by Dee Yates
‘Good. I’m glad she’s been of use. However, it seems as though you’ve found time for… um… other activities.’ Duncan McIver turned again to his daughter. ‘We’ve come now because we both feel the need to see this Tam before the relationship goes any further.’
‘What do you mean, Father. Tam and I are going to be married, whatever you say. He’s perfectly willing to meet you, but you have to understand a farmer can’t just drop everything.’
‘We’ve been telling your parents what a good lad he is,’ Agnes put in. ‘Quiet but hard-working. Salt of the earth.’
‘Well, we’ve come to see for ourselves. Jeannie, will you take us to his farm now?’ It was a command, rather than a question.
‘No, I’m in the middle of my working day. I can’t leave everything and go.’
‘It’s all right, Jeannie, hen. You can take your parents over to McColl’s, seeing as they’ve come all this way.’
‘We’ll need to walk,’ Jeannie said, looking at her father’s shoes, polished to a shine, and her mother’s heeled lace-ups, and turned away, struggling to suppress a smile.
*
The family said little as they fought to negotiate the muddy track leading over the moor to the cottage of Douglas McColl and his sons. Douglas was at home, struggling to feed a collection of lambs of assorted sizes with milk from a bottle. The lambs were penned in the room used as both kitchen and living quarters, leaving very little space for the inhabitants, let alone visitors.
‘Come in, Jeannie. Who’s this you’ve got with you?’
‘Mr McColl, these are my parents. They’ve come all the way from Fife to meet Tam.’
Douglas glanced at the clock. ‘He’ll no’ be back for a while yet. He’s out on Wedder Hill.’ He put down the milk bottle and stood up, wiping his hands down his trousers, before holding out a hand to each of Jeannie’s parents. ‘Will you have a cup of tea while you wait? Jeannie, put the kettle on, lass. I’ll have one as well, if you don’t mind. What’s all this about – because the two of them want to wed?’
‘It is. To our minds, Jean’s much too young to be thinking of taking as huge a step as this,’ Jeannie’s father replied. ‘But she’s stubborn, always has been, so I thought the least we could do was come and introduce ourselves.’
‘Aye. You do right. Though you’ve chosen a gey difficult month to do it.’
‘It seems we’re not being given a lot of choice. Jeannie tells me they’re wanting to marry in July.’
‘Aye, before we start clipping. There aren’t a lot of free days at this time of year. So, you’ll be wanting to look over my boy, will you? Check that he’s good enough for your lass.’ Douglas looked at them sternly. ‘Well, I’m telling you now. He’s a hard worker. Both my sons are. We’ve been without a woman in the house these seven years and we manage fine. We’ve had to.’
Jeannie poured the tea and passed round the mugs while the two men talked. Douglas sketched the details of his wife’s death in answer to Duncan McIver’s query. He told them a bit about life in such a remote location and with such variable weather. Just as Jeannie was beginning to think that they would have to leave to make sure of getting back during the hours of daylight, they heard the barking of Tam’s dog and Tam himself came in. His brow creased at the sight of the visitors.
‘Tam, this is my father and mother. They’ve come over to see us today.’
‘Pleased to meet you.’ Tam held out a less than clean hand to each in turn. ‘You’ve come at a busy time.’
‘So everyone keeps telling us,’ Duncan McIver said. ‘Though, as I said to your father here, not so busy that you haven’t found time for other things.’
‘Very little time for other things, as it goes. We’ve had a terrible winter, in case you hadn’t noticed. The sheep are in a bad condition. They can’t rear their lambs. We’ve finished up feeding dozens of them, as you can see. Most times I’ve seen Jeannie we’ve been going to check on sheep or pheasants. There’s been no time for “other things”.’
‘I see. Well, her mother and I would much rather you wait to marry until she’s older and you’ve got to know one another better. I think, too, that you should wait until this war is over. These are unsettled times.’
‘To my mind that’s no reason to wait, in fact the opposite. We might not any of us be here tomorrow.’
‘Well, God willing, that will not be the case. If you don’t mind me asking, is there any reason why you have not enlisted? If you have an elder brother working here, there surely is no need for the two of you.’
