I didn’t knock, because this was the first time we hadn’t lived in the same place and she was family. Kim was already sitting at the kitchen table having coffee and I made myself at home, joining her.
“You look tired, baby girl. Long night?” The teasing smile she gave made the emotional dam burst that I was holding in. Without any warning whatsoever, tears flooded from my eyes. I was wrapped in her arms and holding on to her tightly, not sure why I was such a mess.
“What did he do to you, baby?” Her hands soothed over my hair, giving me the tenderness I needed to calm down.
“Nothing I haven’t wanted for weeks.” I spoke through my hiccups, and hated that I was being so immature.
“Whoa. You made love?” She pulled back to read my face, and I nodded my head. “Was it that bad?” The concern in her face made everything seem right for a moment, and my tears stopped.
Giving a watery smile, I shook my head. “It was beautiful, intense, and okay, a little painful at first, but wonderful.” That about sums up my initiation into lovemaking, I thought.
“Those are all good things, except the pain, and well that’s just par for the course.” She was smiling again. “So you’re just a little emotional now. Understandable.”
“Maybe?” I pulled out of her embrace and made myself at home by pouring a cup of her coffee. I wasn’t sure how to broach the subject of the other things that happened with Jack, and needed a few seconds.
“Did something else happen?” The tone in her voice changed to one of confusion.
“He asked me to marry him.” I brought my cup back to the table and sat down again. I guess that was a good a place to start as any.
“What did you say?” Kim’s eyes widened. She seemed to be either excited or appalled that he’d popped the big question. I couldn’t really get a good read on her emotions.
“I said yes.” Nibbling my lip, I really didn’t know how to ask her about what was really bothering me.
“You don’t sound sure it was the right thing to do. I mean, this is all moving pretty quickly.” She was staring at me, and I could tell she wanted to say more, but didn’t.
“I want to marry him, it’s just, well some of the things that happened.” I stopped trying to word this right. “I guess, I’m worried that he’s not like other men.”
“Not like other men? Baby girl, you’re going to have to give me a little more detail here. How do you mean?”
Exasperated, I explained the little scene concerning him making me bend over the bed. It was mortifying to talk about, but I hoped she’d tell me that all men did things like that to their partners.
“Back the hell up, he did what?” Whatever control she’d used since I gave her the news snapped, and I could see the anger in her eyes.
“You’re not going to make me repeat that again, are you?” It was embarrassing enough the first time.
“He threatened to spank you if you didn’t let him?” Kim stood up, walked over to the sink, and then turned to glare at me. At my hesitant nod, I thought she was about to punch a wall or something. “What else has he demanded from you?”
“I don’t know. Everything?” That was true. Jack never really asked me to do anything. Since he knew so much more than I did, I assumed it was just the right thing to do, following his lead.
“Damn it, he doesn’t own you!” Kim rolled her eyes, shook her head, and seemed to be fighting back the words she wanted to say.
“He says he does.” I shrugged, not thinking anything about what I was saying because Jack said it, and that being the case it had to be true.
“I’ll fucking cut off his dick.” Kim slammed her coffee cup into the sink, shattering it and my mouth fell open. “How did I not see this? I knew he was a piece of shit the first time I met him!” She was pacing the floor now, not paying me one bit of attention.
I had no idea why she was so angry. But I rarely understood her mood swings. “Obviously you’re upset right now. I’ll come back later.” Kim had never been physically violent, but when she was in this type of mood I’d learned over the years it was just best to give her space.
“You have no idea what he is, do you?” Just like that her anger was replaced with compassion and my head spun at her bi-polar attitude.
“My fiancé?” He was Jack. The man I loved, and just agreed to marry. Even angry, I was a little miffed that she could forget that news since I’d just told her.
“No, baby girl, what type of person he is. I’ve overprotected you to the point where you have no clue what’s going on in the real world.” Shaking her head again, she sighed. “Sit down at the table. I’m going to grab my laptop and show you something.”
