Pat drove them back to Hyannis and they’d caught the last ferry. Now it was after midnight, but he knew he wouldn’t sleep a wink.
“How is she?” Mom placed a warm mug in his hands as he entered the kitchen. The smell of cocoa was comforting.
“I doubt she’ll be asleep long.” He sat numbly, sipped and put the mug down. Elizabeth reached for his trembling hand.
“Rachel called while you were on your way back.” Dad took off his glasses, wiped his eyes, put them back on again. “I’m afraid she thinks the sonofagun walks on water.”
“I don’t know what’s going to happen to her,” Mom said shakily. “She still sounds so unstable.”
“I don’t give a crap.” Matt’s voice came out hoarse. “Until she can put her daughter first, we’re done. She can take me to court if she wants.” But she wouldn’t. He knew that. Sorrow thickened the room. Dad nodded. Mom wiped tears and hid a yawn. He suddenly felt enormously grateful for their presence. “You both look exhausted. Go to bed.” They didn’t argue. Matt finished his cocoa, then he and Elizabeth sat in the living room. He held her for a long time. Couldn’t find the words he wanted, wasn’t sure they were necessary anyway.
After a while, she sat up, studied him through sad eyes, and let out a long breath. “I need to tell you something.”
___________
Liz knew what she had to do the moment she’d seen Mia get off the ferry that night. The girl was wrecked. Shaken and scared, and Liz knew exactly how she felt. And she didn’t want anyone to ever feel like that. Not if she could help it.
Alannah’s lawyer had called twice that week. Liz told her both times she wasn’t going to change her mind. Two more girls from Laurence’s past had come forward. The case seemed pretty cut and dried in her opinion. They didn’t really need her. But now . . .
She retrieved the envelope from her purse, sat beside Matthew on the couch. In the next few moments, everything would change. “I know you’ve been angry with me since I said I didn’t want to testify. And while you haven’t said it, I know you’re wondering what Laurence could possibly have on me that would lead me to make that decision.”
“So he does.” Matthew leaned forward and let out a breath. “Have something on you.” It wasn’t a question.
She steeled herself against the hurt in his eyes and went on before she lost her nerve. “When I was fourteen, I went to boarding school. I was happy there, and I did well. But in my senior year, something happened. And it changed my life.”
She managed, somehow, without tears, to tell him her story. Told him how she’d believed, at seventeen, she’d found the man of her dreams. The man who convinced her that it was okay for her, a minor, to pose while he took photographs of her. “Soon I was posing with nothing on at all. The first time he touched me, I thought it was exciting. Doing something I knew was wrong, yet I convinced myself it was right. Afterward, I felt used. Dirty. And he made me promise I’d never tell a soul. He talked about how we’d run away together after I graduated. How he loved me.” A bitter laugh scratched her throat. “It went on that whole year. I’m lucky I didn’t get pregnant. When I finally came to my senses and realized he was just using me, it was too late. And then my mother died.” She finished her tale, put the pictures on the couch between them, and met Matthew’s silent gaze. “And I never told a soul.”
“So now you know. I’m no different than a prostitute, really. The things I let him do. Things I let Laurence do. I never fought back. Never said no.” Tears crested her cheeks and burned her eyes. “It’s all come back to haunt me. I have no doubt Laurence made copies of these. He’s not that stupid. If I testify, I don’t know what he’ll do. But I don’t care anymore. I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. I know this may change things between us. But I just want to do the right thing.” She couldn’t look at him. So she stood and walked on trembling legs to the window and looked through the darkness. Soft light from a far off ship shone in the distance. And she wished she were on it.
“Elizabeth.”
She made a slow turn.
Matthew held the pictures in his hands. Slowly he ripped them in half, and then again, until tiny shreds fell to the floor between them. “Those pictures? This isn’t who you are. This was never who you are.” He cupped her face in his warm hands. “You are so much more than that, Elizabeth. What those men did to you was wrong. The way you felt about yourself was wrong. But you don’t have to feel that way anymore. I don’t ever want you to feel that way again.”
