by Piper Rayne
“Was?” A hollow laugh escapes my throat. “So we broke up?”
“No.” Her teeth clench. “I just meant—”
“It’s okay, I’m used to you having one foot out the door, now you can put both feet out.” I shake my head at her, disappointment like a hot poker in my chest. “You were never in this.”
“That’s not true,” she insists, one lone tear slipping down her cheek.
“This isn’t the place, Leo.” My dad steps up, placing a hand on my shoulder.
“You went from casual to the Indy 500 in a split second,” Teegan says. “What did you expect? I don’t shift that fast.”
“Shift at all, you mean?” I cross my arms and my parents’ hands leave my body.
“Screw you!” Teegan yells. “You’re the one who’s going to fire me and hire that asshole. That asshole who screwed me out of a job, who stole clients off me and got promoted all because he has a dick and I don’t.”
“Check!” the guy behind us says. His wife and kids are already walking away and he digs some cash out of his wallet and tosses it on the table.
“You two will have to take this somewhere else,” the manager says, approaching us.
“No need. She wants to end up alone just like…” I shake my head.
“Say it.” She steps up to me, chest-to-chest, her eyes flashing, her lips set in a firm line.
I stand in defiance. “Do you really think I would do that to you?” Does she even know me at all?
The hatred in her eyes dims, but she says nothing.
“And that’s the problem. You’ll never trust me. You’ll never believe I’m in this.” I dig my wallet out of my back pocket, grabbing cash of my own to pay for our drinks. “I was, Teegan. You were the one. I saw you walking toward me in a white dress, your belly swollen with our child, a chaotic household with kids and dogs and the fucking happily ever after.” I toss the cash in the middle of the table. “But all you saw was the image of my back walking away. I can’t win, so I quit.”
I walk away, not wanting to hear her excuses.
“It was nice meeting you. Sometimes he just needs to cool down. Don’t take anything he said to heart. He always had a little bit of temper,” my mom rambles as I make my way through the tables.
“I’ll get her home,” Sophie says as I round the iron fence.
I wait for my parents on the sidewalk near my car, Cooper standing at my feet.
Sophie and Teegan leave the patio first, walking toward me, my parents not far behind. I lock eyes with Teegan one last time. She’s a minute away from crying, her cheeks red, and she might be sorry, but not apologetic enough to change the way she thinks and give us a real chance—to push past what she thinks she knows and live her life.
They walk past me and Cooper follows along beside Teegan.
“Cooper!” I scold. He’s going to pick now to be a traitor?
Teegan and Sophie slow, turning to face me. Cooper stays put at Teegan’s feet, his nose flipping her hand up to pet him.
“Cooper!” I say again as my parents come up alongside me.
He doesn’t move and my mom grips my forearm. “It’s a sign,” she murmurs.
“It’s not. Cooper!” I yell again.
Teegan bends down, wrapping her arms around his neck, petting down his back. “Bye, Coop,” she whispers. She nudges him with her hand to come to me and he listens, slowly, taking his time to reach me.
Teegan’s head tips down and she swipes a tear from under her eye until Sophie turns her around and the two walk away.
“Leo, I don’t think I need to tell you how wrong that situation was.” I love my mom, but I cannot listen to any motherly advice right now.
“I don’t want to talk about it. It’s over.” I unlock my Bronco and walk around to get in the driver’s seat, slamming the door behind me.
For two days, my parents have tried to stay upbeat. My mom’s been prying for more information about Teegan. Suggesting that it’s hard for some people to be vulnerable, that not everyone came from such a wonderful household as I did. For the first time, I’m ready for my parents to get back to Chicago so I can continue my life.
Jagger and I wait by the airport for my parents to check in for their flight.
“Why didn’t you tell me about Teegan?” he asks, pretending to be checking emails on his phone.
My mom has a big fucking mouth.
“We broke up. It’s not a big deal.” I shrug.
Jagger glances at me from the corner of his eye, but says nothing. “Yeah, you don’t need to be chained down. You’re still young.”
“Exactly.” I people-watch and I wish I could hop on a plane and disappear for a while.
“We should go out tonight, find you some new pussy to forget about her.”
“I’m in.” I nod, shoving my hands in my pockets.
“Maybe go see some strippers and get shitfaced.”
“Perfect.”
“Or we could just go to Teegan’s and you can air this shit out.”
My head shoots to him, a smirk on his lips.
“Fuck you,” I say.
He smacks my back. “You’re being an asshole. I mean I get it, she’s scared. You know how many jerks are scared of commitment? Maybe she’s learned her lesson.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I crack my neck.
“But you want to obsessively think about it? You want to end up eating ice cream and junk food in your condo like Vance when he and Layla broke up?”
I laugh. “I’m not a pussy like him.”
“Speaks the man who makes dog clothes for a living.”
I shoot him a look of warning from the side of my eye.
“I’m kidding. See, where’s my fun-loving friend?”
“He’s still here, I just need to work her out of my system. I will and one day I’ll be good as new.”
