by Jena Cryer
She wanted to ask why he would ever need to apologize to her. She was a cow after all. But words and thoughts were growing too difficult. Sleep was what she needed. Sleep for now and forever. All she needed to do was let the darkness consume her, and then she’d be fine.
Everything would be just fine.
***
Darkness turned to light which faded back to darkness.
Nothing much made sense to Julia, though in truth, she couldn’t quite remember the last time anything had.
Is this Hell, she wondered.
But it couldn’t be, could it? The heat that had once threatened to consume her had finally abated, and with it went the pain.
Why was I ever in pain?
She tried to remember, but her memories eluded her. All she knew was that her world felt different somehow. She was lying on her back, that much she was certain of, but shouldn’t she be on all fours instead? And her fingers, why were they free? They should be curled into fists, not bare and exposed, just like her legs. Stretching them out felt so good yet so unnatural, so uncowlike.
And she was a cow, wasn’t she? Vaguely she remembered being a woman, but she wasn’t anymore. She’d been stripped of her humanity. She’d been molded into a docile beast, and somehow she knew if she tried to reclaim her lost humanity, overwhelming pain would be her only reward.
And she was so tired of being in pain.
A strong hand wrapped around her open palm, and words poured over her. The voice was deep and rich and oddly familiar, but she couldn’t quite make sense of what was being said, almost as if language was beyond her, almost as if…
As if she’d finally become the simple animal she’d once only pretended to be.
A shiver of fear rippled through her, but with it came acceptance. Maybe life would be better this way. Maybe she would finally forget she was ever human at all. She’d be nothing but the cow she was meant to be, the cow HE wanted her to be.
But who this he was, she couldn’t say, and the more she wondered, the more she felt her own humanity reasserting itself.
No, you can’t let that happen. He’ll kill you if you don’t do what he wants, and afterwards he’ll go after…after…
She groaned. She had no idea what she was trying to protect. She only knew she couldn’t let her own actions bring about any more harm. Far too much of that had happened already.
Consciousness faded and then returned. At some point she felt a man’s hands tugging at her lips. Gentle fingertips ran along her fused teeth before finally retreating to her arm. A sharp prick in the back of her hand made her gasp. Darkness followed. When she awoke again, the odd sensation of an open mouth greeted her. She ran her tongue along the inside of her now-flawless teeth, and almost smiled at her new-found freedom.
But of course, cows didn’t smile, and Matthew wanted her to be a cow, didn’t he?
Matthew…
She had no idea where the name had come from, but the fear that followed nearly pushed her over the edge. Her whole body shook. Her breaths came faster, too fast. She couldn’t get enough air. She couldn’t breathe. Damnnit, why couldn’t she breathe?
Strong arms pulled her close. The same comforting voice that had been with her for what felt like forever whispered soft, reassuring words into her ears. “Safe” came through over and over again, followed by “fine” and “free.” She caught something about dental implants, sedation, and stomach pumping but the words didn’t make sense. Nothing made sense except for the soothing voice of her lord.
My lord…
She smiled into the warmth of his chest. This man was her lord and protector. She still couldn’t remember his name, but she didn’t have to. All she had to know was she belonged to him, and he would keep her safe. He’d promised. Now all she had to do was be the good little creature he wanted her to be, and nothing bad would ever happen again.
Right?
***
Days passed.
Bit by bit, her strength returned. Every time she opened her eyes, her dark-haired lord was there. He petted her. He praised her. He spoke to her with words that seemed to make more sense with each passing hour, but not once did she speak back, no matter how much he begged and pleaded. No, this was her test, and she wouldn’t fail it. She didn’t want to give this man any excuse to get rid of her ever again.
“Any change?”
Julia’s gaze drifted to the woman across the room. Lady Sybil stood in the doorway with a pair of pumps dangling from the portable milking unit in her left hand.
“She’s improving,” his lordship said. “She just needs more time.”
“More time? James, it’s been over a month, and still she hasn’t spoken? Don’t you think it’s about time you gave up and moved her back to the barn?”
“Just because my Jewel hasn’t spoken doesn’t mean she can’t. She’s still in there, Sybil. I know it.”
“Just like you ‘knew it’ with Belle?”
His lordship looked away.
Lady Sybil stepped forward and pulled the sheets away from Julia’s naked form. With practiced ease, the woman hooked up the pumps to Julia’s breasts and turned on the portable unit.
As soon as the suction began, Julia’s eyes rolled back. What started as a moan, soon turned into a series of deep-throated moos that filled the giant bedroom.
“She belongs in the barn, brother,” Sybil said as soon as the milking was done. “The sooner you realize that, the better off we’ll all be.”
His lordship didn’t respond.
***
Finally, I’m back where I belong.
Julia lounged atop a bed of fresh hay and batted her eyes as the first rays of sunlight broke through the window above her stall. Sybil would be coming for her soon. More than anything Julia wished his lordship would be the one to handle her milkings, but more and more often that duty was left to his sister.
Maybe he’s disappointed in me.
