Wow, Judy really knows how to sell it. She makes me sound awesome.
“You’re gonna do just fine here,” she tells me with certainty. “Every place could do with a bit more love.”
I nod. “That’s absolutely true.”
She claps her hands, making her bangles jangle. “Good, that’s settled. Now let’s get you acquainted with everybody.”
She starts taking me down artist row, stopping to introduce me to people along the way. I’m careful to keep my eyes at neck level or above, even though my gaze keeps wanting to dip down. It’s a slippery slope, though. Once you steal your first look at the swaying appendages and wrinkled bits, it’s hard to get past it.
When she introduces me to the guy making a life-size sculpture of Frank Sinatra using only recycled material, he eyes my suit jacket with interest. “That would go perfect for this piece,” he tells me, reaching back to tighten his ponytail. “It would really round it all out nicely. Frank loved to look good,” says the forty-something artist with the wrench tucked behind his ear.
It takes a few seconds of us looking at each other awkwardly until I realize that he wants me to give him the jacket. “Oh…uh. Actually, this is the only piece of clothing I have,” I tell him. When he continues to stare at me, I lean in closer, dropping my voice to a whisper. “I’m naked under this.”
“You do know that this is a nudist colony, right? Being naked is kind of our thing.”
Oh, right.
“So, how about it?” he prompts, although I’m not sure if he’s just asking for the jacket again or if he wants me to take some sort of nude pledge.
“Uh…I think I’ll just become a nudist later? If that’s okay?” I ask nervously, shooting a look over my shoulder at Hummingbird Judy.
I’m all for it if they want to let their nuts and bolts out of the toolbox, but I’m not sure the nudist life is for me. But what if it’s mandatory? That would really suck, since this place is already starting to grow on me. Plus, I have nowhere else to go.
Hummingbird Judy must see the panic on my face, because she comes to my rescue. “No need to worry. This isn’t a forced nudist community. You get to choose to be free of the weight of society’s appearance restrictions weighing on your shoulders.”
“Or—” Rob cuts in. “You can choose to wear clothing. Either way is just fine. We’re a zero pressure community.”
I blow out a relieved breath. Artist dude looks positively crestfallen. “Don’t worry. If I decide to go nude, you’ll be the first to know,” I promise him.
He sniffs in disappointment and takes the wrench out from behind his ear. “Thank you.”
He doesn’t even seem to want me to get naked just for naked’s sake. He just really wants this jacket. I’m not sure if I should be offended or not.
I look back at Judy and her men. Rob is wearing worn jeans and a button up, while Hale is wearing board shorts, a swimming shirt, and flip flops.
“Do you guys go nude?” I ask curiously.
“These two do,” Rob says, hiking a thumb over at them.
Hale claps him on the back. “Yeah, Robbie’s too self-conscious about the size of his dick.”
I snort out a laugh as Rob glares at his...brother-husband? Judy-lover-in-arms? Relationship compeer? I actually don’t know what to call them.
“My dick is bigger than yours, asswipe,” Rob shoots back.
Hummingbird Judy rolls her eyes. “Both of you have wonderfully fulfilling phalluses. Now come on.”
I swallow my laugh as the guys continue to razz each other back and forth as we double back to the music space. As soon as we approach the circle, the group stops what they’re doing and starts singing some sort of welcome chant, except none of them are singing the same lyrics, so it just sounds like a mishmash of voices that serenade at various pitches until they slowly taper off at different times.
I clear my throat and look around at all the expectant faces. “That was really…nice?” I say, accidentally making it sound like a question instead of a statement.
They don’t seem to notice, because the entire group grins happily at me.
“May the light shine out of you,” the guitar dude says.
Hummingbird Judy presses her palms together. “May the light reside within.”
Waving, we continue on, but my bare feet are sore, and all I wanna do is curl up in Warren’s suit jacket and take a nap.
“I can show you the pool and the relaxation room next,” Hummingbird Judy offers. “Or if you want, we can go take a hit on the pipe over there before seeing the dining tent.”
