by Eden Beck
So, despite the fact that I feel like I’m barely treading water here at Ridgecrest, I decide this is where I have to stay.
At least for now.
The very last place I want to be is back in a classroom right now, but that’s where I have to be.
At the very least, I’ve missed out on having to face Bridget and everyone else right away. Only Chase.
And he, from the moment I slip into the seat beside him—all eyes on me—is bad enough.
“So, if you’re not a stoner, can’t really call you Stoner Girl anymore, can I?” he says with a grin, even as enough whispers break out around us for the usually lax professor to order everyone to quiet down.
“I guess not,” I hiss back at him. I try to make a show of loudly setting my book on the table and flipping forward to the right chapter, but that does nothing to deter him from leaning even closer.
His breath tickles my neck when he opens his mouth again.
“Hm, slut is boring, whore isn’t unique … oh, I’ve got it! Teacher’s Pet!” he nearly shouts, eliciting giggles from the neighboring desks. “You like pet play?” he asks with a wink.
My face flushes an angry red as I try to focus on my work.
“Oh, don’t be like that, you gotta embrace it. Where’s that bold girl we’ve all heard about?” Chase pushes.
I jump up from my chair and attempt to leave, but the professor stops me.
“Excuse me miss, but the class isn’t finished, please sit back down,” he says. There’s a brief moment where pity flashes across his face, and somehow, that’s even worse.
I’m trapped.
I sink back into the chair next to Chase and avoid his prodding gaze. I listen to the clock tick away every second as he continues to tease me with every subtle move, every casual word. Finally, the bell rings and I jump up from my seat and escape to the hallway.
But I’m not safe.
Not even here, not even for a moment, because I immediately run straight into Sterling.
My hands curl into fists where they come to rest on his chest, my books strewn across the floor, the wind knocked out of me for a moment.
His own hands lift to gently catch my wrists, his thumb stroking the soft skin at the base of my palms until I have the good sense to yank them away. I stumble back, away from him, even as the eyes of our classmates come to rest on us with brows raised in judgment.
I hear their thoughts as if they were spoken aloud.
She moves fast. Another, already?
“Woah, where’s the fire?” Sterling asks, the smug smile on his face telling me he’s thinking the same.
And to think, just days ago, I was supposed to be trying to seduce him.
The thought now makes me nauseous.
“Just trying to get to class,” I snap, forcing my gaze away from his as I drop down onto my knees to pick up my scattered books.
“Oh, trying to meet up with your teacher beforehand for a little … before hand?” he laughs.
I feel my face flush again, but I don’t look up.
“Well, now you know, satisfied?” I ask.
“A little bit, yeah. I knew I saw a freak in you,” he says.
Now I do look up. Just for a moment.
“I’m not a freak!” I snap, but it’s loud enough to draw eyes from all around me. “It was just … one stupid mistake.”
“Not what I heard from Bridget. Story is you worked on the poor guy for months and once he gave in, you blackmailed him to stay with you like some sort of captive boyfriend,” Sterling’s eyes are dark and searching.
I freeze halfway back onto my feet.
“Do you really think … is that what you think of me?” I ask.
“I don’t know,” Sterling says, standing still above me, offering me no hand up. “I just don’t know with you. Besides, who can trust a liar?”
I feel tears welling up in my eyes as I finally push past Sterling and head down the hall, my vision blurring as the tears begin to fall. I run into the nearest bathroom and lock myself in a stall. I clap my hands over my mouth as I try to muffle the sounds and the tears I’ve been holding back come flooding out.
It’s all messed up, it’s all messed up, it’s all messed up.
I feel the entire façade falling apart around me.
I was supposed to start over here. Clean slate. Forget about what happened. Now I’m branded by it.
And this time, there’s no reform school for the failed reform school girl to hide her past another layer deep.
I collect myself and leave the stall once the bathroom is quiet enough that I’m sure I’m alone. I walk over to the sink and splash some water on my face. It’s not enough to hide my red-rimmed eyes.
The next few classes go by in a blur, with whispers and snickers from other students cutting through the fog occasionally.
Finally, lunch rolls around and I head to the dining hall. As I walk down the aisle between the tables, I can hear the whispers. I try to look straight ahead, avoiding eye contact with anyone as I aim for the table where I see Alaska and Clark sitting.
As I approach, I see them exchange nervous glances and my heart drops into my stomach.
“Hey,” I say, my voice wavering a bit. “Okay if I join you guys?”
I’m not sure what to expect.
This is the first time I’ve faced either of them since yesterday’s assembly. Alaska didn’t come to back to our room last night.
“Yeah, of course,” Alaska says as she shifts her books off the seat next to her. There’s a new lilt to her voice, but it doesn’t sound unkind.
Just … unsure.
“Thanks,” I say as I sit down.
There’s a long, quiet pause.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Alaska finally says, breaking the silence. “Why the lie?”
“I … I really don’t know. I got nervous when I first met Bridget and everyone and … I just didn’t see a way out of it after the first lie.”
“But, like, I thought you realized we were cool. We’re all screw ups, so hiding shit makes it seem like you think you’re trying to be better than us,” Clark says sharply.
