“What size?” Sam asks.
“Seven, narrow.” Ha! Find that! I think. I am further amazed when he reaches up and plucks down a pair of cordovan, lizard-skin boots from the middle of the shelf. He peers inside the shaft, nods to himself, and hands them to me. Dan Post, women’s size seven, narrow. Well, I’ll be damned!
“Did Jeremy buy out a shoe store, or did he happen to have a size seven narrow girlfriend?”
Sam shrugs. “The boy likes to be prepared, I suppose. Too much money and too little time. If the urge hits him, he likes to go. Jeremy’s not one for being held up by inconvenience.”
I don’t even need to ask for boot socks. Sam opens a drawer, pulls out a pair of brand-new wool socks and hands them to me.
“You’ll need a hat, too,” Sam says and pushes a white straw hat firmly down onto my head. “Blondes like you burn in the desert sun.”
“I don’t, I tan.”
Sam smirks. “Not a real blonde, either, huh?”
I glare at him. “I am, too!”
Jeremy arrives, looking like a pirate in cowboy’s clothing, wild and dark, his long, curly hair springing out from beneath the brim of his well-worn, straw hat. Jeremy has a mischievous grin but now it seems as if it might bubble over into peals of hearty laughter. His dark eyes glisten with anticipation and for once Jeremy seems truly alive.
Sam walks toward me leading a large brown mare. “This is Daisy,” he announces. “I figure you two might be a match. Daisy’d rather walk than trot and if it were all the same, she’d rather eat than walk.”
I regarded the huge animal with a skeptical eye. Daisy casts a baleful look back toward her stall, and I feel instantly relieved. She’s old and tired, I think. She’s perfect, but I can’t let Sam know this. “So, you’re saying you think I need something tame?”
His grin is answer enough. I feel my face growing hot as he steps closer, handing me the reins. “Well, never having seen you in the saddle,” he says, “I just thought you might like to start out slow.”
I can’t even think of a reply, but it wouldn’t matter anyway because Sam isn’t waiting around for an answer. He is walking away, leaving me standing there with Daisy’s reins in my hand and no earthly idea what to do with the two-thousand-pound animal.
“Would you like a leg up, miss?” the groom says, materializing out of nowhere to stand behind me.
Sam and Jeremy are saddling their horses and in a few moments we will all be heading out. I look at Daisy and feel the first real twinge of fear licking at my self-confidence.
“So,” I say, feigning nonchalance, “are there any little tricks or tips I should know about Daisy?”
The groom is an older man, with dingy white hair and a well-lined face that crinkles when he smiles at my question.
“Daisy? Tricks? Humph! This ole girl don’t give nobody a moment’s bother. She’s as gentle as a lamb, Miss Daisy is. All’s you gotta do is climb up on her back and she’ll do the rest.”
I nod and put a toe in the stirrup. The groom grabs the reins from me and steadies Daisy as I hurl myself up onto her broad back. I sit astride the huge horse and try to remember anything at all from my brief fiasco as an equestrian student.
“Just keep the ball of your foot in the stirrups, miss. You don’t want to go shoving your whole foot into it, might wind up stuck.”
I nod and move my foot just as Sam and Jeremy walk their horses up to join us. Sam’s horse is brown and white and a bit broader than Jeremy’s black stallion. Jeremy’s horse suits him. It dances impatiently, snorting and forcing Jeremy to pay attention or else lose control.
“Ready?” Sam asks, riding up beside me.
When I nod, he nudges his horse and we fall into a single-file line—Sam, Jeremy, and me, only Daisy doesn’t take the cue. The men move out of the stable and Daisy is still standing stock-still.
“Come on, horse!” I cry softly. “Let’s go!” I give her flanks the same gentle nudge I’d seen Sam give his horse, and nothing happens.
“Oh, God!”
“Daisy, git!” the groom says sharply and slaps old Daisy on the hindquarters.
With an irritated snort, Daisy begins to slowly plod after Jeremy and Sam. As we leave the shelter of the dimly lit stable and emerge into the bright sunlight, I find myself scouring the nearby bluffs and undergrowth for paparazzi. All I need at a moment like this is to know that a picture of me and this fat, has-been, glue-factory reject will grace the cover of The Entertainer. I am so not liking this part of my job!
