by Sarah Price
“Mayhaps,” she began gently, “you should keep this to yourself, Hannah, until he actually asks you. There might be danger in letting your feelings run ahead of yourself.” Emma spoke slowly, pausing before she continued, for she hoped that her words would not offend. “I suspect that we have learned not to presume we know the outcome of a man’s thoughts when it comes to love, especially after what happened with Paul, ja?”
She knew from Hannah’s reaction that it was far too late for that. Clearly Hannah knew something that Emma did not. Paul was long forgotten, and Hannah’s heart was turned to Gideon. There was nothing Emma could say to warn her that mayhaps Gideon King was not interested in her at all but had his sights set on another: Jane.
“Why, of course I wouldn’t dream of telling another soul!” Hannah gushed.
“And . . . and you are quite certain of his affection?” She hoped that her voice did not betray the disbelief that she was feeling.
“Most undoubtedly!” Hannah giggled and clasped her hands in front of her, giddy with happiness. “Such a kind and thoughtful man,” she said out loud, although it appeared as if she were talking mostly to herself. She seemed to be thinking of something that gave her secret delight. Returning her attention to Emma, she smiled. “I knew it for sure and certain when he went out of his way at the picnic.”
The dreaded picnic. That again! Oh, how Emma wished that picnic had never taken place. “Out of his way?”
She nodded her head emphatically. “Ja, the picnic! He must have suspected how uncomfortable I would have been to arrive alone, and he insisted upon bringing me in his buggy. His courting buggy, no less!”
The image of Hannah’s face, glowing with delight as Gideon had guided the horse and buggy into the parking area flashed before Emma’s eyes. Had that not been the very first moment when Emma had realized that she too had feelings for Gideon? “I see,” Emma managed to say.
“Do say something else, Emma!” Hannah seemed to plead with her. “Tell me that you are happy!”
“Your happiness is all that I have ever wanted,” Emma said softly, hoping that her words masked her true feelings.
While the statement was true, Emma knew that she could never congratulate her friend on such a union. Fortunately her words seemed to satisfy Hannah’s need for affirmation. She reached out and took Emma’s hands, holding them tightly as she stared at her friend. “And I have you to thank for this!”
“Me?”
“You told me to believe in myself and to aspire to greatness. You even encouraged me to take note of his behavior!”
Inwardly Emma cringed, wishing that any encouragement had never come from her own lips. Oh, that I had never known her, she thought bitterly.
As Hannah prattled on about conversations she had with Gideon, Emma sank into further reflection, occasionally nodding her head and smiling as if she were, in fact, participating in the conversation. Instead, she was beside herself, her mind reeling at this unfortunate news. If only she had not been so focused on trying to arrange other people’s lives, perhaps she would have paid more attention to her own. By encouraging Hannah, Emma now knew that she had lost the one person who, deep down inside, she may have always truly loved: Gideon King.
To make matters worse, the burden of this great loss rested entirely upon on her own shoulders.
When her daed finally returned home from his daily stroll, Emma could barely speak. With great apologies, she claimed a roaring headache and retreated to her room to lie down. She didn’t get up again until the sunlight dawn slipped through her window. It had been a sleepless night, and she feared that it was not going to be the last one she would have for quite some time.
Chapter Seventeen
THERE WAS A general murmur spreading throughout the congregation. It started as a soft whisper before growing much louder, although everyone tried to be discrete in voicing their surprise. At first everyone seemed to look at one another, as if questioning the person seated next to them whether or not they had heard correctly. Then, still disbelieving their ears, they stared back at the bishop. It was as if they were waiting for him to correct the announcement that he had just made. Certainly he had been mistaken. When they realized that the bishop had, indeed, been correct in what he said, that they hadn’t misheard him, their attention immediately shifted elsewhere.