“I’m sorry, I really am, I just … didn’t know what to do,” I say as I fight back more tears. “I’m not proud of what I did.”
Alaska and Clark glance at each other and Alaska lets out a sigh.
“It’s okay, besides, we’re not the ones you’re really going to have to convince. Pretty much everyone in school knows now, you’ve got a big ass target on your back,” Alaska says.
“Think there’s any way to change that?” I ask.
Before they can answer, Bridget, Chase, Warren, and Sterling suddenly approach the table. Bridget is beaming, clearly proud of the damage she’s caused and hoping to reap the spoils with some gloating.
“Aubrey dear, you look awful,” she says. “You should really be getting more sleep; your eyes are all puffy.”
“Yeah, well, been a little stressed.”
“Oh, it can’t be that bad, just turn on that legendary charm of yours to the right teachers and you’ll be able to skate by just fine,” Bridget chuckles.
“So how many was it, back in the day? I’m sure the teacher wasn’t the only mark, what do you think, ten? Fifteen? You have to have gone through most of the guys in your hometown if you were moving onto teachers, just couldn’t get enough.” Warren grins from ear to ear at the thought of me being the school mattress.
“She went to an all-girls school, idiot,” Alaska cuts in, much to my surprise.
“Fine. Maybe she went through the dykes first then,” Warren shoots back scathingly.
“Bet she was even looser than Bridget was,” Chase says with a laugh.
Warren’s face immediately darkens, his head whips around toward Chase. “Hey, shut it, now.”
“Woah, sorry man,” Chase says. “I was just kidding; besides, Bridget went through that … awkward phase before she tightened up into a stone-cold fox.”
�
��Bite me, Chase. Sure, I got a little … softer when I stayed at my grandma’s that one summer, but I’d say I bounced back quite nicely, wouldn’t you?” Bridget says with a flirtatious wiggle.
“Choose your answer carefully,” Warren warns.
“Alright, alright, you win, I surrender,” Chase says.
Bridget looks pleased. “Anyways, just wanted to see how you’re fairing, it must be so difficult with your … reputation going around.”
“Don’t worry yourself too hard,” Alaska says with an eye roll. “At least Aubrey has the reputation for putting out. All you’ve got is a reputation for putting down.”
She ducks her head a bit and whispers, “Bitch,” just loud enough for Bridget to hear.
But she just pretends that she doesn’t.
“Oh, I won’t worry myself at all,” Bridget says before leaving the three boys still looming over me without her.
“Can I help you with anything else?” I ask them, my eyes trained firmly on the sandwich in front of me.
“I mean, that depends,” Warren says with a grin.
When I glance up at him, he isn’t looking at my face. He’s staring at my breasts unabashedly as if they aren’t swamped in not one but two herringbone sweaters today.
I don’t give him the satisfaction of squirming under his gaze, even if I want to.
“Can you just leave me alone? That’s literally all I want right now,” I say, exhausted.
“Oh, where’s the fun in that? Besides, where’s that badass girl that put us in our place back at the lake? What, lost your nerve now that you can’t act all holier-than-thou?” Warren sneers.
“Rough getting knocked down a few pegs for sure, isn’t it?” Sterling follows.
“Anyways, if you ever get bored of the teachers and want to try out the newer models, you know where to find us,” Warren says as he blows a mock-kiss at me and then heads off with the rest of the boys.
“Douchebags, all of them,” Alaska mutters.
“They’re nonstop, what am I going to do?”
Alaska and Clark think for a moment.
“The boys are dicks, but Bridget’s really the one running the show, and she’s keeping the reasons she’s here pretty close to the vest too. I bet there’s stuff about her she’s not telling anyone. If you can find out what that is and expose her …” Clark trails off, letting his raised eyebrows finish his sentence for him. “Let’s just say she’d probably suddenly find it very important to her that the boys stop bullying you. Like, right away.”
I glance at him with a newfound appreciation.
“You’d make a good evil mastermind, you know that?”
He beams at me. “That’s quite possibly the best compliment I’ve ever gotten.”
I sit back in my own chair for a moment. “Well, if Bridget does have a secret … How am I supposed to go about figuring it out?” I ask. “I don’t even know how she figured out mine.”
“Research. Facebook, Instagram, see if anything seems off,” Clark says. “No one is totally perfect online if you look hard enough.”
I scrunch up my nose at the thought.
“It feels … dirty.”
“They fight dirty, you’re gonna have to fight dirty back. Unless you want to stay the most interesting news on campus, you’re gonna have to find them something more interesting.”
Lies, blackmail, strategy. This is not the reform school experience I was expecting. But I can’t take this anymore, I know Clark is right.
I need to finally stand up for myself.
After all, with everything on the line already, what is there left to lose?
Chapter Twenty-Three
The only way to access the internet on campus is in the computer room since all smartphones had to be surrendered upon our arrival to minimize “distractions” from our efforts to become more productive, disciplined students.
Really, it’s probably to stop us from arranging our own kidnappings out of this place.