“Come on, Matilda,” I say, kicking Daisy’s belly. “Try and stay within the same county as the others!”
Daisy pays me back by expelling a long, loud blast of gas as she picks up the pace to join the others reluctantly.
“Did you say something, lovey?” Jeremy turns around in his saddle and laughs as the two of us slouch up behind him.
“Having fun, Porsche?” Sam calls.
I give him a pained smile and sit up straighter in my saddle, ignoring them to look out at the trail ahead. I find I have relaxed into Daisy’s comfortable walk and am enjoying the leisurely ride around Jeremy’s estate. I am lost in thought, replaying the morning’s meeting with my father when I hear the two men speaking and realize I need to be paying attention.
“You can’t play with people’s relationships,” Sam is saying. “You’re lucky he didn’t kill you.”
Jeremy and Sam are riding side by side with Daisy and me only a few yards behind them.
“Sam, I wasn’t playing this time. You’ve gotta trust me on this one. At first I was, sure, but there’s something about Scott. I think this could be the real thing this time.”
Jeremy seems to be pleading with Sam but I don’t think it’s having the desired effect because Sam turns in the saddle and lifts a mocking eyebrow. “The real thing, is that what you call it? Please. You wouldn’t know the real thing. To you, any relationship that goes beyond a brief roll in the sack is the real thing.”
Jeremy’s eyes darken and his scowl looks dangerous, but he doesn’t dispute the matter. I think he must be remembering Sam’s wife and daughter and knowing better than to fight Sam for that point.
“Okay, okay,” Jeremy says, sounding resigned. “Maybe I’m wrong about Scott, but damn it, Sam, I didn’t just waltz into it trying to ruin his relationship with Dave. I didn’t even know they were hooked up!”
Sam shakes his head and looks away for a brief moment before turning back to his protégé. “Did you ever think you might need to be more aware of what’s going on around you, Jeremy? Or are you so used to being the star, you’ve forgotten that anybody else might count, or have feelings, or even have a different opinion from yours?” Sam examines Jeremy’s face as if searching for some missing piece of a puzzle. “Have you forgotten who you are and where you come from?”
I realize that the two men have forgotten me. Surely Sam wouldn’t be saying these things if he realized I could overhear them. I pull up on Daisy’s reins gently and give the two men a little more space, but the wind carries their words back to me and I can’t help but listen.
“No,” Jeremy says and I hear the thin barrier that keeps his anger from showing begin to crumble in that one word. “I haven’t forgotten my fucking life! You know I haven’t!” Jeremy’s eyes are liquid fire as he stares at Sam. “How do you forget a father too drunk to take care of his wife and kids, so drunk he runs his car into a snowbank on the way home from the bar and fucking freezes to death! How do you forget your mom crying herself to sleep every night because she misses the goddamned bastard even though she has to work two jobs to feed the kids he left behind? You know I haven’t forgotten that fucking cesspool of a town, Sam. You, of all people, know I haven’t forgotten, but damn I’ve tried and Scott made me forget, even if it was just for a moment. I had fun. I felt good and I fucking forgot about it!”
Sam isn’t saying a word. He’s riding along beside Jeremy, listening, which appears to be all Jeremy really needs right now b
ecause he can’t seem to stop talking.
“Why don’t you just say it, Sam? You think I’m a fucking phony. Well, I am. Every day I make myself over into someone else because I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
Sam frowns at him. “Why can’t you be who you are, Jeremy? What’s wrong with that?”
Jeremy looks at him, as if Sam’s not getting it. His eyebrows lift and he shakes his head slightly.
“Who I am? Who I am didn’t get me here. Who I am didn’t get make me enough money to make sure my family never has to take another handout or wonder how the bills are going to get paid. It’s who I’m not that buys my future. I don’t ever want to be who I was!” Jeremy’s voice cracks on the last word and I look away, certain he is going to cry and knowing he wouldn’t want a relative stranger to witness him losing his composure.
