by Linda Conrad
Carley felt the ache in her heart spreading out to capture every inch of her body. The longing for this man to want them both was so strong she nearly wept. But Carley merely sniffed once, then kept herself still. Houston had said he didn't want her help. For them to ever have a chance at becoming a family, he would have to trust her. He would have to ask about Cami. Carley couldn't just blurt it out.
Carley could see Houston's attention was totally captured by the toddler in his arms. Perhaps Cami would be the key to unlocking the doors in his mind.
Cami reared back to gaze at Houston's face. Then her typical one-year-old attention span wavered. She caught sight of the saddled horse that Houston had been about to lead through the 4-H barn, and her eyes lit up.
"Mine!"
Houston turned to look at his horse, but quickly turned back to Carley. "What's she saying?"
Carley felt her lips curl up at the corners. "She wants the horse. Maybe you could let her pet him?"
Houston's face creased with a huge grin, matching his daughter's smile exactly. "Smart kid. The mare's a female not a male, though, and she's one of the gentlest, most easygoing horses in the state." He moved toward the horse, keeping a tight hold on Cami. "I don't blame you for wanting her and not the other critters, Cami. The mare's smarter, and she'll hold still while you touch her."
Cami leaned so far out of Houston's arms to reach for the horse that Carley feared her daughter would tear herself from his grip. But Houston adjusted his hands and grabbed her under the arms so she couldn't squirm and fall. He held Cami like the precious cargo she was, and Carley had to swallow back her emotions. The sight of the man and child together seemed so right.
When Cami had a huge handful of the horse's mane, Houston turned back to Carley. "She's got a good grip. I'll bet she'll make a great horsewoman. Think it would be all right if I let her sit in the saddle?"
"Well…" Before Carley could voice her concerns about putting a baby on such an intimidating animal, Houston lifted Cami onto the saddle.
Houston stood close, keeping a good hand on the toddler. Carley sensed him communicating with the horse, commanding her to stand still. Carley didn't have to guess about Cami's reactions, however. Her daughter loved being on the horse, and she seemed to know instinctively what to do. Cami bucked her bottom and lightly kicked her feet.
Carley walked over to stand on the other side of the horse, close enough to Cami to catch her if anything happened. She looked over Cami's head and caught a glimpse of Houston's enraptured face. He was having more fun than her little girl.
The more Carley watched his amusement, the more she realized she was hungrier for him than she'd thought. Taking a steadying breath, Carley smelled the earthy scent of musky animals mixing with the pungent aroma of hay and manure. She longed to step into her lover's arms and breathe in his own spicy fragrance—the primitive, edgy bouquet of his desire.
She grabbed for the rim of the bristly, horse blanket and fisted her hand around it, trying to stop herself from reaching for Houston. The rough texture against her smooth fingers reminded her of the differences in their bodies. The memory of the wiry hair on his chest as she ran her fingers over his sinewy muscles aroused her to near insanity on the spot.
Carley forced her eyes to focus on Houston as he dragged his gaze from Cami for a second to steal a look at her. "Cami loves this. I'll have to take her for a ride with me sometime." His eyes sparkled with good humor.
"Hmm. Perhaps." Carley tamped down her frustrating needs. She found herself amused at this huge, strong man, who very nearly giggled at Cami's delight. "You're very good with children. I sort of got the impression you weren't fond of babies." She tamed her wayward bodily desires by reminding herself of Cami's presence.
She noticed Houston's first reaction was to shake his head in denial of her words. Then they apparently sank in. He cleared his throat. "I don't think I've had too much experience with the smaller kids. At least, I haven't been comfortable around the little ones for the last eighteen months. But Cami's easy." He matched Carley's gaze over Cami's head. "She's a real charmer, isn't she?"
"Yes, just like her father."
Houston's eyes darkened and his lips straightened to a grim line. He looked from the laughing Cami back to Carley's face then quickly back to Cami. He stayed completely silent for a long moment.