Stunned, Emma sat upon the hard bench, trying hard not to look at the back of Anna’s head. She clutched the Ausbund in her hands, thankful that she had something to hold on to. For a long moment she stared at it, trying to comprehend what had just been announced. Try as she might, she couldn’t help but look up, fighting the urge to glance in Anna’s direction. However, in looking elsewhere, she noticed that half of the church was, indeed, staring at Anna, the other half at Samuel. It was hard not to do so. Only when Hetty dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief did people begin to look at her too. Undoubtedly her tears were a mixture of happiness for her niece’s betrothal as well as sorrow that Jane would undoubtedly move away.
As was common at the end of the worship services during the month of October, and sometimes November too the bishop announced upcoming weddings. For many in the community, it was the first time that a secret relationship between a young man and young woman were made public. After all, courtship tended to be a private matter. The family, however, would most likely have been tipped off in advance, for planning purposes more so than for approval seeking.
Today, however, the reading of the banns had caught the community off guard. When the bishop stood before the members, clearing his throat, an energetic hush fell over the room. It was an exciting moment, the moment when wedding banns were announced. Who would it be, people were wondering. Some may have had suspicions, for some couples were more open about their courtships. Others, however, followed tradition and were very secretive.
The couple that was announced on this day had followed tradition, perhaps too much, for it was announced that Francis was to wed Jane in four weeks.
In response to this surprise proclamation, everyone seemed to look at the Waglers, wondering how much they knew about this relationship that had been kept secret from everyone. From the stoic expressions on their faces, they too must have only just learned about Francis courting Jane, perhaps as recent as just days before the banns were announced. Clearly Samuel was surprised by his son’s choice, not just in his selection of a bride but also in his conduct in being so secretive.
Rachel reached out and touched Emma’s hand, a covert gesture that she wasn’t certain how to interpret. Glancing at her, Emma questioned her friend with her eyes, but Rachel looked away, as if ashamed. Not understanding why Rachel would have such a reaction, Emma gently withdrew her hand and continued staring straight ahead, listening to the bishop finish his announcements.
Once the worship service was officially over, the volume of the chatter in the room increased. A small group of women gathered around Hetty, who seemed delighted by the attention. Emma was about to join the small group when Alice Esh barged into it, standing beside Hetty and taking over the conversation.
“I sense that the engagement of Francis and Jane comes as a surprise to most. Why, I saw him walking with her in town just a few days ago. How could anyone not recognize it?”
Hetty started to respond, but Alice didn’t let her finish her sentence.
“Of course, when he first came he paid an awful lot of attention to another,” Alice added, her eyes darting over their heads to where Emma stood, as if to make certain she was listening. “It’s no wonder Jane was sick this week. Most likely heart sickness over worrying about her beau.”
Shocked and dismayed, Emma backed away, then hurried into the kitchen. So was that why the announcement came as such a shock to the g’may? Was that why Rachel took her hand in sympathy—because everyone thought that Francis had been courting her? And now everyone must think she was heartbroken at the announcement of the secret engagement. Mortified, she refused to meet anyone’s eyes. Instead, she quic
kly snatched up a dish rag and began to tackle the dishes, wishing that she could just be invisible. Perhaps, she thought, if I just act natural, no one will think anything is wrong.
In hindsight Emma should have suspected something was amiss. After all, neither Francis nor Jane was at the worship service. Only after the bishop announced their betrothal did she realize they were missing. Had she noticed it earlier, she might not have been so surprised by their engagement.
As was customary, the future groom and bride did not attend service on the day that their banns were announced. Instead, they spent the day in private reflection, just the two of them together, usually at the bride’s house. Emma could imagine that they were, just now, sitting down for the noonday meal, one that Jane would have made with great care. Today was an important day for her: once the banns were announced, she would be known as Francis’s Jane for the rest of her life.
“Can you believe it?”
The hand on her shoulder and harsh whisper in her ear startled Emma from her thoughts. She turned her head, not surprised to see Hannah beside her.
Dish towel in hand, Hannah stood close to her so that others could not overhear. “It’s a bit shocking, isn’t it?” She picked up a plate and began wiping.
