“Scared of what, Riley?” He asks leaning his mouth down to my neck, molding his chest to mine. I know he can feel me trembling. He has to be aware of the affect he has on me.
“Of you, of what I feel for you,” I say on a whimper. I can’t breathe. God, he is kissing my neck, and I can’t think straight.
“How does this feel? Does this scare you?” He whispers in my ear before nibbling it.
I whimper, “Yes. Shit, it feels...God, it feels...” I don’t finish the statement. I grab his face and begin kissing him again. What the hell is wrong with me?
He lifts me up, and my legs wrap around his waist on their own accord. My hands are tangled into his hair, and he turns us around, walking back to my bed where he lays us back down. His body is pressed to mine in all the right places. His bare chest feels like heaven, and the way his mouth moves with mine—oh dear God. It’s impossible to fight this. I’m so screwed. I want to be screwed. Fuck.
We are completely out of breath, when he pulls back looking down at my face, the seriousness etched in every feature when he speaks softly the words I have longed and feared to hear forever. “Riley, I don’t want to be your best friend anymore.” I have literally been kissed senseless.
His forehead is crinkled in concentration. I rub my finger along the line to smooth it. “You don’t?” I ask.
He shakes his head back and forth. “No, I want to be more. I want to be with you.”
I stare at him looking for the insincerity, but I don’t see it. All I see is truth, and in this moment, I trust my gut. My gut tells me Josh is safe. Josh is the one I love. Josh is the one I am meant to be with. I have wanted to hear those words for years. So for the first time, I embrace them instead of running from them.
“Okay,” I whisper.
“Okay?” He says, suddenly excited.
“Yes, I want to be with you too, Josh,” I tell him and then he is on me again. His hand tickles up my ribcage and cups my breast gently as I moan. I have this burning sensation I’m not used to. We are a tangled web of desire.
He doesn’t push any further though, and when he pulls back again I see the question there in his eye. To stop? To keep going? But sensing I am probably not ready to keep going, he slows...and in this moment, my heart becomes completely his. I just hope he protects it, cherishes it, because I can’t take it back. It’s all his now. I am his.
I have decided that his mouth is my new favorite taste in the world. I could kiss him forever. It’s addicting, and I am goner.
CHAPTER 11
I can still taste her, feel her body trembling in my arms. I wanted to do more, to push her for more, but I had to wait. I needed this to be perfect, not rushed. I wanted to take my time with her, get there the right way.
“Hey, Josh. I need to go into work. I was supposed to take Joey and Tatum out today, though. Do you mind trading duties and being their escort?” my dad asks me as I walk back into the house with the biggest grin on my face.
“Sure, can I just drop them off somewhere and pick them up later?” I ask.
“Yeah, whatever. I put some money on the counter. Just keep me updated, and all’s good boy.” He pats my shoulder and leaves.
I haven’t really come down from my ‘Riley high’, and I don’t really want to. I’m thinking I have two options here: First option is to toss the brats off somewhere. Head home to my empty house where I can convince Riley to skip over all the—let’s take this slow stuff and jump right into—I have been waiting years to get lost in you stage. The second option is to take her on a date so to speak, talk about what’s really going on, and put the ball in her court.
Okay, so obviously...I want option one, but I know Riley. So, option two is the way to go. I send her a text.
Me: I’M ON BRAT DUTY TODAY. PROMISED EM I’D DRIVE SOMEWHERE. WANNA KEEP ME COMPANY?
Riley: SURE :) TIME?
Me: NOON - WE CAN DO LUNCH
Riley: K
Me: STILL THINKING OF YOU
Riley: :) ALWAYS
Jesus. Always. She has no idea.
CHAPTER 12
With new beginnings comes a whole new set of fear and doubts. I wish I were normal. I wish I wasn’t so scared to let him love me. Today, I’m going to try because I can’t stop loving him.
When Tatum and I get outside, Josh is leaning against his brand new-shiny-Toyota Tundra, an early graduation gift from his dad. It has a full cab, completely loaded, and I am in love with it. I also hate it because it is a reminder that Josh could leave me soon. That is, if he accepts his scholarship. I could very well lose my best friend and there is nothing I can do to change it.