Finally, when Carley thought she'd burst if he didn't say something, he glanced at her again and his features softened into one of his boy-next-door smiles.
"I think you'll be more comfortable letting Cami ride if you know how simple and safe riding is yourself. Why don't I give you a lesson?" he asked.
That was certainly not what Carley had expected him to say. "What? Right now?"
Houston kept his hands on Cami and the horse, but turned his head to check on the other children. The kids were starting to climb up the fence rails and were obviously becoming bored.
"Sure." He grinned at Carley. "As soon as you can get away. No time like the present."
Carley was flustered. Too many thoughts flooded her mind. "Didn't you say you needed some time away from me? Are you positive you want to be alone with me now?"
His smile turned softer, lazy and seductive. "I can't imagine anything nicer than being alone with you. Besides, I may have overreacted some the other night when I said that. I realize now you were only trying to do the right thing." He lifted Cami down off the horse and set her flat on her feet, still keeping one hand firmly on her shoulder.
"I've got lots of questions, Carley, and you're the only one who can give me the answers."
Carley hurried around the big animal and took Cami's hand. "Okay. I guess." Her glance moved to the other caretakers as they picked up their charges and prepared to head back to the main house. "But it's almost lunchtime. I'll have to feed Cami first."
"No problem. It'll take some time to post the kids' afternoon schedules and saddle another horse." Houston looked down at her sandals. "You own any boots?"
"Only dress boots. But they have a pretty little heel."
"Good enough. Put them on and then stop in the kitchen and pick us both up a couple of apples to eat on the trail." He picked the horse's reins off the straw-covered floor. "And get back here as fast as you can. We need to be off before the sun gets much hotter."
* * *
Maybe being alone with the seductively sensual Carley and teaching her to ride might not be too smart after all. But when Houston had seen the tenderness on her face as she mentioned Cami's father, he wondered if she'd ever felt those same feelings toward him. Worse yet, he was suddenly desperate to know if she could feel that way toward him now.
Houston shook his head to keep the strong sensations from overtaking him right out here in the open corral. The gelding he'd cut from the rest, then bridled and tied to the fence, gave him an exasperated look. Houston figured he'd better get busy before the horse really started getting antsy. He threw the blanket over the gelding's back and turned to pull the saddle and the rest of the tack off the top fence rail, where he'd placed them earlier.
He'd spent every spare moment over the past hectic, few days mulling over Carley's words—a dangerous preoccupation for a man normally more prone to action. The things she'd told him about his past—the things she hadn't told him—all became more and more worrisome. Like, for instance, what kind of a lawman had he been? Marshall? Policeman? What?
And why had Carley really been the one to come find him? She'd hinted that she was still in law enforcement. Had someone sent her? That particular thought made his mind turn to the darkness again. How had he been hurt, and why? But whenever his thoughts drifted back to the question of why, the pain in his temples became unbearable.
As he'd been playing with Cami and the mare, it occurred to Houston that he might never remember Carley or anything else about his past. Perhaps that wasn't so important anymore. Couldn't he just have a new life, beginning from today? The phrase "Today is the first day of the rest of your life" s
prang to mind, and he had to chuckle. Amazing the silly things he could remember, when he couldn't even remember his own name.
If it was possible to start from scratch, he wondered what place Carley and Cami would have in his life. Houston hadn't known them for long, but every instinct told him the three of them somehow belonged together. And if he had been a lawman he'd relied heavily on instinct in his past life. He remembered hearing that at times lawmen used gut reactions in their work.
Well, Houston's gut reaction was to trust in Carley and try for a closer relationship, but he'd better start by asking questions about his past before they discussed the future. Once the whole truth was out, there wouldn't be anything stopping them from starting over. He would just have to pray he could convince Carley.
The biggest stumbling block to convincing her to start over might be the simple fact that every time she came near he lost all rational thought. Whenever he saw Carley the whole world started revolving around his need for the sweetness of her lips or the excitement of her heart beating under his hand.
