by Bailey James
“You look great with glasses. My very own sexy nerd.”
I blush, and the warm fluttering feeling in my stomach comes back. “So you’ve said. About a million times already.”
He keeps grinning at me. “And I’ll keep saying it until you believe it.”
I give him a coy smile. “Then you’ll be saying it a long time.”
“I’ve got the rest of my life,” he says.
The frogs return and compete with the butterflies, which have refused to vacate the small space in my belly.
My door bursts open, and Alder stomps in. “We need to…what are you doing sitting on the floor?”
I jump as my heart flies into my throat. “Geez, Alder. Ever hear of knocking?”
He narrows his eyes. “Not when I’ve been feeling guilty for causing you and Ty to break up, only to find out you cheated on him.”
I blink, trying to wrap my mind around what he’s saying. “You’ve been feeling guilty? Why?”
“I thought Ty broke up with you because I had a little talk with him that day you came home crying. So, I went over there to try and explain, but he told me you were cheating on him and that’s why you were fighting and why you broke up.”
I sigh, sneaking a quick peek at Jackson, he’s standing now, and observing the two of us. “First off, you need to stop sticking your nose in my relationships.” I glare at him. “It’s none of your business, and I can take care of myself. Second,” I hurry to say when Alder tries to interrupt. “I wasn’t cheating on him, but I did find someone else. I broke up with Ty so I could start dating him.”
Alder does a quick scan of my face. “You’re lying. You haven’t left the house but once, and you only went to that friend of yours, Cindy or something.”
“I’ve talked to him on the phone and through Snapchat,” I say with a wave. “Besides, you need to keep your nose out of it. I don’t butt into your relationships.”
“You’ve never watched me mope around the house because I broke up with my girlfriend either.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “I haven’t been moping.”
He rolls his eyes. “Yes, you have. You never leave the house. You barely eat. You’re still in the same pajamas you’ve had on for the past three days.”
I wince and glance down at myself. I guess he’s right about that last one, at least. Gross!
“I hear you mumbling to yourself, and I’ve picked you up off the floor and put you in your bed more times in the last week than I care to count just so Mom and Dad won’t worry any more than they already are. You’re moping.”
“I’m not moping,” I insist. “I’ve been talking to him on the phone. I’m distracted. And there’s no need to worry. I’m fine.”
He crosses his arms. “Yeah, right. What’s this mystery boy’s name, and why haven’t you talked to Rose about him?”
Damn it! Good question. Rose is probably even closer to me than Leah. We share everything, from clothes to secrets. “How do you know I haven’t?”
“Because I can tell when she’s lying, and she had no clue what I was talking about when I asked her. So, I repeat, why haven’t you talked to her about this new boy?”
“Because I didn’t want Ty to know until I was ready to tell him.”
“And that’s another thing—” He narrows his eyes and steps forward, stepping on something that crinkles under his foot. “What’s this?” he asks, bending down to pick up the paper.
I jump over and try to take it from his hand, but he keeps it just out of reach. “Alder, stop. That’s personal. Give it back.”
“No. Who’s Jackson?” He looks directly into my eyes.
“No one. Give it back.” I make another grab for it but miss it by at least an inch.
Instead of listening, he picks up another paper and starts reading it. Then another. When he looks up, his eyes are filled with dread. “You mention the name several times. Wasn’t that the boy you saw in your mirror?”
I stop fighting as the blood drains from my face, dread pooling in my stomach. “What makes you say that?”
“Ty and Mom talked about it after you got back from the hospital when they did your CT scan. Lily, you were supposed to tell Mom if you kept seeing him.”
I hug myself and look away. “Why? So they can send me to a mental hospital?” I mumble.
“If it helps, yeah. Lily, this isn’t good. You need help. You need to make this Jackson go away. He doesn’t exist.”
“I don’t want to make Jackson go away!” I yell and then instantly regret it. Fuck!
Alder’s eyes widen, and he grabs my hand in an iron grip to yank me from the room and into Mom’s, where she’s knitting.
She looks up, her mouth forming a little ‘o’ of surprise. “Alder! What are you doing dragging your sister around like that?”
I struggle to pull away, but Alder only grips tighter and says, “She’s still seeing that boy in her mirror, and now she’s talking to him.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Mom slowly puts down her knitting needles and unwraps her hands from the yarn before standing. It takes every ounce of willpower I have not to cower under her gaze. It’s the look she sends me—or any of us kids—every time we do something wrong. It does more to scare us than any lecture or punishment ever could do. She says she learned it from her mother, who learned it from her mother, who learned from her mother, and so on and so forth. She promised one day I, too, would be able to use that look with confidence. I’m not sure I want to.
She stares me down until I’m forced to look away. “Lily Belle Baker. You better start explaining yourself.”
So, I do what any girl in my situation would do. I lie. “Mom, I haven’t. I swear. I would have told you if I had.”
“Then why are you trying to kill a forest?” Alder says.
Despite myself, I snicker, and see the slight grin on his face. Mom looks between us. “What’s he talking about?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know, Mom.”
