A dog afflicted with separation anxiety rides a devastating emotional roller coaster every single time he’s left alone.
What would make a dog behave this way, to harm himself or your belongings, or to bark and whine for hours? Think about it like this: In the mind of a dog with separation anxiety, the minute you walk out the door is the minute you are leaving him. He believes from the moment you depart that you are gone—not for an hour or an afternoon, but forever. He thinks about what he can do about it, and really, what has he got? He barks, or whines, or tears into the curtains, the door, or a pair of your shoes. Destruction is often an animal’s way of acting out or melting down. When you’re gone, your dog is like some poor, sensitive, trusting kid who’s getting his heart broken for the first time, and so he keeps calling and texting and trying to reach out—and getting no answer. The lump in his throat gets bigger and bigger and his composure falls apart, opening him up to acting erratically.
A dog afflicted with separation anxiety gets on that devastatingly emotional roller coaster every single time you leave.
This is a behavior millions of dogs and their owners struggle with, and it’s one that can have serious consequences. In addition to the obvious issue of property damage, dogs who bark or whine incessantly when left alone can trigger hostility from neighbors or even calls to animal control—which can in turn lead to owners who give up on their pets. For the dogs who wind up in a shelter, actually being abandoned is the realization of their worst fears—and it will make it that much harder for them to overcome their issues if they ever get adopted again.
Cause and Effect
There is no single hard-and-fast cause of separation anxiety. It’s a condition that impacts dogs across all breeds and ages and personal histories. Some dogs seem to be born to it, exhibiting an innately clingy nature and fear of being alone even as puppies. Others come by it as a result of life experiences—moving from home to home, being abandoned, being left too long on their own, or having a bad experience while alone. That leaves you coping with the fallout from someone else’s irresponsibility, picking up the pieces of their neglect.
Because you may be dealing with a personality trait that’s deeply ingrained in a dog’s DNA or firmly rooted in his psychological past—or both—separation anxiety is one of the most difficult problems to tackle and train.
A Layered Approach
To deal with the unique and complex challenges of separation anxiety, I’ve devised a tactic I call a layered approach, a term I coined to describe a combination of different tactics and methods to achieve a behavior goal. This is a completely different process from teaching basic obedience. In obedience, I always have a plan A, plan B, plan C (and sometimes more). I know what I’m going to do, and I know at what junctures a dog is likely to resist and how I’ll respond.
Treating separation anxiety, on the other hand, is a process of trial and error, and it’s often one in which the best solution turns out to be neither plan A nor plan B, but an approach that incorporates elements of A, B, C, and more. The secret to making this work is figuring out which layers, in what combination, have an impact on your unique dog.
Before we delve into training specifics, take a moment to think about the gravity of the task at hand. The only way you’re going to get results in a dog with an anxiety disorder is by training your dog in a spirit of calm, patience, and reassurance. The face you show your dog is the face your dog will show back to you. You need to present steady confidence for this to work.
Too often, I encounter dog owners who are so frustrated by a dog’s separation anxiety they start to lose it at the very first sign. The thing is, you won’t get anywhere by shouting QUIET or by laying into your dog for chewing your shoe or having a house-soiling accident during the breakdown he had while you were out. Trust me when I say he already feels bad enough. At the outset of this process, the only thing that makes your dog feel better is your return, and if that’s marred by anger and punishment, he may start living with anxiety all the time instead of just when he’s alone.
Your Dog’s Individual Plan
Because we’re taking a layered approach to this intervention, you may not need to take all the steps—each of them can be effective on its own, or you may want to pick and choose combinations. Be aware at the outset that this kind of training takes some time. It’s possible to make great strides in seven days of anti-anxiety training, but only if you can make time to monitor your dog and respond appropriately. Don’t be surprised or disappointed, though, if it takes longer.
Technique 1
A Lesson in Object Permanence. We’re going to teach your dog that when you leave, you always come back. The best way to tackle this training is with the help of a baby monitor (an inexpensive used one is fine) and a ready supply of treats your dog loves. Position the monitor’s camera in an area that has a good vantage point of a portion of your home. You want to be able to keep eyes on your dog at all times, so set up the camera with a broad view and close doors or otherwise block areas that would be out of sight. Put your dog’s bed in this area.
Next, with the treats in your pocket, the monitor in hand, and patience on your mind, walk out the door. Go far enough away that your dog can’t see you, but stay close enough to get back to the door in a hurry. From here on out, it’s a stakeout. You’re going to observe the monitor and wait for the right moment.
Like Grover, most dogs who are afflicted with severe separation anxiety will instantly go into panic mode when you leave: crying, pacing, scratching at the door, or exhibiting whatever other behavior has cued you into the problem. You are going to have to wait it out. It might take a minute, or it might take fifteen minutes or more. Whatever the case, you’re going to watch and wait for a break in your dog’s panic. Even the worst-afflicted dogs have moments of silence, so hang in there.