Gotta hand it to Judy for knowing how to have a good time.
“Actually, I’d really just love to rest for a bit? I’ve had kind of a long day.”
“Of course. There will be plenty of time to see more later. Let’s check the share board and see who you’ll be rooming with.”
She marches us over to the rec center, where I can see retirees holding their cue sticks and shoving their pucks at one another. And that’s not slang for something dirty.
“Shuffleboard!” I say excitedly. “Looks fun.”
Hale nods. “I’m the reigning champion,” he tells me seriously.
“That’s impressive.”
Rob rolls his eyes. “He won twice last Saturday, and one of them was because the other man had to forfeit when he threw his hip out.”
“It was still a legitimate win,” Hale defends.
“Sure it was.”
“Hush,” Hummingbird Judy reprimands them as she skims her finger down a sheet of paper. “Oh, you’re lucky. You’ll be staying with the twins.”
I just nod.
“I’ll walk you,” she offers, before looking at her lovers. “You two bozos can go home and get the kettle started. I need some ginger tea. I’m having digestion issues.”
They don’t even skip a beat. They just wave to me and then walk off, still making fun of each other about their shuffleboard strategies.
Hummingbird Judy leads me to the path that takes us to the individual huts. Some are bigger than others, but all of them have some sort of artistic expression to them, whether it be glass bottles stuck into the concrete or spray paint decorating the walls.
She breaks off the path and leads me to a hut that’s noticeably nicer than some of the others. It’s made of dark stained wood and has a metal roof sheeting that’s been cut to look like palm leaves. Hummingbird Judy wastes no time rapping on the door.
A woman answers in just a few seconds, and I look at the dark-skinned beauty, noting her long dreadlocks and reddish brown eyes. She has thick lips and dazzling white teeth, and she’s wearing a paint smock with nothing else beneath. She’s the youngest person I’ve seen here so far, looking like she’s in her late twenties or early thirties. With her cool vibe and striking features, she’s beautiful.
“Hey, Hum,” the woman says in greeting.
“Bea, this here is a new guest,” Hum Judy motions to me. “What are we calling you, honey? Have you decided on a name that sings to the beat of your soul?”
Shit. I forgot to nail down the whole name thing.
“Uh…”
I look down at the XXX on my wrist. Thirty…Triple…Tri…X…
“Trix? Trix Valentine?” I blurt out.
Hum Judy taps her lips. “Yes, I think it’s a perfect name. So organic.”
“Thanks.”
Bea looks me up and down with a nod. “Alright, Trix, so I guess you’re bunking here with us,” she says before moving aside to let me in. “You’re lucky. Gary Palomi was on the schedule for last month, but his hut doesn’t have indoor plumbing, and everyone knows that Palomi drops the worst bombs in the outhouse every time he goes out there. He stinks up the whole sidewalk. You don’t want a roomie with a reputation like that.”
“Yikes.”
“You good here, Bea?” Hum Judy asks.
Bea waves her off. “We’re good. I’ll take care of her.”
Hum Judy blows me a
kiss as she starts walking away. “If you need anything, just come on over to my place—you can’t miss it. Our hut is painted like a pink armadillo with the pot pipe in its mouth.”
Honestly, I’m not even surprised.
Chapter 10
Once Bea invites me in and shuts the door, she wipes her hands on her smock and takes a good look at me while my ears pick up on rock music playing somewhere above us.
“So what’s your story? Get tired of The Man and decide you’re gonna live your truth?”
I nod, thoroughly impressed that she figured me out so easily. “Yes, exactly! The man’s name is Warren, and he doesn’t believe I’m going to get him to fall in love, but I am.”
Bea’s brows nearly hit her hairline. “Not what I meant, but okay,” she says before gesturing around the house. “Let me give you the tour of our hut.”
I finally take the time to look around, and I’m immediately dazzled. What this place lacks in square footage, it makes up in originality. I run my gaze over the smooth wooden walls. Unlike the outside, the interior wood is all painted white, and everything is open, allowing the floor plan to use up every single inch of space.