Douglas stood up as straight and tall as his rheumatics would allow. ‘My son went for interview at the beginning of the year, as eager as your lads to do his duty. I’m sure he won’t mind me telling you that the doctors found he had a heart murmur and rejected him as unfit. Not that it’s made any difference to how hard he works here.’
‘I see,’ said Duncan McIver. ‘Jeannie said nothing about that.’
‘Father, we ought to be going,’ Jeannie interrupted, keen to put a stop to the conversation that was becoming uncomfortably focused on Tam, ‘or it will start to get dark before we’re back to the farm.’
‘Yes, of course. Well, thank you for seeing us, Mr McColl, and thank you for the tea. We will no doubt meet again.’
‘Aye. No doubt we will. Goodbye for now. Goodbye, Jeannie lass.’
*
‘Why did you say nothing to us about Tam’s heart condition?’ Elspeth said, rounding on her daughter.
‘Because it was nothing to do with you. It was Tam’s problem and his decision to say something or not.’
‘Jean. Don’t talk to your mother like that. Apologise immediately.’
‘I’m sorry if I sounded rude - but that is no reason why I should not marry him.’
‘But have you thought, Jean, what will happen if he should become ill.’
‘Then I will look after him. That’s what wives do, isn’t it?’
‘Yes, of course. I’m anxious, however, that you realise the added burden that this may put on you, if you insist on this marriage.’
‘Mother, I love him. If he should become ill, I will look after him, and that’s all that there is to be said. We are getting married, with or without your permission, and there is nothing you can do about it.’
*
Jeannie watched her parents’ car disappearing into the distance and turned from where it had been parked to walk down the hill to the farm. The visit had put her in a bad mood. If she was old enough to help run a farm, she was old enough to make up her own mind about who and when she would marry. She pushed to the back of her mind the niggle of doubt about the wisdom of her approaching wedding, a doubt that had been planted by Tam’s own brother the last time she had visited their farm.
She entered the farmhouse to a burst of noise and the next moment was assaulted by a miniature whirlwind that ploughed into her legs and nearly knocked her over.
‘Malcolm! What are you doing here? And you too, Ian,’ she said, addressing the older boy, who stood smiling in the background.
‘We’ve come back to stay. Isn’t that great? Mr Cunningham’s been showing us the wee lambs. He let me hold one, didn’t he, Ian?’
‘Where’s your mum and wee Effie?’ Jeannie asked, looking round and seeing no evidence of them.
‘She’s no’ coming,’ Ian replied. ‘We’re living with Granny Jess, now that Dad has died. Mum didn’t want to leave Granny on her own again, and she didn’t much like the countryside when she was here before, not as much as we do anyway.’
‘So how did you get here – surely not on your own?’
‘No. Do you remember the lady who brought us before in her van? It was her again.’
'It's the decision of the government,' Agnes explained. 'Things hotting up in this part of the world. All those evacuees who left the big cities in the beginning and then returned when all was quiet, they're all being evacuated again. You can't help but think that the powers-that-be know t
hings that they aren't telling us.' Agnes pursed her lips.
‘Well, I for one am very happy to see you back. You’ve made my day!’
‘Hard work, was it, with your parents?’ Agnes asked, pausing in her task of laying the table. ‘We did try and tell them how much responsibility you were taking on in the running of the farm and how happy we were with you being here, but I’m not sure they were listening.’
‘They never listen! Yes, it was hard. But I’ve told them I’m staying here and I’m marrying Tam.’
‘You have considered what will happen when you marry Tam?’ Agnes glanced at her husband who was sitting in a fireside chair to remove his boots. ‘I mean, you’ll be living out there with Douglas, I suppose. You’ll be giving up your job here, won’t you?’
‘Oh, will I? I had assumed I could carry on here.’
‘I think that’s something you will have to discuss with Alan and Tam and their father, and before too much more time goes by.’
‘When are you going to see Tam again? I want to come with you,’ Malcolm said, pulling the sleeve of her coat to get her attention.