When you see the moment of stillness you’re waiting for, count to ten and start moving those treats from your pocket to your hand. When you get to ten, hustle back inside, praise your dog calmly, and offer a treat. Make the whole interaction short and sweet, fifteen to thirty seconds should be good because you’re still in the middle of a training exercise and have to get back to work. Remember, this whole technique is all about teaching and rewarding calm.
From there, we repeat the process. Walk out the door and out of sight, keep your eyes on the monitor and be ready to hurry back to calmly reward the next ten seconds of silence. You’re going to do this over and over, but with each passing session, add a little more time. At first, this will only be a few extra seconds. As your dog starts to figure out that silence earns rewards, you’ll help him work from seconds to minutes and longer.
This type of exercise is called memory association training, and the goal is simply to start replacing your dog’s existing negative association of being alone with new, positive experiences. I needed to teach Grover that he could count on a happy reunion with me every time I left him alone. I wanted to change his focus from my departure to my return.
It’s a lengthy battle, but the results are worth the fight.
Grover’s anxiety was extreme, but he’s a smart little guy. It took him all of about ten minutes to figure out I’d only come back if he was quiet. As that first session went on, I built his silent moments from just a few seconds to about two minutes. Eventually, though, we hit a plateau.
Hitting a plateau is totally normal and expected, no matter what—or who—you’re teaching. You’re dealing with an emotional being, and emotional beings have all kinds of limits based on endurance, tolerance, and personal sensitivities. It’s almost inevitable in training that after a period of building and progressing, you’re due to hit a wall. At that point, it’s time to end the session, reassess your plan, and get ready for the next step in the process.
In this case, that meant incorporating another facet into the layered approach of Grover’s training.
Technique 2
Appeal to Your Dog’s Dominant Sense. For this step, y
ou’ll need a T-shirt that you’ve worn for at least a day. That way it’ll smell like you. This is an old technique I learned when I was a teenager training wild animals. Many animals explore the world through their noses—which is a little hard for you and me, with our comparatively weak sense of smell, to understand. I may not be able to detect all the complexities of smell an animal can, but I’ve seen firsthand how important those smells can be.
When I was growing up, we had a grizzly bear who could be a little temperamental with new people, so we had to take great pains to make sure he could safely go out on jobs. Of all the techniques that might have made this possible, there was only one that worked amazingly and consistently. Whenever we booked a movie or commercial for Brutus, we’d have everyone who would be on the set wear a shirt for a day and give it to us. We’d then pin all those shirts up in the bear’s pen for a couple of weeks so he could get used to the scents. We’d feed him, play with him, and give him an overall positive experience in the presence of his laundry line of tees. Come shoot day, we could safely bring our temperamental bear on the set, because as far as he was concerned, he already knew everyone there. He was familiar with every scent, and we had our green light to safely get to work.
If you’ve ever wondered why your dog sleeps on your dirty laundry or eats your underwear (or shoes) while you’re away, this is the reason. He’s trying to remain close to you despite your absence, and he’s using his strongest sense to make that happen. In order to capitalize on this instinctive draw toward the scent, I apply a technique called positive scent association in training. I use it on a lot of the dogs I rescue and train on Lucky Dog, especially as a means of introducing them to their new families before they ever set foot in their forever homes.
Something as simple as a familiar smell can drastically lower a dog’s anxiety, giving him comfort when he’s alone. So as you start your next phase of training, get your T-shirt ready. If you have a small dog, put the shirt on his bed in view of your monitor camera. If you have a big dog, you can put the shirt on the bed, or, if it’ll fit and he’ll tolerate it, you can put it right on the dog. This is the next layer of your anti-anxiety program.
With the extra layer of comfort your scent provides in place, try Technique 1 again to see how your dog does.
Technique 3
Let Your Dog Hear You. In addition to bringing positive scent association to your dog’s alone time, you can also soothe his sense of hearing. Some people just leave a television or radio on to combat the silence, but we’re pulling out all the stops here, so let’s take that one step further. Make a recording of your own voice, speaking in a calm, positive tone for your dog to listen to. For Grover, I recorded an essay about the remarkable intelligence of poodles. Use your computer, a CD player, an iPod, or a tape recorder to play that recording on a loop. That way the sound of your voice, just like your scent, can be a comfort in your absence.
Once again, repeat that first technique. Work as long as you’re seeing steady progress, but don’t push too hard, and always stop when (or better yet, before) your dog starts backsliding. Remember that this is a wildly advanced endeavor—one that’s trying to counteract your dog’s most deep-seated fears, so your daily goal should be a little improvement, not a miraculous cure.
Rome wasn’t built in a day. This is going to take at least seven, and possibly a few more. Of the seven behaviors we’re correcting in this part of the book, separation anxiety is the one most likely to require extra time to be successful.
Technique 4
Tools You Can Use. This step is all about giving your dog a feeling of security when you’re not home. There are a number of products designed to accomplish this goal, but two of them worth considering are an anti-anxiety shirt (or a similarly designed compression garment) and a plush toy designed to mimic the presence of a littermate.
