“Oh, I’ll bring more than pocket change.”
They laughed, Niki’s eyes alight with mirth. It felt so damned good to laugh together again.
“All right. I’ll see you there at ten o’clock. As long as we don’t have an audience.”
There was an unspoken agreement that neither wanted to provoke malicious gossip by being seen publicly together. There was nothing technically forbidden about it, but it could easily be misinterpreted and provide an unwelcome distraction.
Niki draped a large towel around her shoulders. “See you there.”
Chapter Sixteen
One-on-one
There was nothing better than a shiny, glistening virgin sheet of ice. Niki loved how it was free of blemishes, free of blades having dug in and carved out previous journeys. She liked being the first one on the ice, the first to brand it, and tonight was no exception. Her skates snugly tied, she stepped onto the ice and took off at a running start, building up steam, leaning and tucking low into the first turn, the way a race car tightly hugs a curve. She hadn’t lost much speed since her playing days, half a stride at most. Many had told her that she could and should still be playing at the highest level, but she responded to their flattery with ambivalence. Years ago, becoming a wife and a mother had fully occupied her heart, with the setting down of roots in one place too tempting and then too fulfilling to ignore. Coaching had challenged her, had filled any void left by hanging up her skates. She had no regrets.
Eva’s blades dug into the ice behind her, gaining on Niki, but Niki wasn’t worried; it would probably take half a lap for Eva to catch her at this point. Once Eva did catch her with her long strides, she’d leave her in her dust. Unless Eva’s bum knees were giving her trouble tonight.
Three laps later, Niki and Eva glided to a stop at center ice, both equally spent.
“I see your knee is okay,” Niki said, panting.
“You want the full scouting report on it and if I’ll be playing at a hundred percent?” Eva smiled between gulps of air.
“Nope. No shoptalk tonight. I just wanted to know if I need to take it easy on you or not.”
“In your dreams!”
Eva took off, stick in one hand, a canvas bag in the other. At the blue line, she dumped pucks from the bag into a disordered pile. Next, she skated to the net and duct-taped paper targets to each of its four corners.
“Oh, no you don’t,” Niki said, shaking her head. “You were always a more accurate shooter than me. What are the stakes?” She’d forgotten to bring cash.
The playfulness in Eva’s eyes bordered on dangerous. “Why don’t we let the winner decide what the loser forfeits?”
“Hmm. Not sure I care for my odds right now. What other little contests have you dreamed up for us?”
“Don’t worry. Stuff that you’ll kick my ass in, like puck handling and deking.” Eva’s voice dropped an octave. “And one-on-one, of course.”
She thought about retorting that they’d both win at one-on-one but decided the double entendre was too much.
“You know something,” Niki said after each had taken eight shots, Eva hitting all four targets with her first five shots, Niki taking eight shots to hit them. “I never thought we’d be friends like this again.”
“Me either. But I’m glad. And relieved. Especially since I admitted my juvenile jealousy last night. You’d have every right to throw me into the nearest snowbank.”
“Ha. As if I could.” Eva had four inches on her and probably fifteen pounds of muscle.
“All right, since you can’t, then I’ll risk a question.” Eva busied herself setting up a dozen small orange pylons she’d found on one of the benches. By the time she finished, Niki figured she’d forgotten the question. No such luck.
“Last fall,” Eva said. “You were jealous of Kathleen. Why?”
“I wasn’t, not really.”
Eva’s eyebrows rose slowly and cynically. It was a look that, in the past, more often than not elicited a quick confession from Niki. It still had, it seemed, the same annoying effect.
“All right, it wasn’t jealousy so much as feeling annoyed. I know you’ve had a lot of girlfriends since we were together.”
“I’ve had a few, yes. Why does that bother you?”
Oh for God’s sake, Niki thought. Why must they play this little game of true confession about stuff that was ancient history? What did Eva want her to say? That lately she woke up wet dreaming of making love with her? That she’d never fully expunged her from her heart, even while she was married to somebody else? That many, many times, she’d quietly wondered what would have happened if they hadn’t broken up twelve years ago? And yes, that it hurt like hell whenever she heard Eva was with someone.