Julia’s chest tightened. She’d tried so hard to be the perfect cow for his lordship, but every time he looked at her, only sadness filled his eyes. He’d stopped talking to her. His touch was nothing but a memory. Only occasionally did she catch a glimpse of him watching her from across the paddock, and even then when she caught his eye, he left almost immediately.
It was almost like he didn’t even want her.
A sob squeezed at her throat, but she forced it back down. She couldn’t cry. Cows didn’t cry, and that’s what she was, right? She was his lordship’s cow. That’s what he wanted her to be, not the woman she once was. He was the one who gave her the Laculin, who showed her the joys of a good milking, who fucked her and loved her and bound her in leather and forbade her from ever even daring to be human again.
Wait, that’s not right. Matthew was the one who did that. He was the one who wanted to steal your humanity, not his lordship. His lordship just wanted…
She furrowed her brow.
Just what did his lordship want from her?
The creak of her stall door pushed away any further musings. She looked up, and above her stood his lordship. She tried to meet his eyes, but he wouldn’t look at her. Instead, he just held open the door while Sybil entered and slid a thin rope around her neck. The young lady swept a tuft of Julia’s dark hair out of her eyes before patting her cow on the head.
“This really is for the best, James,” Sybil said. “You know you’ll never move on if you keep holding on to her like this.”
His lordship took a deep breath but didn’t reply.
“I’m sure she’ll be more than happy at her new home. Cutford Manor might not be the biggest dairy in the country, but they do take exceptional care of their stock. She couldn’t ask for better owners.”
Better owners? But his lordship owns me. I belong to him. I’m supposed to belong to him.
She looked up at his lordship, desperate for her master to tell his sister just how wrong she was, but Lord Ashe said nothing. He didn’t even look at Julia as Sybil led her from the s
tall.
“Would you like to say goodbye?” Sybil asked.
His lordship closed his eyes. “Just…just be done with it.”
Julia’s mouth went dry. Lady Sybil pulled at her lead, but Julia didn’t follow. Her eyes remained transfixed on his lordship’s frozen form.
“Come along, cow,” Sybil said. “The truck is waiting.”
Again, the rope pulled at her neck, but Julia resisted.
“Cow, I’m growing tired of—”
“You’re giving me up?”
Julia hardly recognized her own voice. It was weak and scratchy and barely audible, but somehow strong enough to draw his lordship’s attention.
Lord Ashe’s eyes snapped open. “Jewel?”
A tiny voice screamed at her to shut up. Cows didn’t talk. Matthew would rip out her tongue for this transgression. He’d cut off her legs. He’d take away every last shred of her humanity until she was nothing but a mindless creature content to do his bidding.
But Mattew wasn’t here right now, and even if he was, his lordship would protect her. He promised.
Just like he promised not to send you away?
Julia couldn’t be sure if that was a real promise or just a fantasy of her broken mind, but either way, now that she had his lordship’s attention, she wasn’t about to lose it again.
“Please don’t make me leave. I want to stay with you. I want—”
His lordship’s lips sealed away any further words.
Julia wasn’t sure how it happened. One moment she was standing on all fours and the next she was swept up in her lover’s arms. And he was her lover, wasn’t he? Her lover and her owner all in one.
“Dear God, Jewel, how long have you been in there?” He kissed her forehead, her nose, her chin, all the while clutching her to his chest like he never intended to let her go. “I thought that bastard had stolen you away from me for good.”
Tears filled her eyes. Matthew had once said cows didn’t cry, but damnit, she wasn’t a cow. She was a woman. She was a real woman, and for better or worse, that’s all she could ever be.
“I was just trying to be good,” she said. “You wanted me to be your cow.”
“I want you to be you,” he said. “All these months, Jewel, do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you?”
Her chest tightened. “But Matthew…”
“Is dead,” his lordship said. “Just like Brandon, so you never have to worry about either of them hurting you ever again.”
Julia let out a breath she hadn’t even realized she was holding. “But what about—”
“Jack? Don’t worry. I promised if he ever crossed me again, I’d give him to the bulls, and I’m not a man to break my word. Trust me. Sybil’s beasts keep him well under control.”
For the first time in what felt like months, Julia smiled.
“Sybil, why don’t you tell the men from Cutford to be on their way. I don’t believe my Jewel wishes to leave us.”
“Of…of course.”
As soon as Lady Sybil was gone, his lordship lifted Julia off the floor.
“Why don’t we continue this conversation inside. A barn like this is no fit place for a lady.”
“Lady?” Julia shook her head. “I think I’m more suited to being a cow.”
He placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “You can be whatever you want to be, my Jewel, just so long as you’re mine.”
“Good,” she said. “Because that’s all I ever wanted to be.”
Epilogue
“And for the second year running, Farthington Hall wins Best in Show.”
Applause broke through the pavilion. Lords shouted. Ladies cheered. The clamor almost overwhelmed Julia, but somehow she kept her chin up and head held high despite the madness surrounding her.
She just wished she could find the will to join in.
“All right, Jewel?”
Lord Ashe’s hand wrapped around hers, and she smiled.
“Fine,” Julia said. “Just a little overwhelmed is all.”