There’s a small sitting area right behind me, an eat-in kitchen ahead with funky chrome and black appliances that are about a third of the usual size, and a ladder leading up to a loft above. The floors and counters are all black too, setting off the walls nicely, but then there are pops of color around to draw the eye. Cherry red mini-chandelier, teal pillows, a yellow rug, purple built-in loveseat, and pop art hanging on the walls. Even the ceiling has color, with stained glass for a skylight.
“Wow. The whole hut thing seems like an unfair name,” I comment.
“Believe me, some of these places are huts,” she tells me. “But we built this one ourselves. That’s what we do. We build and design tiny homes.”
“Wow, that’s pretty rad. You kick ass at this,” I tell her honestly.
Bea grins. “We’re gonna get along just fine, Trix Valentine.”
She looks over her shoulder at the loft, raises her finger and thumb to her mouth, and then lets out an ear-splitting whistle.
“Hey, Blue! Get your ass down here! We’ve got a new roomie!” she shouts.
The rock music shuts off, and a head pops over the railing of the loft. “What?”
“I said get your bony ass down here!”
I hear mumbling, and then the woman starts climbing down the rungs of the ladder and striding over to me, completely naked except for a pair of goggles hanging around her neck. She looks at me curiously. “Hey, I’m Blue.”
“Trix,” I tell her, offering my hand to shake.
“Nice tattoo,” she comments, looking at my wrist as she shakes my hand. “I’m always supportive of those who want to celebrate their sexual prowess.”
“Oh. Thanks.”
“You finish soldering that piece?” Bea asks her.
“Don’t be so impatient. It takes finesse,” Blue answers, scratching at her dark nipple.
With both of them standing side-by-side, I study their mirrored features. The same smooth dark skin, full lips, and kind brown eyes. Their figures are curvy, but while Bea is semi-clothed in her smock, Blue is on full display. Their dreadlocks are even the same. They have this twin thing down pat.
“What were you soldering?” I ask curiously.
“I’m making this metal and glass piece for a tiny home we’re working on. It’ll be inlaid into a door. It’s going to be life-changing.”
Bea rolls her eyes. “She says that about every piece she builds.”
“You bet your ass I do. And they are all life-changing,” Blue says matter-of-factly.
Bea looks at me. “Mm-hmm, see?”
“Not that I know anything about soldering, but isn’t that dangerous to do when you’re naked?” I ask.
Blue shrugs. “I’ve been soldering in my skivvies since I was ten years old using my daddy’s iron.”
Bea pokes her waist where there’s a very visible burn mark. “Yeah, and you’ve been getting your ass burned for that long too.”
Blue sniffs. “Don’t bore the girl with unimportant details.”
I laugh lightly at their banter and then look around again. “So, as nice as this place is, I don’t think you really have enough room for a third person in here...”
Blue snorts. “This your first time in a tiny home?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s an adjustment, but we definitely have the space. You’ll see.”
I glance up at the loft dubiously. “We’re all gonna fit up there?”
She shakes her head. “Nah. Our beds are up there, plus our workstation. Your bed is right here.”
I watch as she walks over to the purple loveseat, presses some fancy button on the wall behind it, and the whole thing starts moving. The cushions slide out and flatten until it’s changed into a bed. Despite it being small, it looks plush and soft.
“Whoa. That’s cool.”
Blue nods proudly. “Yep. I designed this bad boy myself. I even slept on it a few times to test it out. It’s nice. You can adjust the angle or make the cushions heat up by pressing these buttons here,” she says, pointing them out. “It even vibrates,” she adds with a waggle of her brows.
“Wow.” As someone who’s watched thousands of ladies enjoy certain vibrations, I gotta say, I’m intrigued.
“Alright, feel free to get yourself cleaned up and have a nap. There are towels in the bathroom cubby, but there’s only enough hot water for a five minute shower, so you gotta be quick. Oh, and if you want to take a nap after, there’s some earplugs in the kitchen drawer. We tend to be loud workers.”