Instead, she looked around and said, “What are we doing with this little contest?”
“Deke around the pylons. With speed. A point gets docked for every pylon you touch.”
With her stick, Niki claimed a puck and weaved her way through the tightly placed pylons, barely nicking the last one. “Your turn.”
Eva took off, the puck on the end of her stick as though it were on a string. Her hands moved in sync with her feet as she curled the puck around the pylons, but first her stick, and then the puck, hit the final two pylons. “All right, best out of three?”
“Fine. Go for it, but I’ll still kick your ass.”
Niki did.
“All right, one-on-one for the tiebreaker. Best of seven.”
Eva started first, with Niki defending. She came at her with so much speed and aggression that it put Niki on her heels. It was a tiny hesitation, but enough to allow Eva to easily deke around her and shoot the puck into the net. When it was Niki’s turn, she used her quick hands and feet to get the best of Eva, kicking the puck to her right skate, then back to her left and up to the blade of her stick for a quick shot.
“Nice job! You know, don’t you,” Eva said, preparing to take her turn, “that there’s no need to be jealous.”
Niki thought Eva was talking about their one-on-one contest. “I’m not. I’m extremely confident in my superior abilities.”
Eva laughed. “And so you should be. But I’m not talking about hockey.” Her eyes turned serious. “None of them made me forget about you.”
Niki’s mouth fell open as Eva stormed past her, planting the puck in the back of the net. “Dammit, that’s not fair. You distracted me!”
Eva grinned with that brand of cockiness that was so familiar. “Your turn.”
Niki took a puck and started around the pylons, her concentration shot. Did Eva mean it, that none of her transitory women could compare? And if so, why did the declaration matter so much? Was her own ego really in that much need of a boost? And most of all, why did it matter now? She didn’t want to consider why her mouth had gone dry and her legs weak.
As she rounded on the final pylon, her back skate caught the one behind it and in the next instant she was sailing through the air, her only thought being that she hoped it didn’t hurt too much when she hit the ice, which felt like cold cement. She tried to cushion the blow with her gloved hands, since she didn’t have the comforting protection of elbow pads, chest protector or the padded hockey pants. As she hit the ice she became a curling stone skidding out of control, the smooth nylon of her wind pants every bit as slippery as the ice surface. She spun as she slid, stopping only when she hit something hard and stationary. She gasped as Eva dropped like a tree felled partway up, tumbling ungracefully onto Niki. They spun to a stop together, Eva on top of her.
“Oh my God,” Niki said, afraid for Eva because of the frailty her knees. “I’m so sorry. Shit. Are you okay?”
Eva, collecting herself, hadn’t moved much. She placed her hands on the ice on either side of Niki, her face inches away, her body touching Niki’s along the length of it. Oh Jesus, Niki thought, sucking in her breath, not wanting to release it. Not wanting to release Eva either. What was it about wanting, no, needing, Eva’s touch lately? Was she really that
starved for another woman’s touch? For her body to take a trip down memory lane?
She thought of Shannon, gone for almost three-and-a-half years now, sick for months before that, and a sob collected in her throat. She burned with fury, again, at being left alone. When she married Shannon, it was supposed to be for life. A long life. She never signed on for being lonely, for having to figure out the rest of her life alone, for starting all over again. She’d been cheated. Shannon, of course, had been cheated most of all, and so had Rory. None of it was fair, dammit.
She hadn’t noticed Eva’s finger reaching up until it brushed a tear from her cheek.
“I’m okay,” Eva whispered. “But you’re not, are you?”
Niki cleared her throat. She didn’t want to expose herself this way to Eva. “I’m fine.”
* * *
Eva’s chest hurt, so badly did she want to kiss Niki. All it would take was closing the inch or two of space between their mouths. And the way Niki was looking up at her, with the glisten of tears shimmering in her eyes, with her lips parted in anticipation, it would be so easy to kiss away her sadness. She burned with the thought of it, with the memory of their languid, sensual kiss in the hot tub last night. She’d thought of little else since.