Surely he didn’t mean it. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Oh, yes I do.” He ran his hands over her hair, his eyes locked on her. “I might be exhausted and wrecked, but I know exactly what I’m saying. I love you, Elizabeth. And nothing you can tell me about your past is going to change that.”
“I don’t know what to say,” she whispered.
He drew her close and rested his forehead against hers. “Say you love me too.”
“I do.” She wound her arms around his neck and smiled through tears. “I absolutely do.”
He took her mouth in a purposeful kiss that shattered all her doubts and fears and sent new hope coursing through her veins. Liz kissed him back without reservation. Without shame. Knowing, perhaps for the first time in her life, that she was truly loved.
Unconditionally.
“Uncle Matt!” A loud wail tore them apart at once.
Mia stood in the doorway, holding her arm, a blood-soaked towel wrapped around it. Mia’s face went very white, and then she crumpled to the ground.
thirty-four
Mia opened her eyes, her throat thick. She had a really bad headache. She couldn’t remember much of last night, and she’d slept most of the day. Must be Sunday. They were giving her something for the pain. Being in hospital sucked, but it was probably the best place for her. For now. Until she didn’t feel crazy anymore.
“You’re awake!” Chris’s anxious face came into focus.
“What are you doing here?” She studied the white gauze bandages on her arm, and her eyes filled. She hadn’t been going to cut at all. But when she woke from a nightmare, thought about Joe Giovanni and what he could still do to her, the fear was too intense. And she’d gone too deep.
“Hey, kiddo.” Uncle Matt leaned over the other side of the bed and kissed her forehead.
Mia gave a weak smile. “You look like crap.”
His grin popped out. “Yeah, well. No sleep will do that to a guy.”
“Do Grandma and Grandpa know?” They’d write her off for real this time.
“They’ve been here all night. I sent them home a little while ago.” He rubbed his jaw with a tired smile. “They said to tell you they love you. They’ll come back this afternoon.”
“Oh.” Mia scrunched her eyes, emotion threatening to explode. She was vaguely aware that Chris was holding her hand. “They said that? Really?”
“Really.”
Over the top of Chris’s head, she saw Liz standing in the corner of the room. Talking to some guy who looked like . . . Mia’s breath hitched and she gave Chris a shove. “Dude, move, I can’t see. Is that . . . oh my gosh.” Her voice turned into a high pitched squeak as Gray Carlisle turned and smiled at her. “I’m gonna pass out.”
Chris and Uncle Matt laughed as Liz and her brother approached her bed.
“So, we’ll, ah, go get some coffee.” Uncle Matt sent Chris a pointed look, and they left the room in a hurry.
Mia stared at Liz, and then at Gray, and finally found her voice. “What the actual heck, Liz! I’m wearing a hospital gown!”
“I’ve worn a few of those myself. It’s a better look on you.” Gray perched on the edge of her bed and flashed a grin. “So, you’re Mia. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“I’ll bet.” She scowled at Liz. She was so dead. But Liz looked as happy as Rusty’s stupid goats. And she actually leaned over and kissed her cheek.
“Don’t ever do anything like that ever again, you
hear me?”
Mia grinned and rolled her eyes. “I’ll do my best.”
Gray flicked a strand of blond hair away from his eyes. “So I hear you’re helping plan me a wedding.”
“Liz has done most of it. She’s pretty awesome.” Ugh. Why’d she say that? Mia looked away fast, but Liz laughed and touched her arm.
“You’re pretty awesome yourself, kiddo. You know that?”
Mia sighed and blinked tears. Great. Now she was going to cry in front of Gray Carlisle. “I’m not awesome. Just stupid.”
“Hey.” Gray cleared his throat and she met his gaze, still finding it hard to believe he was sitting beside her. “You’ve had a rough go. I know what that’s like. You probably know my sordid story. Drugs, alcohol.”
“Yeah.” Mia knew. It had been all over the news. “But you’re good now, right?”
