I sat in dumbfounded silence as Anna teased open a much-folded letter and held it up to the camera. Somehow, I doubted my father would write anything in plain speech, but the hope flickered in my belly anyway.
My dearest Anna
I am sorry I’ve hurt you. But this is the only way I can keep you both safe – from me and my past. Sometimes I wish I’d never let you talk me into having a child, but it had to be. I’ve done what I can to ensure Ruadhán can lead a normal life, but my past will catch up to her, one day.
You know our daughter is different. I wish I could tell you exactly how, but it’s best you and she never know. I’ve put her money and the estate in trust for the day she turns twenty-five. Until then, keep her safe. Blend in, move often and keep a low profile. One day, people will come looking for her. Be ready. Make sure she learns the things we talked about. Her skills will save her life, and yours.
I love you both and hope you’ll forgive me. Trust me, just this once more.
All my love,
Calain.
I read it twice, slowly. What did he mean by “my past will catch up to her”? Why didn’t he want to have me and why did it “have to be”? What was he keeping me safe from? Connor Blake and the Mors, or other enemies I didn’t yet know about? Did my father even know about the Mors? He must if he’d been around as long as Logan said.
And Japan, two years ago, had that been arranged by the Mors Ferrum, or someone else? How many enemies did Calain have?
I shuddered, dragging my thoughts by force away from the hot, fleshy, dark memories; from the pain, from the gasping, distressed cries, the blackness, the lost hopes, the final, iron nails in the coffin of innocence. Darkness stirred at the memory. I clamped down on it, afraid. If it escaped and took over, as it had tried to do under the tree…
Behind me, a rustle of cloth recalled me to my location and unwanted company. I refocussed. That was past and I needed to concentrate on the now if Anna and I were to survive.
‘I don’t understand.’ I touched the letter on the screen. ‘What does this mean?’
Anna shrugged, folded the paper away and tucked a strand of shining hair behind her ear. ‘I wish I knew. When you were born, he loved you, but he was afraid of something about you. Maybe something to do with his own parents. He once said he’d never known them but I think he did, and was deeply angry with them.’ Her eyes were full of sympathy and worry.
I closed mine, trying to put it all in perspective. ‘I’m no closer than I was yesterday.’ I rubbed my temples. ‘All I have is more mysteries.’
‘Did that Fynn boy know anything about the ocair thing? You were going to ask him.’ She didn’t try to disguise the sharp suspicion in her tone.
I resisted glaring over my shoulder at Logan. ‘Nothing useful except that it meant “key”, which we already knew.’
Anna frowned. ‘So you’re in exactly the kind of trouble we’ve been trying to avoid. All because you chased after him in the hopes of finding out more, and nothing came of it? I think it’s time to let that go.’
‘It’s not his fault, Anna,’ I said. ‘It’s mine. I’d already decided to do whatever it takes to get these people off our case. I can’t stand running away any more. I can’t live like this.’
‘Rowan, you’re not ready!’ She paled, her hands twisting together on the desk. ‘It’s too dangerous. You said you’re having trouble controlling the—’
‘Stop! It’s ok. Fynn and Maeve are helping.’
‘Helping!’ Anna’s eyes widened. ‘You’re trusting them? Are you insane? You don’t trust anyone and you barely know them. I can’t believe this. Get out, now, Rowan. I’ll be fine. I think—’
‘Ah! There you are.’ The door behind Anna opened and Michael strode into the library.
Behind me, there was a click and the office plunged into darkness. I started and looked around. Logan stood by the door, out of camera sight.
‘Megan? Is that you?’ Michael peered over Anna’s shoulder at me. ‘Why are you in a dark room? Where are you?’
‘Hi, Mr Eisen,’ I said. ‘Um… bulb just blew, I guess. At a friend’s place.’
‘Good to see you again.’ He smiled and laid a hand on Anna’s shoulder. ‘Have you asked her yet?’
A doubtful frown flickered over Anna’s face. ‘No.’