Something in Niki’s expression made her stop cold. Fear maybe? Too much raw need? Eva had the feeling that if she kissed Niki now it would be all wrong, that one or both of them would regret it and that it would never happen again.
Eva pulled back an inch. There was so much to say, and yet her mind drew a blank. “I’m sorry, Niki. But I’m your friend and I’m here for you, okay?”
“No, you can’t be,” Niki said, swiping at a stray tear on her chin and forcing Eva to ease herself off. “Both our teams hit the road the day after tomorrow. We won’t see each other until the Games start in five weeks. And even then, we’ll only see each other on the ice.”
“I know.” Shit. Eva sat up, and so did Niki. “But we can email, text, talk on the phone.”
“No. I don’t want a paper trail. After Alison’s stunt twelve years ago, I don’t want any emails or texts getting intercepted or hacked or leaked or whatever. We can’t chance that kind of communication.”
“All right, you’re right. We can talk on the phone, then. Please. Nik, I meant what I said about being your friend. About being here for you. You’re not the only one who gets lonely, you know.” She wasn’t being entirely truthful, because she wanted more than a distant friendship with Niki, much more. But now wasn’t the time or place to press.
Niki stood up and skated to the gate that led to the change room, leaving Eva no choice but to follow.
“Wait,” Eva implored. “Promise me I’m not losing you just when I found you again.”
Niki looked one minute like she wanted to collapse into Eva’s arms, the next like she wanted to run away as fast and as far as she could. There had to be a tug of war going on in her mind.
“Tomorrow,” Eva said, unwilling to accept that this might be the last time they see one another until the final game of the Olympics. “It’s our last day here. Can you sneak away at five o’clock?”
“My girls are meeting with a sports psychologist all afternoon in a seminar, and the dinner’s being catered. Why?”
“How about meeting me at the Whistler Brewing Company for a drink and dinner. My team’s busy too, so there’ll be no chance of us running into others there. It’s a quiet place off the beaten path, I promise.” She rolled her eyes. “Alison’s having us all meet with a nutritionist, who’s going to put us to work cooking dinner. I’ve done it a million times before. I’ll say I’m not feeling well. Can you get away?”
“Yes, I can get away, though I’m not sure meeting in public’s a good idea.”
Eva lowered her voice. “How about my hotel room, then?”
“Absolutely not!” Niki smiled, and although it was a weak smile, it was enough to make Eva’s heart cartwheel. At least they’d have one more evening together. “All right, against my better judgment, I’ll meet you at the restaurant.”
“Hey.” She stepped closer until she could feel the heat from Niki’s body, but she was careful not to touch her again. “I had fun tonight.”
“So did I. Thank you, Eva. I needed it. And I’m sorry about—”
“Forget it. Is it okay if I hug you?”
Niki stepped into her arms and they held the embrace for a few seconds. It wasn’t long enough, but it was just as well, because any longer and Eva might not be able to stop herself from doing something stupid.
“Goodbye, Eva.”
“See you tomorrow night, Nik. Sleep well.”
* * *
Eva spent the next day fidgeting and counting down the hours until five o’clock rolled around. She arrived at the restaurant early so she could grab a table in a dimly lit corner from which they could see the door. It didn’t hurt to be too careful.
“I feel like we’re having a torrid love affair,” she said after Niki strolled in wearing a heavy coat pulled up to her ears and sat down across from her. There was no trace of the pain that had been etched so clearly on her face at the arena last night.
“We practically are.” Niki laughed. “Minus the sex.”
We can easily change that, Eva wanted to say but didn’t dare. “I ordered you a beer. Dark, as I recall.” She’d ordered a honey lager for herself.
“Thanks. Good memory.”
A waitress set two sweating glasses down in front of them along with a couple of menus. She recommended the corned beef on rye, which was a good enough sell for both of them.
“I know I’m going out on a limb here,” Eva said after a sip of beer. “But I think you feel guilty around me sometimes. Because of Shannon, right?”
