Chapter 4 – Brian & Sadie
Sadie hung up the phone and put it on the counter. Excitement brewed in the pit of the stomach. Excitement and a little nervousness. This was exactly what she had been waiting for her whole life. For as long as she could remember, she had wanted to be a cheerleader, a cheerleader coach, or something to do with cheering. It was her passion, and she was good at it.
There had been a time in her life where everything had been unsure. After hitting her head, she had lost five years of life. Five years of memories had been erased, like they had never happened at all. Even then, she had ended up as a cheerleading coach, proving that her passion was not just something in her mind, but something in her heart.
Since then, Sadie had gained back her memories. Now that this opportunity had come her way, she knew exactly what a good thing it was.
Sadie found Brian in the living room, watching a football game on the giant flat screen TV against the wall. Brian played for the Florida Sharks, and he was the star player of the team. He lived and breathed football, and Sadie had grown accustomed to the sound of the game on the television roaring through the house every moment of the day. To her, it was a sign of happiness. These were the times when Brian was in town, not on the road with the team, being the man he was since high school.
“Guess what?” she asked, sitting down next to him.
Brian picked up the remote and muted the sound. No matter how serious he was about football, Sadie never felt like Brian put her second to it. She never had to compete for his attention. He loved the game, but he loved her more.
“I could guess,” he said, grinning. “But I’m sure that I would be wrong.”
Life with Sadie had always been interesting. When she had lost her memory, Brian had thought that he would lose the woman he loved. When he’d run into her at the training center, realizing she was the cheerleading coach for his team, everything had changed. Now, they’d been married for two years, and he couldn’t be happier. He was willing to sacrifice the five years they had lost to her amnesia for the happiness they had now.
“I have just landed my dream job,” Sadie said, grinning.
Brian blinked at her. “What? I didn’t even know you were looking.”
Sadie nodded. “I didn’t want to jinx it by talking about it.”
“A heads up would have been nice, though.” He wasn’t sure how he felt about her applying for jobs without him knowing about it. Yes, she lived a life outside his when he was away for games, but there were some things he deserved to know.
“Aren’t you excited for me?” Sadie asked. “You know this is something important to me. This is an opportunity for me to step up in my career.”
Brian nodded. He knew how important her career was to her. It was just about as important to her as football was to him.
“You know I’m always excited for you,” he said. “So, where’s the job? What is it?”
Brian was sure there were a few places in Miami that would want to take her. Sadie had made a name for herself as a cheerleading coach for the Sharks’ cheering squad. The squad seemed to be excelling since she took over. He could understand that someone would want to hire her and pay her well.
“The position is at the University of Louisville,” Sadie said. “They want me to head their cheerleading team there.”
She watched Brian’s face as the information sank in.
“Louisville, Kentucky?” he asked. He looked incredulous.
Sadie nodded. “College cheering. We could go to all the competitions and probably win some, too. You know they have the best cheerleading team in the States.”
“Yes, you have mentioned that before, but sweetheart, Kentucky?”
Sadie nodded slowly. “I know it will be a change to relocate, but this is the opportunity of a lifetime.”
Brian shook his head. “I can’t just leave the Sharks,” he said. “There isn’t even an NFL team for me to join there in Kentucky. Besides, I have a contract with the Sharks. I can’t just run away.”
“So, what are you saying?” Sadie asked.
Brian sighed. He wished Sadie would have spoken to him about this before applying for any jobs. This was putting him in a terrible predicament. He didn’t like saying “no” to her, and he understood that her job was important to her, but so was his job in Miami. He couldn’t just turn his back on his team and breach his contract. Besides, their whole life was in Miami. It always had been, even when she’d lost her memories.
“Sadie, we can’t just leave here. Surely, you not expecting me to leave my team?”
Sadie kept quiet. It was an answer, but not the one she wanted. Brian shook his head, getting up and walking away from her. He stopped at the far end of the room and started pacing.
“This is important to me, Brian,” she said. “You know how it works with our careers. We have to step up when we get the chance, or we will always stay in the same spot.”
“It’s like that with any career, sweetheart, but we have commitments here.”
“No, you have commitments here,” she said.
Brian blinked. “Excuse me? Is being married to me not a commitment? Is my professional football contract not a commitment? I can’t believe what you’re saying.”
“And I can’t believe you,” Sadie said. “Isn’t a relationship about making sacrifices for each other?”
“You want to talk about sacrifices?” Brian asked.
He was getting angry. Sadie was angry, too. There moods matched each other, and the atmosphere in the room was electric.
“I have sacrificed everything for you,” he said. “I was there when you hit your head, trying to help you remember. I walked away when you asked me to, even though I didn’t want to. When I saw you again, I tried to help you remember without pressuring you into a relationship. I waited five fucking years for you. Tell me, what don’t I understand about sacrifices?”
Sadie folded her arms over her chest, her feet together on the floor.
