As much as I tell myself that Mr. Clarke didn’t die because of me, it’s hard to believe it. I’ve carried that weight on my shoulders for over ten years, and all I want is to get rid of it. I want to see something other than hatred in Aiden and his brothers’ eyes.
For the past couple weeks, I’ve finally felt like I can breathe. Dominic sees me for who I am. He doesn’t see the accident when he looks at me. I’ve never felt like he blames me for his father’s death. I’ve been able to talk about it for the first time without feeling like I had to apologize.
I slump on my desk chair and look at the mess of drawings and paperwork in front of me. The renovations are in full swing and I have a thousand and one things to do – but right now all I can think about is Dominic avoiding my gaze and Aiden staring at me with daggers in his eyes.
I’m not sure which one hurt more.
My eyes are prickling and my heart is beating faster than normal as I lean back in my chair. I bring my hands up to my face, trying to stop the tears from pouring out of my eyes. With a deep, raking breath, I look at the ceiling and shake my head.
I look at my phone and pick it up, running my fingers over the screen. Should I call Dominic? Should I go see him?
Even though I knew this would happen, I still don’t know how to react. I don’t know if I should ignore it and give him space, hoping it’ll all go away. I don't know if anything has changed. We always knew that his brothers, and Aiden especially, wouldn’t be happy about seeing us together. I've always known Aiden despises me.
I put my phone down with a sigh. I wouldn't even know what to say to him. I can’t ask him to take our relationship public. Is it even a relationship? We’ve been sleeping together for the past couple weeks. He makes me feel like I’m floating, but is it just sex? Do I mean as much to him as he means to me?
I blow the air out of my nostrils and shake my head. My mind is fucking melted. I need to just let this be. Dominic needs time to think, just like I do. I push my chair back and stretch my arms up overhead. I let out a noise and shake my head back and forth.
I’m not being productive. I need some air. Stalking out of the office, I make my way to the back of the hotel towards my bedroom. I pass the kitchen and the staff room on my way to the very back, finally opening the familiar door in the back corner. When I close the door behind me, I lean back against it and close my eyes.
This room feels like my sanctuary. It’s quieter than the front of the hotel, and it’s always been the place I come to be alone and think. I take a deep breath and lean back against the door, closing my eyes and trying to calm my heartbeat.
I jump at the sound of a knock on the back door. I look up, frowning. There’s only one person that uses that door these days.
Dominic.
I cross the room in a few steps and rip the door open. My jaw drops when I see him. His clothes are disheveled and his hair is all over the place. His lip is swollen and bloody, with a thin, red line of blood dripping towards his chin.
“Dominic!” I exclaim. I usher him inside and sit him down on the bed. I take his chin in my hand. “What happened? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” he says.
“Wait here.”
I rush out the door towards the front of the hotel, finding the nearest First Aid kit. I grab some ice and come back with an armful of bandages. Dominic is still sitting on my bed. He’s not moving, only staring out the window in a daze.
I stand in front of him and start cleaning his lip before icing it. I wipe the water that drips down from the ice cube and run my fingers through his hair. I kiss his temple and blink back tears. Dominic closes his eyes and groans in satisfaction as I rub his scalp.
“What happened?” I whisper. “Oh, Dominic, I’m so sorry.”
He opens his eyes and looks directly at me. “Stop apologizing,” he growls. His eyes are clear and his voice is forceful, so all I do is nod. “Mara,” he continues. “Do you hear me? You did nothing wrong.”
A lump forms in my throat and my eyes start to blur. I nod my head and take the ice cube away from his lip. I clean the wound one more time and get to work putting a small bandage over the cut. Dominic stares at me while I work, and I try my best to avoid his gaze.
His hands trail up my legs and rest on my thighs. I lean into his touch and take a deep breath, moving my hands to his shoulders and leaning my forehead against his. When I pull away, there are tears in my eyes.
“I never wanted this to happen, Dominic. I don’t want to cause even more trouble in your family. It’s not worth it.”
“Don’t tell me what’s worth it or not,” he says. “I’ll decide that for myself.”
He stares straight at me and I put my hands on either side of his face. I bring my lips to his forehead and kiss him tenderly, pressing my lips against his skin. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me closer. We stay like that for a few moments until I pull away and look at him with my eyes full of tears. I try to smile.
“I’d kiss you right now, but with that lip…”
Dominic grins and grabs my waist, flipping me over beside him onto the bed. He shifts his body around so that he’s on top of me, leaning his weight on his elbow. He runs his finger down my cheek and lays his lips against mine. When he pulls away, he looks into my eyes and smiles.
“I don’t care about the lip,” he whispers. “I only care about you.”
Chapter 23 - Dominic
Seeing the smile light up Mara’s face feels like a healing balm on my heart. My lip is throbbing, but I don’t feel any pain. She’s smiling at me and running her fingers along the side of my head. I groan before dipping my head down to lay a soft kiss on her lips.