Bea nods in agreement. “We can only work with rock music playing. It’s necessary for our creative process.”
“Don’t mind me,” I tell them. “I won’t interrupt.”
A nap sounds amazing since I’m feeling exhausted, but I suddenly remember my badass exit from Warren Knight’s office, and I cringe. Why did I have to go full-badass and act like I had a date lined up for him tonight? I should’ve gone half-badass and just flipped him off on my way out the door like a smart person.
“Dammit,” I say, groaning at myself.
“Already wanna leave, huh?” Blue asks.
I quickly shake my head. “No, it’s not that…”
She pops her hip to the side. “Then why’d your face just stretch through the floor?”
I frown, confused.
Bea intervenes. “She means why the long face.”
“Oh, umm. I sort of have this bet going on? With myself. But it also involves this guy…”
“Ooooh, this is already getting good,” Blue says excitedly.
Bea shakes her head. “Nope, I’m out. I prefer the pink clam to purple snakes.”
She turns and walks away, heading up the rungs of the ladder, butt cheeks on display. “Make yourself at home, Trix,” she tells me before disappearing up into the loft.
“Hungry?” Blue asks as she turns and motions for me to follow her into the kitchen.
I press a hand to my stomach. “Yeah, I think I might be starving, actually.”
She nods like that’s a perfectly acceptable answer.
She pulls out a skinny bar stool for me from under the counter which was hidden underneath. I slide onto the cushioned seat and try not to think of all the naked asses that have sat here before me. I watch while she gets into the mini fridge and starts pulling out things to make sandwiches.
“Alright, let’s hear about this jack-off. What is he, a cheater?”
I shake my head. “No. At least not that I know of.”
She starts chopping tomatoes and lettuce and places them on the nutty bread. “Then why did you dump him?” she asks before stuffing a cheese wedge in her mouth and spreading mayo onto the bread.
“I didn’t dump him. I wasn’t even dating him. I’m his cup—matchmaker. It’s my goal to get him to fall in love.”
Blue snorts at
me while slathering some mayo on bread and slapping the cheese on after it. “Good luck with that. Love is the last thing that most dudes are looking for.”
I frown. “Well, that’s not very romantic. What do they have against love?”
Blue finishes up by adding some thick slices of meat. “That is an excellent question. And most of them will tell you the same stupid ass answer. They don’t want to be tied down to someone. Like being in a relationship is akin to them getting hog-tied and held against their will.” She cuts the sandwiches in half with way more aggression than necessary. “Commitment freaks them out. But what that really means is they want to be able to get their dick wet by whoever and whenever they want.”
“Huh. Warren doesn’t seem like that, but maybe he is scared of commitment.”
Blue nods as she finishes up and slides a plate over to me. “Yep, I bet that’s exactly what his problem is. So what are you gonna do?
I consider this as I pick at the nuts in the bread. “Well, if he has commitment issues, I can work with that. But I have to get him a date first. And I kind of already told him that I had one lined up for him tonight at six.”
Blue eyes me as she starts eating. “But you don’t?”
“Not exactly, no.”
“Hmm. That’s a problem.”
I sit up straighter and eye Blue carefully while she shoves a massive bite of sandwich into her mouth. She looks like a chipmunk storing nuts for winter.
Catching me studying her, she pauses as she licks her fingers. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
A slow smile spreads across my face.
Her eyes widen, and she starts shaking her head adamantly and chewing as fast as she can. “No. Hell no. I’m not doing it.”
“Please?” I beg. “I don’t know anybody else.”
She gives me a look. “Girl, you don’t even know me.”
“Of course I do; we live together.”
She snorts. “Yeah, since about five minutes ago.”
“That’s not important,” I say quickly. “What is important is that you’re pretty, young, and readily available. Plus, I can properly prime you. You’re the perfect candidate to help me get my foot in the door with him and make him practice. He needs serious help to not totally suck at dating.”
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