And I was letting her.
I’d told Alex about the dog, excited to see her excited for once, and she’d sneered.
She’d sneered.
That was when I knew I wouldn’t win.
“Are you okay?”
I closed my eyes, and then swiveled in my chair and buried my face into her stomach, while threading my arms around her body. My arms wrapped around her thighs, pulling her in tight.
Her belly was soft, and she smelled so fucking good.
“I’m not okay,” I told her, pushing my face further into her soft belly. “I’m so far from okay that I don’t think I’ll ever be okay again.”
She was hesitant to touch me.
I hadn’t initiated this much touch since the moment I’d seen her after I buried her dog.
After she’d come to my house, I’d taken my fill. Then Allegra had happened.
Yet that didn’t mean that I hadn’t craved it every day for the last three hundred and forty-seven days. That I hadn’t wanted to touch her. To caress her face. To beg for her touch.
The one and only time I’d hugged her—made any more contact than a simple touch—had been the day that she’d given birth to TJ.
The day she’d given me a son. A little person that would carry on the Hail name for the rest of his life.
What I did next was likely the most freeing thing I’d done in my entire life.
I decided to fuck everything. Fuck Allegra. Fuck my brother. Fuck everything that was waiting on me.
Hannah? Well, fuck her too.
But I’d be doing it with my body.
The next moment, I showed her.
I stood up, my face even with hers with my legs splayed wide, and I dropped my mouth to hers.
She didn’t even hesitate.
She allowed the kiss, and took everything that I gave.
And when I stopped giving? She took it into her own hands, and forced me to continue.
I couldn’t say that I was upset about providing that kiss.
I also couldn’t say that I was upset when the planter that Allegra had given me ‘from Alex’ for Father’s Day last year fell to the ground and shattered with a sharp crash.
Why? Because that planter hadn’t been from Alex. It’d been a reminder from Allegra that she would be watching me.
And honestly, I hoped that she was watching. I hoped that she saw that I was no longer playing her game anymore.
Because the woman in my arms, currently gasping when I shoved her back down to my desk, forcing my hips between her legs, was the woman of my dreams.
She was my one.
She was my everything.
Even Allegra hadn’t meant the same to me as my woman. Hannah was the one who stayed by me, despite me treating her like trash—and I couldn’t say that I didn’t do that. I always put my daughter first, and if that meant that the woman that I loved with all my heart got put on the back burner, then so be it.
But, as much as it hurt, I wasn’t going to be able to do that anymore.
This was Hannah.
She was the one thing that I could always count on. The woman who, despite my assholeness, stuck by me, and continued to offer me her love, even when I didn’t deserve it.
That was changing now.
Now.
Right. Fucking. Now.
I yanked her shirt up and off, exposing those breasts that I’d been longing to feel again. Especially since they’d grown from the moment that we knew about TJ.
She was wearing a nursing bra.
One that was about as unattractive as one could get, but with Hannah? Yeah, she could have no boobs, and I’d still think she was sexy.
But she did have boobs, and the boobs she had were practically spilling out the top and sides.
“God,” I groaned.
Before I could reach for her bra, though, she placed her hand on my arm and squeezed.
My eyes met hers.
“Not that I’m not more than willing to do this, but…” She bit her lip, and I knew exactly what she was going to say. “Are you sure?”
I crawled up on the desk with her, making it so that our eyes were directly in line with each other, and told her what was in my heart.
“Have I ever told you I love you?”
Her eyes widened, and instead of answering, she shook her head.
“I do,” I murmured. “I’ve loved you for a long fucking time.”
Her eyes closed.
“I love everything about you. Your heart. Your fire. Your girl. Our son. There’s not one thing about you that I don’t love. Even when you hang your bras up in the bathroom, and forget to put the lid on the toothpaste.”
“I know it’s sudden. I know that you probably think this is a rash decision on my part, but I’m fucking tired of fighting it. I miss you. I want you in my bed every night. I want to raise our child like he’s meant to be raised.” I paused. “And if one day Alex plays into that equation, then even better for me. But it hurts. It hurts to see you in my house, and not be able to act on the instincts that urge me to wrap you in my arms.”
She cupped my cheek with her small, soft hand.
“I know.”
I closed my eyes and dropped my head to her chest, right between those beautiful breasts that were so fucking pretty that it physically hurt.
“But…” she interrupted my musings. “I think that you should talk with Alex…let her know that you’re not giving up.”
My eyes opened, and they practically blazed.
“I won’t ever give up on her,” I promised. “But in doing that, I’m not going to give up on you for her. Allegra’s already proven that she’s vindictive enough to do this ten times better than I ever could.”
She looked up at the ceiling.
“If we do this, it could literally change everything.”
I leaned back to my knees and reached for the front clasp of her bra.
“If we don’t do this, it could change everything,” I countered.