‘Before that,’ Agnes said laughing, ‘I need to get you back to that school so you can learn your lessons.’
‘We’d rather be helping here on the farm, wouldn’t we, Ian?’
‘A bit of both would suit me,’ Ian replied.
‘There’s plenty to learn at both places,’ Rob said, coming to the table. ‘But right now we need to eat, so come and find a chair.’
32. Confessions
June 1940
With less than a week to go before her wedding, Jeannie was giving Tam’s bedroom an extra clean before moving in her belongings. The room was bare, utilitarian, lacking a woman’s touch. Douglas McColl had insisted that the marital bed he had shared with Nessie, and in which he had slept alone since her death, be transferred into Tam’s room. He would have the single beds in his and be perfectly happy with that.
Jeannie and Tam had been to church that morning and now Tam had gone to help Alec with the young pheasants newly introduced to living outside in the release pens. That left Jeannie with a good opportunity to get things sorted before the following weekend’s festivities.
The room was swept and dusted and the big bed dismantled and ready to move. Jeannie was surprised and somewhat embarrassed to see Alan helping his father to carry through the pieces.
‘Oh, Alan, I thought you would be at home with Fiona today,’ she began.
‘You don’t sound very pleased to see your future brother-in-law,’ he said, putting the bedhead down on the floor with a grunt. He looked round the room and then at Jeannie with a grin. ‘It’s a long time since this room had a woman in it, unless Tam’s been smuggling one in while you’ve been busy.’
‘I don’t think that’s very likely,’ Jeannie replied as Alan left the room.
‘You know what they say – still waters run deep.’ Alan glanced at her over his shoulder and went to help his father with the mattress.
*
‘That’s the room finished. I must get back,’ Jeannie said to Douglas. I promised Ian I’d help him write a letter to his mum. He wants to put it in the post tomorrow.’
‘Aye, lassie. Thank you for all your help. I’m looking forward to having you here to stay.’
‘Me too, Mr McColl,’ Jeannie said and, giving him a smile, closed the cottage door behind her.
The smile faded as she heard the noise of hammering coming from the big barn. It must be Alan. She stood for several seconds, watching clouds chase each other over the tops of the hills and out of sight. Then, letting out a long breath, she walked slowly to the barn.
‘Alan, I’m going now.’
Alan was so startled that he brought the hammer down hard on his thumb. ‘Good God, woman! Why must you always creep up on me,’ he said fiercely, shaking his hand to try and disperse the pain.
‘Oh, Alan, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to surprise you. I only came to say goodbye and thank you for your help.’ She went quickly over to him and took his hand in hers to examine it. ‘No lasting damage that I can see. You’ll be right as rain in a day or two.’
‘You reckon so? If you think that, you’re very much mistaken.’
Jeannie frowned at him, not understanding.
‘Don’t look at me like that. You know well what I’m talking about. You’re making a big mistake.’
Jeannie tried to withdraw her hand, but he had taken hold of it in both of his and she could not pull away. ‘Alan, let go of me. This isn’t fair.’
‘What you’re about to do with my brother isn’t fair. You’re wrong for each other, can’t you see?’
‘You mean he has been seeing other women behind my back?’
‘No, silly. He wouldn’t do that. He’s very loyal.’
‘Then who are you to lecture me? I don’t see your marriage turning out to be a great success.’
‘Which is precisely why I’m urging you not to make the same mistake.’ He looked her straight in the eye and gave her a gentle shake. ‘You see, there are some couples that will never get on, no matter how hard they try… and others who are made for each other.’
She stood magnetised by his eyes, staring at her, filled with hope or desperation or something else that she didn’t want to acknowledge.
‘Tam and I are getting on a lot better now,’ she murmured. ‘Anyway, it’s too late. The wedding is all arranged. I can’t stop it now.’
‘You can. You have to. Jeannie – I… I love you and I think you might feel the same about me.’
Her resistance was wearing thin. There were inches between them now. She brought her lips to his and kissed him hard, savagely even, angry with him for creating this dilemma. She drew back breathless, tears welling in her eyes, but Alan caught her, drawing her close and kissing her tenderly.
