She nodded, began dealing. “Second floor. Best selection.”
Nick grinned and picked up the cards Susan shot his way. This was one game he was going to enjoy losing.
* * *
HOPE pushed through her son’s hospital door to the sound of laughter. Honest-to-goodness laughter. It was so unexpected, she stopped in her tracks. In front of her was a picture she never thought she’d see: her children and Nick, together.
Seated on opposite sides of Joshua’s bed, Susan and Nick were deep into a card game. Heaped in the center of Joshua’s serving table sat a small mound of coins and a few dollar bills. Nick’s elbows were braced on the tray, his cards fanned out before him. The fabric of his shirt stretched across his back, making him seem larger than life, a solid presence in this stark environment. Susan was in a nearly identical pose, hunched over her cards, staring at them intently. Her lips were pursed in deep concentration. She looked to Joshua, to the pile, then back to Josh again before centering her gaze on Nick. “Can he really do that?” she asked.
“Yes,” came Nick’s reply, a smile hovering. “But only if he doesn’t get caught.”
Josh threw his head back and laughed again, loud; his cheeks flushed. “Who me? Get caught? Never. Read ’em and weep. Full house. Kings over eights,” he said as he laid down his cards, waited for the other two to fold, then scooped up the money.
“Cheat!” Susan cried.
“Only if you can prove it.” Josh kept corralling his winnings.
“I don’t have to. Nick knows how you did it. Don’t you, Ni—” Susan broke off. “Mom!”
Three pairs of eyes focused on her at once, but only one set had the power to unbalance Hope’s equilibrium. For several moments, she was captivated by Nick’s stare. His gaze seemed to be probing, searching for something she didn’t understand—or if she was completely honest with herself, something she didn’t want to understand.
“Hey, honey. Hi, Josh.” Hope walked to the end of the bed and gave Joshua’s covered foot a squeeze. “How are you doing?”
“He’s cleaning me out, that’s how he’s doing,” Nick said, rising. His chair scraped against the linoleum.
Joshua’s grin widened. “Yeah, I made all of . . .” He counted the money. “Three dollars and twenty-seven cents.”
Nick chuckled and the sound of his deep, strong laughter resonated around her, in her.
“What took you so long?” Susan asked, gathering the cards.
“Dr. Parker was with a patient when the nurse paged him.”
At the mention of his doctor’s name, Joshua slumped back against his pillow, the sparkle fading from his eyes. “What did he want?”
It was like a blow to the stomach, so deep did Hope feel his despair. “They’ve upped your chemotherapy to noon.”
As if on cue a nurse came through the door. She nodded a quick hello to all of them before centering her attention on Joshua. “Hello, Josh,” she said in a cheerful voice. “Ready?”
As the nurse busied herself, Hope turned to Nick to see him already gathering his coat and preparing to leave.
“That’s my cue,” Nick said. He held out his hand and after only a moment’s hesitation, Josh reached out and shook. “It was great to meet you, Josh.” Nick’s voice grew deep with emotion and Hope wondered if anyone else detected it, but as she glanced around, she realized she was the only one.
“I’ll expect a rematch. And soon,” Nick said, and Hope knew how much it must be costing him to keep his tone light.
“You got it.”
As Nick turned to leave, he paused, his gaze on Hope. “Could I talk with you outside for a moment?”
“Sure,” she answered, then said to Susan and Josh, “I’ll be back in just a minute.”
Hope followed him out into the hallway.
The minute the door closed Nick said, “Was that really all the doctor had to say?”
Hope nodded. “Yes. I’m sorry. I should have thought . . .”
A weight seemed to leave him. “Thank God.”
“Nick—”
“I know what you’re going to say. But I couldn’t wait to see him—”
“Thank you.” Hope didn’t know who was more surprised, Nick or herself. Too many times she’d walked into that room and found her son lying on his bed, staring off into nothing, looking as if he couldn’t wait to leave this world. But today . . . today had been different. And all because of this man standing next to her. “To hear Josh laughing when I walked through those doors, well . . .” How did she explain to someone what their lives had been like since Josh went back into the hospital?
“I would like to come back later this afternoon, after Joshua’s chemotherapy,” Nick said.
“After chemo is rough. A lot of the time he’s nauseous and tired. He’ll sleep for several hours. Some days he sleeps for the rest of the day.”
“No problem. If he’s not awake or feeling up to it, I’ll make myself scarce until he feels better. And one more thing. I’d like to be included in all future consults regarding Joshua’s treatments.”
Hope drew in a deep breath. From now on, until Nick decided fatherhood wasn’t for him, he was going to be a real presence in her children’s lives. She realized too that when she visited the hospital, there was a chance she’d run into him.
“I have a few things I need to do in the city,” Nick said.
“Oh?”
He shrugged on his coat, shoved his hands in the front pockets. “I thought maybe Susan would like to come along.”
Hope felt a surge of panic. She didn’t want Susan to leave with Nick, spend time alone with him. What if he forgot their agreement, told Susan who he really was? But it was more than that. Already, her children were forming an attachment to this man who would eventually leave. “No. I don’t think that’ll work. I have to leave by four thirty for work.”