Then I undid the clasp, and practically salivated all over her as I watched those bountiful breasts pop free.
“I want to taste every inch of you,” I told her. “I want to remember everything.”
I dropped down and placed a kiss on the tip of each breast.
“I want to learn everything about you, too.”
I pressed another kiss to her breastbone.
“I want to lick.” I went from one nipple to the other, dragging my tongue as I did. “Are you sensitive here?”
I remembered, very vividly, that she’d been extremely sensitive before, but now, I bet that she was even more so.
“Yes,” she hissed, drawing the word out as I circled one nipple with the flat length of my tongue.
She tasted sweet, like milk.
I’d never tasted it before, of course, but there was no other explanation for what that sweetness was.
She confirmed that it was what it was moments later when a tiny white bead pebbled on the tip of one nipple.
My eyes watched it rapturously, and when I bent down, she caught my head in her hand.
“Travis…”
I growled and changed course, detouring to her mouth so I could slam my lips down on hers.
The moment our mouths touched, we went from calm and collected, to heated and out of control.
Her hands went everywhere.
My face. My beard. My shoulders and then my back.
I took what she was willing to give, groaning when she latched onto my neck and bit the cord lightly.
My hardened dick behind my dirty work jeans pressed even more heavily against the unforgiving fly, and with little recourse, I ground it into her pelvis.
I was grateful that she’d spread her legs wide for me which allowed me direct access to the good stuff without much effort.
“Are you sure?” she repeated, this time much more breathlessly.
I g
rowled.
“More than sure.”
Then I went for her breast again, this time taking no prisoners when it came to getting that nipple, and that little white drop, in my mouth.
When Allegra was pregnant with Alex, I’d been fascinated by her milk-filled breasts.
When she’d stated her unwillingness to breastfeed our daughter, I didn’t complain. I couldn’t blame her. It was a whole lot of work, and it wasn’t for everybody.
Did that mean I wasn’t disappointed, though?
Hell, no. I was extremely disappointed.
I’d always been turned on by it, and now I was about to let that fantasy loose, and I wasn’t sure how she’d take it.
But she just watched as I let my tongue go back to that tiny white drop, and swipe it free.
Her eyes only widened slightly, but she cupped my face and brought it back to her mouth.
“Are you really sure?”
I hated to see that hesitation on her face. She wanted this. I wanted this. What she nor I wanted was Allegra to freak the fuck out and make this all even worse—which I had no doubt in my mind that she would do.
I’d seen her in action before.
Every single person that crossed the crazy bitch in some way ended up paying—even if it was getting fired from your job where Allegra once tried to return a shirt and been turned away, stating that it was company policy not to accept returns on worn items.
Instead of pursuing it there, she’d then gone to the president of the chain of stores and pleaded her case. Who’d decided to side with Allegra.
Secretly, I was sure that Allegra had probably fucked the man in some way—based on the smile on his face when I’d seen them together—but that was a different story for another day.
Especially when the woman that I’d had a permanent hard-on for was lying on my desk, legs spread wide to accommodate my hips, staring at me like I’d just made all her dreams come true.
“I’m sure.”
Then I showed her.
I showed her by touching her.
I showed her by teasing her.
I showed her in each and every kiss. Taste. Touch. Lick.
“Are you really, really sure?”
I ignored her breathy question, instead pressing her breasts together as I tried to lick both nipples at once.
The move caused more breast milk to spill from her nipples, making her gasp.
“Travis…”
The worry in her voice had me smiling, and after licking each drop free, I let her breasts go and moved down, yanking her loose yoga pants down her hips as I went.
“Oh, God.”
“Not God, honey. Just me, Travis.”
She pulled my hair, causing me to laugh as I paused at the soft swell of her belly.
She had more stretch marks. A lot more.
But they were cute.
Tiny little scars that would forever bear witness of our son’s previous position inside of her for a full nine months.
“Beautiful,” I told her, then skimmed my lips along the angry looking scar that was healed now, but still very visible.
When Hannah had told me that she wanted to have a vaginal birth after having a C-section, I hadn’t realized the danger.
Hadn’t realized that it could possibly kill her.
Not until she’d pushed for hours, and was so exhausted that she passed out cold on the hospital bed that she was trying to deliver our son on.
Chapter 10
Life is like a penis. It gets hard sometimes, but not forever.
-Fact of Life
Travis
63 days ago
I was nervous as hell.
Hannah was exhausted.
She was staring at me, defeat in her eyes, and was crying.
“Baby,” I whispered, cupping her cheeks. “You tried so hard…it’s okay.”
A tear fell from the corner of her eye. “I wanted to do it right.”
I smoothed her sweaty hair back from her face.
“You are doing it right,” I told her.
She took a deep breath, and winced as another contraction took hold.
We’d been at this pushing thing for over four hours. TJ was no closer to coming out now than he was when she’d first started.
