“Thank you Brennae,” Kenzie muttered woodenly. It was only seven hundred square feet of space, but it felt much larger and smaller at the same time. Stumbling toward the bedroom, she saw a bright green dress on the bed. Not even showing Brennae out, she climbed on the bed and wrapped herself in the blanket. Her mind was racing and yet she couldn’t catch a single thought. Wearily she closed her eyes.
*~*~*
“Kenzie? Are you here?” She didn’t know how much time had gone by when she heard her friend calling as if from a great distance.
“In here Steph,” She answered faintly, “I’m in the bedroom.” With a start, she realized she had fallen asleep some time ago and had forgotten to message Knacayn.
Her friend appeared around the corner and strode to the edge of her bed. Without asking she climbed up and burrowed into the blanket with her. Neither of them said anything for the longest time.
“You slept through the night and half the day.” Steph looked at her intently. “I know how much you needed the rest. If you are having a reaction anything like mine, your mind has to be thinking of a million different things. If you want to talk to me before it all becomes too much and makes you crazy, I’m here to listen.”
With tears pooling in her eyes Kenzie admitted everything she had been fighting for the last three months. “I can’t believe it’s all gone Steph. All of our friends and the Rebel community.” She was struggling to control her emotions.
“I know it is not what you expected to happen, none of us did. It is going to take some time to adjust. Is there anything good you can see in being here?” her friend asked softly.
Kenzie knew where this was going. With a sigh, she answered, “Yes, I admit I had growing feelings for Knacayn, but it was never my intention to come to Terraneu. I would have made a life with someone like Weston and stayed on Earth. That is why I was seeing him, even if only casually. Now we are on Terraneu and I am still torn between the two of them. Weston is already talking about not having the change and building our own community, separate of Terraneu.”
“That is just talk right now Kenzie. Nothing will be decided until everyone has processed what has happened.” Her friend grabbed her hand and held it tightly. “Are your feelings for Weston real, or were you just resigned to the path you thought your life would take?”
Kenzie couldn’t answer because she honestly didn’t know. Had she been using Weston as a crutch or did she truly care for him?
Her friend saw the look on her face and continued. “I know you Kenzie. All I ask is you stop working so hard at pushing Knacayn away. If you give him a chance, and it doesn’t work out, there are hundreds of males here. You don’t answer to the leadership anymore. If Weston is the male you are meant to be with, then it will happen. The refugees don’t have to make a decision anytime soon. I have a feeling the councils will not be as patient with the outbursts here on Terraneu as they were on Earth. The petty squabbling will have to stop.”
Kenzie had the same feeling. If the refugees pushed too hard, it was possible the only alternative would be to make their own community away from Terraneu. The question she had to ask herself was which side would she come down on?
“Kenzie…may I come in?”
Steph raised her eyebrow at the male voice calling from the living room. Whispering so he wouldn’t hear her friend advised, “Give yourself a chance. Mallex is waiting for me back in my quarters. I will find you later this afternoon.” Squeezing her hand one last time, she slipped from the bed, calling out, “Kenzie is in here.”
She watched as Steph slipped out the doorway and Weston came into the room.
“I wanted to see how you were doing.” He looked around, seeming anxious to avoid making eye contact.
“I’m fine Weston. How are you doing?”
“I’m still in shock.” He moved to sit on the edge of her bed. “I can’t believe everything we were working toward is gone.”
Kenzie eyed him thoughtfully, “Our friends on Earth may find a way to survive. I have hope they will.” She tucked the blanket around her to ward off a sudden chill. “As for our lives here, we’ll have to make the best of it. Everything we were working toward can happen on Terraneu.”
“As long as we answer to them now? At least, on Earth, they would have let us have some say in our lives.”
“They are going to let us have a say here too Weston. We just have to decide on the path to take.” Kenzie argued.
Weston absently tucked her blanket around her feet. “It doesn’t have to be decided right away. I know you haven’t eaten. They’ve set up a dining hall for us in one of their empty industrial domes. If you would like, I can take you to get something.”