Alder narrows his eyes at me. “She wrote the name Jackson over and over in her notebook. There are a few other things, but that’s the main one.”
I glare and stick my tongue out at him.
“Real mature, Lil,” he says under his breath.
Before I can retort, Mom asks, “Lily, is this true?” Her eyes are worried as she watches me.
I blush, hoping the action looks realistic as I tell her the partial truth. “Yes, but it’s not what either of you think.”
“Well then, you better tell us what it is. And no lies,” Mom says, her hands moving to her hips.
My mind races to remember everything I’ve said to everyone else. And this is why I never lie. I sigh and mentally cross my fingers that I don’t contradict myself. “I met someone else. At the beach. I know you guys like Tyler, so I didn’t want you to freak out over the fact that I left him for Jackson.”
Mom exchanges a look with Alder, who stares at me, his mouth open in shock.
“Trying to catch flies?” I whisper.
Mom interrupts whatever his response would have been. “I thought this Jackson was the boy in the mirror?”
“It was, but I think the doctor was right.” I lick my lips. “My mind was making stuff up and using my own memories to create false ones. I met Jackson—the real one—at the beach. He knocked me down—on accident—and then told me I had pretty eyes.” Alder rolls his eyes, but I ignore him. “He gave me his number and asked for mine. Which I gave him. I don’t know why,” I shrug, “but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Then he called me the day after I had the CT scan.”
Alder snickers, and Mom gives me her I’m-considering-this-information-don’t-interrupt-me look, so I keep my mouth shut, as my heart beats so loudly in my ears I’m surprised no one else hears it.
“Was this the person you
went to see when you were supposed to go to the mall?”
I concentrate on regulating my breathing, so she won’t see how nervous I am. “Yes. I’m sorry I lied to you. I just wasn’t sure what to do.”
“And the reason you were up all night that night before?”
I grab at it. “Yes. I was talking to Jackson. I’ve never felt like this with anyone,” I say with a smile, as Jackson appears in Mom’s mirror. He smiles back and then kisses his fingers and presses them to the glass. I smile wider before sliding my eyes over to Mom.
She smiles back, and the sparkle is back in her eyes. “Well, geez, Lily. What did you think we were going to do? Stop you from seeing him? You’ll be eighteen in less than a month, and it’s your life. I can’t tell you what to do. If you’d rather be with this Jackson boy than Ty, why would I stop you?” She gives me a slightly disappointed look, and I wish I’d come up with this excuse earlier. “You’ll be in college soon anyway. Chances are you and Ty wouldn’t have made it. I like Ty, but your happiness is more important.” She turns the “Mother’s look” to Alder. “And you, young man, stay out of your sister’s business. I know you were concerned for her, but it’s not your responsibility.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he says under his breath, but the look he gives me, tells me he’s not as convinced by this story as Mom is.
I smirk at him, and he scowls at me before stomping out of the room.
“Don’t gloat, young lady. It’s not nice.”
I turn to leave with a nod, but Mom stops me by placing a hand on my shoulder. “Honey, I know you really like this new boy, but be careful, okay? You don’t really know him. Not everyone is who they say they are. I’d hate to see you hurt…or worse.”
I remember Jackson’s mom saying almost the same thing, and a tiny sliver of doubt slips in as I amble to my room. Is this whole thing a hallucination? Am I losing it? His mom is so much like mine. Is it just something my mind is making up using bits and pieces from my real life? Am I falling in love with a dream? I stop in the middle of the hallway as the frogs grow wings and join the butterflies as they fly around my nervous stomach. Am I falling in love?
I shake my head. Impossible. Someone doesn’t fall in love with a person they’ve only known for a couple of weeks.
“Everything okay?” Rose asks.
She leans against the doorjamb of her room, her slight smile soothing a few of my nerves. I debate whether I should talk to her or not but decide against it. She’ll want too many details. I can’t afford to take the chance of her finding out who Jackson really is.
“Uh, yeah. I thought I forgot something in Mom’s room, but I remembered I didn’t.” I laugh and continue on into my room as panic sets in. I don’t love him. I can’t. I barely know him. Like? Sure. Like, like? Definitely. But not love. Love is too much. Isn’t it?
Jackson waits at the mirror and frowns when he sees my expression. “Everything all right? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“Just too many things going on at once,” I say.
He raises an eyebrow and then taps the mirror with his fingers in an absent gesture. “That’s not everything, but I’ll let it go for now.”
I smile my gratitude. “And that’s why I like, like you.”
“What?” he asks with a laugh.
I shake my head, “Don’t worry about it. It’s not really that important.”
“Yes, it is. You said it. That means it’s important.”
“No, really it isn’t.”
“Lily.” His voice holds a hint of warning in it.
“Okay. Fine. So, there’s tiers to a relationship.” I make a stacking gesture.
He gives me an amused/confused book. “Tiers?”
“Yeah, okay, so you have the ‘like,’” I finger-quote the word like, “stage, which is the first one. This is usually before a couple starts dating and/or immediately after. Then you have the ‘like, like,’” again, I use finger quotes, “stage, which is in the middle of the relationship. It’s where the couple starts to feel more for each other than just like and starts to become exclusive.”
