny wooden desk…and one queen sized bed.
“It’s all they had left,” Sari said as a small grin spread across his face.
He dropped my bags on the floor and sat on the bed. He lightly patted the empty space on the mattress next to him as I looked down at the unbelievably handsome man in front of me. I sat down slowly, placing myself further away from him than he had wanted. He looked down at the discolored floor before he began to tell his story.
“You may not like what I have to say.”
I looked over at his uncharacteristically serious face and leaned back, using my arms behind me for support.
“I think I can handle whatever it is.”
He loosened up again, smiling. His voice was relaxed as he talked. I had met him no more than a few days ago and only truly found out who he was last night, but I felt as if I’d known him my whole life. The only time I felt comfortable lately was in his presence and that made me nervous. Getting close to someone was never a good idea for me, even if he wasn’t a normal human man.
“I was an archangel,” he said to my surprise. I wasn’t quite sure what the term meant, but it sounded important. “But I, along with about two hundred others began to…lust after humans. When our desires, and in some cases our actions, were made public we were banished.”
“If the female angels are anything close to as beautiful as you are, why would you even want a normal girl?” I asked without thinking.
My face began to burn again as he looked up at me from underneath his long lashes. What was I thinking? Oh yea, I wasn’t. I’d just admitted I found him attractive. I must be crazy.
“You think I’m beautiful?” he asked as a smile crept slowly across his face.
I looked down at the comforter, humiliated.
“I didn’t mean….I wasn’t saying…” I muttered, trying to save myself from embarrassment, but failed.
He saw my bright red face and started talking again, to spare me any further humiliation I figured.
“We fell to Earth, having nowhere else to go, and did our best to blend in with the people of this world. But still feeling the desire to defend over evil, we became watchers. We found self sacrificing people who gave up everything to save others and protected them from harm so they could continue to do good in this world. As time went on, though, more and more people became aware of all the darkness out there. When we learned of the humans’ desires to fight against these destructive souls, we taught the self-sacrificing to defeat their nightmares. Now, all of the fallen angels are assigned to watch over hunters of importance,” he concluded.
Hunters of importance apparently included me. But why was I considered so important? I started hunting not more than a year ago and I wasn’t so self-sacrificing. The whole motive behind my work was for personal revenge.
“Why would all this bother me?” I asked, a little confused by his humorless tone.
“Well, when I was assigned to you, I took a little time to observe your past,” he explained. “I saw your entire life and how much pain you have gone through,” he said casually as I stared at him in disbelief.
While he continued, I realized just how powerful angels really were. They could do just about anything they wanted to. Sari knew more about me than I ever imagined. The thought of someone witnessing my most intimate memories made me angry. It was an invasion of privacy, even if he was sent here to watch after me.
“Tell me why angels like humans so much,” I demanded, trying to return the conversation back to what we had been discussing before.
He quickly snapped back into explanation mode to my relief. I was ready to find out why I had been chosen to be followed around.
“Well, it’s like you said, to humans angels are beyond beautiful and perfect because we are something completely unnatural. The same goes for us and how we see you,” he reasoned, carefully choosing his words.
Did he really mean me? Or was he referring to all humans? It was hard for me to tell the way he was staring at me. After a short moment of awkward silence, a string of questions popped into my head. The story was not complete yet.
“So how come when I told Don you were an angel, he didn’t believe me?” I asked as he lay down on the pillow and put his hands behind his head. I rested my elbows on the pillow next to his, laying on my side as I propped my head up in my hand. “He’s the one who taught me everything I know,” I reasoned more to myself than to Sari. “He has to be important, too.”
Sari closed his eyes and let his breath escape him slowly. While he lay there, contemplating how to continue, I became consumed in his deep, soft eyes. He turned onto his side to face me and looked down at the comforter underneath us.
“This is the part you won’t like,” he said quietly.
I looked at him with wide eyes, nodding my head to signal for him to continue. The suspense was building up inside me. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to handle it like he said.
“As I said before, all of us watchers were banished for our…fascination with humans. Some of the angels had acted on their desires, though, and formed relationships.” As he said the word ‘relationships’, he widened his eyes and raised his eyebrows, stressing a hidden meaning. It slowly registered in my busy brain what he meant exactly.
“So you mean to tell me there are people out there who are half angel?” I asked in great interest.
I wondered if I had ever come across one of these angel-people hybrids without even knowing it. Even a man half as beautiful as Sari would be more enticing than any normal man.
“Long ago we all made a pact to never lust again. We hoped that in doing so we would be forgiven and invited to return home. All of the people who had been born half angel are long gone by now,” he said, still averting his eyes from mine.