“That’s not fair,” she said. “You know that it wasn’t my choice. If I could have stopped the amnesia from happening, I would have. This is such a great opportunity. How can pass it up?”
“Easy,” Brian said. “Just say ‘no.’”
Sadie shook her head. She wasn’t going to do that. She wanted that job. She wanted the title of being the coach of one of the best cheerleading teams in the country. She didn’t understand why Brian was being so difficult about this.
Yes, she understood how important his job was to him, but he didn’t seem to understand how many sacrifices she had made for him, too. Maybe she hadn’t given up her career for him or anything, but there were weeks on end when she was without him and where she was lonely. She was married to a man that was away from home more than half of their life. Considering how she felt about him, she saw that as a very big sacrifice.
“What about friends and family?” Brian asked. “We’re just leaving Hanson and Lacey, and Jacob and Kina behind? What about Lauren? She has been the most loyal friend to you. And what about if we start a family? Then we’ll be all alone, without the support network. I’m not even talking about me having to be away from you most of the time because I can’t quit the Sharks.”
Sadie shook her head over and over. There were going around in circles. Why couldn’t Brian understand that this was something she really wanted? Yes, they would have to move. They would have to sacrifice friendships. But it was for something bigger than that. It was for her dream.
“How would you feel if someone told you that you can’t play football?” she asked. “How would you feel if they took your passion away from you? That’s how it feels right now.”
“I understand what you’re saying,” Brian said. “But what you don’t seem to see is that this is exactly what you’re doing. You’re asking me to give up what I love so that you can do what you love. Does that make sense to you?”
“But if it’s the other way around?” she asked.
“I
’m not asking you to give up what you love. You’re doing what you love. Why can’t you keep doing what you love right here in Miami like you’ve been doing for the past five years?”
“It’s the best cheerleading team, Brian,” Sadie said. “It would be a huge step up.”
Brian sighed. “And what’s so bad about the team you have now? You were happy about being with them until now, even though they weren’t the best team. Why is it not enough anymore?”
“Was it enough for you when you were playing college football? Would you have let anyone tell you that being at the bottom was enough when you got the opportunity to go pro?”
Brian closed eyes. Sadie knew she was winning this argument. He had nothing that he could say to that. She was right. He would never have settled for that. How could he expect her to?
“I feel what you’re saying, Sadie, but I’m not doing this. I’m not going to leave the Sharks. I’m not going to move away from Miami and the life we created here. I’m happy for you that you got such a great opportunity. If you still want to take it, be my guest, but I can’t come with you.”
Sadie looked at her husband, mouth slightly open, incredulous. “Are you saying that if I go, you’ll leave me?”
“Technically, you’ll be the one leaving me,” he said.
A storm of emotions swirled around Sadie’s chest. Rage, sorrow, disbelief. How could Brian suggest something like that?
“I thought we would always be together,” she said. “I thought that was what you wanted. Why else would you have fought so hard to be with me?”
“I have fought for you for a very long time. I will keep fighting for you. What bothers me is that you don’t seem to want to fight for me.”
“You can’t say that! You have no idea what demons I battled to be with you. It was harder than you can ever imagine, trusting your word about our love when I couldn’t remember it. I still did. Tell me that’s not fighting for you.”
“And now? You’re willing to throw it all away?”
“I’m not throwing it all away,” she said. “I asked you to come with me. You were the one that said you wouldn’t.”
Brian was all the way on the other side of the room. He had been far away to start off with, but it felt like the distance just kept on growing. He hadn’t moved, but somehow, he was completely unreachable now.
“Let me just get this straight,” Sadie said. “If I decide to take that job, you’re effectively telling me our relationship is over.”
“That sounds just about right,” he said. “Except, I’m not the one telling you that. You are asking me to give up my team and taking away the life that pumps through my veins.”
Sadie shook her head. “Don’t be dramatic, Brian,” she said.
That just made him angry. Sadie was struggling to stay calm herself. She got up. A part of her wanted to run to him, to wrap her arms around his body and apologize. But she couldn’t do that. Her career was important to her, and he was asking her to not take that step up. Nothing about that was fair. So, instead of walking to him, she walked toward the door.
“You want to tell me that I can leave?” she asked. “Well, I’m leaving.”
Chapter 5
Brian woke up the next morning alone in bed. Sadie had freaked out the night before and left. He had watched her do it, disbelieving. Judging by what she had packed, she would be back. That was the only consolation he had. He couldn’t believe Sadie would just up and leave like that. She had always been volatile, more so since the accident, but he had thought that he knew who she was by now. It turned out he was wrong.
Brian couldn’t believe the fight they had. He was hurt that Sadie hadn’t told him she was applying for new jobs. They could have talked about it, come to some kind of compromise. But with her applying behind his back, and to different cities as well– some of them not even in Florida– Brian had been left in the dark.
The news that she wanted to move to Kentucky had come totally from left field. Sadie should have known not to dump information like this on him. When she did that, it always escalated into a fight.
