by Bailey James
He opens the door and releases me to start up the stairs by himself. “I just need to grab a few things. Wait here for me. It’ll just be a minute.”
I say, “Okay,” before he bolts up the staircase.
I wander his foyer, taking the time to pull myself together.
This is ridiculous. You’re being ridiculous, I criticize myself. This is Ty, not a stranger. Get your shit together and act like the loving girlfriend you’re supposed to be. Jackson is not your boyfriend; Ty is.
True, Jackson is hot. And nice. Fun to talk to. He makes my pulse race with just a look. And just thinking of him smooths my panicky edges. I sigh and a goofy smile spreads across my face. But he’s not my boyfriend.
I give myself a mental shake. Not. Your. Boyfriend. With that thought, I stop my pacing to study myself in Ty’s hallway mirror and freeze as the mirror shimmers and Jackson’s face appears.
He grins, then frowns. “This isn’t your room.”
Whoa, I can hear him. I glance up the stairs and lean closer to the mirror. Close enough that my breath fogs the glass. “No. I’m at Ty’s,” I whisper. “How is this happening?”
“I don’t know. Why are you with him?” Jackson scowls, practically hissing out that last word.
The want/need to soothe and reassure him fills me, but I shove it down. Hard. Not my boyfriend.
“Because he asked me to. Besides, it would look a little suspicious if I didn’t go out with my boyfriend from time to time. Don’t you think?” Those words come out harsher than I intended due to my internal conflict.
He scowls. “You’re probably right.”
His words are clipped, and I can hear the anger in his words, but I also hear the hurt. The sound of it hits me straight in the chest, and I rub the heel of my good hand against it.
I quickly glance up the stairs. “What did you say to me this morning?”
Jackson looks away, refusing to meet my eyes. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”
“Jackson, it wasn’t nothing. You looked upset. Please tell me.”
My voice is soft but pleading, and Jackson actually looks like he might answer, but then Ty clatters down the stairs and cuts off his reply. I curse under my breath.
Jackson makes a face at Ty, but Ty merely glances between the mirror and me. “What’s up?” he asks, his voice very casual. Too casual, and that makes me think he might have heard some of my conversation with Jackson.
I press my lips into a giant smile and fluff my hair. “Nothing, just fixing my hair.” I hold up the hair clip I always keep in my pocket. “It was bothering me.”
Ty stares at me for another moment. “Oh. Okay. Ready to go?”
I secure a strand of hair back from my face. “Yep.”
Ty puts his arm around my waist again, and I fight the shudder that wants to wrack my body as we walk from his house. I also struggle against the urge to look behind me to see if Jackson is still there.
Chapter Sixteen
At the Science Center, we wander around while Ty plays tour guide. I haven’t been here in years, but his father always buys the annual pass thing, so he and Ty can visit the traveling exhibits that come through a couple of times a year, so Ty is here a lot. I usually like him taking the time to explain the exhibits to me. It sometimes can come across a little mansplain-y, but I know he’s just really excited about it and wanting me to share in it, so I usually don’t complain. Today, however, it’s kind of irritating the shit out of me.
Not to mention, every time we pass something reflective, I pause and wait to see if Jackson will appear. So far? He hasn’t.
I don’t know if it’s because the portal isn’t there or because he doesn’t want me to see him.
When I pause for the tenth time, Ty stops talking, glancing down at me in concern. “Are you dizzy or something? Why do you keep stopping?”
“Oh, sorry. Just trying to digest what you’re telling me.”
He grins and tightens his arm around my waist. “Oh. Of course.” He goes on to explain about Saturn’s moons as we pass that exhibit, and that reminds me of what Jackson said about colonies on those same moons in his dimension, and it makes me smile.
As impossible as it probably is, I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to live on, or even just visit, those places. It would be so commonplace for Jackson but utterly surreal to me. And with those thoughts, I find myself wanting to get home and talk to Jackson about it. The shuttles it takes to get there, what his world does for entertainment, to ask about the colonies. What he does for fun.