Michael squeezed her shoulder and shook his head. He smiled at me again. ‘Your mother’s too humble. She keeps trying to convince me not to celebrate her birthday on Wednesday but she’s just going to have to put up with a small party. You’ll come, won’t you?’
‘Ummm…’ I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.
His smile became slightly forced. ‘Not you, too. C’mon. Humour me. It won’t be anything too big. Just us, Paul, and a couple of people from work. Say yes and help me convince her. She needs spoiling.’
Wednesday was only a few days away. Probably not enough time to settle things. And I’d never cared much for parties.
‘I’m going to be away for a few days, Mr Eisen,’ I temporised.
His brows snapped together. ‘Really? Where? Don’t you have school?’
‘Mick, it’s fine, really.’ Anna touched his arm. ‘We’ll have the party. If Meg can make it, she will.’ She smiled up at him. ‘Just give me one more minute and I’ll be done. Mix me one of your cocktails?’
He hesitated then lifted her fingers to his lips in old-fashioned courtesy. With a short nod to me he disappeared out the door.
‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘You got backed into a corner there. Now you have to have a party.’
‘I’ll survive.’ Anna smiled wryly and glanced back at the door. ‘It would be nice if you could come, though. I do miss you. But I’d rather you went to Ireland. Please?’
‘No. I have to finish this.’ I grimaced. ‘I miss you, too but it’s not really safe to put me in the middle of a mixer with a lot of handshaking. And…’ I wasn’t sure how much to say; or if she was even in danger at all.
It certainly didn’t seem like it. Yes, the appearance of those black fourbys was a pretty clear indication her phone was tapped, but that didn’t mean Anna herself was in danger. Whoever wanted me just hadn’t yet reached the point of using her as leverage. The appearance of Connor in front of the MJE building said the possibility was on their to do list, though.
‘No, I can’t come. I’m safe at the moment, but if I come to something as public as that I’m just asking for trouble if they’re watching you to find me. Just be careful, ok? I have a lead on who might be after me. I’m hoping I can get them off our backs in the next day or so. Then we can both go, or both stay. I’m not leaving you.’
Anna sighed and tugged at a curl of hair that slipped over her shoulder. ‘I get the feeling you’re not telling me everything.’
‘I can’t. For your safety as much as anything.’
‘That bad?’ Her gaze sharpened.
I nodded. ‘That bad.’
Anna closed her eyes briefly. ‘Alright. I’ll get that phone first thing. Just be safe? I’ll be ok with Mick.’
I blew her a kiss. ‘Take care. Love you.’ I closed the connection and my aching eyes.
‘You ok?’ Logan’s voice was gentle with understanding. The light flickered back on and I flinched.
I slid out of the chair, uneasy and unsettled by my mother’s words and my own memories. There was so much I’d never know about my father and I had a feeling it was important. I glanced again at the dark screen.
‘I’m just worried about her. Do you think she’s in danger?’
Logan was silent for so long I looked sharply at him. His expression was pensive, abstracted. If he spoke with Maeve, I couldn’t hear his thoughts; just feel the smooth warmth of his shielded mind as a reassuring presence in the room.
He raised his brows at me and shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets. ‘I think, if you’re concerned, maybe you should go to that party and convince her to leave. You’d both be safe in such a public gathering. And, as she
said, Michael Eisen has security coming out his ears.’
I gestured around the room. ‘After today? You think I should be out in public? That seems...insane.’
‘If you run,’ he said, grimacing, ‘they’ll just take her and use her as a hostage to bring you back. If you ask me, you’re best off getting her away. Clearly she won’t leave of her own accord.’
‘So what, I should kidnap my own mother?’ I laughed.
A smile flickered, not even approaching his eyes. ‘Just see if you can talk her into leaving. You can’t risk seeing her alone if someone is just waiting for that opportunity. The party seems like the best place to talk to her safely. Think about it, anyway. In the mean time…’ He took my hand, holding tight when I tried reflexively to tug free. ‘Use the next couple of days to let Maeve help you. Right now, though, you need to get some sleep.’