Unfortunately, with finals coming up, the computer room is booked solid. The next available time is 9 p.m., two weeks from now, right before end-of-term finals. In the meantime, I’m trying to lie low and stay away from Bridget and the boys, which is proving unsuccessful.
Sterling is easier to avoid than before, at least. After I got reassigned to volunteering in the administration office, I haven’t seen him sulking around outside of class except with the other two boys. Unfortunately, being in the admin office has also meant running into Mr. Peters far more frequently than I’d like to.
And by that, I mean never.
Every time he comes into the office, he keeps a wide distance from where I’m working, throwing odd sideways glances my way and nodding to me with a stiff neck, his eyes darting around the room. I’m not unappreciative of the wide-berth he gives me though, the last thing I want is to have to talk to him.
It makes my stomach queasy to even look at him.
Sometimes I swear that I was re-assigned here in the office just so I’d be forced to see him. As some extra kind of penitence.
This, I’m sure of, when I watch him grow bolder and bolder with each day that passes.
It’s barely been a week before he finds a reason to walk by my desk.
“Hello Aubrey!” He says with a forced, upbeat smile. “Ms. Hopkins said you might be able to assist me with organizing these files. They simply need to be put in order by date and flagged for signature.”
He shifts uneasily on his feet. I reach out and grab the papers. As I do, he leans down toward me, pretending to be pointing something out as he whispers.
“I trust you haven’t spoken to anyone further about our little misunderstanding?” he asks. “I’m sure you understand how that would look now, given the circumstances.”
As he says it, his hand moves, brushing over the edge of my shoulder before coming to rest against the back of my chair.
I grit my teeth together so tightly that I swear I can taste my own dental fillings. Better that than spewing vomit across the top of my desk.
“Of course not.”
After all, who would listen?
Relief washes over his face. “Well, then, excellent. How soon can I pick these up?”
He taps on the files in front of me, but I don’t miss the way his fingers ever-so-slightly grazes the inside of my wrist too as he steps away. That simple touch is all it takes to turn my stomach.
“I should have them done by the end of today,” I answer, jerking my hands back.
“Very good, keep up the excellent work!” he says with a little too much enthusiasm.
“Thanks,” I reply as I shuffle the papers on my desk and avoid eye contact.
No sooner has he stepped outside of the admin office than Ms. Hopkins suddenly appears at my side. She leans back a bit, one hand on the top of my desk as the other follows his disappearing back outside on the path to the quad.
“See,” she says, full of self-satisfaction when she straightens up a moment later. “That is the proper way to interact with your male superiors.”
She eyes me meaningfully. “By the end of your time here, I hope you’ll really have learned something.”
With two self-serving raps on the desk, she leaves me be.
And good thing too. I’m not sure I could have held my tongue much longer.
After my volunteer work is done, I head straight back to Mason House, desperate for a moment of sanity. But of course, that won’t be allowed—not when Bridget is sashaying around the common room as if she owns the place.
“It’s going to be so great, the whole estate is going to be decked out and I hired THE best DJ in the area, like, I seriously had to pry him away from like three different festivals,” Bridget gushes to one of the girls as I walk in.
As soon as she spots me, she goes quiet.
“Oh … Hi, Aubrey,” she says, eyes flickering over me in a look of judgment no one other than Bridget can muster with only her eyes.
“Hey …”
“Oh, so, just so this isn’t weird or anything, I’m having this end-of-semester party at my parent’s summer estate but … well … given your reputation, Warren and I thought it best not to invite you,” Bridget says with poorly feigned somberness. “It’s not anything personal, it’s just that given everything that’s happened a lot of people might be uncomfortable with you being there and I want to keep everything chill.”
This girl just will not give up.
“Yeah, it’s whatever,” I say. I wouldn’t want to be invited, anyway.
I try to say as much, but Bridget doesn’t give me the chance.
“Cool, sorry!” she croons in a high pitch as she and the other girl scurry out of the common room.
She’s not wrong. The boys don’t even have to bully me anymore, they’ve gotten the rest of the school to do it for them.
This morning when I opened my wardrobe, a flood of condoms came pouring out. On my way to class, someone in the hallway just shouted “whore” but I couldn’t see where it came from. That’s nothing compared to the patch of dead grass I discovered un-creatively scrawling the letters S-L-U-T just beneath our bedroom windows.
Thankfully Alaska and Clark have come around, attempting to help ward off the unwanted attention. There’s not much they can do, but it’s nice to have them around.
Now, just because the boys don’t have to bully me, doesn’t mean they don’t try.
As Chase and I are working on a project in class toward the end of the week, I reach over to grab a pen from in front of him.
“Woah, Aubrey, easy! You gotta ask nicely first,” he says loudly. “I mean, I’m not saying it would be a no, but you gotta be polite about it.”
Snickers erupt from around the classroom.
“You’re not funny,” I hiss at him.
“I dunno, audience seems to appreciate it.”
I try to change the subject. Chase seems to be the one with the loosest lips when it comes to Bridget, maybe I can get him to admit something about her past.
“So, you really do just whatever Warren tells you?” I ask, once the last of the snickers subsides behind us. I duck my head a little as the professor glances our way for just a second. “You do the same for Bridget?”