Forgotten Truths (The Forgotten Truths Series)

by Justine E. Domke

  “I couldn’t stay angry with you even if I tried. One look into your eyes and I’m…” He paused. His eyes opened slowly after a moment, but his focus was elsewhere. “I don’t know how to say it. All I want is to make you happy and give you the love that you deserve.” He finally lifted his eyes to meet my gaze. “I love you. That overrules everything else.”

  “I didn’t mean to take the anger about my pain out on you. It’s not your fault.”

  “I didn’t help though.”

  “You were only trying to help. You didn’t cause it, and that’s more important. Please understand this. ‘I don’t blame you at all.”

  He studied my face for a minute before he leaned forward and placed a soft kiss against my forehead.

  I looked around the clearing again. “Where did Will go?”

  “We decided that you’d moved enough for one day. He was going to see how much farther was left, and if we were close we’d ask you if you thought you could make it. If it wasn’t, then we’d wait until tomorrow.”

  I shifted my body, though I cringed in the process, so that my back was toward him. I leaned back slowly and laid my head on his lap. He looked down at me. “Tomorrow then?”

  I nodded. One of his expressions that used to make me uneasy appeared on his face. I understood now what that expression meant. I closed my eyes as he ran his fingers through my hair. I fell asleep with the assurance that James was the man who would protect me and love me for the rest of my life.

  ~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~

  I woke and realized that I was laying on something soft. I opened my eyes I was lying on my bed at Captain Brown’s house. I turned my head, not surprised to find that James was sitting in a chair next to me. His eyes were closed but it looked like he was just relaxing. I didn’t want to disturb him, but I really wanted to know how I had arrived back at the house without noticing.

  I shifted my position, which made James open his eyes. When he saw me looking at him, a small smile of relief appeared on his lips. “Hey.”

  I blinked. “I guess I’ve turned into a deep sleeper.”

  He leaned forward and took one of my hands in his. “You weren’t sleeping. You wouldn’t wake up. I tried over and over and you didn’t respond. When we arrived in town, we quickly came here and called a doctor. He wasn’t sure you’d ever wake up. It’s been several days.”

  I lifted the covers to look at my body. Someone had put me in some men’s pants that only went to my knees and then a shirt with the sleeves rolled up. I noticed it was on backwards. I could see the scars on my legs were starting to heal as well as the ones on my arms. My hands were wrapped in some cloths, but I could already tell that the unbroken one was almost completely healed.

  “The doctor gave me some cream that I’ve been rubbing over your arms and legs. It seems to be working.” James looked down at my feet and then brought his gaze back to my face. “I haven’t been able to put any on your back, but it should help and get rid of any pain you’re having there.”

  “Why haven’t you put any on my back?” I tried to sit up but cringed. “And why does my chest hurt so bad?”

  “The doctor thinks several of your ribs are broken. He hasn’t wrapped it yet though.”

  “Why not?”

  “Well, I wanted to put the cream on your back first.”

  “And why haven’t you put any on my back?” I asked again.

  “I wanted to wait until you were awake.” He looked down at his hands. He was stalling, for whatever reason.

  “Just spit it out, James.”

  “I can’t put the cream on your back unless I have access to your back. I know how you are about other people touching you so I wouldn’t let the doctor touch you. Any time he wanted something done, I’d do as he instructed. I’ve been putting this off though because I didn’t want you waking up wondering why you were lying on your stomach with your back exposed.”

  It still surprised me how aware he was of my issue with people touching me. Maybe after seeing everything I’d gone through, and knowing I’d gone through it before, he really, truly understood.

  This time I forced myself to sit up. I bit my lip so no sound of pain came out of my mouth. He watched me closely. He seemed to want to help but knew that I had to do this for myself. I sat quietly and looked down at my lap as I caught my breath. I slowly brought my gaze up to meet his eyes.

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” A small smile appeared on his face. He reached over and gently placed his hand on my cheek.

  “So to apply the cream to my back…” I started.

  He shook his head to regain his thoughts, and stood up. “Yes. You’ll need to lie on your stomach. It’s going to hurt, but once the cream starts to take effect, we can bandage your chest and it’ll start to heal correctly.”

  “Okay.” I tried to move my legs but I was too stiff. I closed my eyes. I still hated that I had to ask for help, but I knew that I needed to. It was going to be one of those things that I was going to need to learn to live with if I planned to stay with James. I couldn’t be completely independent anymore. “James?”

  “Yes?”

  I sighed. “Would you help me please?”

  “Why are you trying to stand? You only have to lay down and roll over.”

  I looked at him. “Please?”

  Without a word, James put his arms under my legs and carefully around my back. As gently as possible, he lifted me off the bed and set me on the floor. He kept his arm around my back, but let it gently slide down to my waist. I figured he kept it there to make sure I wouldn’t fall. We stared at each other in silence for a moment, though he was giving me a questioning look.

  “Andrea, what is it?”