I wondered why any of this was supposed to be of interest to me. What did half angels who lived thousands of years ago have to do with me?
“What did these angel people look like?” I questioned, not sure what I should be asking about.
Sari raised his gaze slowly to stare into my confused eyes. A tingle spread through my entire body. The corners of his perfectly formed lips turned upwards as if I’d triggered the memory of an inside joke.
“Well, we called them ‘Earth angels’ and they blended in with normal humans better than we did,” he started, leaning in closer towards me. “But they were still more beautiful than most.”
I tried my best to focus on the words coming out of Sari’s mouth rather than the smoothness of his lips. He continued as I forced my gaze up to his eyes. The last thing I needed was for him to see me drooling over him.
“Earth angels had the best of both worlds; human qualities which attracted the supernatural and angel qualities which attracted the regular humans.”
He stopped talking for a moment to brush a stray hair from my eyes before continuing. I felt as if
I were unable to breathe while his soft fingers followed the curve of my ear slowly. His skin was hard to the touch, but warm and inviting.
“Most of them went through life without ever realizing what they really were, but they were always drawn to protecting others.”
He took his gaze away from me and looked back down at the maroon flowered bedspread. He opened his mouth several times before pushing himself to get to the point of his story.
“I’ve found one among us.”
*
We sat in silence as he let me process what he had just said, but it took a while for my common sense to kick in. Suddenly, it clicked. I sat up abruptly, realization spreading across my face.
“Are you saying I’m half angel?” I asked as I backed away from him.
He looked up at me with sympathetic eyes before staring back down at his clasped hands. It was more than enough answer for me. My jaw dropped. I stood up and paced around the room, trying to make sense of it all. My breathing became short and rapid as a million questions ran through my head.
“Does that mean my dad wasn’t really my dad?” I shouted, thinking about the man I knew my whole life as my father.
I had always thought my dad and I were so much alike and that there was an undeniable resemblance between us. I guess I had just seen what I wanted to, though. Sari sat up slowly, resting his back against the wooden headboard. He seemed to be waiting patiently for me to calm down. And I thought he knew me well. The anger built up more inside me and I decided to take it out on the messenger.
“Don’t just sit there! Say something!” I yelled as I waved my arms around in frustration.
I knew that screaming at Sari wasn’t going to change anything, but it was helping my anxiety. He stood up quickly before I could say another word, towering over me. Had he always been that tall or was it an angelic illusion? I looked up at him and felt as if the anger in me was going to start shooting straight out of my eyeballs. I felt ambushed. The only reason he thought I was so special was because I was some long lost link between the human world and his world. Well, too bad. I wasn’t going to be a part of whatever it was he wanted me for. I had my own problems to deal with.
“I don’t know who your real father is,” he admitted genuinely. “Some angel broke the pact twenty-five years ago and no one ever caught him.”
I stood in silence, trying to grasp the fact that my real father was not human. I looked down at my feet, kicking at some invisible object on the floor, trying to fight back my tears of anger. I didn’t want to let Sari see me cry, though apparently he already had in my past.
“Yes we were assigned to hunters to protect them, but also to find the Earth Angel. Once we did, we were instructed to turn them in.”
His voice grew urgent and he stepped closer to me.
“I’m the only one who knows what you really are, Kamlyn,” he said, gripping my shoulders with both hands. “If any of the other watchers found out, they’d…get rid of you.”
Get rid of me? I thought angels were supposed to be pure and good! Apparently fallen angels will do anything to be invited back in, though, even if it meant killing the only evidence of their supposed ‘sins’. If there were no half angels walking around, then there would be no proof someone had broken the pact.
“So, go ahead. Turn me in,” I said with malice.
I knew he was too good to be true. He took my hand in his gently. It felt incredibly warm and soft.
“I should have the minute I realized what you were, but I didn’t,” he said in a low, burning voice. “I hesitated in my curiosity and now that I know you, I’m finding it impossible to follow orders.”
I looked up at his warm face and all my anger melted away.
“What are you going to do, then?” I asked, still unsure what was going to happen to me.
He let go of my hand and backed away from me. His face hardened as he glared at me with distress in his eyes. Clearly, his decision was already made. I stared down at my black and white sneakers, waiting to hear my fate.
“I’m going to lie. I’m going to tell them that after watching you, it is obvious you are not an Earth angel.”
I raised my head in complete surprise.
“Won’t they know you’re lying?”
I wasn’t quite sure if I was confusing angels with Santa, but weren’t they aware of everything and always watching?
“What reason would they have not to trust my word and check on someone I’ve already eliminated?” he said, moving forward again to close the space between us.
