by Bailey James
Leah shakes her head, but her own eyes travel over to Noah, who stands next to Ty. I elbow her with my good arm. “So, would you care to explain how that happened?”
She doesn’t take her eyes off him. “I don’t know. After Ty left to get you, we were arguing about something. I don’t even remember what it was. Something stupid, I’m sure. And then the next thing I know, he’s kissing me.”
“Not just any kind of kiss.” Carly’s blue eyes sparkles. “It was a full-out I’m-going-to-try-and-devour-you kind of kiss.” She fans her face with hands. “So hot.”
“Oh wow.” I look over to the boy in question. He’s always so quiet. I didn’t think he had that in him.
“Yeah,” Leah says, with a little sigh, and I can almost see the hearts in her eyes.
Carly and I exchanged grins, and she wiggles her eyebrows. I smother another laugh. Leah has always been the most practical of us all. It’s hilarious to see the lovesick version of her.
However, when Carly opens her mouth to tease Leah, I change the subject. I like seeing Leah like this; I don’t want her to shut it down because of Carly.
“If I’d known it would only take an accident to get my mom to let me stay at the hotel with you guys, I would’ve faked one in the beginning.”
Both girls laugh.
“We knew it was just a ploy,” Leah says with a wink. “You just wanted to ‘play house’ with Ty.”
“It wasn’t just ‘house’ she wanted to play. It was doctor, too,” Carly pipes in.
I blush, thinking about yesterday. “Well, at least we can lock doors,” I say, ignoring the very public display Ty and I had put on.
Leah snorts. “What?!”
“Oh, didn’t she tell you? She and Owen were very busy when Ty and I arrived.”
Carly turns deep scarlet but only shrugs. “Well, if we’d known we had an audience…”
We each take turns teasing each other until we’re all crying from laughing so hard. I gasp when a sharp pain suddenly tears across my chest.
“Are you okay?” Carly asks softly.
I nod. “Muscles are still a little sore.”
Carly and Leah exchange a look, but they let it go. “So,” Leah asks, “is everything okay between you and Ty? He’s gone caveman since the accident. He won’t leave your side.”
“He’s gone now,” I tease.
“Physically, yeah, but don’t look now because he’s got his eye on you,” Leah says, with an eye roll in his direction.
I peer through my lashes, and sure enough, he keeps glancing over.
“What’s up with that?” Leah demands.
Carly frowns at her. “He’s worried about her, hon. I know he took off like a bat outta hell the other day. Didn’t even know why until we saw the accident on the news.” She leans forward and pats my hand. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I got lucky,” I say, but I know they won’t let that be, and I don’t want to talk about it, so I stand and excuse myself, making my way to the bathrooms the hotel has by their pool.
I dig in my purse for my makeup, just for something to do, so I don’t look stupid just standing around in the bathroom like a weirdo. I glance into the mirror and choke back a scream when Jackson stares back at me.
He smiles, cocking an eyebrow. His dimple flashes, causing my heart to skip a beat, despite my unwillingness to believe he exists.
I slam my eyes closed and turn, refusing to open them until I can’t see the mirror, and leave the room.
Ty is waiting outside the door and frowns when he sees me. He slips an arm around my shaking shoulders.
“What’s wrong?” he whispers in my ear.
I don’t even try to lie. “I saw him again. The boy in the mirror. In the bathroom.”
He holds me tighter but says nothing. He just holds me until my shaking subsides.
“What are you doing here?” I finally ask.
“I saw you get up and wanted to make sure everything was okay.”
“Oh,” I say. “I’m fine.” Now.
His frown deepens. “No. You’re not. You’re trembling. Let’s go out. Do something. Get your mind off that. Okay?”
He goes to get the others, and the six of us stroll around the boardwalk, window-shopping and talking. He never mentions the incident but makes sure to keep a hand on me at all times. Like he alone can keep me from hallucinating. I wish with everything I have that he can.