Nick glanced at his watch. “No problem. I can have her back in time.”
“No.”
Nick stared at her long and hard. “Why don’t we ask her and see what she’d like to do?”
Hope knew what her daughter’s answer would be and, less than two minutes later, as she watched Nick and Susan walk down the corridor together, she felt a fissure penetrate her family’s foundation.
Nine
AFTERNOON traffic packed the downtown streets as Nick and Susan left the hospital. Cars honked, buses screeched, and frustrated pedestrians who couldn’t cross the busy streets cursed the passing vehicles—but Nick barely noticed.
He’d just spent the morning with his children. His children. The enormity of that realization washed over him.
He thought back on the morning, the time he’d spent with Joshua and Susan: their farce of a card game that had turned into one big cheat fest, and the laughter they’d all shared. Gazing down, Nick looked at the young woman walking next to him. Remembered her kindness to that little girl named Maddy, and to her own brother, and Nick felt his heart swell with pride. Not that he’d had anything to do with the upbringing of this remarkable young woman. Hope had done this—Hope, who had barely been old enough to drive the last time he’d seen her—had somehow blossomed into an amazing mother. The home she’d created for her children. The sterile, normally depressing hospital room she’d turned into a teenager sanctuary for her son—or as close to one as possible. And Nick knew it wasn’t by example. Claire Montgomery was one of the coldest women Nick had ever met. At the thought of Claire, Nick wondered if Hope had heard back on Claire’s test results. He made a mental note to ask her next time he saw her.
“So,” Susan said as they paused by the sidewalk’s edge, “where are we going?”
A taxi rounded the corner, and as it approached, Nick stepped out onto the street and hailed it. When the yellow car slowed and then stopped, he opened the back door for his daughter. So many thoughts rushed throu
gh his mind at once, and all of them centered on the girl before him.
For the first time since his impulsive request to take Susan with him, he felt unsure. He knew next to nothing about teenagers—teenage girls in particular—but he was willing to do anything, learn anything, to become a part of his children’s lives.
As Susan scooted across the black vinyl seat, Nick sat down next to her and shut the door. At her continued questioning look, he said the one word that had never failed him where a female was concerned. “Shopping. We’re going shopping.”
A large smile dawned across her face, and her answering “Cool” was enough to make Nick smile too.
* * *
HANGING up her smock, Hope flicked off the last of the lights and carefully made her way to the employees’ rear-door exit. The grocery store was tomb-silent as she gathered her coat and purse and locked the door on the way out. She was beyond tired tonight. Working the night shift left little time for sleep—not that sleep came easily these days—but the more night shifts she could pick up, the more time it afforded her to spend with Josh during the day. And the extra money it provided during the summer months was invaluable.
The lot was deserted except for her Wagoneer. An ethereal glow from the parking lot lights made Hope’s old Jeep look even more tired and worn. Both of them were in need of a major overhaul. Easing behind the steering wheel, she inserted the key and turned.
Nothing.
Nada.
Zip.
Not even a little cough.
Or a sputter.
She took the key back out and stared at it—as if that would somehow make a difference—then reinserted it.
Still nothing.
Twice in one day. That had to be some kind of record.
She dropped her forehead onto the cool curve of the wheel.
After what seemed like an eternity but in reality was no more than a few moments, she opened the door and got out. Moping about her broken-down car wasn’t going to change the facts; besides, home was less than five miles away. She could walk.
Grabbing her purse off the bench seat and slamming the door shut, she set off.
She knew she could go back into the store and call Dana for a ride, but Hope also knew she wasn’t fit company for anyone tonight. Besides, the walk would do her good. And Susan would be asleep at this late hour and wouldn’t worry if Hope got home later than normal.
Her tired feet carried her out of the parking lot and down the street. It wasn’t until several minutes later when she reached Gustofson Street that her steps slowed and she began to notice her surroundings. The warm night breeze coming off the nearby bay. The rhythmic sound of the water as it brushed across the shore and then swept back out, only to return moments later.
As the street stretched out in front of her and the continued sounds of the nearby water began to work their magic, Hope tried to figure out just why she was in such a foul mood. But she knew.
Nick.
And all those gifts.
A new laptop. The newest Xbox gaming system with over two dozen different games. A bag full of the latest movie releases. Some type of hovercraft or drone thingie that lit Josh up like a Christmas tree. But the gift that really captured Joshua’s attention was the new phone. The latest and greatest iPhone with all the bells and whistles that Hope knew cost as much as a mortgage payment. She knew because she’d been trying her hardest to save the money to buy Josh one.
Nick had given Joshua the next best thing to a ticket out of the hospital—not only the means to communicate with the outside world on her son’s terms, but also things to make the hours and days he had to spend stuck inside a hospital room pass with a little more enjoyment.