It feels right to be here with her. It feels good. I know that Aiden disapproves. I know her parents wouldn’t approve if they knew we were seeing each other. I know Ethan might not understand, but I can’t help it. After Aiden left, all I wanted to do was make sure she was okay.
I’m lying on top of her on the bed, framing her face with my forearms as I lean on my elbows. She smiles at me and I shake my head.
“You’re so beautiful, Mara. You know that?”
“Stop it,” she says. Her cheeks redden the tiniest bit, and my smile widens. My lip aches as the swollen skin stretches, but it doesn’t stop me from smiling.
“I mean it.” I take a deep breath and stare into her eyes. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, back there – when Aiden showed up. It caught me by surprise and I didn’t know how to react.”
She tilts her head to the side and runs her fingers up the side of my body. “I get it,” she responds. “I didn’t know how to react either.”
I press my lips against hers as she lifts my shirt up and runs her hands along the skin on my back. I groan and press my body into hers. When I pull away, I can already see the question in her eyes.
“Dominic,” she starts. She stares at me for a second before continuing: “What are we doing? What is this? Where does it go from here?”
“Why does it need to go anywhere?” I ask, and I immediately know it was the wrong thing to say. She looks at me and frowns. “No, I didn’t mean it like that. I mean…” My voice trails off.
“You mean that this is as far as it can go between us.” she finishes softly. Her voice is calm. I force myself to look at her again and see the hurt in her eyes. My voice is gone and I don’t know how to respond. I shake my head.
“No, that’s not what I meant.”
“So what did you mean?”
I take a deep breath and roll onto my back. My legs are hanging off the edge of the bed, and Mara turns towards me. She rests her head on her hand as she lies on her side, waiting for me to answer.
“I don’t know how this is going to work between us, Mara. You make me feel…” I pause. “I don’t know. You make me feel alive. It’s like I’ve been in a daze for years. The past couple of weeks I’ve actually been seeing clearly.”
I look at
her but she doesn’t respond, so I take a deep breath and keep going.
“I just…” I shake my head. “I don’t know how Aiden would ever come to terms with it.”
“‘It’ being us?”
“Yeah.”
She nods, staring off at a point behind me. Her eyes look like they’re glazed over, and I run my fingers along her jaw to pull her back to me.
“I’ll figure it out, Mara,” I whisper. “I came here, didn’t I? I came straight to you once he left.”
I can see her swallow as she nods. I pull her down towards me and she melts into me, pressing her lips against mine.
This time, when we make love, I’m gentle with her. She’s trembling and she feels as fragile as a porcelain doll. I run my hands over her body and kiss her with soft lips. I kiss her until her body relaxes into the bed and then I kiss her some more. I hold her against me, wrapping my arms around her body and keeping her close. Her heart beats against my chest and I catch her lips between mine once more.
She gives herself to me, and I give myself to her. Our bodies meld together until the passion consumes us and she finally relaxes. I kiss her again and again, hoping that she can feel what I feel for her. When she comes, she puts her hands on either side of my face and looks into my eyes. I can see her passion, her desire, her affection.
When we’re both spent and panting, I run my fingers up and down her spine. She shivers and moans gently before turning her head towards me on the pillow.
“I don’t want to stop seeing you,” she says. Her voice is so soft and quiet, but it rings in my ears. I nod as my heart grows in my chest. I bring my forehead to hers and kiss her tenderly.
“I don’t want to stop seeing you either, Mara. Not even a little bit.”
The corners of her mouth lift ever so slightly and I kiss her again. My heart is thumping, and I feel like something between us has changed. It’s almost like the spell we’ve been under for the past two weeks is starting to crack. I don’t know if it’s the start of something special, or the beginning of the end.
I hope it’s the start of something special. I wrap my arms around her and pull her into me. She rests her head against my chest and sighs as I keep running my fingers up and down her spine. I’m only just getting to know her, and I’m not ready to let her go.
As she curls her fingers and presses herself into me, I know that I can’t let her go. It doesn’t matter what my brothers think, or what the town thinks, or what her parents think. She’s shown me more affection and passion and laughter in the past few weeks than I’ve known for the past ten years. She’s showing me a new side of myself that I didn’t even know existed.
No, I’m not ready to let her go. I’ll take a thousand swollen lips from Aiden and a million disapproving stares just to lie next to her at night, and wake up next to her in the morning.
Chapter 24 - Mara
When Dominic leaves, I’m calm. I’m able to head back to my desk and get some work done until it’s completely dark outside and my eyes are starting to shut on their own. I close my computer down and jump when there’s a knock on the door frame.
I turn to see my father leaning in the opening of the door.
“Hey, Mara,” he says. “You’re working late today.”
“Lots to do,” I respond, sweeping my eyes over my desk to make sure there’s no sign of Dominic. “You guys are quite the slave drivers.”
My dad chuckles and pulls up a chair, leaning on his knees as he groans to sit down. He takes a deep breath and looks at me. I turn in my chair to face him and wait for him to speak. Ever since I got back, I’ve been keeping my distance from my parents. Most days, I don’t know what to say to them anymore.