‘You have no idea how long I’ve dreamt of doing this,’ he said. ‘Every day since that evening you appeared in this very barn.’
‘I must go. And Tam will be back soon.’ Jeannie looked behind her nervously.
‘He won’t be back yet. You know what he’s like when he’s with Alec. We’ve plenty of time.’
‘No, Alan. We have no time,’ she said weakly.
‘Yes, we have. We have all the time in the world if you would just admit it. Come on. Let’s sit down for a while. Sit here.’ He led her to a pile of straw, the dusty remains of last year’s harvest. There, he kissed her again, putting his arm round her shoulders and drawing her close.
‘What a mess,’ Jeannie said wearily. ‘What an awful mess.’
‘It’s one that you can still sort out.’
‘No, Alan. You’re wrong. If I changed my mind now, it would destroy Tam. I can’t do this to him.’
‘So instead you’ll both be miserable for the rest of your lives.’
‘No, we won’t. I can make it work. Just watch me.’
Alan sat up so suddenly that the sleeve of his jacket caught on the clasp of her necklace. He pulled it free and cradled his knees with his arms, resting his head on them. ‘I’ve no intention of watching you make a mess of your marriage. If you insist on going through with it, I’m enlisting. Tam can’t go, but there’s nothing to stop me. Dad doesn’t need the both of us. I’m no’ staying to see everyone’s lives ruined.’
‘No, don’t do that. Don’t go, Alan. I can’t bear it,’ said Jeannie, giving in to her feelings at last, tears spilling down her cheeks.
‘And stay to see you in the arms of my brother. I can’t bear that.’
Her sobs increased and, with a juddering sigh, he pulled her to him, silencing her with his lips, and drawing her down into the straw.
*
Tam was in a good humour as he tramped along the rough track towards his home. The sun was shining, he had enjoyed working with Alec at the pheasant pens and now he was on his way back to the woman whom he would marry in less than a week’s time.
The farmhouse was quiet when he entered it
. He was surprised, expecting the table to be laid for tea. Perhaps his father was out visiting a neighbour or, more likely, had found some repair to keep him busy in the big barn. Where Jeannie was, he had no idea. He peeped into his bedroom and the sight of the big double bed taking up most of the space made him smile. In a week he would be sharing it with Jeannie.
Still smiling, Tam stepped outside and began to walk round to the barns to check his father’s whereabouts. At the corner of the cottage, he was stopped in his tracks by the appearance of Jeannie at the barn door. He was about to call out to her, but something in her manner made him pause. She looked furtive, glancing round as though to make sure that she was not seen and then turning to speak to someone inside the barn. He saw her shake her head vigorously, before running across the square of grass enclosed within the farm buildings and making her way, half walking and half running, down the track.
Perplexed, Tam crossed to the barn to find out what his father was up to when he would normally have been having his Sunday afternoon rest. Instead he came upon his brother, sitting on an old wooden chair with his head in his hands.
‘What’s been going on?’ Tam said without preamble.
Alan jumped up so suddenly that the chair fell to the ground with a crash.
‘Er, nothing’s going on. I’ve been busy with jobs. I’m away home now. Fiona will likely have my tea ready.’ He made for the door, but Tam stepped in front of him, barring his way.
‘Not so fast! I’ve just seen Jeannie leaving. What was she doing in here with you?’
‘Ask her yourself. What she does or doesn’t do is her concern.’
‘I’m asking you! She was in here with you, wasn’t she – the two of you? What were you up to?’
‘Why – do you no’ trust her? You need to check up on that gorgeous girl when you’re about to marry her? If you think that little about her, perhaps you shouldnae be marrying her at all.’
‘It’s you I don’t trust.’ Tam stepped up to his brother so abruptly that Alan tripped over the upended chair, lost his balance and landed on the dirty, straw-littered floor of the barn. Tam grasped the front of his shirt and hauled him upright. ‘Like I said before, leave my girl alone.’ He waved a fist in his brother’s face before pushing him back onto the straw and striding outside.