In her mind, she saw again Nick and Susan entering Joshua’s room, their arms so full of gifts that a nurse had to open the door for them. Joshua’s look of shocked disbelief when Susan had set gift after expensive gift in his lap. And Susan’s excited chattering as she showed her brother not only what Nick had purchased for Josh, but what he’d gotten for her.
Tears stung her eyes. She couldn’t believe she was—
Jealous.
The word bit deep, took hold. She felt smaller for having the feeling.
Maybe not jealous, exactly. Sad. Upset. Angry at herself for not being able to give Josh everything he wanted. She was his mother. A mother should be able to provide everything for her child.
But he’s their father, her inner voice reminded her.
She shoved it away. Anger felt better than sadness; she latched on to it with both hands.
She understood Nick’s need to buy them things. She knew he was trying to make up for lost time. Lost years. But there had to be a balance. Someone needed to talk to him, make him understand that what he was doing was wrong. And the only person who could do that was Hope.
Soft, fat raindrops began to fall from the charcoal sky. She looked down the road. To her left lay Main Street. To her right, the way out of town. To the left, the hotel Nick was staying at. To her right, the way home.
Right or left.
Left or right.
In that instant, it seemed as if she’d been standing at this crossroad for the whole of her life. Damn their truce.
With renewed energy in her steps, she turned left.
* * *
NICK stood by the only window in his hotel room. Below him lay Main Street, already deserted even though it was just a few minutes after ten. A soft rain fell. The streetlamps that lined the sidewalks cast soft cones of light on the steepled rooflines of the storefronts, illuminating the intricate scrollwork on the buildings’ trim. On the far side, hidden now by darkness, was the large bay. Tranquility: an apt name for such a motionless town. He went to open the window, suddenly craving the smell of fresh air.
The window wouldn’t budge. It was sealed shut.
Perfect.
He turned away in disgust and sat down in one of the room’s two chairs: a hard, brown thing that had undoubtedly been all the rage in the seventies. Now it just looked as neglected as the rest of the furnishings.
Nick picked up the remote and hit the On button. The TV flicked to life. As he surfed the channels he wondered not for the first time what he was doing in this throwback town and not in Seattle, staying at some five-star hotel.
An I Dream of Jeannie rerun came on. With a grimace, he clicked to the next channel. A blonde manipulating a man into doing what she wanted. No thanks. He had enough of that reality.
He continued to cruise the channels, finally settling on late-night news. Not that he was interested in watching, but anything was preferable to the silence because in that quiet, he heard too much.
A newscaster with dark hair and blue eyes was speaking. Nick didn’t hear a word the young man was saying; instead, Nick was remembering another young man with black hair and piercing blue eyes.
Joshua.
Nick hated this lie he was perpetuating. He wanted to tell the kids his real relationship to them, but after seeing Josh, Nick now understood Hope’s concerns.
Today had flown by, his time with Joshua and Susan all too brief. But there would be tomorrow and tomorrows after that. Which meant he would be seeing a lot more of Hope, too.
His feelings on that were raveled. He was mad as hell at her for not telling him about the twins, and that wasn’t going to change. But he also knew that against the odds, she’d made a true home for his children. One that far surpassed the houses either of them had grown up in. He thought again of Susan’s kindness, quick smile, and quirky sense of humor. He saw Joshua’s steely determination to remain stronger than his disease. And how he found laughter in a card game even surrounded by such a stark reality. Grudgingly, Nick had to admit those traits weren’t ones his children were born with—they’d learned them from their mother.
But admiring the woman Hope had become and g
etting involved with her again were two completely different things. And he meant to keep them separate and apart.
Nick shook his head, flicked off the TV, and grabbed his phone. He was tired of the direction his thoughts were taking and wanted a clearer distraction. He punched in his crew chief’s number. Dale answered on the second ring.
“Hello?” came the sleep-muffled voice.
“How’s the track?”
There was a loud groan. “What time is it?”
“Late,” Nick said, for once not caring about being inconsiderate.
“Just a sec.” There was a rustle of blankets, the sound of running water, as if Dale needed to splash some on his face to wake up. “Okay,” his crew chief said after only a few moments. “What was that? Oh, yeah, the track. It rained like a son of a bitch earlier this week and even if we don’t see another raindrop, I’m still not liking the looks of turn two. I don’t think she’s gonna completely dry out.”
“What’s the forecast?”
“Forty percent chance of showers tomorrow but clear for qualifiers on Saturday. The weekend looks mostly clear, except there’s a new system due to hit late Sunday afternoon.”
“What time on Saturday?” Nick didn’t need to elaborate. Dale knew he was asking about what time Nick was scheduled to run his qualifying rounds—the test runs that would determine Nick’s track position come Sunday.
“One thirty. But I’d like to get in a couple of runs before that. I’ve been working on that tranny, making those adjustments we’d talked about. I’d like to take her out and see how she goes before the qualifiers.”
Images of Susan and Joshua snapped into focus. For the first time since Nick had entered the NASCAR circuit, the upcoming race wasn’t capturing his full attention. That knowledge floored him.
“I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon,” Nick said.
Boardwalk Summer Page 11