I should have been feeling relieved that he didn’t want to hand me over to certain death, but a part of me felt the urge to argue his decision. I knew I should have stayed away from him at all cost. No good ever came from me getting close to other people, even if they weren’t technically human. Of all the things I had to worry about, an angel shouldn’t have been at the top of my list.
“What would they do to you if they found out you had lied to them?” I asked, not sure I wanted to know the answer.
Thoughts of the horror he’d endure at my expense filled my head and caused my eyes to brim with tears. Once I know, that would be it. There would be no forgetting, no turning back. We would be in this together, against all my better judgment.
“They’d kill me,” he said shortly as he took my hand again.
“Why would you put yourself in danger like that, for me?” I stammered in confusion and awe.
He bit his bottom lip. Seeing him so vulnerable sent a tingling sensation throughout my body.
“You’re different from every single thing in existence, do you realize that? You can do things that no one else can do,” he said in astonishment at my lack of understanding. “I will protect you no matter what it takes.”
My head was spinning. I wasn’t sure how to process any of this. What was going to happen to either of us if the rest of the watchers found out? Would the world really be all that different if I didn’t exist? And why was Sari feeling so protective of me? As if reading my mind, Sari answered the last question going through my head.
“I’ve witnessed everything that has ever happened in your life, Kamlyn. I know you better than you know yourself because I’ve retained every single moment, every reaction…” he placed a single finger under my chin to gently lift my eyesight up to his. “…every glance you’ve ever given, it is all with me.”
His eyes were soft and tender, staring fixedly into mine. The space between us disappeared slowly as he leaned closer into me. The proximity of his warm body sent my heart racing. My breathing grew deeper until he was just inches from my face. His sweet breath filled my nostrils. I closed my eyes, trying to savor his delicious smell when it started to fade. I opened my eyes again to see him standing next to the bed.
“There is an upside to all of this,” Sari said, picking up the tempo of his voice. “You have certain abilities that come with your genes and the more you learn, the faster your hibernating powers will awaken in ways you never thought possible.”
I thought about what he said and remembered my extraordinary experience in Whitman. I knew what I’d done to Alli had been special, but I thought it had been an ability I acquired from being in spirit form. I’d seen ghosts do some pretty unbelievable things when threatened. I had let myself believe the white ball I conjured was just a result of my strong hatred and will to live. Then I remembered how I had gotten the idea to do it in the first place.
“You’re the white figure that told me how to stop Alli,” I said slowly as realization washed over me.
He nodded his head once, never taking his eyes off mine.
“Stopping evil is in your blood. It’s what you were born to do,” Sari said, drawing me in closer with his gaze. “I can show you how to harness what’s inside of you.”
I felt my knees weaken as his fingertips reached out slightly towards me. He stopped just a few inches short of brushing them against my face before he paused, lowered his hand, and let it return to his side.
He turned his back to me, releasing me from his transfixion.
“So get some sleep, because you’ve got a big day tomorrow,” he said as he headed for the door, pulling it open swiftly.
“Wait. Where are you going?” I asked.
For some reason, the sight of him leaving made my stomach feel empty and achy. I had to get a grip. I couldn’t let myself get attached, especially since he was already in danger just by knowing me.
“I’m going to tell the head watcher that you’re not what we’re looking for,” he responded as if I should have known all along that was where he was going.
He must have seen my face fall inadvertently in disappointment. I tried to mask my feelings, but he was perceptive.
“Don’t worry. I’ll be back by the time you wake up.”
He took another step towards the parking lot. I opened my mouth to speak, letting my overwhelming feelings take over my rational thought.
“You shouldn’t come back. It’s too dangerous. I’ll be fine. I can defend myself,” I babbled on as he stood frozen in the doorway.
He turned his head to look over his shoulder. His amber eyes blazed passionately.
“I am coming back for you.”
After he shut the door I smiled to myself, pleased by his persistence to keep me safe. My thoughts conflicted for the rest of the evening as I readied myself for a sleepless night. I knew I should leave; just pack my things right then and there and start driving. But the damage was already being done. He was on his way to lie for my life and there was nothing I could do to stop him. I wasn’t sure what he knew about me that would make what he was doing worth it, but he said he knew me better than I knew myself.
As I lay in bed, trying to will myself into unconsciousness, Sari’s face filled my head. It was stupid, I knew that. He was going to teach me and that was it. He would be allowed back home and I would never see him again. But I couldn’t forget the fact that he admitted he’d had feelings for humans at one time. Underneath my hopes for those same feelings to be happening again for me, I felt jealousy for the woman who caused him to fall in the first place. I had to restrain myself, though. I wasn’t sure I could take anymore disappointment or pain in my life and that could be the only result from letting my underlying feelings surface for him. I wasn’t going to let that happen.