“That would be nice Weston, Thank you.” Kenzie went to untuck the blanket. “I just need to freshen up first. Can you wait in the living room for me?”
She didn’t linger on the bed. Instead, she ran into the bathroom and started the shower. Before stepping into the water, she found a nice towel and placed it in arms reach. While soaping her hair and body Kenzie let her mind wander. She wasn’t the type to dwell on things she couldn’t change. She was on Terraneu, there was no avoiding that fact. With one last rinse, she was done. The shower water revitalized her and she felt really good. Using the brush she found in her bathroom, Kenzie ran it over her head. When she felt presentable, she walked into her bedroom and found the dress Brennae had left for her still on the bed.
She was still slipping her feet into the sandals provided when she came through the doorway. “I’m ready.”
“That was fast.” Weston laughed and taking her hand he opened the door. “The food dome is this way.”
Kenzie was able to match his stride and soon they were a couple of rings away from her dome.
“This whole quarter section of domes seems to be primarily industrial.” Weston was talking rapidly, Kenzie had to assume in nerves or excitement. “They have everything here. Some of us are going to meet at the park later to relax if you want to join us.”
That sounded nice so she replied, “Just let me know what time.” She needed to find Knacayn and apologize for not contacting him yesterday like she had promised.
“Let’s eat first and then we can set a time.” Weston beamed at her. Before they could talk further he slowed down at a crowded dome. Kenzie was happy to see an equal number of Terraneu natives along with those she recognized as being from Earth gathered on the path. She noticed a few of the Terraneu males eyeing her. With huge smiles, their eyes moved over her face and then lower. When they got to her hand in Weston’s, their attention turned away.
Kenzie couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped her lips. Terraneu males seemed to have one track minds. She recalled from her lunches with Knacayn that sense of honor and knew they would leave her alone as long as they thought she was dating Weston. It seemed that hand holding was a sign to them she was off limits. It was a shame in a small way. It might not be so bad having men fight for your attention.
Leading her past the group, Weston found them a seat. The dome wasn’t very full with people, there were only a few others eating their meals. Weston left her sitting at the table and went to the counter where the plates were being set out.
“The food is surprisingly good, considering they do not eat on this planet.” Weston put a plate of what looked like fruit and salad in front of her. “They have this dome set up for as long as it takes us to decide if we want the change done or not. Kniam met with us last night at dinner and explained the council would not push us into any decision. They are leaving it entirely up to us. We are supposed to have a meeting in one week with both male and female councils to go over the rules and see where we stand on matters.”
Kenzie figured this would be the stance the council took on the refugees. Even though yesterday Weston had been talking about branching out, today he seemed very happy with their circumstances. She started eating her food so she could think for a moment. Weston was polite enough to make small talk bu
t didn’t require her to answer.
He went on about the swimming hole, and how everyone was thinking about trying that out soon. If she wanted they could get swimming suits from the fabricator and try their hand at swimming tomorrow? She just nodded absently and kept eating. There was a dome called The Watering Hole everyone raved about, would she like to try some flavored water? Again, she just smiled and nodded absently not really paying attention.
“Am I interrupting?”
Kenzie’s eyes flew upward. Her heart rate increased and her palms began to sweat. With a smile, she hoped hid her nerves, she said. “Of course not.” Remembering Weston had invited her to this dome, she hurried to ask him. “Do you mind if Knacayn joins us?”
Chapter Eleven
“Since you were so close to finishing your meal, I figured we could take a walk to the park and join the others.” Weston didn’t come right out and say it, but the implication was crystal clear. He did not want Knacayn to join them.
Turning to Knacayn, she shrugged, “I did agree to go to the park. Perhaps—” she had been about to say perhaps another time when he broke in.
“I would be happy to drop you off at the park after our talk.” His warm purple eyes danced with mischief.
“I don’t think—”
“That sounds like a great—” disgruntled she broke off. Weston had argued against the idea at the same moment she had tried to agree.