Jack had bought her a new high-tech computer as part of the job, and she loved playing on the thing. What that had to do with our conversion was beyond me, but at least she wasn’t freaking out again. I hated it when she got angry.
She pulled a chair next to mine, and opened up the machine. I watched as she typed in BDSM into the search engine, and wondered what those initials stood for. As the images came up on the screen I gasped. “Oh my God, Kim, I don’t want to see that stuff!” Turning away, I decided she finally had lost her ever loving mind.
“Trust me. You need to see this. Your precious Jack? This is what he’s into.”
Turning back, I was appalled at the images that flashed before my eyes. Women with rubber balls in their mouths, hands and legs tied with rope, and other things torturing the participant to the point I wanted to vomit. “Jack isn’t into this stuff.” The thought of him even wanting to do things like that to me made me nauseous.
Then I remembered him tying me up last night. Snatching the computer closer, I typed in nipple clamps. I specifically remembered him saying I’d love them. My heart couldn’t take it! Seeing those little torture devices clamped onto a woman’s breasts forced me out of the chair. “I’m going to be sick.”
Running back to the bathroom, I barely made it to the toilet before I began vomiting. My Jack couldn’t be that way, it was impossible! All the little things he’d said to me started coming together and I knew I was deluding myself. I threw up again, and Kim held back my hair.
When there was nothing but dry heaves left, I stood up on shaking legs and began to cry. How could he keep something like that from me? Had I just been too stupid and ignored the signs? I wanted to run away somewhere and scream at the top of my lungs. Not my Jack. Not the man I’d just promised to marry. How could I have been such an ignorant lack wit?
“I need to get out of here.” I had no idea where I was going to go, but someplace that I could clear my head that didn’t remind me of him.
“Baby girl, I can’t go with you. I have to open the center. Why don’t you just go lay down for a bit and we can go out after work?”
“No! I need to get the hell out of here!” That was the first time in my life I’d used a curse word. Had my world not just crashed at my feet, I may have felt bad about it. At the moment, I wanted to strike out at the first thing I saw, language be damned. Now I was even thinking bad words. I laughed like a crazy woman.
“Give me a minute.” Kim left me in the bathroom, worry filling her eyes as she backed out slowly. She came back in a minute later, and informed me that Dante would take me wherever I needed to go.
“He’ll tell Jack!” I screamed at her, and instantly regretted losing my cool, but I wasn’t in the frame of mind to take it back.
“Dante’s off until lunch. I promise he won’t say a word.”
Unless I wanted to take the transit system, I didn’t have much of a choice. Jack had purchased Kim a car for the center, but I hadn’t learned to drive yet. I was determined to change that now, because I hated to be dependent on another person.
“Fine. I’m going upstairs to put on my shoes.” I’d walked down to Kim’s without them, but in my current mood, I didn’t know where I’d end up.
“I’m sorry, baby girl. If I could make you unmeet him, I would.”
&
nbsp; “It’s not your fault. I wanted so badly to believe he was perfect that I was too stupid to see what he really is.” I would never make that mistake again, I vowed.
“You aren’t stupid. You just haven’t lived in the real world much yet.” Her words, while nice, didn’t mean crap at the moment.
Instead of arguing, I just agreed and began walking toward the door. She told me to take my phone in case she needed me. Like a puppet, I nodded, not caring at that moment what happened to me. Yes it was immature, but I’d never had my heart shattered so completely, I was owed a little immaturity.
chapter ten
Undone
I slid on my socks, tennis shoes, and a bra without being mentally aware of what I was doing. Feeling my stomach clench again, I ran into the bathroom, gripping the sink. None of this was really happening. Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I wished I could convince the woman staring back at me with pain-filled eyes, that it was truth.