“Clean and sober.” Gray nodded. “But it took a while. Still, with the right help and support, you can kick addiction in the a—I mean . . . second chances are possible.” He smiled a little sheepishly, and Mia couldn’t stop a grin.
“I know all about second chances,” Liz put in, her eyes wet again. “And I’ve definitely made my share of mistakes.”
“You?” Mia found that hard to believe. Liz was pretty much perfect as far as she was concerned. Well. Except for the crazy ex-boyfriend bit.
Liz nodded and glanced at her brother. “Yes, Mia. Me.” Then she sat back a bit, sighed, and told them a story Mia wouldn’t soon forget.
___________
One month later.
Mia perched on the back porch, under a blanket, writing in her journal as Lucy, her new puppy, peed on all the trees.
Dear Dad,
I’ve decided this will be my last letter to you. A lot’s happened since I last wrote. Some bad stuff. Some good stuff too. Maybe I’ll get to tell you about it someday. Or maybe I won’t. I don’t care that much anymore. Whoever you are, if you’re out there, we’ll find each other if we’re meant to. Because life has a way of working out. I’ve learned that lesson the hard way, but you know what? I wouldn’t change a thing.
And I’m going to be okay.
I’m not cutting anymore. I’m trying really hard, and for the most part, I feel better. Not so scared, though I still sleep with the light on. Christa, my therapist, says it’ll take time, and not to be so hard on myself.
So, that’s where I’m at. Letting go of the past. And I guess that means letting go of you.
Or at least the dream of who I hoped you were. I always thought it sucked that I didn’t have a dad. But I don’t think that anymore. I have Uncle Matt.
So, I guess this is goodbye for now. I wish you all the good things.
Love, Mia.
She closed her journal with a smile. Christmas a few days away now, snow covered the ground and made everything look pretty, like the land sparkled with diamonds. She wondered if the little pup found it too cold though. Maybe they should get her some booties. Though she’d probably chew them up.
The past few weeks had been hard. She’d missed some school because of everything she’d had going on. But she was glad to have things out in the open now. Glad they could talk about her past and her cutting and how she didn’t have to be afraid anymore.
The back door squeaked open. “Lunch is ready.” Liz sat beside her, huddled in a down winter jacket. “Is she almost done?”
“I think so. C’mon, Lucy!” The pup turned her head and barked, then buried her nose in the snow, throwing it every which way. Mia and Liz laughed.
“Gray and Tori are flying in tomorrow. Can’t wait for you to meet Tess.”
“Me either.” Mia smiled at the mention of Gray’s little girl. They’d chatted over Facetime a couple of times. Well, as much as you could chat with a toddler. Gray called her all the time. Checking up on her. They’d talked a lot over the couple days he’d been here. About fear and addiction and how not to give in to the power it held. He’d given her his number. Sometimes she’d just stare at his name in her contacts, hardly daring to believe it. She called him sometimes, when she felt afraid. And he always made her laugh. “You think everything is going to be ready for the wedding?”
Liz slipped her arm through hers and gave a shrug. “I’m praying so.”
“Things must be really behind schedule.”
“Hey, now. Am I not allowed to pray?”
Mia laughed a little. “Well. I pray every time I see my mom’s number come up. Sometimes it helps.”
“Mothers aren’t always perfect, Mia,” Liz said softly. “And that’s hard.”
“I talk to her sometimes. Christa thinks it’s a good idea. I guess it is. I don’t know for sure if she’ll really change, but I can’t stay mad forever.”
“No, you can’t,” Liz agreed. They stood, let Lucy in first, and stopped in the outside hall to take off their boots and jackets. “Heard from Chris?”
Mia blew on her hands to warm them. “Yeah. He says New York sucks. But he’s applying for a summer job at the yacht club. So he’ll be on Nantucket by Memorial Day if he gets it.”
“That’s awesome. And what about you? What are your plans for the summer?”
“I don’t know for sure. Evy wants me to work at the gallery. Even said something about giving me my own show sometime. As if. But my grandparents want to take me to Europe.”
“Europe? That sounds exciting.”