He keeps shooting me worried looks for the rest of the evening, and I’m continually reassuring him I’m fine, while trying to convince myself there’s nothing to worry about.
I just need to avoid mirrors.
Chapter Seven
I avoid any and all mirrors and reflective surfaces, and it isn’t long before all of my friends notice my odd behavior, but everyone—besides Ty—seems to think my hang-up on mirrors is due to the injuries I have. I have no plans to correct their assumptions.
Carly and Leah try several times to convince me it isn’t as bad as I think, and even Noah and Owen go out of their way to tell me how pretty I am, which is so sweet I break into sobs, sending them straight into panic mode, and Ty ends up bundling me into his arms and hugging me until I’m done balling and can explain what started the waterworks in the first place. Even then, he keeps me tucked tight into his side.What is it with guys and tears anyway?
In an effort to distract me, Leah comes up with a plan to go to the carnival that’s a few blocks from the hotel, and, when Ty and I agree it’s a good idea—even if it does take some “persuading” on my part to get Ty to agree—we all troop down the street.
We spend the next few hours strolling around the fair, enjoying rides and using rock-paper-scissors to decide which ride to hit next. I avoid all the fun ones because, with my concussion, it’s just not a good idea. Of course, Ty always wants something gentle so I can go with them, but I don’t really care. I’m just enjoying being away from my house and being with my friends. That’s what this summer is supposed to be about anyway: friends, fun, and lots and lots of sun.
When we stop outside the house of mirrors, I shiver and turn away, but Ty glances my way. A strange look passes over his face, and I know I’m not going to like what he’s going to say.
“Come on. We’ll go in here,” Ty says, watching me carefully.
A wave of panic rushes through me, and I dig my heels in. “No.”
Ty leans down to whisper in my ear, his lips tickling the outside edge. “Lily, he’s not real. You need to face this. It’ll never go away if you keep letting it bother you.”
I get what he’s saying. Face my fears and all that, but…
“No. I don’t want to go in there.” My stomach twists, and my head spins with dizziness as my heart batters my ribs. Darkness creeps into the sides of my vision.
The others have stopped to see what all the fuss is about, and Leah sidles up next to me. “Ty, if she doesn’t want to go, don’t force her.” She scrutinizes me, twisting the strap of her purse in her hands.
Ty narrows his eyes at her but doesn’t say anything before turning back to me. “You can do this, beautiful.” He squeezes both of my hands and leans in close to my ear again. “I’ll be with you the entire time. You just need to prove to yourself he doesn’t exist. I know you can do this.”
I close my eyes in an attempt to wrangle my panic and to pull coherent thoughts together. Ty’s right. Jackson doesn’t exist, and I need to face this. I can’t avoid mirrors for the rest of my life. It’s like when you fall off a horse and you have to get right back on or end up being afraid of them the rest of your life. And, maybe, the house of mirrors will be like some sort of exposure therapy, like what they do with people with phobias. Perhaps it’ll shock my system in returning to normal.
When I open my eyes, I focus on Ty and nod. “All right, but don’t leave me. Okay?”
“Never,” he promises, and brings my hands to his lips, kissing one set of knuckles and then the other, before sliding around to my side and looping an arm around my shoulder to lead me into the attraction.
Leah reaches out and tugs on my arm, stopping Ty and me, and tugging me closer to her. “You don’t have to do this, hon. You can wait until you heal. There’s no need to rush into this and make things worse.” She narrows her eyes at Ty, glowering.
Ty frowns but otherwise says nothing, leaving it up to me decide, which is why I smile at her, conveying my thanks, but shake my head even as butterflies sprout wings and fly around in my belly, making me feel even sicker.
“Ty’s right. This is something I have to do. For me.”
I can’t expect her to understand, especially when she doesn’t know the bit about Jackson, but I know she’ll stand beside me, even if she disagrees with my decision.
She studies me, then true to form, nods and releases me. She then steps back to follow us into the building with the others.