He’s a swimmer so that probably takes up a lot of time. But it also builds up some exciting muscles. I’ll bet he has an incredible chest. And his voice…Stop it! You already have a boyfriend, I scold myself, but it doesn’t stop the sudden heat in my belly.
My mind keeps wandering back to Jackson the whole trip, and I finally give up fighting it. If that’s where it wants to be, that’s where I will let it be. It isn’t such a bad place, after all. Jackson is fantastic to look at, and his voice is the sexiest thing…
I shoot a quick glance over at Tyler, guilt eating at me. But then I have to laugh when I see he’s talking with a girl who looks younger than us about the thermodynamics of the anti-lock brakes installed on the car that’s broken down into different parts so we can see how it all works. It’s obvious to me that he’s really excited to talk about it, his future engineer coming out to play, but the girl just stares up at him with puppy-dog eyes.
She keeps giggling and tossing her hair over her shoulder. It’s obvious she’s trying to flirt with him, but he’s completely oblivious. Which simultaneously fills me with happiness, but also guilt.
Deciding to rescue him, I walk over. “Ty, why don’t we head home? I’m hungry.” As if to prove me right, my stomach growls.
The girl glares at me, but then quickly scampers away and hides amongst her friends. I have to fight a chuckle.
Ty frowns after her but turns to me with a smile a moment later. “Okay.” He slings his arm over my shoulders and guides me toward the exit. He peers down, eyeing me carefully. “I wasn’t flirting.”
I have to bite back another laugh. No. He certainly wasn’t. “I know.”
At his house, we sit on the couch. It’s starting to get dark, and I’m just now realizing just how long we’d been gone. A colossal pizza sits in front of us, and I slowly eat a piece. He has on some lame B-rated black and white horror movie and is narrating it for me.
I sit quietly and pretend to care, but I keep glancing over to the mirror that hangs on the wall, hoping to see Jackson. I have to remind myself again and again that I can’t think of him like that. I can’t want to see him so badly, especially when I’m leaning against my boyfriend. But I can’t help myself. Something pulls my mind—and if I’m not careful, my heart—toward him.
The movie and Ty’s incessant chatter soon prove so dull that I find myself fighting to stay awake. When my head bobs for the millionth time, Ty chuckles.
“Still tired, beautiful?”
He turns toward me and flicks the television off. “I’ve got something much more entertaining to do.”
He leans over and kisses me. And I kiss him back, willing the warmth that I usually feel to heat my blood and body. He moves his mouth to my throat and nibbles lightly at the spot where my ear and neck join. I tilt my head back to give him more room, feeling his smile against my skin as he pushes me back onto the couch to lean over me, capturing my mouth with his again.
I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer, groaning when he gently settles his weight over me, nestling his hips between my legs. He kisses the corner of my mouth, then continues down my throat to my collarbone in a series of gentle nips and licks. I groan when his rough hand slips under my shirt and drags up my side to cup my breast.
He licks his way along my collarbone until
the dip in the center. My whole body shaking, I clasp his face between my hands and pull up to slant my mouth against his. But when I let my eyes flutter closed, it’s not Ty I see behind my lids. It’s Jackson.
It’s Jackson’s full mouth against mine. His lithe swimmer’s build hovering over my body, pressing me into the couch. His taste bursting on my tongue when our tongues meet. The chlorine and clove scent I remember so well from the accident wrapping around me and filling my nose. I open my eyes, and for a brief second, it’s his green eyes staring into mine, before it fades and is replaced with Ty’s heated blue gaze.
Oh my God.
I jerk back as if Ty had slapped me. Tears prick my eyes as guilt pours into me. Guilt that Ty is touching me and not Jackson. And even more guilt that I’m fantasizing about Jackson when I’m making out with my boyfriend. Shame swamps me, pulling me deeper into its mists with every caress.