  I looked into his eyes. I felt like I needed to express how much he meant to me. The next thing I knew, I was on my toes and my lips pressed to his. I’d caught him off guard, so it took him a moment to respond. I closed my eyes. I felt his hand slide up my arm to my neck. He gently brushed his thumb over my cheek. I could feel his heart accelerate to match the pace that mine had set. When I slowly pulled back, I could hear his deep breathing. I could hear my own breathing, faster than normal. After a moment, he opened his eyes.

  “What was that for?”

  “Everything.”

  He smiled. “That was quite unexpected.”

  I looked down. I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks. “Yeah, well…”

  He shifted his feet and placed his hand under my chin. He raised it so I had to look at him. “I’m not saying that I didn’t enjoy it.”

  My cheeks grew warmer, and I looked away again.

  He changed the subject quickly. “All right, let’s get you back on the bed before you collapse.”

  He helped me lay face down on the bed. I tried to keep the gasps and wincing to a minimum. I wasn’t very successful. It hurt more than I had expected, but I was glad James was there to help. Once I was lying down, he reached over to the bureau and grabbed a jar with some yellowish cream inside. He set it on the table next to my head after he unscrewed the lid. I watched him as he turned back to me, his hands hesitant over the buttons on the shirt. He caught my eye and tried to smile. This was awkward for him.

  “Go ahead, James. I trust you. You’re not going to hurt me.”

  He looked back at the buttons and then, very slowly, began to undo them. He stared and a shocked expression appeared on his face. I knew my back was a mess, but apparently it must have been worse than I thought. He caught my eye again, but I didn’t say anything. I looked away from his face. After a minute, I saw him dip his hand into the jar. The cream on his fingers was slimy. He placed it gently on my back. My body tensed and a hiss escaped through my teeth.

  “I’m sorry!” He stepped back immediately. “I tried to be gentle.”

  “No, it didn’t hurt.” I closed my eyes. “It was just really cold.”

  “That’s it?”

  “Yes. It just surprised me.”

  I heard hi
m move and his hands were on my back again. I cringed, but didn’t make any noise. It didn’t take long for it to hurt. It didn’t matter how gentle he was, it was going to cause pain. I bit my lip and turned my face away from him. I didn’t want him seeing the tears that were streaming down my cheek. He’d feel worse.

  He noticed anyway. Barely above a whisper, he said, “I’m sorry.”

  “Stop that,” I snapped. I turned my head again so that I could see him. When he finally looked at me, I spoke in the same tone that I had in the forest. “Don’t blame yourself. You did not do this to me. You got me out of there.”

  He went back to watching his hands.

  “James, do you understand me?”

  He didn’t say anything.

  I sighed, exasperated.

  “Andrea, I have to feel responsible,” he said quietly. “It’s how I am. I couldn’t protect you from this, which is what I’ve been raised to do. I know I didn’t do it, but I still feel responsible for you.”

  I looked at him. “You don’t have to.”

  “No, but I do. And I always will.” He reached for a towel behind him and rubbed off his hands. “I’m going to let the cream dry a little before buttoning the shirt. Then you need to eat.”

  “I’m not hungry,” I lied. I just didn’t want to have to move again.

  “You’re lying.” He sat down in the chair again. “You need to eat.”

  “That requires moving.” I sighed. “That’s something I’d rather not do right now.”

  “I know, but you’ll feel better once you start getting your energy back.”

  “You know, you keep saying I’m going to feel better and yet I don’t.”

  A tiny smile appeared on his face. “Well, one of these times it’ll be true.”

  I lay there quietly for several minutes and closed my eyes as I relaxed into the bed.

  “Andrea?”

  I slowly opened my eyes. “What?”

  “Don’t go to sleep.”

  I groaned. “Then would you button the shirt and help me sit up?”

  I heard him get up, and then he was buttoning the back of my shirt. He moved my hair off my neck and gently kissed the scar there. He moved his lips to my ear and whispered, “Ready?”

  “Yes.”

  He rolled me onto my back and then put his arms around my shoulders to gently lift me to a sitting position. He leaned forward and kissed the top of the scar on my face.

  “Now,” he smiled at me, “how would you like some chicken and potatoes?”

  I made a face which made him chuckle.

  “Would you prefer something else?”

  I sighed. “I guess not.”

  He went to the end of the bed and picked up a tray off the bench that I hadn’t noticed before. I raised my eyebrows and looked at him.

  “I wanted to be prepared.” He came back and sat down next to me. He set the tray on the bedside table so he could cut the chicken. He fed me a few bites but it was too much.

  “Love, you need to keep eating,” James said after I turned my head away.

  “I’m going to get sick.”

  “Okay, I’ll find you something else. We need to build up your health again. And when Will gets back, I’ll have him go get the doctor so he can look you over again.”

  When I didn’t respond, James turned my head toward him. “Andrea, Love?”

  I felt so tired. I started to close my eyes.

  He sighed. “I’m afraid if you sleep then you won’t wake up again. Here, I have this for you to drink.”

  I tried to focus on him. He leaned over and came back up with a glass filled with green, thick liquid. He handed it to me. I swirled it around and smelled it. It smelled horrible.

  “What is this?” I looked at James.

  “It’s something the doctor made up. It’ll make you feel better. Trust me.”

  I took a small sip and started to choke. “This is terrible.”

  “I know, but please just try to drink it.”