By the time Carley appeared outside the bar, laden down with a picnic basket big enough to feed the entire staff, Houston had managed to quiet his gnawing concerns and throbbing libido. For some reason he was certain he could trust her to tell him the truth. All he had to do was ask all the right questions.
"Took you long enough." He hefted the basket from her arms and fastened it to his gelding's saddle. "Did Lloyd decide to cook a whole turkey dinner for us?"
"Don't blame Lloyd. Cami started whining the minute she lost sight of you, and then when she figured out I was leaving, she pitched one of the biggest fits of her life."
Her words flowed over him like a warm shower. It didn't matter what she said, he knew his life would be complete if only she would continue to drawl just like that—forever.
"She's a cute kid. I feel the same way about her." Houston noticed Carley tense at his words. What had he said to cause that reaction? What was she concerned about?
"You ready for your first riding lesson?" The sooner they got started, the sooner he'd be able to ask her all the questions building up inside him.
"I suppose I'm as ready as I'll ever be." Carley marched up to him, spun and faced the horse smack at saddle height. She squared her shoulders and stood at attention. "What do I do first?"
Houston had to laugh. She looked so much like she was about to face a firing squad. "The first thing you can do is relax. The horse won't hurt you. This is the same mare Cami was on. She's the sweetest thing this side of Oklahoma." He took Carley's hand in his and stroked the horse's muzzle.
"Relax. Right." Carley swallowed hard. "Then what? How do I get on this thing?"
Chuckling and without considering the ramifications, he scooped her off her feet and placed her on the mare's back.
Oops. Bad mistake. The feel and smell of the woman assailed his senses with sweet misery.
"First off, don't call her a thing. Her name is Lovey," he managed, backing up a half step.
Carley jerked her head toward him and nearly swung herself out of the saddle. "Lovey?"
"Hold on, there." He fought for a little emotional distance. "Don't fidget around so much till you first plant your feet in the stirrups." Houston forced one of her boots into a stirrup and readjusted the height to fit her. "Sit still while I come around and fix the other one."
"Did you give the horse her name?"
He was busy with the other foot. "What? Yeah, I guess so. We bought her at auction with no papers. Her previous owner had wanted a cattle horse, not a people-loving animal. He'd never bothered to name her and was ready to let her go to the Japanese for horsemeat."
Carley gasped and laid a hand on the mare's long mane. "Horsemeat? Oh, my God. The poor thing."
Houston couldn't stop his broad smile. This woman was more tenderhearted even than Gabe, and Gabe found it difficult to step on ants, for cripe's sake.
"Stop fussing. She'll have a long and happy life here with the kids. The mare loves everybody. That's why I gave her the name." He untied the mare from the fence post and handed Carley the reins.
Carley's eyes softened and she gazed at him quietly for a long minute. "You used to say that same thing about me … that I loved everybody. You've even called me Lovey a time or two."
She spoke so softly that her words didn't knock him over the way they might have. Instead he only felt a vague pain in the vicinity of his heart. "I wish I could remember you, Carley. More than you'll ever know. But I…"
"Don't try too hard. You'll only push the memories away." She blinked once. "Come on. You got me up here on this … Lovey. Let's get on with the lesson."
In one fluid motion Houston mounted his own horse. He waited for the gelding to adjust to his weight, then gave Carley a brief lesson in horsemanship and how to make a horse obey commands.
In no time at all they were riding along the trail, heading toward the river. Carley looked as if she'd been riding all her life. Back straight, head high, she'd found the right "seat" without being taught how to follow the horse's gait.
Houston didn't want to mention it to Carley, but Gabe had heard a rumor that a Mexican coyote would be bringing people across the river near the ranch's property. They rode slowly, and Houston thought now might be a good time to look for any sign of new immigrant trails. Fat chance. He couldn't take his eyes from the energetic and dramatic-looking woman riding next to him.