The anti-anxiety vest or shirt works on the premise of swaddling, just like you might do to soothe an infant. You wrap your dog snugly in the shirt and secure it with Velcro. Although this method doesn’t work for every dog, I’ve seen enough who are soothed by it to believe it’s worth a try.
An anti-anxiety vest may help soothe your dog.
The plush dog is a toy designed to come home with a new puppy. It looks like a stuffed dog, has a warming pack inside it, and has a “heartbeat” your dog can hear and feel.
To increase the odds that either of these tools helps your dog, try putting them under your pillow for a night so they pick up your scent before offering them to your dog. Again, with this new layer in place, work on your dog’s timed intervals, stretching them into the several minutes range.
Technique 5
Provide Treats and Toys for Test Days. As you make gradual progress with your dog’s calm-time training, the day will come when you’re ready to take a step back and see how he does without you for an hour or more. On that day, you can add another layer to your dog’s coping arsenal by providing him with something to keep him busy. Food puzzles, chew toys (for dogs who aren’t in the habit of swallowing them whole), and interactive toys that can be filled with small treats are all good tools to keep your dog occupied while you’re away. Bully sticks are great for this because they take hours to get through. Whatever object you use to fill this bill, save it till the day of your departure so it’s new and interesting, introducing it to your dog just before you go.
Out-of-the-Box Alternatives
In addition to training-based measures you can use to combat separation anxiety, there are a couple of other possibilities you might consider if your dog isn’t improving with steady work. These are serious steps, but each offers a type of solution not available through training alone. Remember that these options are all layers you can add to the ones you’ve already put into play.
A Second Dog. It may sound counterintuitive to suggest a second pet when the one you have is extremely needy, but a companion dog is sometimes a solution to the anxieties that plague a pet who hates to be alone. I’d recommend finding a local rescue group that offers trials prior to any adoption so you can see how the two dogs get along. This way you’re not committed if it’s a bad match.
Medication. There are very few dogs I’d recommend anti-anxiety medication for because the medicine doesn’t solve the problem; it simply masks it for as long as it lasts. But it is a last resort measure worth considering if your dog’s anxiety is so bad he’s at risk of injuring himself. In that case, ask the veterinarian if there’s a medication available that might help relax your dog’s nerves so you can ease him into training. Any use of anti-anxiety meds should be paired with training. You want to solve the problem, and the only way to truly do that is by working with your dog.
Following the same line of thinking without getting into prescription meds, you might also consider incorporating a veterinarian-recommended calming supplement or even a calming spray to help make your dog more at ease so you can focus on training.
Professional Help. You’ll rarely hear me saying a behavior issue requires the hands-on help of a professional dog trainer, but separation anxiety is a complicated issue, and there are times when a professional consultation can be useful. As you explore the options in my layered plan—whether you try one of these methods or all of them—keep in mind that this is one of the toughest challenges in dog training, and it’s okay to ask for help if you need it.
Separation anxiety is a complicated issue, so maybe we won’t get your dog to the point of being completely Zen in his alone time, but we can help him achieve a calmer—and less destructive—demeanor.
One Lucky Dog
Courtesy of Litton Syndications, Inc.
In the end, Grover was able to overcome his separation anxiety to the point where he could go to his forever home with a Southern California antiques dealer. Re-homing a dog I just taught to deal with separation anxiety posed some unique challenges, since the last thing I wanted to do was make Grover feel abandoned again. I knew he was going to have a wonderful relationship with hi
s new owner, but he had to learn that for himself before I could leave him. When Grover went to his new home, I went with him, and kept coming back over several days, spending a little less time on each occasion until he seemed fully bonded to his new owner.
These days, Grover and Laurie spend most of their time together—in her apartment, at client meetings, out for walks. It’s a lifestyle that suits Grover perfectly. But when he has to be alone, the dog who once had me convinced he’d suffered some grievous injury as I walked out the door has learned an important lesson: if he just waits patiently, the person he loves most in this world always comes home. To this day, I get e-mails from Laurie saying how much her life has changed with Grover. He’s completely settled in his new home, finally secure in a family he can count on.
Outtake
When I was living in New York City, I was working with a terrier who had terrible separation anxiety. I had him at my place in the East Village for about two weeks of intensive training. Even though I was committed to helping this dog overcome his problem, there were times when I had to leave him in my apartment to meet other obligations—and he didn’t like it.
The neighbors didn’t like it, either. Each time I went out, I’d come home to find notes taped to my door telling me my dog was too loud or to please get him under control. Every day, the terrier and I were making slow progress, but as I’ve been saying, this is an issue that takes time. About a week in, I went out for a couple of hours and returned to find a note that ironically summed up the whole situation—but the owners’ situation, not mine. Scrawled in big, bold letters with multiple exclamation points to make it clear this neighbor had had enough were just four words: GET A DOG TRAINER!
Lucky Dog Lessons Page 22