She’d left years ago, filled with burning resentment and a self-destructive anger. Those particular emotions were gone. This time, she would leave with her heart scarred and bereavement weighing heavily upon her.
She realized now the depth of Edie’s pain—the pain of shattered dreams and impossible love. Would Edie’s pain ever go away? Would her own? She couldn’t imagine a time coming when she wouldn’t love Tyler. Her love for him flowed within the blood in her veins, whispered in and out with each breath she took.
Walking to the window, she fought the tears that thickened in her throat and burned at her eyes. She knew she should be making plans, figuring out where she would go, what she would do.
Later, she thought. Later she would figure out where she would go. At the moment it was just too painful to consider. At the moment she wanted nothing more than to cry—for Tyler, and for herself, and for all the wonderful things they would never share.
Tyler leaned his head back against the airplane seat. He was exhausted. More than bone weary, he was heartsick. He’d tossed and turned all night, finding sleep impossible. When he’d gotten up that morning he’d found on the table a sheet of paper outlining the sale of Justice Inc. to him and he’d realized that Samantha must not have slept at all either.
Closing his eyes, a vision of Samantha filled his mind. It was a painful image of her sitting on the edge of his bed, her eyes filled with tears, with pain.
Dammit, although he’d known the final confrontation with her would be difficult, he hadn’t realized it would be as heartbreaking as it had been. But he’d done the right thing, he told himself. She would be better off without him.
She’d surprised him with her offer to sell out. His first reaction had been to ignore the offer and follow through on his plans to join the St. Louis firm. But she’d made it clear she didn’t intend to stick around, planned to take the Chicago job.
He’d decided to go ahead and fly to St. Louis to tell Bruno, Sandorf and Kearnes in person that he was declining their job offer. He was going to stay at Justice Inc.
Even though Samantha was leaving and would no longer be living in the house, Tyler also realized he needed to make arrangements to move out.
There was no way he could sit in front of the fire and not see her image—in that damnably sexy blue silk robe, curled up in the chair across from him. There was no way he could sit at the kitchen table and not see her with her eyes sparkling as she debated with him.
More than anything, there was no way he could sleep in his bed and not remember the way her hair had splayed across his navy sheets, how her passionate little cries had warmed his neck—the very splendor of making love to her.
He would find himself a little studio apartment, a place with no memories of Samantha. Now, if he could just get those memories out of his head, he would be fine.
As the jet engines began the roar that signaled takeoff, Tyler told himself again that he’d done the right thing. Samantha would have a good life in Chicago. She no longer carried the scars from her father’s upbringing, and eventually her heart would open to a new love. Yes, he’d done the right thing. So, why did it hurt so badly?
Chapter 16
“It’s my landlord. He keeps coming into my apartment when I’m not home.” Gina Morris, an attractive eighteen-year-old, sat in front of Samantha’s desk, her face flushed with a hint of embarrassment.
“What exactly is it you’d like me to do?” Samantha asked the young woman.
“I just thought maybe you could write a letter, tell him to stop invading my privacy. I mean, he can’t do that, can he? Just walk into my place whenever he feels like it?”
Samantha smiled at her reassuringly. “No, he can’t. I’ll get a letter out this afternoon.” Samantha stood and walked Gina to her office door. “You can let Mr. Sinclair know if anything further needs to be done.”
“Oh, thank you...I really appreciate it.”
Samantha sighed in relief as she closed the door behind Gina. Amazing. It was a few minutes before noon and she’d already seen four prospective clients. Dominic’s release had become public news and suddenly Samantha was being regarded as the next Clarence Darrow.
With each person she’d spoken to, she’d explained that she wouldn’t be in town long, but would take notes and pass them along to Tyler. And that was exactly what she had done.
Tyler. His name alone caused a shaft of pain to pierce her heart. She’d heard him leave the house that morning, and had found a note when she’d finally gotten out of bed and gone downstairs. The note told her he accepted her terms for sale and had gone to St. Louis to tell the law firm there that he was declining their proffered position.
Finally he’d added that he would be back in a couple of days—time she knew he would take to further distance himself from her emotionally.
Samantha had decided to come into the office, unable to face the prospect of hanging around the house and thinking of Tyler and what might have been. She’d been surprised to see Edie at the receptionist’s desk when she arrived.
“I...I didn’t know if I should come to work or not,” Edie had said tearfully.
Samantha had hugged the older woman. “Of course, you should be here at work.”
“Samantha...I never meant—”
“Shh, we won’t talk about it again,” Samantha had said.
Samantha rose from her desk and looked at her watch. She was meeting Melissa at the club for lunch in a little while and after that, she had to decide where she was going to make her home. Maybe she should contact that St. Louis firm. Since Tyler wasn’t taking the job, perhaps she could.
It wasn’t a serious thought, however. She’d told Tyler she was going to Chicago, and that was where she would go. She’d never been to the windy city but hoped that there she might heal her wounded heart.
She went over to her window and stared outside, unseeing. At least in Chicago there would be nothing to remind her of Tyler. She frowned. Who was she kidding? There would always be something to evoke memories of him. The blue of the sky would remind her of his eyes. Sooty night shadows would remind her of his hair. Sunset would evoke memories of them making love before the fire, and sunrise would remind her of another day without him.