My chest pulls tight. I can’t do this. It’s wrong. I can’t kiss Ty when my thoughts are filled with someone else.
I push on Ty’s chest to put space between us, but Ty must misunderstand what I want, because with a grin he reaches behind him, then yanks the shirt over his head. Instantly, and without giving me even a second to react, he goes back to kissing me. For a minute, I’m lost to his kiss. Until his groan yanks me back into reality.
“Ty,” I say, trying to get his attention.
He keeps kissing me, his lips trailing along my jaw.
I turn away. “Ty,” I try again.
Ty only slides one of his hands under my shirt and cups my breast. A little bit of panic beats in my chest. “Ty. Stop.”
“What’s wrong? Am I hurting you?” he says, in between kisses.
“No. I just…I’m …” How the hell do I even explain what’s going on with me right now?
“You’ve been through so much, Lily. I just want to make you feel good. Will you let me? Please.”
He kisses me again, cutting off another of my protests, and making my toes curl. But guilt still eats at me. Two kinds now. One that makes me feel like I’m betraying Jackson by letting Ty kiss me, and now the shame that I’m letting another guy get between Ty and me.
He kisses in the sensitive spot under my ear, and I shiver, then his hand moves to between my legs. “I won’t hurt you. I’m going to be so careful. I promise. Like at the beach. Let me make you feel good.”
Oh, God. I want to. I want to just lie back and soak up every single one of his caresses, but I can’t. It’s not right. “No. Ty…I can’t. Not right now.” Please, I beg silently. I need time to think.
He must hear the silent plea in my voice because he stops and leans back to study my face. He cups a hand against my cheek.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I…I just want to go home. Please.”
Ty’s face pinches, and worry swoops into his eyes, erasing the lust-filled haze. “Did I push you too far? I’m sorry. Please. Just stay here. With me? I won’t try anything. We’ll just watch TV. I promise.”
His own plea shatters something in me and guilty tears pour over my cheeks. “Please, Ty. Just take me home.”
Ty doesn’t even argue. He just looks sad. “Okay.” He stands, shoving his hands into his pockets in a move I know he’s doing to hide his erection and more guilt piles on to my already mountain-sized lump I’m carrying around.
I step forward, opening my mouth to apologize, but he backs away. “Just…give me a minute. Okay?” He walks away, leaving me alone in his living room.
Hot tears pour down my cheeks as I make my way to foyer. Mortification wars with the guilt. What the fuck is happening to me? Why is it happening? I love Ty. I want to be with him. Why am I fantasizing about Jackson?
“Lily?”
I turn and see the guy in question in the mirror again; he watches me curiously until he sees the tears. He narrows his eyes. “What happened?”
I ignore him as Ty comes back in, passing me without a word to exit the house.
All the way home, I try, uselessly, I might add, to control the sobs that wrack my body. Something has changed between us, and it terrifies me. I don’t want to lose him, but I can’t deny something feels like it’s pulling us apart.
He pulls into the driveway and turns to face me. “I’m sorry, Lily.”
I frown at him. “You didn’t do anything wrong. This is all me.”
“But you’re crying.”
Don’t be so nice, I want to yell. I don’t deserve it.
Instead, I wave away his concern. “I’m overreacting. I’ll be fine. I’m just—the accident has made everything so weird. I’m not even sure why I’m crying.” I sniff hard and wipe my face with the back of my hand. “Thanks for the ride home.” I finally manage to get the door open and hurry into the house before he can argue.
I run up the stairs, and Mom calls after me, “Lily? Is that you? How was your day?” She steps up to the foot of the stairs.
I pause at the top landing but don’t turn. “It was fine. Had a blast. Thanks.” I walk as fast as I can, without actually running, to my room, lock the door, and then lean against it, letting my shaking legs collapse underneath me. I lean into my thighs and cry into my hands.
The distinct sound of knocking comes from my mirror, and I glance up to find Jackson waiting for me with a nervous expression.
For fuck’s sake.