He purses his lips, rocking back on his heels. “You going to forget the way she smells? Or how her skin felt under your hands? How about the way she writhed underneath you when she came? Or the way her ass was made to fit in your lap? The sound of her laugh? You’re going to forget all that?”
I glance over when I hear the melancholy note to his voice and I could swear he’s not in this conversation with me—he seems more like he’s reliving something from his own memory. “You speaking from experience?”
He startles and then a deep laugh rumbles out of him. “Of course not.”
I eye him for a few seconds. His movements are antsy and he seems uncomfortable. The son of a bitch has been in love before. “Jagg—”
“Here come your parents.” He nods in front of us.
My parents reach us seconds later, my mom hugging Jagger, my dad hugging me.
“Thank you for having us,” my dad softly says in my ear. “I’d go get that girl if I were you.”
“Good thing you aren’t me.”
He shakes his head. “Always were a stubborn one.” He places my head in both of his hands, bending me down to kiss my forehead. “Sometimes you have to fight for the things that matter. Believe me, no one has a long-term relationship without a little forgiveness on both sides.”
“Dad.” I sigh.
“I know, I know. I pick now to talk to you about this, but I thought you’d come to your senses already. You’ve fought for everything your entire life, Leo, yet, you’re letting her slip away. I’m struggling to understand.”
“Why should I give my all when she doesn’t? I’ll be the one left with a broken—”
My dad smiles. “Maybe she’s not the only one who’s worried.”
I shake my head and my parents switch spots, my mom squeezing me hard around my middle. “I love you. Come home soon to visit, okay?”
She mentions nothing about Teegan and I’m happy that at least one of my parents can let the topic go.
“Bring your fiancée.” She winks and pulls away.
I release a big breath of frustration. Suppose I spoke too soon.
/> Saying nothing else, the two turn around, my dad linking hands with my mom, and they walk to the security area.
“Time to get shitfaced. I’ll call Vance.” Jagger steps away from me, his phone already in his hands.
I’m not going to argue. I could do with a few hours of forgetting about her.
28
Teegan
I allowed myself two days to cry and that’s it. But sitting here in front of the TV and crying won’t accomplish anything, especially getting more money in my bank account, since my pottery client is but a drop in the bucket toward my monthly expenses.
My mom passes me at the breakfast bar, grabbing a mug and filling it with coffee. She’s still in her robe, her hair in knots, and I swear her body becomes thinner by the day.
“You’ve been here a lot,” she says.
I shrug.
“What happened to Romeo?” We both ignore the fact she’s lingering around the vodka bottle on the counter. Other than checking how much is gone every day, I’ve stopped lecturing her.
“We broke up.” I concentrate on the screen in front of me.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” She’s not. Misery loves company.
I shrug. Tears don’t fall. My nose tickles and my eyes sting, but the tears don’t fall. I hop off the stool. I can leave and she can have her vodka.
I pack up my computer. “I have an appointment.”
“And you’ve chosen that outfit?”
“It’s not work-related.”
She nods.
I walk out of the condo with a wave of my hand. Sophie’s gone for the day to San Diego and she gave me a key to her place so I can hide out from my mom, but I have something I have to do first.
Sophie and Leo both said one thing that haunts me at night. Alone. I’ll end up alone. I’m creating the very future I don’t want.
Ever since my parents split, I’ve dreamed of having a family, my own family. Big holidays with tons of people, dressing my girls in dresses and curling their hair. Waking up early to put a turkey in. Matching pajamas on Christmas morning. Sophie says it’s corny and I never had anyone in my life I could picture it happening with until Leo’s speech right before he ended things. He saw me as that person and maybe it’s too late for Leo and me, but I have to get myself sane before stepping out into the dating world again. Of course, I hope… I shake the thought from my head. Not going there.
I walk down my steps, out to the street, hop in my car and then head far away from the woman who put her imprint so deep inside of me, I don’t think anyone can dig it out.
When I reach my destination, I climb out, staring up at the building. “Let the exorcism begin,” I say to myself.
I ring the bell and a beautiful woman in her fifties answers, her hair the prettiest shade of grey. “Teegan?” she asks, a welcoming smile on her face. She opens the door wider. “Please, come in.” She steps two feet and then holds her hands out to another room. “Usually you’ll use my side entrance, but the waiting room is being redecorated.”
I pass pictures of her family hung on the wall above a small table with knickknacks. Two boys in the picture look like they’re in high school, with smiles that match their mom’s, and a man stands next to her, strong with one hand on his son’s shoulder and his other on her shoulder. All smiles like they’re living their happily ever after.
“Those are my boys, Van and Tad. And my husband, Dean.”
“Very beautiful family.”
“Thank you.” She stands, blocking any other way than to her office.
She probably thinks I’m some creep, checking out her pictures like that.
I walk into her office, where there’s a nice flowery couch sitting in between two windows. A chair is placed to its left, which I presume is for her. Just as imagined, a box of tissues sits on the table, ready for me to crumble into pieces while I beg her to fix me.
“Have a seat, Teegan.” She points to the couch like I didn’t know where I should sit. I’ve seen enough television shows. She grabs a notepad and pen on the table next to the chair and sits down.