‘You’re right,’ I said. ‘I should. Will you thank Maeve and wish them both goodnight for me?’
Logan nodded then, just as I left the room, he spoke my name. I turned back.
‘The lamp.’ He indicated the green lamp I’d prevented him from switching on.
‘What about it?’
He leaned down and picked up a cord, the end was frayed, wires exposed. ‘You were right. It might not have killed me, being who I am, but it certainly would have incapacitated me for a while. Thank you.’
When I didn’t reply, but just regarded him in silence, Logan dropped the cord and moved closer.
‘Why did you warn me?’ There was a tension about him that spoke of strong emotions, tightly held. ‘You’d just finished pointing out that I don’t like you and I don’t care, but you still warned me.’
I backed away, folding my arms. ‘I…I can’t help it. It’s like my tongue is hardwired to the visions. It takes a huge effort not to say something.’
‘But you could have. You had the precog the first time earlier today. I caught the edges of it when it happened. You stopped yourself from talking then. Now, you warned me.’ He stepped closer still. ‘And you could have left me at the port tonight and run. You must have been tempted, but you stayed.’
I nodded, backing away again. My shoulders pressed against the cool timber wall. He gazed down at me, his expression slowly changing from wariness to something unreadable. His jaw clenched and he made a noise of frustration. He moved away, restlessly touching things around the room.
I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or upset he hadn’t kissed me. Had he even wanted to? He was so hard to read, I wasn’t sure. At times he seemed to dislike me intensely, but occasionally I caught a glimpse of something else through the wall he kept up. If he wanted me, it was against his better judgement.
While my attraction to him was certainly real and distractingly strong, it was also atrocious timing and possibly just an artefact of our genes. Now was not the time to be romantically involved with someone. Especially someone I didn’t entirely trust. My thinking and emotions were screwed up enough. I needed more control, not less.
In addition, somewhere in all this mess lurked a hidden agenda. I wasn’t sure whose or what it was, but it was there, none the less.
Logan picked up the frayed wire again, staring at it thoughtfully. ‘Anything else you want to tell me about? Other visions?’
I swallowed. Cold realisation sleeted across my skin and I had to steady myself on the wall as flashes of the rest of the image came back to me. Would it come true too? The gun, Logan lifeless on the floor? What could I do to stop it?
‘Yes.’ I frowned. ‘That is...I don’t know. I can’t remember it clearly.’ I pressed at my temples. ‘Somewhere high. Fake grass. Nighttime. A gun in my hand. A shot. A body...yours…on the ground. I’m wearing a bracelet I don’t recognise. Emeralds and gold.’ I left out the final vision of power and death, unwilling to even try and put it into words; as if speaking would bring it into fruition. ‘Is it truth? You tell me? I have no frigging idea what to expect next, quite frankly.’
He gave me a slightly amused, slightly troubled smile.
At the door I looked back at him. ‘Is that why you want me around? For my visions?’
His grey eyes were steady and calm, with no hint of deception I could see.
‘No.’
He walked away.
He hadn’t said what they did want me for.
18
Her mother’s not in immediate danger.
...
I’m the least likely person to forget, Maeve.
It was a relief to close the door behind me, even though the family could probably still hear my thoughts. I prowled the room and focussed on putting up some semblance of those “natural shields” Logan had mentioned. There was no way of knowing if my attempt succeeded. My thoughts kept wandering away to contemplation of what had been a surreal day.
A hot shower helped and the temptation of the cool, soft bed was too much to resist. Squirming under the covers, I closed my eyes and tried to relax, slowing my thoughts. Outside, a thousand frogs, awoken by the rain, shouted their availability to potential mates. The noise was deafening, even through closed windows and with an airconditioner running. A pillow over my ears reduced the ruckus to a bearable background chorus. I drifted towards sleep.
Whispers of voices tore at the ragged edges of my mind, fading when I tried to understand them, surging back when I tried to ignore them. More voices joined in, one raised in anger, one in song; conversations, arguments, laughter, tears. The noise became the roar of a football stadium, of a waterfall; drowning me.