In the sunlight, her loose flowing hair glinted red, and her perky breasts bounced slightly with every step of the horse. Once in a while something new captured her attention, and she bubbled with questions and laughter. Carley made the whole world glitter. Houston's heart grew lighter by the minute. No matter what had happened between them before, nothing could stop them this time around.
As they walked the horses along the riverbank, Carley asked, "Is this the Rio Grande?"
Houston nodded and eyed the far side. "Right here, you can throw a rock and hit Mexico, then wade across and retrieve it. The water's low because of the drought."
"Do you have a problem with Mexican nationals walking across your property?"
"They do come through here sometimes, but it's usually no problem for us. The Border Patrol has the right to watch this area, but they normally do their stake-outs at night. They're busy other places during the daylight hours."
Houston guided his horse up the slight incline and headed toward the resaca. "We keep the brush trimmed back along the Rio Grande. There's no place a man can hide for several miles inland."
Carley's docile mare naturally followed behind the gelding. "How would someone go about bringing children across?"
Houston slowed his horse so they could ride side by side. "Lots of ways, I hear tell." He shrugged a shoulder. "Tiny tots are hidden under blankets and coats. Or sometimes they place them on rafts and pull them across on a jury-rigged system of ropes. The bigger kids can wade or swim themselves across." He was about to ask why that was important to her when the sight of the canal and dirt road where he'd been found captured his attention.
"See that road on top of the canal bank over there?" he asked.
Carley nodded and looked over to him for an explanation.
"Right about there was where Doc Luisa found me beaten and shot eighteen months ago." A dark cloud passed over the sun and he shuddered involuntarily. "I was no more than a hundred yards from the Rio Grande, but miles from the nearest house or public road."
"But … what were you doing way out here?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "That's a question we'd all like answered."
Carley's gaze shifted suddenly as she caught sight of the willows and live oak trees surrounding the resaca, about a half mile away. "Oh, look, it's beautiful and so peaceful. Is that part of the river way over there?"
"Nope. At one time it was part of the river. In the past, the entire area has flooded over many times." Houston raised his arm in an arch, indicating the whole range within view. "Each time the R
io Grande receded, these little river-like lakes were left behind. The Mexican word for them is resaca."
Houston rode up under a willow's branches and dismounted. "Stay on Lovey until I have a good grip on her." He grounded his horse's reins and took hold of the mare's bridle.
Carley looked first on one side of the horse and then the other. "It's awfully high up here, isn't it?"
"Hold on. I forgot you haven't learned how to dismount yet." He tied Lovey's reins to a willow reed. The spindly little brush wouldn't hold a difficult horse, but Houston knew he wouldn't have to worry about the gentle mare.
It two steps he was at Carley's side. "Step down hard in the stirrup with your left foot while you swing your right leg up an over the horse's tail. Hang on to the saddle, pull your left foot out and ease to the ground."
Carley tried to do as he'd instructed but hesitated, holding all her weight on her left leg. Her back was to him as she faced the saddle and panicked. He placed his hands around her waist, hoping to steady her and give her the courage to slide both feet to the ground.
Instead of letting go, she kept her left foot in the stirrup and tried to ease her right leg down toward solid earth. Her foot soon twisted and caught in the stirrup. She quickly overbalanced. Lost and stuck, her backside hit Houston's mid-section.
At the first connection of her body with his, every nerve went on alert. At once, he moved to grasp her higher up. As his fingers grazed her rib cage, the muscles in his chest and gut clenched.
Slowly—achingly slow—she inched down his body. As her rounded bottom passed over the strain in his jeans, the most pleasurable pain he could remember made him grow harder than ever. Sweat began forming in the small of his back, and the buzzing in his ears wasn't coming from swarming insects.
Houston opened his mouth to ask her if she was doing all right and found his throat dry. Something had to give soon, so finally he managed a few raspy words. "You'd better plant both your feet on the ground right now or I can't guarantee we'll ever get to lunch."