Had she only moments ago thought it might be nice to have men fighting for her attention. The saying, ‘be careful what you wish for’ rang in her head.
Deciding to end any arguing before it began, she stood from her plate. “Weston, I’ll meet you at the park. I did tell Knacayn I would speak with him yesterday and he has been patient enough to wait for today.” She used her liaison voice and it left no room for argument.
Weston immediately caved at her tone, “I will see you there in a few minutes.” He gave Knacayn a furious glare and strode from the table.
Turning back to Knacayn she was in time to see his satisfied smile. “What was it you wanted to talk about?” she asked.
He held out his hand, “Would you prefer to walk on the paths as we talk or is this location better?”
“We can walk on the paths. It will be good for me to get an idea of the community layout.” She put her hand into his and wasn’t surprised by the warm thrill racing up her arm. She was used to her reaction to him by now. It wasn’t her body that was the problem, it was her mind. She always had a tendency to overthink things.
“The Watering hole is this way.” He strode at a leisurely pace and Kenzie was happy for the unhurried tour. It seemed she had always run from one chore to another and she was glad to be able to just enjoy her surroundings for once.
“I heard about that. They have different flavors of water, is that right?” she peered around him at the dome as they passed. It looked like the dining hall, only every table was full of laughing, talking patrons. Not all of them natives either, she saw a few of the Earth refugees in there too.
“That is correct,” He answered, stopping when he noticed she was looking inside. “Would you like to get something to drink?”
Kenzie hesitated for a moment. Weston had offered to take her tomorrow. Would it be insensitive to check it out now? As if sensing her uncertainty Knacayn offered, “You can always come back some other time.”
“I think that might be for the best.” She moved away reluctantly. She didn’t want to hurt Weston’s feelings if he thought they had arranged a date. Which she supposed is how it appeared, at least, to him.
“How about we sit here on this bench?”
Kenzie jerked to attention when she realized Knacayn had stopped at a really pretty spot. There were a few benches along the path, all of them with tall lanterns that would light the way at night. It was very picturesque with plant life and flowers in all directions.
“This is very pretty.” Kenzie sat, suddenly nervous. She had a very acute inner radar for when uncomfortable moments might be coming. The warning rise of hair on her neck told her one might be right now.
“Kenzie.” Knacayn was running his hands on his thighs, a sure sign of nerves. It was as she feared. An uncomfortable discussion was coming. “I know it is too soon for this talk, but I feel if I don’t tell you, then I will have made an error.”
“Okay. Tell me.” Kenzie said softly and then remained silent. She didn’t want to make Knacayn more un-nerved then he already was. She had a feeling it was going to be a replay of their last conversation before being taken by the MAN units. She wanted Knacayn to know she was listening so turned until she was facing him on the bench.
“I am attracted to you, but more than that, I feel you are the missing piece of a part of myself I didn’t realize was gone.” He began and she felt a slight blush fill her cheeks at his bluntness. She was used to men speaking their minds, she just wasn’t used to reciprocating the feeling. All of the previous declarations she had gotten from men like this she had hurried to shut down. With Knacayn, she let him keep talking.
“I know you are attracted to me as well.” To this, she just lifted an eyebrow. He laughed heartily at her expression and then continued. “You do not have to give me that look. I know you do not usually allow yourself the freedom of attraction and I know why you block any male advances. It is not as you let the males of Earth think. It is not duty to the community or your commitment to your duties. Those are just the surface reasons. The real reason is that you are afraid.” When she stared at him open mouthed he continued, “You fear the fighting will be endless. The men and if you are lucky enough to have them…children, will come and go from your life, lost for one reason or another and you will not find peace. That is the true reason for your refusal to take a mate.”
How had he guessed all of that? The only person who knew her half as well was Steph. “How…” she swallowed to moisten her suddenly dry throat and tried again. “Why do you think that?” She was tempted to play the offended maiden and stomp away. After yelling at him that he didn’t know her as well as he thought he did. Something held her back. Everything he said was true. She had seen the death and loss. Over and over again. He was right, she was afraid.
