One moment he was ready to charge back to Alexandria to beg her forgiveness. And the next he was tempted to do something insane, like marrying Salome to make Anna jealous. Both states inevitably led to the kind of despondency that made him want to go to bed and stay there.
Eventually he wandered into a synagogue meeting. Received genially and invited to join in, he sat in a far corner, half-listening to the men and women read, pray, and sing. He departed with warm invitations to come again. Every few days, or so, he joined them.
Despair clinging to him like a shroud, Julian paid a last visit to them. Unable to put off his duties any longer, he was leaving for Jerusalem the next day, three weeks to the day after Crispus had taken Anna to Alexandria.
Oil lamps glowed bright against the white marble walls. Voices lifted in a song of praise filled the house of prayer. The lectern held an unfurled scroll for this day’s reading.
Even as Julian went back to fortress life, the quiet rhythms of Synagogue would go faithfully on. He exhaled heavily and headed toward his usual spot.
A wizened man named Jacob pulled him aside. A twinkle filled his kind eyes. “You have a good start on growing a fine beard.”
Julian touched his scruff-covered cheek. Personal care had been the last thing on his mind. “It will be coming off later today if I want to blend in with my fellow Romans.”
“‘Choose you this day who you will serve.’” The quoted scripture was delivered with a wink and a smile. “You do not sound happy about the decision.”
To do one’s duty or to follow one’s heart? His heart pounded. “Who says I have to return to the army?” he said, as much to himself as to the other man.
Jacob nodded approvingly. “Who indeed?”
“What is keeping me from worshipping and following the Lord God of Israel?”
“What indeed?” Jacob smiled.
When it came down to it, the decision to resign his commission in the Roman army and to embrace Jewish ways came easily. John the Baptist’s death haunted him and ultimately convinced him he could no longer take up arms against the people of his own blood. He no longer felt comfortable representing Rome or carrying out orders on behalf of the Roman Empire to the detriment of Israel.
Dignitas no longer represented his life’s goal. If all he wanted to do was to put distance between himself and the Jews, a transfer out of Jerusalem to another station would have sufficed. Except that still left him a servant of Rome required to sacrifice to Roman gods, a totally unacceptable option. Because it was not enough for him to quit acting as an enemy of the Jews, he wanted to be named one with them.
Jacob’s smile doubled. “Welcome home, Julian of Arsinoe. Or would you prefer a more Biblical name such as Noah or Gideon?”
Julian pictured his father, a good man who would respect his son’s decision. “Julian of Arsinoe will do.”
Jacob patted his arm. “Come, the others will be delighted to hear their prayers were answered.”
Humbled, Julian also felt today was a homecoming. “You were praying for me?”
“For years and years. Your mother never gave up hope.” Jacob’s voice was full of admiration. “She will be pleased with the good news.”
His mother’s joy would be great, but not where Anna was concerned.
Julian swallowed. “May I be so selfish as to ask for your continued prayers?”
One more trip to Jerusalem was necessary to ensure Herod Antipas and his manipulative wife and daughter received just retribution for their murderous actions.
He would round up his faithful servant Tevy, settle his accounts, and ensure the fortress was in good order before resigning his command. More importantly, he planned to offer sacrifices to the Lord God of Israel.
But what of Anna?
A few hours later, he set sail down the Nile aboard a light skiff with a lone servant manning it. He was assaulted anew by grief, recalling the long lazy trip up the river with Anna by his side. Love had shone in her eyes then. He could probably persuade Anna to take him back, especially if he told her he was giving up his heathen life. What if she never recovered from her disgust with him over John the Baptist’s beheading? He was not willing to settle for less than what he’d had with her. Or perhaps she would spew more angry words at him. Call him a coward or a murdering Roman. He would rather suffer torture at the hands of bloody-minded barbarians than submit himself again to that kind of pain and rejection.
Yes, he would seek Anna out. No, he meant to stay far, far away from her. Round and round the arguments went.
His agony grew with each passing mile. And he prayed the same prayer he had before, but for far less satisfying reasons. Oh, that Nile went on and on and on.
Thirty-Five
Anna could not have received a warmer welcome back into Jochebed’s household, where she quickly learned the sordid story of John the Baptist’s murder. The king’s wife, Herodias, seeking vengeance on the Baptizer for speaking out against her marriage to her husband’s brother, had plotted against the holy man. And Salome with her legitimacy hanging in question danced provocatively for a private audience as a birthday gift for her father. Pleasing the king, she was granted a favor and did not hesitate to ask for John the Baptist’s head to be delivered to her on a platter. Which she in turn presented to her mother.
Sickened by what she had learned, Anna had gone straight to bed and stayed there. Fresh food, clothes, and water for bathing came and went without her touching any of it. She lost track of time and did not know how many days this went on.
Jochebed had not pushed for details over the sudden divorce, but this morning she had kindly but firmly insisted Anna make herself presentable and rejoin the household.
Freshly bathed and groomed, Anna opened her bedchamber door and stepped out. She felt unnaturally light of foot and light-headed.