That is my biggest fear by starting something with him. He has the power to ruin me. Giving him my heart is a huge risk. He could take it and stay with me forever, or he could use it for a little while, and then move onto the next. I’m trying not to let my mind jump to the worst possible scenario and just let the happiness be—for once I’m taking my mom’s advice.
Taking in his appearance makes my stomach do funny flip-flops. He is a beautiful creature, an Adonis in his almost manhood. His head is down, his dirty blond hair falling into his face, a mess of layers. He is playing on his phone, not noticing us standing in our yard. He is wearing low riding, faded jeans, black boots crossed at the ankle, and a black t-shirt exposing his gorgeous tanned arms. The tattoo that wraps around his muscled bicep peeks through. This boy oozes sexy—even standing just like that.
Tatum tugged on my arm giggling at me, “I thought you said let’s go,” she says and shakes her head at me knowingly.
“Oh yeah, sorry. I just was—,”
“Ogling our neighbor,” she finished my sentence and took off across the yard laughing.
Josh looks up as he hears her, his hazel eyes twinkling in the sunlight. “Hey, Tator Tot. Joey’s inside. Go get her, and tell her I said to hurry it up. Will ya?” he directs my sister.
She gives him a look, crosses her arms at him, halting short of the front steps. “Seriously, Joshua. You’re going to have to stop calling me, Tator Tot. I’m not a kid anymore if you haven’t noticed,” and she does a little twirl in her sundress.
It’s February in Texas. We have very indecisive weather here. One day it’s chilly and the next day it feels like Spring Break. Today it’s Spring Break—beautifully warm.
He clears his throat to keep from laughing and grins at her. God, his grin is adorable. He has this one dimple on his cheek, and I just love it. “Whatever you say, Tator Tot. Go get Jo so we can go. Please?” He waves her off, and she sticks her tongue out at him before heading into his front door. I laugh from a few feet away. Real mature.
His eyes suddenly lock with mine, and everything inside of me does a somersault, my heart skips a beat inside my chest. His smile melts away all of my doubts and insecurities and leaves in its place this warm and fuzzy feeling. Everything about him makes me feel better.
Throwing caution to the wind, I run and jump on Josh, wrapping my legs around his waist and kiss his cheek.
“Someone is happy to see me. Miss me so soon?” He says laughing, “Not that I am complaining or anything. I kind of enjoy your legs around me like this,” he pinches my side making me squeal.
“You’re such a guy, Josh. And yes, I missed you.” I say ruffling his hair, pushing off his chest and placing my feet back on the ground. “I was going to just hug you, but then I decided to—,”
“Throw yourself at me instead?” he laughs.
I laugh too, “Yeah, um...sorry about that.”
Josh opens my door, ever the gentleman, and places me into the seat. It is sweet, and it makes me smile. Before he shut the door, he kisses the top of my head. He always does that. “Stop apologizing. Okay?” I nod. “And you are more than welcome to throw yourself at me anytime,” he adds making me blush.
I lean into him and kiss his cheek. I keep doing that lately, even before things shifted. I wonder if he has noticed.
He stares at me searching my ey
es and opens his mouth to say something, but doesn’t. Instead, he pats my leg and shuts the door.
Josh climbs in, and not two seconds later, our sisters are climbing in the backseat with Joey already the back seat driver.
“Hey, Josh. Will you drop Tate and me off at the mall? Please, please, please.” she whines with puppy dog eyes at her big brother over the center console.
“Yeah, just stop whining.” He looks over at me, “Where are we going, Riley? Please, tell me not the mall?” he asks with a pleading look that makes me laugh.
“Um, yeah, not the mall. I hate shopping, besides I’m hungry, and food court food is yuck.” I tell him honestly, earning me ‘boo’s’ from the back seat from our two sisters.
“What girl hates shopping, Riley? You’re so weird.” Tatum interjects.
“This girl.” I point to myself, as Josh pulls out the driveway with a smile. I begin flipping through the radio stations, settling on the one I know will annoy Josh the most just for a laugh. He hates rap music, or anything he deems ridiculous music that makes no sense.