“It’d be in June. Then we’d be back for the rest of summer. So Chris . . .” Mia dried Lucy with a towel and grinned. “Well. We’d still get most of the summer together. They said I’d get to visit the Louvre. I can’t imagine seeing all those paintings in person. Uncle Matt might come too. He hasn’t decided yet.”
“I know. I’m trying to convince him to put his photographs together for a show. I think he wants to use the trip as an excuse not to.”
That was true. Uncle Matt had spent all his free time lately taking photographs. Of birds and whatever wildlife he could find. The ones of people were good. He’d captured the twins playing in the snow. Even shot a few of Mia and Drake painting together. She had one of those framed on the wall of the new art studio upstairs that Uncle Matt and her grandparents fixed up for her. Another birthday surprise. She went up there now whenever she could. And lost her emotion to the art. But out of all the photographs he’d taken over the last few weeks, she liked the ones of Liz the best.
___________
To Liz’s great relief, their brother Ryan and his small son Isaiah flew in from Africa just in time for Christmas, after a twenty-four-hour delay that had them all on pins and needles. Gray had misplaced his normally calm composure, and Liz had had to talk him down off more than one ledge this week. Mia was getting pretty good at that too. They made an interesting pair, but every time she saw them together, Liz couldn’t stop a smile.
The snow stopped two days before New Year’s Eve. The last nail on the floorboards went in. Tables and chairs and linens were set. Lights were strung, the music ready. Flowers were delivered and set, perfectly in place, and the dining room looked spectacular. Evy had jumped in to help with the decorating, and Liz couldn’t have managed without her.
All the guests arrived as scheduled, safely sequestered in the new guestrooms upstairs.
Now the day had finally arrived. Liz sat beside Matthew at the front of the living room, ten rows of chairs on either side behind them, every seat filled. The processional music began to play and Liz watched Lynette walk hand in hand with Tess, the grinning three-year-old looking like an angel in an ankle-length white dress, burgundy velvet ribbon around her waist, white patent leathers skipping a little as she tried to pick up the pace. She held a basket of white rose petals and scattered them as she went. Two attendants followed, and then the music changed.
Tori processed down the red carpet between the chairs to a piano instrumental Gray had written for her, and Liz held her breath. She caught Cecily dabbing her eyes already as she held tightly to Dad’s arm.
&nb
sp; Liz felt as though she’d been wiping tears all day. Mia grinned at her from where she sat beside Josslyn, helping with the twins while David stood with Nick up front.
Gray looked every inch the star that he was. His three-piece dark blue suit was perfect, and he’d shaved at last and cut his hair. Nerves apparently gone, she’d never seen him so happy. And so clearly head over heels in love with his bride. Her brother caught her eye and tipped his head with his classic grin. “Thank you,” he mouthed.
And she was crying again.
“Welcome.” Ryan smiled at them all, bible in hand, Isaiah holding the rings beside him. “It is my distinct honor to welcome you to Wyldewood this afternoon, as we celebrate the marriage of Grayson John Carlisle and Victoria Michelle Montgomery. And if I may say so, as the brother of the groom, it’s about dang time.”
___________
Liz slipped out of the dining room after dessert, before the speeches started. She wasn’t sure why. She just needed a moment. She stood in the deserted living room, closed her eyes, and allowed all the memories in again. They’d missed Mom today. Lynnie especially, but Gray most of all. Yet somehow, Liz knew she was with them in spirit.
Diana Carlisle never missed a celebration.
Having Dad here with them made the day even more special. They weren’t sure what emotions seeing his old home might evoke, if any at all, but he’d strolled through the rooms earlier, whistling a tune they recognized as an old song he used to play incessantly, one that he and their mother would often dance to.
When they reached the living room, he’d stopped before the fireplace and gazed up at the family portrait he’d painted so many years ago. Liz remembered sitting for it, how they’d all grumbled but gone along because it was a surprise for their mother. She and David had corralled their younger brothers, put a dress on Lynette despite her protests, and made sure they were all neat and spit-shined. Liz had been fourteen, about to leave for boarding school at the end of that summer.
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