Passing down the hall, she paused outside Julian’s bedchamber door.
Why did she have to fall in love with a Roman soldier? When would the heartache ease? Would she ever recover?
Desperate to escape the ghost of Julian, she hurried on her way and found Jochebed seated in the dining alcove. Scrolls were scattered in disarray on the table and reclining chairs around her as she examined one held open with the help of two brass candlesticks.
“Have a seat, dear child. You are so pale I can almost see through to your bones.”
Light-headed, Anna sat.
The older woman sent Maia for food, and then went back to studying the open scroll. Jochebed’s profile was a softer version of Julian’s.
“Would you read a few lines out loud?” Anna asked, desperate for a distraction.
“I can teach you to read.”
The offer surprised a laugh out of her. “Me?”
“My husband taught me.”
“He did? Why?”
A warm look of reverie came over Jochebed. “I loved to listen to him read. I suspect he grew bored with reading Jewish script and taught me to read as a remedy.”
Anna picked at the fabric covering the couch. “You never minded that he was heathen?”
“I know several men of good standing. Jewish men, in need of wives.”
Anna made herself look Julian’s mother in the eye. “And…”
“And I can invite them here to meet you.”
Anna returned to scratching at the couch. “No, I am not ready.” She suspected she never would be.
She would love nothing better than to live out the rest of her life as Jochebed’s companion. But this was Julian’s home, too. He could not stay away forever. What if he married again? It would devastate her to see him with another woman.
“Bless you for your kindness. But I should move on. I would be eternally grateful if you could find placement for me as a companion to a widow. Someplace that is somewhat nice.”
“Somewhat nice?” Sorrow marred Jochebed’s features. “Who are you more set on punishing, child, yourself or Julian? Is your plan to shrivel up from unhappiness and die alone
and unloved?
Tears pricked Anna’s eyes. “Tell me what do. I want to do what is right.”
A snicker of laugh came from behind them. “Jerusalem is short one harlot. Why not run back there?” Wearing a smug smile, Salome stood beneath the arched entryway.
Maia limped back into the chamber, wringing her hands. “I asked your visitor to wait in the entryway.”
Anna stood. Why was the conniving seductress in Egypt? “What do you want?” A wave of nausea and dizziness struck. She carefully lowered herself to the couch.
Jochebed smiled congenially. “How can I help you, dear?”
Anna bit her tongue rather than snap at Jochebed for addressing Salome like a lost child rather than as the killer of a prophet of God. The older woman really was too kind for her own good.
“Begging your pardon, good woman.” Salome continued to smirk at Anna. “I need to speak to your former daughter-in-law privately.”
Anna cursed the speed with which news traveled. A sickening thought struck. Did Salome still hope to have Julian as her husband?
Jochebed patted Anna’s hand. “I will return shortly.”
Salome hardly waited for Jochebed and Maia to disappear before she pounced. “Poor delicate flower, has Julian already grown tired of you? Strong, virile men need women who challenge them in bed as well as out. I knew you would not hold his attention for long.”
Salome’s dark beauty and powerful sensuality, combined with enviable self-assurance, were unsettling.
Anna locked her hands to hide their trembling. “What do you want with me?”
“My mother has a message she wants passed on to Julian of Alexandria.”
Anna could just imagine Salome and Herodias’s great glee upon learning of the ruined marriage. “You are here just to gloat.”
Salome clucked her tongue. “A message falling into the wrong hands could tarnish reputations.”
“His or yours?”
Salome laughed huskily. “Tell Julian that Herodias thanks him for his help with her small problem and she will reward him per our arranged agreement.”
Confirmation of Julian’s involvement in the plot made Anna’s ears buzz. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the cushions. “You will need to find someone else to carry out your dirty deeds. I wash my hands of all of you.”
“Did you know Julian has been in Alexandria these last few days?”
Anna sat up. “What?” She clutched her spinning head. “Julian is in Alexandria?”
Salome’s mocking laughter slowly faded.
Then everything went dark.
∞∞∞
Anna awoke with a start. Recognizing the fluffy familiarity of the pillows and mattress surrounding her, she relaxed.
She heard a soft rustle and Jochebed appeared. “Take some water, child.”
After a few sips, Anna felt well enough to sit up.
Jochebed dabbed a cool cloth to her forehead. “I should never have left you alone with Salome. I feared the unhappy girl was up to no good. And she proved me a trusting fool.”
“It was my fault for letting her distress me so.”
Jochebed pulled the bedcovers higher. “I have a small piece of news. For all she is holding her head high, Salome is on the run with her mother. John the Baptist’s murder stirred the people against them, and Herodias and Salome have found it convenient to take an extended journey. I hear they are headed to Rome.”
Anna could not find the strength to rejoice. “Their scheme was a failure and the Baptizer died for nothing.”
Jochebed patted her hand. “I will be back with some broth and watered wine.” She paused on her way out the door. “Did Salome tell you Julian is in Alexandria?”
Anna’s breath caught. “Have you seen him?”
“I have.” Love for her son curved her lips in a fond smile.