No! I’d lied to myself enough already. Without thought, I brushed my teeth and hair, hating that gullible bitch sharing my face. How could I have been so stupid! I really wanted to slap her, me, now I was having trouble even accepting this was all my fault.
Could I be any more pathetic? It wasn’t my fault, it was his. Jack! Feeling the frustration build, I knew I needed to get out of this place now. What sanity I had drifted away. Walking out the bathroom and snatching up my purse, I thought of every vile name in the book to call him. Mentally, anyway.
Dante was waiting for me when I walked downstairs, and I slid into Jack’s car. I wanted to destroy it. Like some overwhelmed, psychotic, cheated-on woman, I envisioned slashing a knife through the smooth, buttery, leather of the interior.
“You okay?”
I couldn’t destroy the car, but Dante was here. “Just get me out of here.” I didn’t want to see the concern in his eyes. Pity. That’s just what I needed. Not! I might be pathetic, but never the hell again.
Dante drove, leaving the partition window down and I wondered how he hadn’t known what type of man Jack really was. He was his driver. According to Kim, he’d worked for him for over nine years. “Did you know?”
“Did I know what?” His eyes caught mine briefly in the rear view mirror, and even in that quick moment, there was a flash of guilt in his dark brown gaze.
“Don’t play with me, Dante. Did you know your boss was a sadistic piece of crap?!” I would scream if he denied knowing what I was referring to. There was little sanity left in me.
“He pays my bills.”
That hurt. Much more than it should. He was dating Kim, but I felt like we’d become friends in the last few weeks too. “Drop me off at the park.” I couldn’t deal with this. His betrayal was nothing compared to Jack’s, but still it was a low blow.
Dante drove, and I really had nothing more to say to him so I stared at the window, wondering if Kim and I were the only two people in the world that didn’t know the truth.
“You have to understand, I need this job.” His voice sounded full of regret, but I didn’t care.
“Whatever helps you sleep better at night.” I’d never been sarcastic a day in my life. Another attribute I could add to the many new things Jack had taught me.
“You were different from the others. I would have said something if I didn’t think he cared.”
“Just shut up, Dante. Wait a minute, others? When was the last time he saw someone?” Another first, telling a person to shut up. I didn’t like the person I was becoming much.
“I mean before you, the places I took him.”
He seemed like he was backtracking, his tone nervous, like he’d just said something he knew he’d regret. I knew he wasn’t being honest. “Bullshit!” It wasn’t like I hadn’t heard my sister’s colorful language more times than I could remember. I knew curse words. I just never had a reason to use them before.
The silence in the car was almost deafening until we pulled up to the park. I slid out of the backseat, not giving him time to come around to open it. “I’ll find my own way home.”
“Emily, wait, please.”
The old me would have felt guilty for running off, knowing he felt bad. I wasn’t sure if there was room for that person in my life right now. Clutching my purse, I just ran. I wanted to push myself until I fell out in exhaustion. Anything to stop this sense of betrayal that overwhelmed me in ways I had no idea how to deal with.
That’s what I did. I ran and ran until my lungs and muscles ached. When I couldn’t force my legs to move another step, I fell down on my knees right in the middle of Central Park, and wept. I didn’t care who could see me. My life was officially over!
I didn’t know how long I knelt there feeling sorry for myself, before reality began to set back in. My cell phone was beeping with unanswered messages, but I didn’t have the will to see who had called. Focusing on breathing normally again, I remained right where I was. Finally I saw the strange looks people passing by were giving me, but I didn’t care.
I felt hands on my shoulders and turned my head to see Dante standing there. “Let’s get you back in the car.” The remorse on his face finally made me feel something other than anger and grief.
I nodded, embarrassed at the spectacle I made of myself, and stood up. This was definitely the lowest point of my life. Dusting the dirt from my knees, I followed him out of the park, my legs throbbing in over exertion.
We’d almost made it to the car when Dante finally spoke. “I’m sorry, Emily.”