Ty, as promised, keeps a tight grip on me as I tremble, but I force myself to look into every mirror we pass.
Jackson never appears.
I grin. This is working! I mentally fist pump.
Eventually, I relax enough to try my luck and let go of Ty to wander to a few mirrors on my own. He protests and tries to grab my hand again, but I smile at him to let him know that I can handle this. Besides, I’m not going far. These mirrors are those stupid ones that make you look ridiculous, and I can’t help laughing. For the next who knows how long, I move from mirror to mirror, feeling lighter than I have in days. Exposure therapy seems to be working. Every mirror is blissfully normal.
Score one for Ty, I think with a grin. He’s totally getting a repeat performance of yesterday. My belly tingles at the thought.
It’s over. I’m fine. No, I’m ecstatic. Jackson doesn’t exist, and I’m not going crazy. Thank God.
When I get to a mirror that makes me look not only short and fat but makes my face look all squished and gnome-like, I giggle and turn to get Ty’s attention. But he isn’t near me. In fact, no one is.
Cursing myself for not paying attention, I try backtracking to locate my group but only succeed in getting myself more lost. Panic starts creeping in from the edges again, so I stop and take several deep breaths, letting them out slowly, before I refocus on how to get back. But panic digs its claws further into me with every turn I make. I can’t tell if I’m going farther into the maze or getting closer to the exit.
Where the hell is Ty? How did I lose him? He was right freaking there!
When I once again run into a dead end, I debate calling for help, but decide that will only make me look stupid and childish, so I clamp down on the panic and force myself to stop and see if I can listen for other people in the maze, maybe that will help me find the way out.
That’s when I glance up and into Jackson’s sad eyes. My heart leaps into my throat, cutting off my air, freezing my feet to the floor.
This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening, I repeat over and over. Where’s Ty? Have to find Ty.
Jackson reaches out to the glass and mouths, “Please.”
I shake my head like a dog with his favorite rope toy. “No,” I whisper, backing up. I bump into another mirror and spin, only to see Jackson staring back at me from this one instead. His hands are still out, imploring me.
I whirl again and again, but no matter where I turn, there he is.
Oh, God. I’ve lost the plot. This can’t be happening. It isn’t real. He doesn’t exist.
“Please,” he repeats, his eyes turning even sadder as if his heart is breaking. “I won’t hurt you.”
Then something in me snaps.
“No!” I scream, squeezing my eyes tightly shut. I drop to my knees, slapping my hands over my ears as my screams echo back to me. My heart pounds so furiously it’s as if it’s trying to escape from my chest.
My eyes fly open when someone grabs hold of me and pulls me into a familiar chest. Ty’s arms and scent wrap around me, and I cling to him.
“Lily! What’s wrong? What happened?” Ty demands, but I can’t tell him. I can’t even get words to form coherently. I can only babble things that don’t even make sense to me.
Leah runs in next, stopping short when she sees me. Almost instantly, though, she bolts the rest of the way to me and drops down next to me, trying to pry me from Tyler, but he holds tight.
She glares at him. “I knew this was a bad idea.”
“Now isn’t the time,” he snaps, cutting her off. He leans over and whispers in my ear, “Another hallucination?” I only nod once before a sob wrenches from my throat, and I bury my face into his chest. “Oh, man, Lily. I’m so sorry. I don’t know how we got separated. One minute you were next to me and the next you were gone. I didn’t know…didn’t realize…I’m sorry.” His head falls to touch his forehead to mine.
He encircles my waist with his arms and, ignoring all the people who’d come running, hauls me up to my feet, tucking me tight into his side and guides me back to the hotel—and his car—muttering apologies the entire time.
I curl up into a ball in his passenger seat, humiliation warring with fear. He takes me straight to my parent’s house, checking on me repeatedly as I tremble and rock myself in an effort to self-soothe.
Ty pulls into my driveway with a squeal of tires and brakes before racing around the front of the car and plucking me from the seat and hauling me up into his arms with my legs wrapped around his waist and my arms encircling his neck. He rushes inside and straight to the kitchen. Mom turns from the sink with a smile when she hears us.