“Damn him,” she said with a sigh. Damn him for being exactly the kind of man he was...and damn him for not being man enough to admit it.
Before tears could fall, before her thoughts could cause her heart to press any more painfully in her chest, she left her office. “I’m going to lunch,” she said to Edie. “I’ll try to be back by two. If you need me before then, you can call me at the club.”
Minutes later, driving toward the club, Samantha focused on the next difficult task she had before her—telling her sister she was leaving town again. But this time it would be different. She didn’t intend a self-imposed exile. She wasn’t going to ostracize herself from her sister. This time there would be phone calls, and letters and visits. Chicago wasn’t so very far away; Samantha could fly back and stay with Melissa and her husband every once in a while. She just hoped Melissa understood why she couldn’t remain in Wilford and see Tyler every day.
The hostess led Samantha to the same table where she’d had lunch with Melissa the day after she’d returned to town. Samantha sank into her chair and stared out the window, remembering that at some point in the conversation that day, Melissa had warned her not to hurt Tyler. How ironic, that it had been Tyler who’d inflicted the final killing wounds.
Outside, the day was gray and the sky overcast with gloomy clouds that perfectly reflected Samantha’s mood. In the brief time she’d been back in Wilford, she’d found the kind of peace she’d sought so many years before. The place she’d once run from had finally become home, and the thought of leaving tore her apart. But the thought of remaining was absolutely impossible to consider. There was no way she could live in Wilford, see Tyler even in passing, hear the mere mention of his name and not have her heart break a little bit more eac
h time.
“Hey, you’re early.” Melissa’s voice broke into Samantha’s thoughts.
She smiled at her sister, who sank into the chair across from her. “How’s my niece?”
Melissa laughed and touched her stomach. “Or nephew.”
Samantha shook her head. “No, I’ve decided you need to have a girl. Girls, I understand. Boys, I just don’t get.”
Melissa’s intent gaze examined Samantha’s features. “What’s happened, Samantha? You look so...lost.”
Samantha had been proud of herself. All morning long she’d dealt with people, handled situations and not once had she lost control of her emotions. But Melissa’s words made something snap and instantly tears burned in her eyes. She bit the inside of her cheek and swallowed hard to control herself. “I’ve gone and done something very stupid, Melissa.”
Melissa smiled at her fondly. “Now, why doesn’t that surprise me? What have you done this time?”
“I’ve managed to fall hopelessly, desperately in love with Tyler,” Samantha confessed.
Melissa clapped her hands together. “But that’s wonderful.” Her smile faded when Samantha didn’t respond in kind. “It’s not wonderful?”
Samantha shook her head. “It’s impossible, that’s what it is.” She drew a deep breath, then spilled her heart to Melissa, telling her sister of her love, and Tyler’s final rejection of that love. “So, it seems I’m selling my half of the law firm to Tyler and leaving sometime in the near future for a job in Chicago.” Deliberately she neglected to add that the job offer from the Chicago firm had been strictly a figment of her imagination. She knew such information would only make Melissa worry.
“Chicago...It seems too far away.” Melissa reached across the table and touched Samantha’s hand. “I feel like I just found you and now I’m going to lose you again.”
Samantha grabbed Melissa’s hand. “No way. You aren’t about to lose me. I’ll fly back here to visit you and your family at least once a month or so...and we’ll talk on the phone every day. This isn’t going to be like the last time, Melissa. I swear this time will be different.”
“And this time I believe you,” Melissa replied. Their conversation was interrupted by the waiter. When he’d taken their orders and departed, Melissa sipped her iced tea, then leaned back in her chair with a sigh. “Are you sure you can’t stay here in town?”
Samantha hesitated, then shook her head. “One of us has to go, and it’s not fair that it be Tyler. He’s always belonged here more than I have. This is his home...his work....I can’t take that away from him.”
Melissa’s gaze was soft, filled with empathy. “Oh Samantha, I don’t want you to go, but I’m so proud of the selfless decision you’ve made. Tyler is the real loser in all this. You would have been good to him...for him.”
Samantha raised her chin a notch. “I would have been the best damned wife he’d ever think of having,” she said, then burst into tears.
Thankfully, the tears didn’t last long, and Samantha managed to control herself for the remainder of the lunch. After saying goodbye to Melissa, she drove to a bookstore that carried out-of-town newspapers. She picked up several days worth of the Chicago Tribune, then went back to the office.
“Hold my calls,” she told Edie as she breezed in. “I don’t want to be disturbed for the next couple of hours.” She went into her private sanctum and closed the door.
She didn’t want to spend any more time talking to potential clients when she wouldn’t be around to do anything with their cases. And she didn’t want to put off for another minute finding a place to live...a job. She had to be prepared to leave soon—almost as soon. as Tyler returned from his trip.
She couldn’t bear the thought of sharing the house with him, seeing him here at work, loving him each and every moment and not having that love returned. It was much too painful to contemplate. She had to be ready to leave...soon.