I keep pulling back on Daisy’s reins, trying to fall farther behind, but no so far behind I can’t convince Daisy to keep moving along the path. I barely hear Sam when he answers Jeremy.
“Who you were is a tough, committed boy who had to grow up before he even had a chance to have a childhood. Who you are is a man with enormous talent and too little self-confidence to believe in himself. You need to step up to the plate, boy. You can’t hide behind your past anymore. You have to move forward.”
I look at the man talking and know he hasn’t taken his own advice. I look at Jeremy and wonder if he is tempted to say something like this to his mentor, but then I see the way Jeremy is looking at Sam and realize he would never say anything to hurt him. Jeremy loves Sam. He looks up to him. He needs him. It is all there in Jeremy’s eyes, pure and unconditional. It doesn’t matter that Sam confronts Jeremy, because Jeremy trusts him.
I lean forward and pat the side of Daisy’s neck, wishing I had a relationship like the one between Jeremy and Sam. For some reason I think of my newfound father and a yearning wells up in my chest that surpasses any homesickness I have ever felt before. If things had been different for us, if my parents had never divorced, maybe he would have been that person in my life.
I hear Sam talking to Jeremy again and when I hear Dave’s name, I nudge Daisy and urge her closer to the two men.
“I think you should let Scott go,” he’s saying. “If you’re serious about him, you can’t expect the man to stay objective about his job. And if you’re not serious, he’s not going to be objective about that, either.”
“I don’t think…”
Sam holds up his hand, stopping Jeremy from finishing. “Exactly, you don’t think. You live in the moment. That’s good for your career, but bad for your health. I think Dave was serious. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he came back looking for you. You’ve got to be objective about this, Jeremy. You’ve got to put your immediate wants aside and think about the bigger picture. You’re not just one person operating alone, kid. You’re a business. You have employees, co-workers and your family to think about.”
I wonder if Sam ever stops thinking about the big picture. I listen to him lecturing Jeremy on responsibility and the big picture, and while I know it’s true, I can’t help but wonder if the man ever loosens up enough to live in the moment. Don’t get me wrong, I realize the man has a point; Jeremy’s life is in danger, but does Sam ever loosen up?
I feel guilty instantly for thinking like this. The man has lost his family. I wouldn’t be surprised if he never loosened up again, but will he ever live again? Will he ever allow himself to care for another human being other than Jeremy Reins?
The trail is rounding a stand of trees and in the distance I see the outbuildings of the estate. We are beginning to head home. I shift in the saddle, grateful to know the ride will eventually be over. My thighs ache from gripping Daisy’s wide body. My back is stiff, but my bony bottom is taking the worse part of the beating, pummeled over and over again against the hard, leather saddle.
Jeremy points to a riding ring set up with barrels and jumps, then turns his horse’s head to lead the three of us toward it.
“Come on, Sam, for old time’s sake!”
I start to remind them I’m still there, When Jeremy kicks his horse hard and takes off with Sam in close pursuit. Daisy walks a little bit faster, but shows absolutely no inclination to move any faster and for the first time, I wish she would. Jeremy and Sam are in heaven. They ride through the open gate into the ring and immediately race toward the first set of jumps. I envision a rodeo and think of long-haired girls in western outfits, riding into the rink carrying flags or banners. I wish for one moment that I could be a fearless barrel racer, flying in and passing Sam as I raced toward the other end of the arena. I wonder if this would capture the cowboy’s attention long enough to pique his interest.
I kick at Daisy’s flank with no visible results. She continues to trot complacently to the edge of the ring and then she stops, unwilling to cross the threshold into real horse territory.
“Damn mule!” I say softly.
Daisy lowers her head and begins to nibble at a tuft of grass. Inside the ring, Jeremy and Sam are having the time of their lives, yelling out, laughing, all while racing their horses around the course. I push my hat back on my head and wipe sticky sweat from my forehead.
Suddenly, Daisy the Half-dead rears her head, whinnies violently and turns into a whirling dervish. I barely have time to grip the saddle horn and hang on, forgetting completely about the reins as Daisy begins bucking.