“What does he say?”
“Many things. I asked him if he knew anything about Herodias and Salome’s scheme. He said he was as shocked as anyone.”
“You believed him?”
Jochebed frowned. “My son has never given me any reason not to trust him.”
“Will he come to see me?” Anna was afraid of the answer.
“I hope so. I am praying you both come to your senses before it is too late.”
The door clicked closed as she left.
Anna’s mind whirled dizzyingly. Julian was nearby, and she could see him if she wished.
Thirty-Six
Anna closed her eyes and sank deeper into the bed. Engulfed in the woodsy scent that was all Julian’s, she sat back up. She opened her eyes and confirmed what she already knew. She was in Julian’s room… lying in his bed. She dropped back on the mattress and hugged a pillow to her chest.
Julian was in Alexandria, but he had not come to her.
Why?
He had gone to his mother. Told her he was innocent.
But why hadn’t he come to her, his wife, and tried to convince her?
His ex-wife.
A tear slipped down her cheek.
He had tried to tell her he was innocent when he first got the message. He had begged her to listen, but she had refused.
But if Salome was to be believed… But Salome was not to be believed, not to be trusted.
Anna pulled the pillow over her face to hide her shame. She knew beyond a doubt Julian was innocent. And she had Salome to thank for it.
Salome had not come here to relay a message from her mother. She had come to gloat over Anna’s unhappiness. Salome had said she did not want her mother’s message to fall into the wrong hands when she knew all along Julian was in Alexandria. She could have spoken directly to him if it was so important.
Unless she did not dare to.
Unless Salome feared Julian would wring her neck for making him an unwitting ally in her deadly scheme.
The truth crystallized.
Salome and Herodias had used Julian for their evil ends to have John the Baptist arrested. Just as they used Herod Antipas’s promise to give his daughter whatever she wanted to have the Baptizer beheaded.
Jochebed’s words hit home. My son has never given me any reason not to trust him.
Had Julian ever given Anna any reason not to trust him? Other than his failure to tell her he was circumcised, but she understood his reason for that now.
Who was guilty of betraying whom? Was his betrayal in this matter any different from her believing the worst about him because he was Roman?
But why wasn’t Julian trying harder to convince her of his innocence? Another of Jochebed’s questions came to mind.
Who are you more set on punishing, child, yourself or Julian?
Was this Julian’s way of punishing her for not trusting him? Was he too proud to come to her?
Why, why, why had she treated him so cruelly?
Anna dried her eyes, sick of tears. They were useless.
If Julian would not come to her, she would go to him. She would beg him to take her back. But first she needed to regain her strength.
As promised, Jochebed returned. A whiff of fragrant beef broth called a hungry growl from Anna’s empty stomach.
She threw aside the pillow and sat up.
And there was Julian standing just inside the room.
Thank the Lord God for Roman soldiers.
The foreign prayer had been on her lips the night she met Julian. How very differently she had come to view him.
He gripped a tray holding a steaming bowl of soup and a goblet of wine. The liquid sloshed over the rim due to hands that trembled. “May I come in?”
“I am the one who should ask your permission.” Her heart crashed like thunder in her ears. “I am, after all, in your bed.” She patted the mattress. “Please sit with me.”
He placed the tray on the bedside table and eased onto the mattress. His blue gaze was tentative and unsure.
“Your beard.” She lifted her hand to his face, and hesitated. “May I touch it?”
<
br /> He nodded and swallowed.
The short brown hair felt springy beneath her fingers. She pressed her thumb to the pulse beating at the corner of his strong jaw.
He shuddered and captured her hand. “Look at what we have done to each other? You are so pale and fragile.”
This moment frightened her as much as when she had stood at the wall in Jerusalem prepared to whore herself to survive. Now it was her heart and happiness that stood in jeopardy. “Can you forgive me for believing the worst about you?”
Fear and hope clashed. “Do you love me?”
“Do you love me?”
He lifted her onto his lap. “I am utterly and hopelessly in love with you, Anna. If you do not love me, nothing else matters.”
Joy flooded in and she hugged him. “I love you, Julian.” She pulled back. “Say you forgive me. I am asham—"
He cupped her face and kissed her long and deep.
Her lips tingled. “But I—"
He stopped her apology with another breathless kiss. His loved-filled eyes met hers. “I love you. And you love me. There is nothing left to say.”
She stroked his beard. “I like it. Can you leave it for a few more days?”
He nuzzled the scratchy beard against her face. “I am glad you like it because I plan on keeping it…forever.”
She stared in surprise. “Forever?”
“I am resigning from the Roman army and taking my place with you and my mother and the Jews.”
“You do not have to do this for me. I want you just as you are.”
He smiled charmingly. “Mother was far more enthusiastic when I told her.”
She tugged his earlobe. “I am serious.”
“So am I.” He captured her hand and pressed a kiss into her palm. “Do you want to spend precious time grieving? I do not.”
“You mean to be happy, then?”
“I do. And I insist you be happy, too.” He nuzzled her neck with his beard until they both laughed.
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