Once they were inside the family room, she turned to look at him. “Can I get you anything? Coffee? Scotch? A hair shirt?” she couldn’t help adding.
It took him another long moment before he said anything. “I’m an idiot.”
Raven stared at him in amazement. “You certainly know how to throw someone a curve, don’t you?”
The word “throw” made Peter wince. He had no idea how to make any of this up to her, only that he had to try. “I came to apologize for throwing you out of my office today.”
They saw things differently, she thought. But then, she was beginning to think that it was in his nature to assume the blame. Heroes did that, put themselves in front so that the bullet got them first.
“You didn’t throw me out, Peter,” she reminded him. “I left voluntarily.”
She was kind, he thought. That was inherently in her nature. “After I told you to.”
She smiled then, looking up into his eyes. Silently asking him to stop blaming himself. “That’s hardly throwing.”
She was a mystery to him. “Why aren’t you angry at me?”
“I think you’re angry enough at yourself.” There was compassion in every syllable and unlike earlier that day, he realized that he both needed and wanted her compassion. Because it made him whole. She made him whole. “I think you’re feeling so many things right now that it scares you to pieces and all you can do is lash out.”
She had his number. A protest automatically sprang to his lips, but he let it go. It would have been a lie anyway. Very slowly, he blew out a breath and then nodded. “That about covers it, I guess.”
Raven pressed her lips together, holding her breath. Watching him. “So you’re through?” She asked.
He nodded. He wasn’t accustomed to apologizing and had no idea how his apology had been received. Was she asking him to go? “Do you want me to leave?”
“Not unless you want to.” Holding perfectly still, resisting the impulse to throw herself into his arms, she looked up into his face, trying very hard to read it. “Do you want to?”
“No. No,” he repeated. “I don’t. I don’t ever want to leave you.”
Again he’d thrown her a curve. Raven was afraid to think she’d heard what she believed he’d said. He was going to have to spell things out to her.
“What are you saying?”
Peter didn’t answer her directly. Instead, for just a moment, he reflected on what had happened that morning. “Funny how life can be. One second, the operation’s over and we’re congratulating ourselves on a job well done, the next, we’re fighting to save that same man’s life.”
He had no idea how to say any of this, except to just plow through it and hope that, in the end, it would make sense to her.
Looking for the inner strength that she seemed to possess, he took her hands in his. “Harry opened up to me this morning. It was almost as if he knew he might not come out of it alive. He told me he thought of himself as a failure, a coward.”
“Dr. Welles?”
She’d only met the man that one time outside of Blue’s operating room, but she knew that Harry Welles had been a highly respected surgeon, one of the top men in his field. Blair Memorial didn’t appoint just anyone as their chief of surgery. The kind of reputation that Harry Welles had did not come easily.
Peter nodded. “He said it was because he’d never had the nerve to risk having a wife and family of his own. He told me that he was afraid to get involved for the long haul.”
She understood what he was telling her. What Harry had been trying to tell Peter. “Like you,” she whispered.
“Not like me,” he insisted, squeezing her hands. “Not anymore. When you walked away today—”
“Was sent away,” she corrected. But the corners of her mouth had lifted.
“By an idiot,” he added.
Raven laughed softly, touching his face. There was love in every single movement. Even he was aware of it. Finally. “Go on with your story.”
“When I told you to leave me alone—and you did—I thought that was going to be the last time I was ever going to see you.” The look in her eyes told him he should have known better, but she said nothing, allowing him to continue. “I started thinking about what my life would feel like without you.” Damn, he wished he was better with words. It all sounded so inadequate. “I didn’t like it. Because it would be empty again, just as empty as it was when you first came into it.”
Needing to feel her against him, he pulled her into his arms. Relief flooded through him because he didn’t detect even the slightest bit of resistance.
“I’m not sure how it happened, it certainly wasn’t something I was conscious of, but I’ve fallen in love with you, Raven, and I don’t want to lose you.” Right now, he wanted to do nothing more in this world than kiss her, but he had to get this all out before his courage flagged again. “I know there aren’t any guarantees in life. I don’t give them when I operate, I can’t expect them when I live. There’s just the moment we’re in and I want to spend all the moments I have left to me with you.” He took a breath as he entered the final leg of his entreaty. “I know that this is sudden, Raven—”
“Sudden?” Her eyes widened at the word. She laughed, shaking her head. “I think I’ve been waiting to hear you say this ever since that very first morning in your office.”
He tried to determine if she was serious or just pulling his leg. “Is this your psychic thing?”
“No, it’s my ‘woman’s thing,’” Raven teased, remembering the same exchange, almost verbatim, between her parents. “Sometimes, a woman—a person,” she corrected in silent tribute to her parents, “can just look at someone and know that they were meant to be together.”
He found himself wanting to truly believe that. “I guess I’m a little slow when it comes to that.”
“Doesn’t matter if you’re slow, as long as you eventually catch up.” She threaded her arms around his neck, fitting her body against his. “Are we on the same page?”
God, she felt so good against him. As though she belonged. As though he belonged, as well. He’d finally found a place for himself in this world and it was beside her. “I don’t know, are we? Does your page say that you love me?”
A laugh, soft, sexy, excited, bubbled up within her. “In big, fat, bold letters that even a nearsighted crow could read from fifty yards away.”
Despite her teasing voice, there was a solemnity in her eyes that spoke to him. That assured him it was all true, all real. “I guess that’s a yes.”
“In every single way.” She turned her face up to his, her invitation clear.
But instead of kissing her, he resisted, needed to have this all out before he allowed himself to celebrate. “Then while you’re in an agreeable mood, I guess I’d better slip in my proposal.”
She heard the words, but refused to take them at face value. He had to be talking about something else. “What proposal?”
“Marriage proposal.”
Had he gone too far? he wondered. God, but he hoped not. Until he’d said the words out loud, he hadn’t realized the full extent of his feelings. Hadn’t realized just how much he wanted her to marry him.
She stared at him, her mouth dropping open. “As in ‘will you marry me?’”
His arms tightened around her. “Why, yes, I will. Thanks for asking.”
Confusion made her feel as if her very brain was throbbing. Heaven knew that the rest of her was. “But I didn’t—you—” And then she gave up. She was too happy to care about protocol. “Oh, hell, it doesn’t matter who asked who, just as long as the answer’s yes for both of us.”
Even as he began to kiss her, her words sparked a thought. He knew how important the boy was to her. Just a little more than Blue was to him. “Do you think Blue’ll mind me marrying you?”
“Mind?” she echoed with a laugh. She loved that he could be so intelligent and still so innocent. “What do you think my brother wished for when he blew
out his birthday candles?”
“You’re kidding.”
She grinned, moving her head from side to side. “I have it on the very best authority. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t marriage proposals usually followed by something a little more physical?”
A little of the twinkle he’d seen in her eyes felt as if it had entered his soul. “Want to play a game of touch football?” he teased just before he pulled her as close to him as the laws of physics allowed.
She sighed softly, loving the feel of him. “Maybe later.”
Peter lowered his mouth to hers. “Sounds good to me,” he told her just before he kissed her.
ISBN: 978-1-4268-7041-5
THE M.D.’S SURPRISE FAMILY
Copyright © 2004 by Marie Rydzynski-Ferrarella
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