It had never been this bad, though. Sadie had never felt the need to leave. Maybe Brian had done things that were unnecessary. He could have sat down with her and explained to her he couldn’t leave the Sharks, instead of saying that he would leave her if she went to Kentucky. Leaving her was the last thing on his mind. But the way she had come into the living room, telling him that she had landed her dream job, he had the feeling she had already accepted it.
How could she make decisions like that without consulting him first? Weren’t they a team? Brian and Sadie were both involved with sports, both involved with teams. They knew what it meant to work together. Why was it so hard to translate that into a marriage?
Brian scrubbed his face with his hands and groaned. God, he fucking hated fighting with her. If he could go back to yesterday, he would have handled things differently. He would have tried to reason with her. But she had jumped on him, and she had made him feel like his job wasn’t as important as hers.
Brian understood that Sadie’s career was important, but it wasn’t quite the same as his. Brian had so much pressure to perform all the time. He couldn’t risk being injured because being off the team for longer than three weeks would jeopardize his position. He always had to be in peak condition. He could never drink a lot or eat something unhealthy.
Everything he did was for his team and for the game that he loved. And after everything, he only had a couple of years left before he would be replaced by a younger, fitter version of himself. Even when he did everything right, his career would not last forever.
If Sadie would be willing to hold on just a few more years, everything would be fine.
Brian got up and showered, trying to sort out his thoughts and his feelings. He wanted to know exactly what he wanted to do and say before he tried to call her. Whatever he did now, it would make or break them. Sadie had already left for the night. He didn’t feel like it could get any worse between them.
When Brian finally picked up his phone, he was nervous. For a football player that was happy to run head first into a meaty wall of men, that was happy to risk being injured on the field, Brian hated conflict. He didn’t miss the irony in that, but it wasn’t quite the same thing. He dialed Sadie’s number and pressed the phone against his ear, waiting.
The phone rolled over to voicemail right away. Her phone was off. He hoped it was something like the battery being dead, and that she’d forgotten to charge it where she’d been staying last night. A small part of him felt like maybe she had turned off her phone so that she wouldn’t have to speak to him.
He tried another time. Maybe she wasn’t getting a signal. When the call was forwarded to her voice mailbox again, Brian swore. He was frustrated. He wanted to throw his phone against the wall, to break something. But enough had been broken–his relationship suddenly hung from a thread. Less than twenty-four hours ago, Brian was the happiest man on earth. His marriage had been perfect. Now, he wasn’t sure if it would make it through the day.
What was he going to do now? He could hardly run around Miami looking for her. Before, when he was still trying to convince her to spend time with him, Sadie would run to Lauren whenever something was wrong.
Not only was Lauren Sadie’s assistant coach, but her best friend. This time, Brian doubted she would have gone to Lauren’s house. They were all friends now. Something told him that Sadie would avoid any other people that had direct contact with Brian. Which meant that he had no idea where his wife was.
For a moment, Brian didn’t know what to do. He hated this feeling, hanging in limbo, not knowing which way life would go. This wasn’t the first time he felt like this about Sadie. Before she had regained her memories, their relationship had been a big question mark. Half the time, she had let him believe that he was the one that she wanted. The other half, she had been so unsure about her life and everything she couldn’t remember that she had pushed him a
way as hard as she could.
Somehow, he thought they were past that. It looked like he was wrong.
Finally, he made up his mind. He tried her number one more time. When he got her voicemail again, he cleared his throat.
“I hope you’re safe,” he said. “Take care of yourself. I just wanted to let you know I’m going out to a bar to have a drink. I love you.”
There was so much more he had wanted to say, but it wouldn’t be appropriate on a voicemail message. So, he would go out to a bar and drown his sorrows.
Sadie felt in her pocket for her cell phone. It was turned off– she didn’t want Brian to try to call her– but she felt lost without it. She knew he would be trying to reach her. Still, she couldn’t just let this slide. She didn’t understand what Brian was going on about the day before. He had been so supportive of everything she had done. He’d been there for her during her amnesia, let her feel that she was the biggest priority in his life. And now? Now, he was choosing football over her happiness.
“I just don’t understand,” Sadie said to Lauren. She had spent the night at Lauren’s place, purely because it was the last place Brian would think she would go. It felt stupid hiding from her husband, but his reaction to the news had been the last thing she had expected.
“It feels like he’s being unfair to me,” Sadie said. “I can’t sit in the same position for the rest of my life. The point of a career is to excel, to move up.”
Lauren nodded. She had made coffee for them both, and she had her fingers wrapped around her own cup. Sadie’s cup sat cooling on the coffee table.
“I know where you’re coming from, Sadie,” Lauren said. “But you have to try and see it from his point of view. He’s been giving up everything for you for so long, and you didn’t speak to him about this.”
“I know.” Sadie sighed. She knew she should have spoken to Brian about this. Even if not about that job, then at least about the idea that she was looking for a job. But she had been scared about what he would say.
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