“Ja, I should say so!” Emma whispered back. “First Paul, now Francis! Surprises seem plentiful this season!” She tried to keep her words and tone light.
Leaning against the kitchen counter, Hannah crossed her arms over her chest and studied Emma. There was a look of concern upon her face. “Are you all right with it, then?”
“With what?” She decided to play ignorant.
“Francis and Jane!”
Emma rinsed another plate and frowned. “With their announcement? I have no problem with Francis marrying Jane. I do believe it’s a bit sudden, but as I continue to learn, it’s not my place to interfere.”
Hannah’s eyes widened as she pondered Emma’s words. “But that’s not true!”
“That I shouldn’t interfere?” Emma laughed out loud at that thought.
“Nee, nee!” Once again, Hannah leaned forward, a quick glance around to ensure that no one might be able to eavesdrop. “I just overheard Alice telling others that Francis and Jane were secretly engaged all along! It’s the very reason they both came back to Lititz! To meet his father and announce their wedding! But mayhaps their announcement was delayed when Francis met you and saw how his father hoped for an attachment between the two of you.” Hannah gave Emma a sly look, as if congratulating herself on her subtle reasoning. “I reckon he didn’t want to disappoint his daed.”
But Hannah’s explanation left Emma stunned. How could Francis do such a thing to Jane? Truly it must be a terrible burden to always be playing for the smiles and approval of whatever audience he happened to entertain, never mind how inconsistent and even untrustworthy that might make him appear once the truth emerged.
“And how did Alice know about the engagement?” It was a question that, once spoken, did not require an answer. Certainly Francis would have approached the bishop in advance of the worship service. The bishop would have interviewed him, asking questions about the upcoming union between the two. That information, apparently, had been shared with Paul, who, in turn, informed his fraa. “Oh, my!” Emma whispered, her eyes scanning the gathering as she sought out Alice.
She was seated at the table already, for the elderly and married women ate before the younger, single ones. From Emma’s vantage point, she could see that Alice was engaged in a lively conversation, although from the looks of it, it was mostly Alice talking and everyone else listening. Surely she was retelling the story, eager to let everyone know that she, Alice Esh, had known before everyone else. Her position in the small community was clearly established: the new dochder of the bishop was the first to know the secret happenings in the g’may.
Disgusted, Emma looked away.
“I suspect his daed isn’t too happy,” Hannah said softly.
“Why ever not?” Emma didn’t understand what there was for anyone to be unhappy about. “Jane’s a nice enough woman,” she added, omitting her opinion that she was rather dull and more than vague when she spoke. A thought dawned on her that, mayhaps, the vague conversation had been due to the secret engagement. The less said, the less chance of divulging what was best left unsaid.
Hannah looked equally as surprised. “He was rather attentive to you, ain’t so?”
“No more so than to you, I reckon,” Emma said defensively.
A blush covered Hannah’s cheeks. “You know where my interests lie,” she murmured, a reminder that caused Emma to freeze.
Their conversation abruptly ended when one of the women thrust a coffee carafe at Hannah and indicated that she should go refill the men’s coffee, a task Hannah readily accepted. Emma shut her eyes, taking a deep breath as she tried to regain her calm. She simply wasn’t ready for facing the inevitable: surely Gideon and Hannah’s banns would be announced at the next worship service. At least, she thought, I have two weeks to prepare myself.
“Emma!”
She glanced over her shoulder, surprised to see Anna approaching her, a look of determination on her face.
“Why aren’t you seated?” Emma asked, gesturing with a nod of her head toward the women’s table. “You should be having dessert, Anna. I saw that Martha brought her apple strudel . . . ”
Anna waved her hand and cut off Emma. “I’m finished and didn’t feel up to visiting much.” Abruptly she grabbed a dish towel and began to help Emma with the cleanup.
Every dish, plate, and utensil needed to be washed for the second sitting. It was busy work that Emma was thankful for today. Once the after-prayer was said over the meal for the first serving, a flurry of women would clear any remaining dishes and wipe down the table cloths in order to set it for the second group of people who needed to have their noon meal. Emma, however, wasn’t feeling very hungry and had already decided to slip out the door when that happened.
