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Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Weird Inventions

Page 17

by Bathroom Readers' Institute


  Is there really a demand for this gizmo? Are the people who eat artificial eggs really that picky about things like shape, appearance, or flavor? Do words like “extrusion-head” and “disk-cutting process” belong anywhere near our food chain? These are all excellent questions, and we don’t really have answers for any of them, but we can tell you this: The minute anyone is in desperate need of a tube capable of squirting out mass quantities of artificial egg yolk and slicing it into disc-shaped segments, Vassiliou’s legacy (he died in 2006) will be there to answer the call of duty. (For what it’s worth, Vassiliou invented many things related to the creation and consumption of fake—but edible—eggish products.)

  Until that day comes, we’ll just have to keep on getting by with boring old regular eggs that were extruded the traditional way, with nary a cutting wire in sight. Actually, you know what? We might just be good with a bowl of cereal and some toast, thanks.

  PSYCHOTRONIC WISHING MACHINE

  We’ve detailed a lot of weird and bizarre gadgets and gizmos in this book, both the oddly useful and the completely useless. But whatever the ultimate result, somebody out there put in the time, money, and work to create something out of thin air.

  They completely wasted their time. They should have just bought a Psychotronic Wishing Machine from Life Technology Research International. They could have used it to wish their invention into existence, or skip the middle man and just wish for fame and wealth.

  So how does the Wishing Machine work? It doesn’t. Okay, but here’s how it operates: You simply speak into the microphone on the Machine to tell it what you want. Then sit back and wait a few days for your wish to come true. There’s one big caveat from LTRI, though, to ensure wishes come true, and it’s not what you think—make sure the machine is on, as wishes are less likely to come true if the machine is turned off while a wish is being processed.

  Nevertheless, results are not guaranteed from the magic box that grants wishes via “conscious human interaction and energy fields” and also costs $499.

  UNCLE JOHN’S BATHROOM

  READER CLASSIC SERIES

  Find these and other great titles from the Uncle John’s Bathroom

  Reader Classic Series at www.bathroomreader.com.

  Or contact us at:

  Bathroom Readers’ Institute

  P.O. Box 1117

  Ashland, OR 97520

  (888) 488-4642

  THE LAST PAGE

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  Well, we’re out of space, and when you’ve gotta go,

  you’ve gotta go. Tanks for all your support.

  Hope to hear from you soon.

  Meanwhile, remember…

  KEEP ON FLUSHIN’!

 

 

 


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