He laughs. “Exclusive?”
I nod, my face the picture of seriousness even if I can feel my cheeks burning. “Yep. For instance, I’m not dating anyone else. And I don’t want you to, either.” I swallow as I make the request but don’t look away.
He saunters over to his desk and grabs the soda bottle that sits on it, leaving me to worry about what he’s thinking. “Okay, yeah. I’m totally on board with that.” He smirks at me. “You just made it sound like it was more a business dealing than a relationship.”
“Well, sometimes you have to treat a relationship like a business deal.”
He sends me a “you’re kidding” look. “A business deal? There’s nothing businesslike about our relationship.” He sends me a look that makes my blood pressure rise. “Yeah, okay, so, we’re in the like, like stage?”
“Um, hmm.”
“So, what’s the next stage?”
I shrug one shoulder. “Love.”
He chokes on his soda and sputters it all over the glass while I laugh at him.
“Are you okay?” I ask, after he finishes coughing.
“Yeah, I think so.” His voice is hoarse as he slaps his chest with his hand.
“Good. Now that that is settled, where were we?” I ask, focusing back on the papers.
“I don’t think the answers are here.” He gestures toward the papers.
“Sure they are. We just haven’t been looking at them hard enough.”
“We’ve been looking at them for over a week, Tiger Lily. How much harder do you want to look?”
“I don’t know,” I mumble.
“We’re just going to drive ourselves crazy if we keep rereading these things. There’s nothing in them.”
I place them back down and take off my glasses. “I know. I just don’t want to lose you, Jackson.”
He scoots closer to the mirror. “You aren’t going to.”
“You don’t know that,” I whisper, opening and closing my glasses, as frustrated tears well up in my eyes.
“Hey.”
I peer back up. His hand is on the mirror. Without saying a word, I place my hand over his.
“I know it, Lily. I’m not leaving you. Ever. You’re much too important. Okay?”
“But if they come back—”
“They won’t. I don’t know anything. Remember? They don’t know I know anything. It’s been over a week. If they thought I knew something, they’d have been back by now. That’s what all our research has shown.”
I run a hand under my nose, sniffling. “Yeah, okay.”
He smiles gently. “Okay? You’ll stop crying now?”
I sniffle again. “I’ll try.”
“My girl cannot have red eyes, okay?”
I sniffle again, but control my emotions enough to say, “I hate this.”
He tilts his head and draws his eyebrows together. “What?”
I make a sweeping gesture with my hand. “This. The mirror. The cult. This stupid portal. Everything.”
He nods and sighs. “Me, too, but without the portal, we’d never have met.”
I return his nod, but don’t know what else to say.
An hour later, we’re listening to my radio when one of my favorite songs comes on. It’s just recently become a favorite, and only because it reminds me so much of Jackson and me.
I hum along with the chorus and listen as Jackson talks to his trainer on the phone about something. I don’t understand anything he’s talking about, but I don’t really care either. It’s just wonderful to hear his voice and remember what it’s like to feel his breath against my neck as he whispers in my ear.
A knock sounds on my door, and I call out, “Come in,” as I quickly stand and hurry to my bed
. Leah pokes her head around the door, and I smile at her, genuinely happy to see her.
“Hey, girl,” I say.
On the other hand, she doesn’t look anywhere near as happy as I feel as she enters the rest of the way, the frown on her face becoming more pronounced as she studies me. “Hey yourself. How’ve you been?”
“Great. I’m doing great.” I grin wider to hopefully get her to smile back.
She twists her hands together instead. “I heard you broke up with Ty.”
Is that what this is about? “Um, hmm. About a week ago.” I move over so she can sit next to me.
She doesn’t move, just stays right inside my door. “How come you didn’t tell me?”
I blink at the hardness of her tone. “Oh, uh, I don’t know. It just never crossed my mind, I guess. Sorry.”
She frowns at me. “Lily, you haven’t called in over a week either. Not once. Or returned any of my hundreds of calls.”
“I haven’t?” I think back over the last week and then sigh. She’s right. I haven’t. Not once. I’ve been so wrapped up in Jackson and trying to figure out a way to get him away from there that I haven’t even thought about her. “Oh, geez. I’m so sorry.”
She finally walks over and sits next to me on the bed. However, she keeps her back straight as if it’s tied to a board. “What’s going on, Lil? Why have you been ignoring everyone?”
Reaching over to pat her hand, I say with all honesty, “I didn’t mean to. Jackson and I have just been spending a lot of time together.”
“Don’t you think that it’s a little strange?” she asks, studying me.
Both of my eyebrows raise before I can stop them. “What?”
“Spending so much time with him.”
“What? We just talk most days. We’ve just met. It’s natural to want to talk all the time.”
“That’s what I mean. You were never like this with Ty. You still hung out with us. You never just ignored us.”
Yeah, because I could bring Ty along.
“I’m sorry. Really. I honestly didn’t realize I was doing it.” And it’s not like she doesn’t do that to me and the rest of us whenever she’s got a new boy toy. But I don’t say that.