“Mara, you know I’m proud of you, right? The work that you’ve been doing on the hotel has been exceptional.”
I nod my head, not trusting my voice.
“I’m sorry about your engagement. I thought Vincent was a good one.”
My eyes narrow as I stare at my father. Is this another mind game? Why would he say that when the whole reason Vincent agreed to marry me was some fucked-up business transaction?
“Right,” I finally respond. “Was that before or after you decided to use me as a bargaining chip to build the new hotel?”
My dad’s eyebrows shoot up and he puts his hands on the chair’s armrests. “Is that what you think?”
“Isn’t that what happened?” I spit. Suddenly, all the emotion from the past weeks and months is bubbling up inside me. My failed engagement, the feelings of betrayal and mistrust, the peace that I’ve found with Dominic – it’s all coming to a head.
He shakes his head and makes a noise. “No, no. Mara, that’s not what happened. I would never use you like that.”
“Wouldn’t you? Isn’t that what you were doing with Aiden before Mr. Clarke died? And then you didn’t need me anymore once you acquired the trucking business, so you traded me to the next highest bidder instead.”
I can hear the venom in my voice and I don’t care. My father stares at me as if I’m a stranger, and I stare right back at him. We stay there, motionless. He shakes his head from side to side.
“No, Mara. I never did that. I didn’t even want the trucking business. It was your mother who –”
He stops, looking out towards the hallway and back at me. His mouth drops open and then closes again. He stares at the ground for a few moments and then shakes his head.
“No. That’s not what happened.”
“Isn’t it? Why else did Vincent break up with me the minute the construction of the new hotel was abandoned? Why else did you encourage me to date Aiden and then turn your back on him the moment his father died?”
My father pushes himself up to stand and shakes his head. “Mara…”
“Just go, Dad. I’ve got lots of work to do. I don’t even know why I’m doing this for you, after everything you’ve put me through. I thought maybe I could…” Atone. Make it up to the Clarke brothers. Do something for myself.
I turn my back on my father and start shuffling some papers. I hear him walk out the door and down the hallway. My heart squeezes in my chest. My eyes are prickling but I don’t let myself cry.
It felt good to say it out loud. It felt good to tell him that I knew about their plans – that I wasn’t going to get played again. It felt good to stand up for myself for once. I run my fingers through my hair and exhale.
I close my eyes and lean back in my chair.
What am I doing here? Why am I here?
I could be anywhere. I didn’t need to come back here after Vincent and I broke up. I could have gone to LA, or New York, or anywhere in between. I could have moved to Paris!
Instead, I chose Lang Creek. I chose to start working for my parents. I chose to put myself in this position.
Why?
The question swirls around my mind and I rub my temples. Am I some sort of masochist? I willingly came back here when I knew that they were the ones who put me in that situation with Vincent in the first place.
I finally open my eyes and see one of the first sketches I did. I see Dominic’s changes, and the precise pencil marks that he made to alter the drawings. I pick it up and look at our joint design, and my heart starts to beat a little bit faster.
I have my answer.
I’m here because of him. Maybe I didn’t know it when I came back, but now I know why I’ve stayed. I know why I proposed the hotel renovations, and why I’m doing all this work.
I’m doing it to spend time with Dominic. Maybe it’s me making amends for the accident that led to Mr. Clarke’s death. Or maybe – just maybe – I’ve started falling for Dominic. Maybe I’ve found someone that finally understands and accepts me.
Maybe…
…I’m in love.
I stare at the sketch until the lines start to blur together. Finally, I drop the sheet and push myself off my chair. I take a slow walk to the back of the building and push my be
droom door open. My room is cold and dark, and I collapse into bed.
I’m in love with Dominic Clarke.
The words play on repeat over, and over, and over in my mind. I don’t understand how it has happened. I don’t understand why it’s happened, but it has.
I’m in love.
I stare at the ceiling and feel my heart beating against my ribcage. Now that I’ve admitted it to myself, it seems so much bigger and more real than it did before.
If this is love – real love, I mean – if this is love, then it’s worth fighting for. It’s worth putting up with Aiden’s animosity, and my parents’ disapproval. It’s worth admitting to the whole town that I want to be with Dominic.
If this is love, then I sure as hell hope Dominic feels the same way. I don’t think I can take another heartbreak. I’m letting myself fall for Dominic…
…if it ends badly then I’m not sure I’ll ever be the same.
Chapter 25 - Dominic
When I leave Mara’s room, I feel better. My lip is throbbing but I hardly feel it. All I can think of is Mara’s skin, her smell, her smile.
It feels so good to be with her, it can’t possibly be wrong. I start walking back towards my place and then pause before turning around and walking the other direction. Before long, I’m outside my brother Ethan’s house.
He opens the door after a couple of knocks.
“What happened to you?” He asks, eyebrows raised as he looks at my lip.
“Aiden,” I respond. Ethan’s eyebrows stay up, but he just nods in response.
“I see.”
He steps aside and I walk into his house. I collapse onto the sofa and Ethan grabs me a beer. I take it and nod in thanks.
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