Tyler cruised his rental car slowly down the neighborhood street, memory playing games in his mind. Hadn’t his best friend, Paul, lived on the corner? When had it become a store? Hadn’t the Gerdes twins lived in the building that now housed a fire department? Was it his memory that had failed or had the streets where he’d grown up become unrecognizable?
Of course it wasn’t his memory. Nothing ever stayed the same. Except me, Tyler thought. He’d left here an angry young man and had returned with those same feelings boiling inside him.
He frowned thoughtfully. Was Samantha right? Was it all about learning to let go? Finding the peace to start again? He drove slowly, seeing no familiar faces. When he came to the place where the apartment building he’d lived in should have been, he found an empty lot with swing sets and slides. At some point in the passing years, the old brick eight-story building had been razed and replaced with a neighborhood park. He stopped at the curb and rolled down his window. Two little girls sat on swings, looking chubby in their heavy winter coats. Their giggles filled the air as they pumped their legs to make their swings go higher and faster.
To Tyler, the girlish laughter sounded like hope, like new beginnings. It somehow seemed fitting that the place he’d once thought of as a place of death, was now a park where children played, and dreamed, and hoped for the future.
He looked at his watch. He had a two o’clock flight back to Wilford. There was still time, and he had one more stop to make before he said a final goodbye to St. Louis.
It took him only minutes to drive to Chapelwoods Cemetery. He hadn’t been here since his mother’s funeral. At that time he’d been too angry, too guilt-ridden to properly tell her goodbye.
Just as he’d told Samantha she had to make peace with her father, Tyler knew it was time for him to make peace with his mother.
Unlike Jamison’s headstone, which was large and ornate, Kelly Sinclair’s was small, a simple concrete square with only her name and the dates she’d been on earth engraved on it. There hadn’t been money for anything more elaborate.
Tyler crouched down beside it and gently pulled away dead grass and brushed at fallen leaves. He stared at the dates. She’d been thirty-two when she was killed. So young. And yet, he had a feeling she’d squeezed in more life in those brief years than people who lived to be a hundred. Like Samantha, Kelly Sinclair had embraced each moment as if it was to be her very last. A trait to envy, not fear.
He straightened, realizing that his anger—at fate and at his mother—was gone. Guilt no longer resided inside him. His heart, his very being was filled with one single emotion—his love for Samantha.
It was already too late to shield himself from hurt. He loved Samantha and she loved him, and it didn’t matter if she went to Chicago or flew to the moon, he wouldn’t feel complete without her.
He’d been afraid, so afraid that she would leave him the way his mother had; but now he realized he would rather have one moment in Samantha’s arms than a life-time of safe aloneness.
He had to get back to Wilford. He had to stop her from taking that Chicago job offer. As he hurried to the car, his mind whirled. It was strange, that offer coming to her on the day after Bones had attacked them. She’d said they’d heard about the Marcola case and had made her the offer. But that was impossible. It had been too soon. There had been no newspaper accounts about what had happened, no way for a law firm in Chicago to know the events that had transpired.
He got back into his car and stared at the dashboard. “She lied.” The brat had made the whole thing up and he’d fallen for it, hook, line and sinker. Why? Why would she make up such a thing?
Because she loves you, a small voice replied. She loves you enough to let you have Justice Inc. She loves you enough to sacrifice her father’s legacy so you can have what you want. How could he turn his back on that kind of love?
Tyler’s throat closed up as he realized the depth of Samantha’s love for him. And to think he’d been about to throw it all away. He started the car, hoping, praying that when he got back to Wilford, Samantha would st
ill be there...and would still want him.
“Gary Watters insists on speaking to you,” Edie said from Samantha’s office doorway.
“Just a few minutes, Samantha,” Gary said as he pushed past Edie and slid into the chair across from Samantha’s desk.
Samantha looked at her watch. After four. She should be at home packing her bags. She should be doing a thousand things to prepare for leaving. Edie had been fending off reporters all afternoon. Samantha decided she might as well get this over with. Besides, Gary Watters had written a headline Samantha loved: Sexy Samantha Seeks Justice. “Ten minutes,” she agreed, then motioned for Edie to close the door.
The reporter took out a notepad and pencil. “Thanks, Samantha. We’ve all got the official reports of what happened night before last, but nobody has been able to interview you. This is going be a terrific scoop.”
Samantha smiled at Gary’s eagerness. “If you have the official reports, then you probably have all that you need.”
“No way,” Gary protested. “What I want is an actual recounting from you about everything....How you figured out Georgia Monroe was involved, how you felt when this Bones person tried to attack you. And I want to know what made you defend Dominic Marcola when most everyone in town thought he was guilty as sin.”
Before Samantha could answer, the door to her office burst open. Tyler stepped in. “Get out, Watters. I need to speak with my partner,” he said.
“Stay here, Gary,” Samantha countered. “Mr. Sinclair has nothing to say to me that I want to hear.” Damn him, she thought. What was he doing back here so soon? Why did he have to look so damned handsome? Why hadn’t he stayed in St. Louis until she’d left Wilford so she would never have to see him again?
Gary looked from one to the other, not rising from his seat.
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