My back is stiff, my knees locked together as I wait for further instructions.
“Get comfortable,” she says, wiggling in her own chair. “Lean back, cross your legs, kick off your shoes. Whatever. There are no rules here.”
I nod, sliding until my back hits the soft cushion. I cross my legs and lock my fingers over my knee.
“What brings you in, Teegan?”
The pen rests in her lap, but I wonder what she’ll write when she does. That I’m incapable of love? “I’m broken. Isn’t that why people come to you?”
She laughs. “No, Teegan. Nobody is broken, including you.”
A rush of heat races up my chest to my cheeks.
“What made you decide to come to me? Let’s start there.” She fiddles with her pen and I stare at it while she flicks it back and forth in her hands. Noticing where I’m looking, she stops, putting the notebook and pen on the table next to her.
“My boyfriend and I broke up.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
I nod. “I lied to him, so…”
“What did you lie to him about?”
I uncross my legs and cross them again, facing the other way. “His parents came into town and I said I couldn’t join them at lunch because I was sick.”
“You didn’t want to meet his parents?”
I shrug. “I did, but…” I scan her office. No personal pictures in here.
“But?”
“But that’s a big step. I mean you meet the parents and get to know them, become attached. And then they’ll always blame you when the break-up happens because the other person is their kid.” My throat is so dry. I try to swallow, but it only hurts.
“How did you know you’d break up?”
Huh, she stumped me this early? No way. “The divorce rate in this country is like sixty percent.”
“Which means forty percent make it, but a relationship doesn’t have to end in marriage. You could gain a great friendship out of it, or maybe you date for years and mutually decide to end things.”
I crinkle my eyebrows. “I don’t want to be friends with Leo.”
A soft smile wraps her lips. “Leo? Is that his name?”
I nod, my fingers hurting from locking them so tight on my knees.
“Tell me about him,” she says.
“He hates me.” My eyes well with tears and I glance over at the tissue box.
“Please.” She reaches forward, offering it to me.
“No. I’m good.”
She sets it back down on the table. “What else can you tell me other than that he hates you?”
Leo’s face comes into my mind and I commit every feature to my memory. I never want to forget him.
“You’re smiling about something.” She tilts her head, that soft smile still on display.
I straighten my lips. “He’s gorgeous. So attractive.”
“And that’s why you love him?”
My head rears back. “Love? I never said I love him.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. My mistake.”
I nod. At least she can admit when she’s wrong. “You can’t help but notice him when he walks into a room. His presence takes over and you immediately feel like you’re friends.”
“He’s friendly then?”
“Very. Polite. Thoughtful. Caring. Creative. A hard worker. Every good quality you can think of.”
“Did he have any bad qualities, Teegan?” Her smile is gone now and I hate the fact she’s insinuating something about him.
“I’m the problem. Not Leo.”
“Fair enough, but is there anything you don’t like about him?”
“No.” I shake my head. “He’s perfect.”
“Then why aren’t you with him?”
Jeez, why does she keep fixating on this? “I told you, I’m broken.”
“You’re not.”
“I’m here because I need help.” I slid
e forward on the couch. “Maybe this isn’t going to work.”
She waves me back, inching forward on her chair. “Hold on. Okay, let’s put Leo on the back burner. Tell me about your family. Parents… siblings?”
“That’s an even worse subject.”
“Teegan, I can’t help you until I know what I’m dealing with.”
I throw my hands up in the air. “I know why I am the way I am. What I don’t know is how to stop being this way.”
“And I’m going to help you with that, but first I need to hear why you think you’re broken. And for the record, I don’t think you are, and my guess is that if I asked Leo, he’d say you weren’t broken. Wouldn’t he?” She leans back in her chair, crossing her legs again. “Let’s start there. What do you think Leo would say? Anything from the break-up?”
I replay our fight in my head. “He’d say I never trusted him. Not really. That I always had one foot out the door. That I was waiting for him to leave or to screw up.”
“Were you?”
“Maybe. I didn’t think so at the time. I felt like I was all in. Just because I didn’t want to have lunch with his parents and some other things.” I shake my head.
“What other things?” she asks, crossing her legs and leaning back in her chair.
“He got upset when I didn’t want to stay the night at his place or when I asked for separate hotel rooms when we’d travel for work.”
“Why did you want those things?”
I release a deep breath and look at her square in the eyes. “My mom is habitually searching for true love. And she’s yet to find it. Always ends up in a depression and on a bender when things end and it’s always been on me to try to fix her.” There—I gave her the information she’s been searching for.
She nods, picking up her book and pen and scribbling something inside. I’m past caring what she’s writing.
“When did your parents divorce?” she asks when she’s done writing. She leans forward, handing me the tissue box, and this time I accept it.
For the next hour, I rehash my entire childhood, having to go through not just one, but two boxes of tissues. Somehow, between my sobbing and blowing my nose, she got information she believes will help me. And damn if I don’t feel a little lighter when I stand up. This whole experience has been difficult, but in its own way cathartic.