by Willow Rose
Blake finds the menu at the desk. He, for one, is starving, but as usual the boy will probably eat hardly anything. He has been quite dull to travel with.
Blake runs a finger over the menu and decides on the lobster. And then, after the pool, he’ll get a massage. “What do you want?” he asks Salter and throws the menu at him. “You can choose anything here; remember, money is not a problem.”
It really isn’t. Since they made a stop in Mobile, Alabama and Blake seduced the old woman at the hotel’s bar and stole all of her credit cards, before he strangled her with her pillow, making it look like she had a stroke, money certainly hadn’t been a problem. It turned out the woman had just recently lost her husband, her very wealthy husband—and Blake had withdrawn almost a hundred thousand dollars over the next couple of days before the bank closed the cards. Now the money is burning a hole in his pocket and he wants to spend it all here in New Orleans. He doesn’t think about the future. There will always be another old lady he can seduce and get more money.
The last fool hasn’t been born yet.
“How about some shrimp, huh?” he asks Salter. “Come on, boy, you must be starving. You hardly ate anything all day yesterday.”
Salter looks up at Blake. Blake smiles. Salter shakes his head while tears fill his eyes again.
“Not again,” Blake says. “Come on. I’m really trying here. I’ve tried everything to make this a fun trip for us. Haven’t I taken good care of you, huh?” The boy’s silence annoys Blake and he throws the menu away aggressively and it hits the wall.
“What do you want me to do, huh? I try and try. I’ve given you everything. Everywhere we go I make sure you have a roof over your head, a bed to sleep in, and even food. And you keep giving me the silent treatment. Why?”
Blake pants angrily, then wipes his bald head. It already needs shaving again. He shaved it to be less recognizable, but he is getting sick of having to maintain it. And the long beard annoys him too. He wishes he could just cut it all off. It would be so much easier.
He took Salter to get back at his sister. To punish her, but he is beginning to think it was a mistake. Having a child on the road with you is a lot more work than he expected. He thought it would be fun. Just him and his nephew, but all the boy does is cry and sulk around.
“What do you want?” Blake asks. “I can give you anything. Just ask.”
Salter looks up, tears in his big eyes. “I want to go home!”
“Well, you can’t.”
“Please? I miss my mom. I miss my dad. Please, just take me home, Blake. Pleeease.”
Blake sighs and rubs his face. Maybe he can just leave the boy here and move on alone?
Nah, he’ll just get back with his mom and they’ll be all happy and annoying. The whole idea was to make her suffer. And suffer she has. But not enough.
Blake nods while looking at the boy. He is sitting with his knees pulled up under his chin, crying. Blake feels good about his little plan.
You only get this one chance. You can’t blow it.
Chapter Seven
July 2016
“So, you’re telling me that life hasn’t been exactly La Vie on Rose with Tom lately?”
Joey tries to not look at Mary when he asks. When the words leave his lips, he wonders why he would ever use an expression like La Vie on Rose. Is it on rose or en rose? He can’t remember. He has never used it before. Why now?
They have reached the Panhandle and are going towards Tallahassee. He hasn’t dared to ask about it before now, but has just been sitting still in the car while wondering about what she had told him, and why she would tell him that.
She looks at him quickly, then back at the road. “Well…I don’t know. I don’t think anything about my life has been “La Vie en Rose” lately,” she says, showing quotation signs with her fingers. “It’s been really crappy, to be honest. Have I taken it out on Tom? I think I have. I have been grumpy and unreasonable, but he has been a real trooper through it all. He has supported me and held me when I cried at night. He has taken care of my father when I couldn’t get out of bed in the morning. He has basically been there through it all and I am really grateful for that.”
Joey stares at Mary. She doesn’t look at him, but keeps her eyes on the road. The traffic is getting tighter now and they can’t go as fast as before. Joey doesn’t know what to say to what Mary just told him. To be honest, it makes him feel crappy. To know that Tom has been a way better boyfriend to her than he has ever been as a husband makes him feel horrible. He should be happy for her, should be glad that she has managed to find such a nice guy, but he is not. He is sick to his stomach with jealousy. He is supposed to be the one who holds Mary at night when she cries. He is supposed to be the one taking care of her when she needs it. Joey bites his lip and looks away, suppressing that nagging feeling in the bottom of his stomach.
He thinks about Jackie and how awful she has been through the past few months. In the beginning when Salter was gone, she was sympathetic and tried to be there for him, but she soon got really tired of him sulking around the house and started to complain.
“We never go anywhere anymore. We never do anything.”
“I don’t feel like it,” he had answered.
“You never feel like anything anymore. Come on, let’s go out. Let’s go to Sandbar. You might as well drink your beer there as here.”
One night he had agreed to go with her, but it was awful. Jackie had hit on every guy in the bar while he stared into his beer, wishing to be anywhere but there. Wishing he was…well…with Mary. That night he had gotten way too drunk and they fought all night afterwards.
Since then, it hadn’t really been the same with Jackie. Joey even suspects her of seeing other guys behind his back. She goes out a lot on her own and smells differently when she gets back.