I blare Major Lazor, Bubble Butt. The girls and I start dancing and singing like fools. Josh watches me amused with a raised brow.
“Ok. Seriously, this song is so ridiculous,” he groans and flips through his iPod to one of my favorite songs. He winks at me as the song filters through the speakers. Our sisters complain briefly before taking a snapshot of themselves together with duck faces. I’m sure to post on Instagram.
“Yep, you are right, but it’s fun to dance to.” I say and wiggle my hips a little. “But I soooo love this song.” I start humming along with Kenny Chesney.
Josh starts singing the lyrics to, Somewhere with you. I am majorly swooning when he sings the chorus as if he is singing it directly to me.
I watch him sing, the deepness in his voice stirring something I have hidden deep inside. He steals glances at me as he sings the words, serenading me into submission. Something in his eyes makes me squirm uncomfortably, yet deliciously, as well.
I shut my eyes and let his voice, his words—envelope me. I pictured us on a deserted island, just him and me. His guitar is in his hand, and my toes in the sand as I listen to him serenade me, before he just can’t stand it anymore, and he tosses the guitar aside and touches me in ways no one ever has. Just us, two mouths and one love...like my favorite song sings about. My moment of bliss in my mind is interrupted. I shift in my seat feeling something stir deep down.
Joey leans over the seat, “OMG, Riley. Did Tatum tell you that she punched Wesley in the face? He called her a bitch, and this chick here...punched him. Funniest shit I had seen all day.”
“Watch your mouth, Jo!” Josh says with his mouth in a hard line.
“Whatev. I mean...yes sir, Daddy.” Joey rolls her eyes and laughs at her brother.
Joey sits back, and I lean over my seat to look back at Tatum. She was giving Joey a ‘WTF’ look.
“Actually, no she hadn’t said anything,” I say annoyed and giving my own ‘WTF’ look at my sister.
“Wait, wasn’t that the boy I saw you at the movie with a few weekends ago when I was with—?” he stops midsentence and looks at me nervously.
“With? Forget her name, Josh?” Joey chimes in sarcastically making me cringe.
“I remember her name. I just—,” he clears his throat. “Sooo, what’s the story with you, Tatum?” he conveniently changes the subject, glancing at me sideways, and then back at Tatum through the rear view mirror.
I sigh, relaxing back into my seat and looking out the window. I hated hearing about Josh with other girls. And that comment just reminded me that Josh had been going out with Preslee. I didn’t know what to think of it.
He squeezes my knee gaining my attention. I mouth ‘Preslee?’ And he nods, yes. I sigh a second time.
Isn’t that craptastic? I hate Preslee. At least, he is honest. I plaster my fake smile on.
“Yeah, that’s him. He tried to kiss me, and I pushed his face away. When he grabbed my butt in the parking lot, I kicked him in the balls. I mean...why are boys going suddenly crazy lately?”
Joey laughs and claps her hands, “greatness” she says.
Josh and I share a look, knowing exactly why boys are suddenly going crazy. It is called puberty, and all them little boys are suddenly complete perverts.
Joey leans over the console again, “anyway...Wesley told some of his friends that Tatum French kissed him, and now they all want to hang out with her. As if.”
Joey leans back in her seat again, and Tatum squeals an obscenity at her friend.
“What?” Josh and I say in unison looking at each other with wide eyes.
I notice Josh is gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles turn white. He cares about my little sister like she was his own.
“It’s all good. I handled it. I told those said friends that he is a liar and that if his breath didn’t smell like dog crap then maybe someone might kiss him, but it certainly would not be me.” Tatum says dryly but with amusement in her voice.
“We nicknamed him smelly Wesley. He almost cried. It was so funny. But then he got mad and called her a bitch, and she punched him in the nose. Like I said, it was greatness.” Joey says laughing hysterically.
I was shocked. My little sister handled her own with her first bad boy experience, although I was a little disappointed she hadn’t come to me with this.
Joey and Tatum were only allowed to go on group dates so far. I worried a lot about Tatum. She was a lot of talk but little bite. She had a hard exterior and tried to act like shit didn’t get to her, but I knew better. However, she had just proven to be stronger than I had given her credit for.