I assumed he was talking about not telling me about Jack, and in my calming mind, I tried to understand. I knew what it was like to be hungry, and Jack was his boss. It didn’t make it any less painful, but even so, I could understand. “Just let it go.” I couldn’t say I forgave him, because I didn’t, but I wasn’t willing to hash it out.
Once we arrived at the car and he opened the back door, any guilt I had over the way I’d handled things with him was gone. He wasn’t apologizing for not telling me the truth before, but for bringing me straight to my source of agony. Jack was sitting in that back seat, seemingly impatient, and I turned my face to Dante and glared. “I hate you.”
I turned to walk away, but Jack reached out and pulled me inside. He closed the door, and I frantically reached for the lever. “Let me out, Jack!” The scream was so loud in the confined space that it hurt my ears.
“No.” Dante had taken his position behind the wheel, and he turned his attention to him. “Drive.” He rolled up the partition after giving him that order and I stared at him like the demon he was in my mind.
“Adding kidnapping to your list of sins, Jack?” I wanted to hurt him, even though I knew I’d never have the nerve to press those charges against him.
“We’re going to my place to talk, if you want to leave after feel free.”
How could he be so calm? Outside of that tell-tale tick in his jaw, you’d think nothing had changed between us. It made me insane. Without thought, I slapped his face, and began calling him every foul name I could dig up in my vocabulary.
Jack pulled me into his lap, wrapping his strong arms around my wrists, capturing them so that I was hugging myself and basically held me immobile. God! I hated him in that moment. Struggling against his hold, I’d never wanted to kill a man more than him. Since I couldn’t escape, I continued screaming obscenities. When my throat was raw with my emotional outburst, I calmed.
“Are you finished yet?” I could hear the smirk in his voice and it made me want to scratch his eyes out.
“Fuck! You!” Gritting my teeth I let him know in no uncertain terms, that I was far from finished.
“I’m warning you, my patience has limits.”
His patience! The man was completely insane! He had the audacity to threaten me. Now? After all the lies he’d let me believe? Hell no! I could give a sailor a run for his money with the words forming in my mind at the moment!
I didn’t notice that we’d pulled through the security gate on his driveway unt
il the car stopped in front of the house. “I’ll let you know if she needs to be picked up.” Dante looked worried about what was happening, but only nodded.
Jack grasped my arm, pulling me out of the car and I was so angry that I couldn’t even find the will to fight him as we walked up his stairs. It didn’t dawn on me until we were alone in his foyer that this was a bad idea.
The grip he had on my arm wasn’t painful, more firm than anything as he led me to the living room. I was alone with this sick bastard in his house. It finally hit me that being here with him this way could be dangerous!
“Take me home.” The fight had literally drained out of me at the revelation he could do anything he wanted to me here, and no one could stop him. I was terrified. Those pictures on the internet seeped into my brain and there was no telling what type of torture he was capable of.
“After we talk.” His tone was calm, but even a fool would be able to see the anger blazing in his dark blue eyes. The way he walked me over to the couch didn’t coincide with that angry look and he sat down, finally releasing my arm. “Join me.” The words were spoken with composure.
All that anger that raged within me since I’d left my apartment melted away into stark terror. I honestly didn’t know this man I was sitting with and out of that emotion I sat. Granted I moved as far away from him on the couch as possible without sitting on the armrest.
“Explain to me why you’re acting this way.” He crossed one ankle over his knee and his entire persona relaxed. I, on the other hand, sat on the very edge of my seat ready to bolt in case he flipped out and tried to hurt me.
“I know what you are.” The words were accusing, if wary because I wasn’t sure exactly what would set him off.
“What is it that you think you know?”
How dare he look amused! Maybe that’s what psychopaths did, though. I remembered watching some movie about a serial killer whose pulse never accelerated as he murdered his victims. My opinion of Jack wasn’t very high at the moment, obviously. “You’re a sadist!”
Bought for Love Page 9