He’s the last person I want to see, and I definitely don’t want to talk to anyone, but locking my bedroom door isn’t going to keep him out. I sigh and get up to rest just a few fingertips against the glass.
“What happened? What did he do to you?” he demands. His palms are white from the pressure he’s exerting on the glass.
“Nothing,” I tell him, my voice still a little shaky.
“Nothing doesn’t leave you like this.”
“It’s nothing, Jackson. Okay. Just leave me alone,” I snap, immediately regretting it but not apologizing either.
He looks stung but lowers his hands. “All right. I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk.”
When I don’t say anything, he steps back. The mirror shimmers until it’s only my reflection staring back at me with haunted eyes.
When I’m sure he’s gone, I crawl onto my bed, then roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling. My phone rings, but I ignore it. I know who it is. I recognize the ring tone. Leah calls twice more before my text chimes go off several times, but I disregard them all.
After the sixth text, I get up to stand at my window and stare at the moon for a long time before I realize I actually do want to talk to Jackson. No. I need to speak to him. I have to tell him what happened. And, no matter how much guilt I have, I need to hear him tell me that the feelings I’m developing for him are reciprocated. I kind of hate myself for these thoughts, but I can’t put a stop to them anymore. I’m not sure I even want to.
I glance at the clock: one o’clock. Great. Another night of lost sleep.
With nervous steps, I stride to the mirror. To my surprise, the portal is already open, but he isn’t waiting for me. He’s lying on his bed, his back facing me and naked from the waist up. I take a moment as I gather my courage to look at him. Really look at him.
His body isn’t without flaws. Like his face, there’s a giant scar that slashes from his left shoulder to his right hip. I assume it’s from the same accident, but it still makes me sad to see it, knowing why he hasn’t fixed it.
He rolls, turning to face me, and I notice he’s asleep. I can’t help smiling at the sweet expression on his face. His mouth curves into a little smile, and he sighs out my name. My heart melts like chocolate in the sun.
Chapter Seventeen
I don’t know if what I’m feeling is a good thing or a bad thing, but at the moment, I don’t care. All I know is that all my problems feel a million miles away, and I could watch him sleep fo
rever.
Even though I should feel weird and maybe a bit like a creeper for watching him when he doesn’t know I’m there, I don’t. Smiling, I sit on the floor to do just that. It’s interesting watching him. He’s balled up his comforter and has an arm and leg tossed over it. His face is smashed into his pillow. Every once in a while, he mumbles something, but it’s so garbled I can’t make it out.
He talks in his sleep. That’s cute.
I lean the side of my head on the glass and catch myself tracing the lines of his naked chest with my finger through the mirror when I hear a babble of voices. Trying to find the source of the sound, I peer around his room.
After a minute, I realize it’s coming from his plant. It’s singing. The voice—or voices—are actually quite beautiful and somehow sad, making the strange creature a lot less frightening.
I focus my attention back on Jackson, frowning when I see him thrashing around. He says my name again but with a slight edge of panic to his voice this time. Suddenly, he bolts straight upright. He shoves off the linens trapping his feet and pushes off the bed before dashing to the mirror. His eyes are wide and a little wild at first when he sees me, but then he takes a deep, shuddering breath before joining me on the floor. He places his hand on the mirror and makes a sweeping gesture with a shaking hand.
“Oh, thank goodness,” he says.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing now. You’re fine, so I’m fine,” he mumbles as he rests his head against the glass.
I’m fine, so he’s fine? What does that mean?
“Jackson?” I put a healthy level of censure in my voice.
“I’m sorry. Don’t worry about it. I’ll explain it later.” He glances up, and his whole expression changes. From relief back to worry. “Uh, how are you feeling?”
I’m not stupid. I know exactly what he’s talking about, and it isn’t my accident, but I don’t want to get into that, so I only say, “I’m good.”
“No, you aren’t. I know you, Lily. More than you think I do, and I know you don’t cry without reason. What did he do to you?”