Joey says sardonically rubbing her palms together, “Earned her D-hall though,” she adds as an afterthought.
“Totes worth it,” Tatum says before changing the subject to something else.
CHAPTER 13
I saw it flicker in her eyes. The doubt that I was telling her the truth about not being with Preslee. I know she wants to believe me, but between cheating dads and an asshole ex-boyfriend, she is on the fence. Two steps forward—one step back.
We drop ‘the brats’ off at the mall around noon, leaving Riley and me alone.
“Wanna grab lunch?” I ask.
“Yes, but are you going to keep trying to feed me sushi?” she questions back.
I’ve tried and failed many times before to get her to try it.
She always said, just thinking about it makes her feel queasy, “Raw fish—blech...” she mutters.
I laugh and grab her hand across the seat, “Yes. Don’t you trust me?” I grin.
Her eyes twinkle with amusement. I love her eyes. They are so beautiful. I also love how she is in a good mood, which is actually unexpected to be honest. I figured I would have to try a little harder after that little comment from Joey. What the hell was she thinking saying that? She knows Riley’s issues.
“I trust you with my life. I guess if I die from food poisoning then that will be my mistake, huh?” She tells me grinning back. I don’t miss the dynamics of that statement.
“It’s not all raw fish. You would love the ones with crab. Just try it. If you don’t like it, I will take you to get anything you want, after I eat of course.”
“Um…K,”
Preferably you in my bed and—Crap! Thinking with the wrong head again, Josh.
I laugh nervously and start tickling my fingers up her bare leg. “I promise you will enjoy it,” I wiggle my eyebrows teasingly, but I am totally serious. I am also aware that I am no longer talking about sushi, whether she catches that or not she doesn’t say. I can’t seem to stop it, and the look in her eyes tells me she likes it. So I quit trying to.
She playfully swats my hand away, and I notice her rubbing her legs, which are now covered in goose bumps. I am affecting her. Perfect.
She clears her throat. “Let’s make it fun, Josh. Since you want me to try new things, how bout I make you a deal?
” She gives a mischievous look.
Holy shit. The way she said, ‘want me.’ Damn. Anything with wanting her and fun together, I will agree...where do I sign?
“I’m curious. What do you have in mind?” I say as I slide into the parking spot at the sushi buffet around the corner, and shift into park giving her my full attention.
She blushes, now I can’t wait to hear her idea of fun. “I urm...I…will try the sushi, but you have to let me drive your truck on the way back to pick up the brats.”
Okay? Not what I expected. Something tells me she just made that up on the fly. That is not what she was going to say.
I open my mouth to call her on it, but then think better of it. So, I shut my mouth and begin mulling it over. This is actually tough. This truck is my baby. No one drives it but my dad or me.
“I...uh, I think…” I pause for a minute, eyeing her over as I strum my fingers along the steering wheel. How to make this a win for me too? I’ve got it. I pull my bottom lip into my mouth. Ah hell she flicks her eyes to my lips. This is so fucking hard. I just want to throw her on top of the hood of this truck and drive into her. That’s what I want.
I shift in my seat—again. “Yeah, ok...BUT, I have my own stipulation.”
“Uh, okay. Why are you smirking at me?” she asks sounding annoyed, I hadn’t even noticed I was smirking.
I shrug, “You eat the sushi, and I let you drive, but then you have to watch a horror film with me Friday night—scarier the better, and the whole thing, Riley.”
Her mouth falls open, as I knew it would. “But, Josh? I hate scary movies. You know that.” she whines in protest and pouts. It’s fucking adorable. Last time I made her watch a scary movie she freaked out, put all the lights on in the house, and constantly told me her house was haunted. I laughed at her then, this time I plan on haunting her myself. I made a bet with her that she wouldn’t make it to the end, and she didn’t. She lost the bet, and black ink was the consequence.
I laugh again at her reaction, enjoying her fear. Riley, trembling. In my arms. In the dark. Perfect. “Yeah, but you will have me with you. It will be fun, and the next movie can be your choice.” I bribe her.
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