“You two are back early…” she trails off when she sees me. “What happened?”
“She’s seeing things. Hallucinating a boy. In mirrors,” Ty says, squeezing me tighter as I tremble harder.
I don’t even care that he’s shared this with her. It’s obvious now I need help. Professional help.
Dishes clatter in the sink as she rushes over to me. She places the back of her hand, which is still wet from washing dishes, on my forehead and looks into my eyes. “How long?”
“Since the accident. I think something’s wrong with me,” I finally manage.
Hot tears pour from my eyes. I don’t even try to stop them. Even though Ty is still holding me, she wraps her arms around me awkwardly as my father, who’d been listening from his seat at the table, calls the hospital.
My father paces the tiny space of the room in the emergency room I’ve been assigned as we wait for the radiologist. I chew on my thumbnail while Mom flips through a magazine with shaking hands, and Ty sits on the bed with me, his arm wrapped tightly around my waist. He hasn’t let go of some part of me the entire time. The door finally opens, and a woman in green scrubs steps in, smiling at me. “We’re ready for you now, Lily.” She pushes a wheelchair in.
“I don’t need that.” I scoot back, shooting a glance to Mom, the trembling I’ve barely been able to control trying to take over again. “I can walk.”
“Hospital policy. Sorry,” the woman says, still smiling.
I groan but allow Ty to help me into the chair. Mom stands and follows as I’m wheeled down a long corridor.
Thirty minutes later, I’m wheeled back. I crawl onto the bed next to Ty again—who returns his arm to its former position around my waist—cross my legs, and pull the thin, scratchy blanket over me to keep from freezing since I’m only wearing a flimsy hospital gown. Disney’s version of Alice in Wonderland is playing on the television they have, and I settle in to watch it.
I’ve always laughed at the ending, but now I know how poor Alice felt. I just didn’t have a white rabbit to lead me on my adventures—and I’m dead certain the Queen of Hearts is on the hunt for my head. There’s just this overall feeling of dread I can’t seem to shake.
/> By the time the doctor finally arrives, my nerves are stretched to breaking. He saunters in with a frown, and, without saying a word, he holds out his tablet to my parents and me, showing us the digital images of my brain.
I listen carefully as he points to various points on the screen, but the bottom line is, I’m fine. Nothing is showing in the pictures. He goes on to explain about small tumors and blood clots, which may still be possible if they’re too small to be picked up, but as far as they can tell, there’s nothing wrong. Of course, he wants to keep me overnight for observation, and if everything goes well, he’ll discharge me in the morning.
That whole night both my parents and Ty stay with me, but none of us get any sleep, all of us anticipating me having another episode. But even when I go into the bathroom and will the mirror to reveal Jackson, he never shows.
The next morning, the night incident-free, the doctor releases me as promised. He suggests getting another CT scan in a few weeks to ensure everything remains clear and there aren’t any tiny tumors growing. But he tells me that if I get dizzy or blackout, I need to return right away.
Then he hands Mom a card. “This is a name of an excellent psychiatrist who has experience in these things. I’ve seen rare cases of this happening due to PTSD. Because we’ve ruled out any physical reasons for the hallucinations, I think it would be in her best interest to make an appointment if she keeps having them.”
That feeling of dread increases a hundred-fold at the prospect of seeing a psychiatrist. I’m not sure why, but I’m terrified of even the thought of seeing the person whose name is on that card.
“We will. Thank you, Doctor,” Dad says, holding his hand out to shake.
The doctor shakes Dad’s hand. “Not a problem.” He turns to me. “Remember what I said, young lady.” He nods at Mom and Ty before exiting.
I wait for him to leave before facing Mom. “I’m not seeing a psychiatrist.” I don’t know why, but as soon as the doctor mentioned it, I got a bad feeling. No, not a bad feeling. A terrible feeling.