“How are you feeling?”
Emma’s heart sank. Oh, no, she thought. Not Anna too. “I feel just fine,” she replied slowly. “Why do you ask?”
“Why, the announcement about Francis, of course! Are you all right, then?”
“Ja,” she replied nonchalantly, deflecting Anna’s concern. “Of course. I mean, it’s a bit shocking, I reckon. Being so sudden and all, although I understand that they were acquainted in Ohio . . . ”
“Shocking indeed!” Shaking her head and clucking her tongue, Anna agreed with Emma, her disappointment in the clandestine way with which Francis had conducted himself more than apparent. “His daed was beside himself last night. To think, the deception that Samuel felt! After all these years, he had been so excited that his son was coming home only to find out that it wasn’t because of him wanting to be near his daed but to marry Jane!”
Emma didn’t quite understand why this would be so upsetting. She repeated her sentiments about Jane. “She’s a pleasant enough young woman. I should think Samuel would be happy.”
“I reckon,” Anna said dismissively. “He just feels deceived. Why did Francis hide this from us? And to pretend that he didn’t even know her and behave so solicitous toward others? Why, Samuel and I, we had been so hopeful . . . ” She too left her sentence unfinished and glanced away, a look of embarrassment upon her face.
Ah, Emma thought, realizing what Anna was insinuating. Her cousin’s genuine concern for her feelings touched Emma. She reached out to touch Anna’s arm and smiled. “I do not feel deceived, if that is what you mean,” she said. “And I’m truly happy for the two of them. If I had felt any interest in Francis, it was short-lived and mostly as a friend, anyway.”
With a sigh of relief Anna smiled. “Oh, Emma! We were so worried,” she admitted. “His daed and I, that is. You do know that Francis’s attention toward you did not go unnoticed by many, including us.”
“I can assure you that his attention to any of the young women was never inappropriat
e,” Emma quickly suggested. Then, as the severity of the situation began to sink in, she frowned. It was one thing to be secretive but another to be deceptive, she thought as she recalled the uncomfortable discussion she had with Francis on the Esh’s porch during a recent gathering. “Although I do question the extent of his trickery. He even went so far as to comment negatively about Jane to me!”
Anna shook her head and averted her eyes, ashamed for her stepson’s behavior and unable to speak.
Emma continued. “I can’t imagine the pain that Jane must have felt, not only hiding their relationship but having him try so hard to hide it so publicly!” Another image came to her mind of the previous Sunday. Francis had been so attentive to her and come up with that silly game, focusing so much on Emma when his true interest lay elsewhere. All the while, Emma realized, Jane had sat there, watching as Francis ignored her, despite the fact that they had been secretly courting. “Although it is no wonder Jane did not wish to see me the other day when I went visiting.”
Anna nodded her head, agreeing with what Emma implied. Indeed, while Francis was a friendly and outgoing young man, it was most uncomely for him to have paid so much attention to anyone, especially if he was courting another.
Emma shook the image from her mind. It was too close to the other image that had haunted her all week: the look on Gideon’s face when she had spoken so rudely to Hetty. She cringed at the memory and tried to focus on Anna instead. “Anyway,” she said, “truly I greet the news with joy for the newly engaged couple.”
“Such a relief!” Anna whispered happily, reaching out to gently squeeze Emma’s arm. “Samuel and I were both so worried. The last thing either of us wanted was to see you hurt.”
Emma responded with a light laugh. “He may have taken advantage of our friendship,” she admitted, “but he most certainly did not injure me.”
Indeed, she knew that it would take more than Francis Wagler to hurt her, that was for sure and certain. Her eyes scanned the table of seated men and fell upon Gideon. Despite still being single, his age permitted him to sit with the other married men. He was deep in conversation with them, listening to a man seated next to him. Hannah was refilling their coffee cups, lingering beside Gideon for a moment longer than necessary.