  I cringed as I gulped the rest of it down. It was by far one of the worst things that had ever entered my mouth. When I had finished, I handed him the glass with a look on my face that made him laugh.

  “You wouldn’t be laughing if you had had to drink that.”

  He shook his head. “No, probably not.”

  “Could I get some water or something?” I asked. I stuck my tongue out in disgust.

  He reached beside me and handed me a glass of water. I drank most of it before I handed the glass back to him. After setting it down, he stared at me. Relief was the main expression on his face.

  Will appeared in the doorway then. “Hey! You’re awake.”

  “I even got her to eat.” James said, though he didn’t look at him.

  “Good, very good. I’ll go get the doctor and be back shortly.” He left, and James and I were alone again.

  James picked up my hand, and gently rubbed it between his. “How are you feeling? Do your hands still hurt?”

  I looked at my hand that wasn’t in his, the one that was broken. The dark coloring was almost gone. I tried to bend my fingers but cringed.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.” James spoke softly.

  “My left hand feels better though and my shoulder isn’t throbbing anymore.” I looked at him. “It still hurts, but it feels better.”

  “That’s good at least. Don’t try to use it though because it needs to heal still. It’ll take awhile, but you’ll just need to be patient.” He smiled, then brought my hand up to his lips and kissed it. He got a serious look on his face then and let go of my hand. “I need to talk to you about something.”

  “Okay.” I wasn’t sure what I could have done while I’d been unconscious the past few days to warrant such seriousness.

  “We need to talk about us.”

  “Us…” I tilted my head. I tried to understand what he meant, but I had no clue.

  “Yes. We talked awhile ago about this, but I feel I need to do it properly.”

  I watched him as he scooted on the bed so he was right next to me. He placed his hand on the side of my face and then took my left hand again. He looked down at it. He seemed to work up the nerve to say something before he returned his gaze to mine.

  “Andrea, Love. Will you marry me?”

  I blinked. “What?”

  He rubbed his thumb over my cheek. “Will you marry me?”

  “You still want to marry me after what I’ve put you through?”

  He smiled. “Absolutely.”

  “But...” I looked down.

  “But what? You do care about me, don’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “And I don’t know about you, but I can’t imagine my life without you. It doesn’t matter what we’ve just gone through, I want to be able to protect you and be with you forever.”

  I lifted my gaze and stopped at his eyes. My thoughts from being in the forest returned to me at this confirmation. He was very serious. I still couldn’t tell him I loved him, but I knew I didn’t want to go anywhere without him.

  “If it’s about finding Shawn, I promise, we’ll still look for him. We won’t get married until we find him if that’s what you want.”

  “It’s not about Shawn.” It really wasn’t for once. I wanted to find him and talk to him yes, but it wouldn’t matter to me if it was before or after I married James. I just didn’t understand how he could still love me when I’d never done anything to show him how much I cared for him. Care for me and protect me I could understand. But love was a much deeper emotion.

  “Why do you want to marry me?”

  He sighed, but kept a smile on his lips. “You’re making this more complicated than it needs to be. I just need a yes or a no. You told me once already that you’d marry me, but it was under other circumstances. Whatever you decide, just understand that I love you no matter what.”

  “But why do you love me?”

  “Why shouldn’t I?”

  “Why should
you is more of the question.”

  He looked at me closely. After staring at me for what felt like hours, he slid his hand down my cheek so that he was gently cupping my chin. “I just do. I can’t explain it, but I do. I’m sorry if that doesn’t satisfy your question, but I can’t explain.”

  “It’s like what you said earlier, back when we had this conversation before. You’re just drawn to me.”

  “As you are to me, if I remember that conversation correctly.” He smiled again. “So what’s it going to be?”

  Chapter XIII

  James told me our wedding was going to be absolutely stunning. It was decided that he would work on planning everything for the wedding while I was healing so we would be married when I was fully recovered. Sometimes he was in town making plans, but as often as he could he made sure he was in the room while I was awake. He didn’t like being away from me, but once I had convinced him I’d be fine then he started to leave more. Sometimes I would wake up and find Will instead of James, but once I’d wake, he’d leave. James said it was because Will wasn’t sure what to think of me. I wasn’t at all what he had expected, and he was trying to get used to the idea that he had a sister who acted and fought like a man. It made me wonder what kind of relationship we’d have, but then I’d have to remind myself that we’d only met a few days ago.

  During this recovery time, I started to gain my strength back. I could walk around the bed with little help, and the scars on my legs and arms were almost gone or as faded as they were going to get. The one on my face had been deeper and therefore was going to be a permanent part of my face. James would look at it and an expression full of love and sadness would take over his face. I usually had to look away because of the feeling it would give me in the pit of my stomach. He would never forgive himself for what he couldn’t do for me, and it showed every time with that expression. I didn’t want to remember it.

  One morning I woke up to find him sitting on the bench by the window instead of on the bed or the chair where he usually sat. He was leaning against the glass with a strange expression on his face. His eyebrows were scrunched together, and his eyes were closed. He had one knee pulled up to his chest with one arm draped over it. I couldn’t tell if he was thinking about something, worrying about something or both.