“A perfectly natural reaction,” came a voice from behind her. “Especially considering how drastically her position has changed since last year’s festivities.”
Thomas gave Julia’s shoulder a gentle pat, but despite the man’s reassuring smile, she still found it hard to face the duke. In truth, she found it hard to face almost anyone as the woman she was now.
And she was a woman, wasn’t she?
In spite of all the months his lordship had spent reminding her of the fact, she till found herself questioning the truth of her position. Instead of a collar, she wore dresses and high heels. Instead of grass, she ate pheasant and lobster bisque.
She stared down at the deep blue of her silk shirt. Royal blue, just like his lordship said she was. But she didn’t feel like royalty. Months had passed since his lordship had rescued her yet still her memories returned to Matthew and her other life. She couldn’t even count how many nights she had awoken expecting to find hay beneath her head, only to find herself snuggled beneath a soft comforter with the reassuring warmth of his lordship safely by her side.
James, she reminded herself. He wants me to call him James now.
“I must say, James.” The duke interrupted her thoughts. “You certainly have a fine entry this year, but I believe last year’s winner was better.”
Julia blushed.
“I don’t suppose we could somehow persuade your little Jewel to compete again, now could we?”
Julia’s gaze drifted back to the ring below. She remembered her former glory. The fanfare, the pleasure, the pride, it had all seemed so wonderful back then. She was crowned best in show. She finally proved her worth to his lordship as well as herself. At the time, she would have considered that moment the crowning achievement of her life.
But that was before Matthew had revealed himself.
She shivered just thinking about her abduction and the terror that followed. Only his lordship could push away her panic. As if sensing her unease, he ever so gently wrapped an arm around her waist. He pulled her close and whispered soft reassurances until the shaking finally subsided and her breaths returned to normal.
When his lordship turned back to the duke, his voice came out sharper than normal.
“I believe my wife has retired from the competition circuit,” he said. “The only hands that now milk her are mine.”
Julia smiled into his lordship’s shoulder.
Not your lord, she told herself yet again, your husband.
She gently clasped his left hand in hers and stared down at the matching gold bands twinkling up at her. To think only a year ago she’d been ready to give up her freedom, even her humanity just to be near him, and now he’d made it so she’d never have to worry about losing him again.
“Besides.” Lord Ashe planted a kiss on her forehead before continuing. “Our newest cow seems quite content in her role, and her father did want me to make sure she remained happy. Far be it from me to deny Melissa her chance to shine.”
Julia followed her husband’s gaze to the woman mooing on the stage below. Enormous udders swung beneath her as Melissa pranced across the stage. Her milkman stopped every few paces to spray a jet of her cream into the waiting crowd, and yet another roar of approval erupted from her fans.
She really does make a fine cow, Julia thought. Maybe even better than me.
For a moment, uncertainty flared within Julia’s chest. A better cow than me. His lordship now had a newest “Best in Show.” What if his attention drifted to the woman on stage? What if he grew tired of Julia? What if he realized he’d made a mistake in marrying her, and by the end of the week he was ready to let her go?
Her eyes darted back to her lord husband, desperate to see if a hint of the affection and awe he so often showed her still lingered in his gaze as he stared down at his newest heifer. She held her breath, so sure her worst nightmare would come true, but instead of adoration, only disdain filled his lordship’s eyes.
“A
pity I couldn’t auction that one off,” his lordship said after a moment. “But I did promise her father I’d see to her keeping, and unlike the woman herself, I don’t break my word.”
He turned to Julia.
“Of course, if you’d like me to keep her somewhere less noticeable, I can easily arrange it. I could even send her off to Sybil’s. She is in need of a good breeder for her bulls.”
Julia bit her lip, almost tempted by the offer, but shook her head instead. “No, she’s fine where she is. And besides, you wouldn’t want to lose the dairy’s newest star, now would you?”
His lordship snorted while the duke chuckled.
“It seems your wife has better business sense than you, James,” Thomas said. “Just look at the audience. Everyone’s clamoring for a taste of your winner there, and I can’t say that I’m entirely against the notion.”
His lordship shook his head. “Go on, Thomas. Drink your fill. I’m sure the woman has more than enough milk to spare.”
The duke rose to his feet. “And what about the two of you? Don’t you want to join in the festivities?”
Lord Ashe slid a hand around Julia’s waist and planted a kiss on her brow before pulling her closer.
“I’m afraid my tastes have been rather spoiled as of late,” he said. “I can’t seem to get enough of what I have right here.”
The duke chuckled again but said nothing more as he made his way down towards the stage. As soon as he was gone, his lordship’s fingers drifted up to Julia’s breasts, and she moaned low and deep.
“Now that our friends are occupied, what do you say we have a little fun of our own?” Lord Ashe pinched the bulge of her nipple through her fine silk shirt, and moisture coated her pussy. “I doubt our host would mind if we took a quick tour of his barn. Rumor has it he has the best stalls in all of France.”
Julia smiled. “I don’t know. Do you really think a peak would be enough?”
He chuckled. “Perhaps an extended tour might be in order. Given the crowd’s excitement, I dare say we might even last a full night before anyone misses us.”