It used to be so much fun with her. What happened?
“No, I am really lucky to have a guy like Tom at my side through all this,” Mary continues. “He’s been awesome.”
The words are like knives to Joey’s heart. He swallows hard, then looks at her and smiles.
“Yeah, well, Jackie too.”
“Really? That’s excellent. I guess we both lucked out then, huh?” Mary says. “Good for us.”
Joey nods. “Yeah. Good for us.”
His voice is shrill when he speaks. He hides it by clearing his throat.
Chapter Eight
July 2016
We drive past Tallahassee in silence while I wonder why I am lying to Joey. Why am I saying these things to him? Why am I painting this picture of Tom as this perfect guy? Why do I say that he has been there for me through all this? To make him feel bad? Probably.
I am a bad person. I am such an awful human being.
The fact is that Tom and I have been fighting like crazy over the past several weeks, well, months, actually. When Salter first went missing he was so sweet, oh so understanding, but as the weeks passed, he grew more and more weary of me and my pouting.
“The boy is fine. You saw the picture,” he said one morning after I had been up all night crying, keeping him awake. That was the first time we fought over this. “At least he’s alive.”
“Yeah, but for how long?” I asked, maybe a little harder than I intended. Thinking back on it all, I had spoken very harshly at him, and been very annoyed with him constantly. I don’t know why. Maybe because I felt like he didn’t understand, maybe because it was the easiest, or maybe because…he wasn’t Joey.
“Your brother won’t harm his own nephew, come on,” Tom said, probably just trying to comfort me, but it had the opposite effect.
“My brother, yes, but also a serial killer. You don’t know him. He’ll kill Salter just to get back at me and my father.”
“I think you might be overreacting here. Let me get you some coffee,” Tom said and got out of the bed.
“Get me some coffee? Like that is just going to fix everything? I don’t want coffee, Tom. I want my son ba
ck. I miss him with every fiber of my body. Don’t you understand that? Don’t you understand anything?”
I could tell I had offended him. He had hurt in his eyes, but I didn’t care. I wanted him to feel bad. I wanted him to be as miserable as I was.
“I try,” he said. “I try my best.”
“You don’t know anything about my brother. Don’t come here and think you know anything!”
Tom threw out his hands. “You know what? I am tired of this. I am tired of you talking to me like I am some sort of idiot.” He grabbed his shirt and put it on. “Call me when you are ready to treat me like a human being.”
He left without letting me at least protest. I can’t even remember if I did say anything or if I just let him go. I don’t think I cared much at that point. I know I didn’t shed a tear over him. I was way too occupied with finding Salter for that. That was our first fight. Since then, we’d had about a hundred just like it. Now I am at a point where I am unsure I even want to be with him anymore. I am sick of fighting and we have both shown some pretty ugly sides to ourselves; I am not sure we can mend the pieces afterwards, when I get Salter back. I am not even sure I want to.
So, why aren’t I telling Joey that? I guess because he seems to be doing so well with Jackie and I am scared of getting hurt again. I am jealous. I want him to think Tom and I are doing great. I don’t want to be the only one in a bad relationship, or single for that matter. It is childish, I know, but hey, I am only human.
“It’s getting late,” Joey says a lot later when we cross the border into Alabama. The sign outside the SUV welcomes us to Alabama the Beautiful. “You want to stop for dinner somewhere?”
I look at my watch. It’s been eight hours so far. We still have about three hours to go. I am getting tired. Food sure sounds good right about now.
“All right,” I say. “Just a quick stop.”
Chapter Nine
March 2005
They move in the month before Robyn is due. John has paid a company to take care of everything so Robyn doesn’t have to lift a finger. Yet the stress of moving wears on her anyway and when telling the movers where to put the big old dresser, she feels a pinch in her stomach.
Robyn shrieks, then bends forward and holds onto the wall.
“Is something wrong, ma’am?” one of the movers asks.
“Get…my…husband,” she says.
The man runs down the stairs and seconds later John is by her side. “What’s going on, Robyn? Is something wrong?”
“I don’t know,” she says and looks at him with deep-felt worry. “It just started to hurt.”
“Where? Robyn, where does it hurt?”
“At the bottom of my stomach. John, I think something is wrong.” Just as she says the last word, another pinch causes her to bend over with a scream.
“Robyn!”
John helps Robyn to the bed, where she lies down. Meanwhile, he calls Dr. Green, their physician back in Boston. He walks out of the room while Robyn stays on the bed, panic growing inside of her.
What if something is wrong with the baby? What if I lose it? I won’t survive that. John certainly won’t either. Oh, please, dear God, don’t let there be anything wrong with the baby.
Robyn knows it is still possible. Something can still go wrong with the pregnancy. She has read all the stories online about women losing their child in the third trimester. She hasn’t let herself feel certain or comfortable at any point, but always been prepared that something could go wrong.
Another wave of pain shoots through her body and she screams again. The door opens and John enters. “Yes, I am with her now. She is experiencing it again. Please, Doctor, tell us what to do.”