“I listened when we talked. I read between the lines of what you said and didn’t say.” Knacayn put his hand on hers. “I watched when you didn’t think anyone was paying attention.”
“Well.” Kenzie bit her lip. “I am not going to deny those fears. You saw what Earth was like.”
“Yes, Earth was like that…but not Terraneu.” Knacayn was rubbing his thumb along her fingers and the soothing effect was nice. “I am not going to pressure you to speak your heart right away. I will be as patient as possible.”
Kenzie was staring at Knacayn’s mouth as he talked and her mind wandered. Could it be so simple? To embrace life on Terraneu and be happy?
“You are free here Kenzie. You can choose to do whatever you want. The female council has been looking for another member for years. I know you are good at that kind of thing, but it is not the only road for you to take. You do not have to be on the female council unless you want to be. You can explore your options and pick what will make you truly happy. I could be a partner to you Kenzie. I would support you and be there by your side.”
Kenzie was stunned. When she had been orphaned at a young age, her guardian had pushed her to become active in serving the Rebel leadership. That was the only position which held any power or hope of advancement. Kenzie had worked tirelessly to become a valued member of the leadership. Looking back, she realized perhaps she had been used for her ability more than she had gotten any real satisfaction out of the job. Not that she wasn’t good at it. She just hadn’t been fulfilled by it. Knacayn was proving to be a powerful temptation. Could she have a life that was polar opposite from the one she had on Earth?
She lifted her eyes to his and saw he was sincere. He meant for her to pick her own path. She knew Knacayn would never say anything he didn’t
mean. He would stand by whatever choice she made and wouldn’t judge her. As she watched, his eyes started burning with another emotion. Her breath hitched in her throat and her tongue flicked out to wet her lips. She couldn’t help herself. She started to lean into Knacayn’s broad frame, just as he leaned forward into her. Their chests met…
“Is everything okay Kenzie?” Weston’s cold voice washed over her.
Snapping back, Kenzie turned her head sluggishly toward Weston. “What?” She forced her eyes from Knacayn’s smoking purple ones. Realizing Weston was waiting for an answer she made her lips form the words. “Yes. Everything is fine. Thank you, Weston.”
“When you didn’t come to the park I decided to search for you.” The accusation was heavy in his tone.
“I’m sorry Weston. We were just…”Kenzie turned back to Knacayn and was sad to see the moment was ruined. “Talking.” His face was shuttered and with a sigh, Kenzie decided retreat might be best for the moment.
“I can walk with you to the park. I will see you later Knacayn.” She stood up and hesitantly joined Weston. She really didn’t want to leave with so much unsaid between her and Knacayn. With a small smile, she realized she was being silly. She had as long as she needed to say the things she wanted. They were going to be in the community for a long time together.
“What is that smile for?” Weston asked jealously and before she could answer he added, “I know he is very handsome, but we really need you to be focused on the refugees needs now Kenzie. You are our voice here on Terraneu. Without your help, how are we going to get the things we want?”
Kenzie forced her feet to keep following Weston to the park as she thought on his words. Her head wasn’t turned because Knacayn was good looking. She was drawn to him because he actually cared about her. He wasn’t trying to get something from her. When she realized Weston was watching her she just nodded absently.
“I was telling the others you would be happy to work with the councils…” he continued but Kenzie stopped listening. Weston was determined to keep them separate and at odds with each other. The Earth refugees and Knacayn and his people…always fighting just like the Rebel and Government factions? His words were telling. They wanted her to work with the councils, not be a part of the female one. On top of all of that, he was assuming things about her which weren’t true. She hadn’t decided on being active in the leadership of Terraneu. Maybe she would follow a long ago dream of being a teacher. She had always loved children and wouldn’t mind the change of pace.
Knacayn: A Terraneu Novel (Book Seven) Page 6