“Eva—”
“No, Nik.” This time she was ready to throw all her cards on the table, because it would be weeks before they saw each other again. Leaning across the table, she whispered urgently, “We need to talk about this. It’s important for me to figure out how we feel about one another. Do you know how much I want to take you in my arms? How much I want to kiss you again? How badly I want to make love to you? God, don’t you know I’ve never fallen out of love with you?”
Niki slammed her eyes shut. “I can’t. We can’t. It’s—”
“What? Wrong? Is that what you were going to say?”
Niki opened her eyes only to lose herself in her glass of beer. Why did she try so damned hard to always be in control? She had to be the moral one, the rule minder, always doing the right thing. For once, Eva wished she’d find the courage to go with her gut, her heart.
Unwilling to wait any longer for Niki to reply, Eva said, “Well, it’s not wrong. We’re both single. We both have feelings for one another.”
“You think we’re supposed to pick up where we left off all those years ago?”
“Yes. I do.” Well, not exactly, but it was close enough to the truth.
“In case you haven’t noticed, we’re on two rival teams embarking on our biggest battle in four years. On the biggest stage in the world. We’d be a sideshow, and I won’t have that.”
“I know that, but I wasn’t talking about this minute. I can wait another six or seven weeks. Mostly.” She winked to lighten the mood, even as sweat broke out on her hairline and under her arms. “Or we could just keep sneaking around.”
The last part was meant as a joke, but Niki thumped her glass down hard, some of the beer sloshing over. Her eyes were ablaze. “A lot has changed in twelve years. I have responsibilities now. A lot of them, in case you haven’t noticed. I’m not…I can’t just sleep with you or have a fling with you.”
Calmly, Eva said, “That’s not what I’m asking.”
“Then the answer is an even bigger no.”
Eva felt the blood drain from her face. “Why?”
Their sandwiches and sweet potato fries arrived, the timing providing Niki a convenient escape route. They both chewed their food for a few moments be
fore Eva attempted to resume the conversation. She couldn’t let it end without at least some answers.
“Why won’t you give me, us, another chance?”
“Eva, like I said, my life is complicated now. I have a job. I have a kid. And right now, the past is exactly that, the past.”
Anger rose in Eva like a geyser. Her Italian blood was set to boil, and it took all her willpower to keep from exploding. “The past is where, I think, you spend a lot of your time. Too much. That and stewing in guilt and self-punishment.”
Niki’s face darkened predictably. Eva had hit the nail on the head, that at the root of Niki’s stubborn resistance was her guilt. And her refusal to allow herself some happiness. “I’m not going to talk about this with you anymore.”
“Fine,” Eva said tonelessly, taking a big bite of her sandwich, confident that Niki couldn’t evade her questions forever. She was deep enough, smart enough, to give the proper consideration to the matter. But in her own due time. “We can talk about how my team’s going to kick your ass in Vancouver in a few weeks.”
There was a long, tense moment before Niki broke into a slow grin that was as welcome as a cool breeze on a sweltering day. They raised their glasses and clinked them in the communal embrace of this strange and unique situation—former lovers, somewhat friends, who in a few weeks’ time, would do all they could to destroy one another’s gold medal dream.
Eva’s desire to kiss Niki was never stronger.
Chapter Seventeen
Penalty Shot
The altitude and the cold January air made for a frigid walk back to the hotel, but at least it was a dry cold, Niki convinced herself, and not at all like the humid cold off the Great Lakes back in Windsor that made it feel much colder than it was. Nevertheless, she wrapped her scarf a little tighter around her throat and gave a little shudder.
“Cold?” Eva, walking beside her, moved close enough for their shoulders to touch.
“I’m fine.” She didn’t want Eva wrapping her arm around her, disguised as a warming gesture. Eva had made her intentions clear back at the restaurant, and while Niki didn’t want to talk about it, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. How could Eva possibly suggest they get back together? Had that one kiss made her lose her mind? So much time had elapsed, so many things had happened in the interim. Especially to Niki. She’d married Shannon and then lost her, become a single parent to Rory, hung up her skates as a player, joined the coaching ranks, left the coaching ranks to teach at the university, joined the coaching ranks again.
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