I threw off the covers and flicked on a light. Yanking open my bag and dumping the contents on the floor, I scrabbled through until I found a pack of herbal sedatives. I took one, then another, as the voices swelled again to mingle with the frogs and the whole world was just noise, inside and out. I cried myself to sleep, curled into a ball with my hands over my ears.
What little sleep I got was haunted by dreams of Logan’s death and my own terrifying fall. This time a new dream surfaced, one in which I floated above the world and a million strands of silvery-green and orange energy poured into me, engorging me, empowering me until I was all that existed and the Earth was laid to waste below my feet. Anna, Logan, Maeve, Jennifer – and everyone I’d ever met and cared for lay strewn as shrivelled husks, twisted in agonised death poses.
I woke before dawn the next day with tears still damp on my cheeks. My brain was cottonwool on fire. Every waking second I spent struggling to block out the unwanted connection to the world around me. There were no forests here to give solace. Backyard gardens weren’t far away, but they offered no real peace. Their fight to survive in an urban environment too closely mirrored my own. I bowed under the weight of the small lives of mice, roaches and possums living in the city, along with the frenetic, petty thoughts of neighbours.
Even worse was the temptation to simply drain the energy out of every living thing around me just to shut them up. Could I do that? Oh my God, the dream: I could! The darkness within could. That’s what the dream meant.
No! What sort of monster even considered that option?
I paced the room, trying not to scream, palms pressed over my ears, repeating the mantra I am alone, I am alone over and over. Half a dozen times I hovered on the verge of calling Logan to ask for help. Only the early hour stopped me from yelling the house down.
The door flew open. Logan spun me roughly to face him. He scrutinised my face closely and grimaced.
‘I’m sorry, Red. I didn’t realise you were so open. I should have taught you to shield last night. Maeve’s waiting. Let her help.’
‘Can she?’ I groaned. ‘I can’t take too many more migraines and I can’t stand the voices, either. There’s too many. Tell me she can help before I go insane.’
Logan caught my face and forced me to look into his inten
se grey eyes. I promise she can help. You have to trust her, though. Trust me. Focus on me when it’s all getting too much and I’ll do what I can to help until you can control it.’ He kissed me, hard and swiftly then let go and grabbed my wrist before I could react to the warmth of his mouth. Focus on that until she can help.
He led me to a Japanese-style cottage built in the middle of a large garden behind the house. Inside it was decorated like a dojo, complete with tatami mats and weapons on the wall. It was familiar, calming and, somehow, quieter inside my head and out.
Gesturing for me to sit on the mat, Logan moved away. ‘She’s on her way. Take a few minutes to settle. You’ll find the garden buffers you from the neighbours. Later we can spar, if you like. Focuses the mind like nothing else.’ With that, he retreated to a shadowed window seat, leaving me to try to calm a besieged mind.
Maeve appeared in the doorway and glided in, serene and beautiful as usual. She knelt on the mat.
‘I’m sorry your introduction to our world has been so difficult. Will you let me help?’
A neighbour’s spat broke into my thoughts and I groaned. ‘I don’t think I have much choice, do I?’
Maeve smiled. ‘There are always choices. Sometimes we just don’t like them.’ She settled, crosslegged, tucking a silken skirt around her knees like a schoolgirl. ‘Let me begin with how to shield yourself from intrusive thoughts. Imagine your entire mind is inside a house or a building – somewhere you can feel safe. Then you can open windows ‘tuned’ to different people in order to speak telepathically with them, or you can let groups of people into the entrance hall, or you can close everything to keep people out.’ She chuckled. ‘Polite etiquette requires you “knock” on someone’s shield if you need to speak with them. Let’s try it, shall we?’
I closed my eyes and tried to create a vivid mental picture. But I’d moved house more than twenty times in the last fourteen years, so a house was just a place to sleep. Instead, I pictured the last place I’d felt safe: my estate in Ireland.
Relics and Runes Anthology Page 77