He goes silent for a few seconds while the pain goes away and Robyn relaxes again. She is so afraid and tries to listen in on the conversation, trying to listen to the tone of her husband’s voice to see if she can tell how serious the doctor might think it is.
Is my baby dying? Is it already dead? Come to think of it, it hasn’t kicked or moved all day. I didn’t think of it, because of the move, but I haven’t felt it all day. Oh, my God, it is already dead, isn’t it?
“Yes, yes,” John says, sounding very serious. “About three minutes ago. Aha, aha, yes, of course.”
Oh, my God. It is serious, isn’t it? Look at his face. It is!
“All right. Well, thank you, Doctor. We will. We will get her to the hospital. Right away.”
The hospital. Oh, no. I knew something would go terribly wrong. It was too good to be true. I just knew it. It all was.
Robyn is crying when John hangs up and looks at her. “Yeah, we need to get you to the hospital,” he says.
“The hospital?” she asks, just as another shot of pain goes through her body. This time is worse than before. She bends over in a scream. This one takes longer than the previous times, and when she finally looks at her husband, he is smiling from ear to ear. It’s like he is bursting with excitement.
“Dr. Green believes you’re going into labor,” he says.
“What?”
John nods eagerly. “The baby is coming.”
Chapter Ten
July 2016
We find a small diner in Mobile, Alabama. I park outside and we walk in. The building is a small wooden house, and on the porch outside people sit in rocking chairs, wearing cowboy hats and boots. They greet us politely as we walk by and enter.
Inside, music is coming from a small band in the corner. It is quite cozy. Lots of people, happy people, laughing and eating and drinking beer.
“I feel like I just walked into a Western movie,” Joey says, as the lady shows us to the table.
“Here you go, hon’,” she says and hands Joey a menu. I get one too, also accompanied by a gum chewing hon’.
“What can I get for ya’ll to drink?” she asks.
“Just a Coke for me,” I say. “I’m driving.”
“You sure about that, hon’?”
“Yes. I’m sure. Just a Coke, please.”
“I’ll have the same,” he says.
“You can grab a beer if you want to,” I say. “It’s okay with me.”
“Nah. I’m fine.”
“Two Cokes coming right up.”
We order rib eye steaks when she comes back with our drinks. I sit with my phone in my hand, staring at the display while we wait. It has become a habit for me to be looking at it, even if there is nothing to look at. I guess I am waiting for it to ring. Hoping and praying for good news.
“I do that too,” Joey says.
I nod with a chuckle and put it down. “I’m tired of waiting for it to ring.” I sip my Coke and leave the phone on the table. I look at Joey. He looks so tired, so many years older. I reach out my hand and grab his in mine without thinking about it. I chuckle and pull it away when I realize.
“Old habit,” I say.
Joey smiles. “It felt nice, though.”
His eyes meet mine. I wonder what is going on with him. Is it just all this with Salter that is making us closer? I don’t like to admit it, but I am enjoying his company. A lot.
“Yeah…well…” I don’t say anymore, because the food arrives at that moment. Big—and I mean big—sizzling steaks are placed in front of us along with garlic mashed potatoes. My stomach is doing a happy dance as I start to eat.
“This is the best steak I have had in…well ever, I think,” Joey says.
“I know,” I say with my mouth full and nod. “It’s really, really good.”
We eat and slowly my mood is getting better. We talk about old times. Back from when we were dating and not yet married. When life was fun and games and when we couldn’t live without each other. When I would sneak out of my room to hang with him on the beach all night, or that time when we both sneaked out to go to that concert in Orlando with Guns N’ Roses that our parents had forbidden us to go to. We had known each other so long and done so much together; it was hard to know when we actually started to date for real. A
s kids and teenagers, we were mostly friends. I say mostly because every now and then we would kiss and fool around the way you do as a teenager. But, somehow, we still knew that we would one day end up getting married. Because we already loved each other back then. I don’t remember a time in my life when I haven’t loved him.
Do I love him still?
“And then you remember Sandra, what she said?” Joey says, laughing. “I couldn’t believe she would say that to a parent, but she did…”
I listen to him as he shares all these old memories and I realize that I do. Of course I do. Who am I fooling?
I laugh at his story and the memory it creates in my mind while he drinks from his soda. I look at his hand on the table in front of me. I want to grab it in mine again, but do I dare?
Don’t be a fool, Mary. He has moved on. You were the one who didn’t want him anymore, remember? He cheated on you. Stupid Kelly from the coffeehouse. Stupid Jackie with the long tanned legs.
“And then you said, do you remember this…What was it you answered when Danny asked you that?”
“That it was time the mother-ship called him home.”
Joey laughs. It feels good to hear him laugh again. “Yes. That was a brilliant comeback. I’ll never forget his face.”
I chuckle lightly, mostly because Joey seems so happy to take this little trip down memory lane. It really wasn’t that funny or a very good comeback, but Joey is so happy just thinking about it, it makes me smile too. It feels like a lifetime ago that life was so easy.
“Oh, and what about when…do you remember the day when our Social Studies teacher, what was her name…Mrs.…Richard…no that wasn’t it…do you remember, Mary? You always remember that kind of…”