I know I scream, but the sound is lost in the frenzy of the moment. I grab for the reins but they are flying loose and Daisy is moving too fast for me to do anything but hang on for dear life. She kicks, she spins, and in an instant she is running flat out, faster than I could’ve believed possible, away from the riding ring, heading straight for the cliffs that border the drop down into the rocky shore of the Pacific Ocean.
Chapter 10
I grab Daisy’s mane and the saddle horn, hanging on with every ounce of strength I have, but knowing that if Daisy stays on her current course, the two of us will plunge over the cliffs and fall to our deaths. I have a brief second where I wonder if she knows where she’s going and what will happen if she doesn’t turn, but then I remember that a horse’s brain is roughly the size of a walnut.
I scream, but the wind carries the sound away from me and all I hear is the pounding of Daisy’s hooves. They sound like thunder, growing louder and louder, the sound magnifying as Daisy runs. I think of Jeremy and Sam, stupidly chasing each other around a set of jumps set up to mimic nature while I am actually out here facing the real thing, my own impending demise.
“Daisy, stop!” I scream. “Whoa!”
It is like trying to direct a tornado. My suicidal horse is going out in style. Her heart will probably explode from exertion as we hurtle to our deaths. She will be too stupid to realize she’s even killed herself!
The hoof beats grow louder. I smell the salt water and see the bright blue sky beyond the cliff’s edge.
“Porsche, hang on!”
Sam and Jeremy, their horses straining with the effort to catch Daisy, flank either side of the crazed animal. Sam shouts something, a quick cry, and cuts his horse into Daisy, forcing her away from the cliff. Daisy, momentarily distracted, slows just a bit but it is enough for Jeremy, who reaches out and grabs her reins. Sam, still herding Daisy away from the cliffs, leans toward me, one arm outstretched, and yells, “Take your feet out of the stirrups and hang on to me!”
There isn’t time to tell him that I have long since lost track of the stirrups. He pulls me and I am aware of lifting up and off of Daisy. I grip Sam’s arm and shoulder and somehow wind up in the saddle with him, my legs straddling his horse, our bodies molded chest to chest, as he slows his horse and brings him to a standstill.
Jeremy and his stallion rein Daisy in, eventually bringing her to a halt and then turning to wait as Sam brings his horse even with the stallion.
I am certain that next they will check to make sure I am not dead before they shoot my mentally defective an
imal, but no. Instead they start whooping like a couple of high school boys and high-fiving each other.
“Damn!” Jeremy crows. “That was fucking awesome!”
“Whoo-hoo!” Sam cries. “What a rush!”
I push back away from Sam’s chest and look from one man to the other in frank amazement. They can’t be serious. But they are. They are laughing and congratulating themselves and completely oblivious to the fact that I could’ve died just now!
Sam is the first to realize that I do not find this situation amusing and certainly do not consider my near death experience to have been fun. He lifts my chin with one finger and bends his head slightly to inspect my face.
“Hey,” he says softly. “You all right? You weren’t hurt, were you?”
Every nerve in my body screams “Of course I’m not all right!”
I manage not to say this, but he sees something in my face because his eyes soften and the smile fades away.
“I’m fine.” Of course my voice squeaks the words out an entire octave above my normal speaking range, but I hold myself erect and try to look him in the eye.
Sam nods. “Of course you are,” he says. In a louder voice he calls to Jeremy. “Hey, she says she thinks we should work this up into an act and do it again!”
My pride is salvaged and I completely get why Jeremy loves him.
“Bloody hell, lovey!” Jeremy cries. “Wouldn’t Lloyd’s of London love that! I bet the policy premiums would jump a million dollars! Let’s do it!”
Sam laughs. “I thought you said you wanted a drink?” he says, and thus distracts his friend from all thought of another run.
“Well I, for one, need a long soak in a tub,” I manage to say.
Sam squeezes me, then gently lifts me so that I face forward, my back cradled against his chest, and urges his horse on toward the stables. I relax back against him and close my eyes, inhaling the spicy scent of his cologne and letting my mind drift with possibilities.
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