I could see the worried looks that the doctor and the nurses were exchanging, and Michael had been back twice to check on her.
Each time he’d left, I could read a little more fear in his eyes.
“Can you get me more ice?”
I nodded, then stood up, walking out moments later with an empty cup.
Michael, Hannah’s brother, stopped me the moment that I exited the room.
“Is everything okay?”
I could tell that he was worried. Hell, I was worried, and I was in there the whole time.
When Hannah had told us that the only person she wanted in the delivery room was me, rather than her brother and parents who were all in the medical field, I’d been stunned.
Not to mention that I didn’t deserve to be there.
But the moment that she’d said it, I’d felt pride in being the first and only one to see our son—at least for a few hours, anyway.
Now, though, I could tell it was taking a toll on everyone else—including her badass brother who hated my guts.
“She’s exhausted,” I told him bluntly. “She asked for more ice.”
Michael swallowed.
“I told her after last time that she shouldn’t do this.”
My brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”
Michael looked at me, his large, tattooed arms crossed intimidatingly across his chest. “Last time Hannah had to have an emergency C-section due to complications. Complications that the doctor said at the beginning of her pregnancy would likely repeat themselves.”
My mouth dropped open.
“What?”
He nodded, letting me know that he was more than serious.
“When was this discussed?”
He just looked at me, and I winced.
I’d missed more than one appointment. It could’ve been at any of them.
Though, I had made the two biggest ones she’d said—the gender reveal, and the one at twenty-eight weeks when they checked growth.
I felt like my world had just narrowed.
“What can I do now?” I asked, my voice precise and to the point when it was anything but what I was feeling.
Stark terror. Horror. Anger. Dismay.
All of those things were going through me as I asked the man that hated me with a passion, what I was supposed to do.
Michael was an ex-doctor. He’d gone to med school, graduated with his MD, and then had thrown it all away to go into the military—or so Hannah had told me. I hadn’t had any interaction with the man due to him despising me, to get any more info, but I trusted him to care for his sister’s life.
“Convince her to do the C-section,” he told me. “Likely, they’ll suggest that soon, anyway, and she’s going to expect it.”
I looked at the cup of almost-melted ice.
“Okay, I’ll see what I can do.”
I got fresh ice and didn’t once look at Hannah’s brother again, but I felt his eyes on me. Felt his dislike. I knew he thought I was leading his sister on, but I wasn’t.
At least, not intentionally.
And if I were an honest man, I’d admit that I was secretly happy that Hannah hadn’t moved beyond what we’d had. That she hadn’t gone out and found another man.
Hostel, Texas was a small town. Less than ten thousand people in its entirety, but a lot of those residents were unmarried men.
Hostel was what you would call an oil town. Most of its money was made from the oil rigs that lined the outskirts of the city, and those beyond ours. Men were more than prevalent, and it hadn’t gone without notice that Hannah was a beautiful woman. Despite her obvious pregnant state, many men had don
e their level best to get her to pay attention to them.
It hadn’t worked, thank God.
I’d definitely taken notice, though.
“Oh, God.”
Those two words were muttered the moment that I crossed over the threshold by the doctor.
Which were words that you never wanted to hear leave past their lips when they were supposed to be taking care of the woman that you loved with all your heart—even if she didn’t know it—or if you hadn’t admitted it out loud yet.
“She’s passed out cold,” came the nurse’s voice.
I walked up to the side of the stretcher, doing my best to keep my eyes away from her vaginal area, and walked up to Hannah’s side.
“Is she okay?”
“Exhaustion has set in,” came the doctor’s reply. “We spoke while you were out of the room about her getting a cesarean. If she’s passed out, though, she can’t deliver this baby. And the longer the baby stays in the birth canal, the more likely that it’ll be that an emergency delivery will be needed.”
I glanced up at Hannah’s exhausted face, feeling helpless and useless.
“What do we do now?”
“Now, we wait for her to wake back up.”
I looked at the man.
“How will we do that?”
“The pain will wake her up shortly. This happens, although not that often,” he admitted. “Should have her back here shortly. There’s another contraction. It’s a monster, too.”
Then came Hannah’s moan of pain, and her eyelids fluttered open.
The moment that I saw her eyes, I knew that she was mentally and physically depleted, and that this wasn’t going to work.
“Honey, we’re doing the C-section,” I told her bluntly. “Now.”
She opened her mouth to protest, but instead a loud sob left her lips.
“I wanted to do this the right way,” she wailed, her body curling around her stomach as her body forced her to push despite her exhaustion.
I smoothed her hair out of her face, and dropped my forehead to hers.
“This isn’t the wrong way, honey. Not for our baby, and not for you. It’s the only way at this point.”
She nodded against my forehead, and I leaned back so that I could look at the doctor.
“Let’s do the C-section.”
The doctor winked at me, but I didn’t miss the look of relief that crossed over his features.
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