Without a word to Anna, Jeff stood up, yanked the flyer off his windshield, and wadded it into a sodden ball. He tossed it in with his groceries, set the bag in his backseat, and locked the car. As Jeff turned around and stormed toward city hall, Earnest yanked his leash and tried to follow.
Anna pulled him back. “Come on, Sweetheart. We have to go.” She led him toward the crowd.
Clearly torn, Earnest looked at her, then at Jeff’s retreating back, like he was trying to decide which of his people needed him more. His eyes darkened with confusion. Anyone could tell that his loyalties were split, and he was unsure what to do—and the uncertainty caused him visible pain. He slumped as if he were an electric dog and someone had unplugged him from his socket. His ears and tail drooped.
Earnest’s paws followed Anna, but his eyes followed Jeff to the sidewalk as he started across Rainier. Earnest was so focused on Jeff that he hardly seemed to notice all the noisy people. When Anna bent down to pick up the sign that Joy had left for her, she accidentally loosened her grip on Earnest’s leash. For the first time ever, he jerked it out of her hand and ran.
“Wait, Earnest!! Wait!” She tore after him.
Save the tree! Save the house!
Anna chased Earnest to the curb as his leash dragged behind him.
“Earnest, come back here!”
On countless occasions, Earnest, the world’s most responsible dog, had felt his duty was to keep Anna safe, and he had pulled her back from jaywalking. He’d always looked both ways before crossing a street. But now he was so intent on reaching Jeff that he did not consider his own well-being. Without looking, he dashed into Rainier as Jeff stepped up on the opposite curb.
Time seemed to pass in slow motion. There were a million points when the action could have stopped and Earnest could have paused or turned around. He could have slowed his charge to Jeff by only a second, and it might have made all the difference.
But he kept running. Anna saw his paws skim over the asphalt. With every step, his ID tag clinked against his collar’s buckle, and his ears flopped against his head.Their tinge of biscuit beige outlined the triangle shape. The rain had dampened the fur on Earnest’s back so it was darker than usual, more honey than wheat.
As Earnest reached the center of Rainier, Anna heard a screech of brakes and a hideous thump. She screamed and ran to him. Jeff turned around and ran to him too. In the glare of a pickup’s headlights, Earnest was lying on the asphalt in a pool of blood.
CHAPTER 45
Jeff scooped Earnest off the asphalt and carried him, bleeding, to the car. He set him on the backseat as Anna slid over next to him from the other side. When Jeff climbed into the driver’s seat, each of Earnest’s whimpers shaved a strip off Jeff’s heart. He had to get help before it was too late.
When he pulled out of Thrifty’s parking lot, he glanced in the rearview mirror. Tears were streaming down Anna’s face. As she tried to comfort Earnest, Jeff heard him lick her hands to try to comfort her. How could he be concerned for Anna when he was obviously hurt? He must have felt the same concern for Jeff when he’d run into the street.
Jeff blinked back his own tears at Earnest’s selflessness. Jeff could hardly keep driving. He clutched the steering wheel till his knuckles turned white. Just get to the clinic, he told himself. If you break down, you can’t do Earnest any good.
Everything in Dr. Nilsen’s waiting room seemed unsettled. Huddling at the bottom of the aquarium, the clownfish looked sullen and barely fanned their fins. The kissing gouramis weren’t puckering up, and the angelfish looked like they were tired of trying to live up to their name. The scraggly plant at the receptionist’s counter was wilting. Her silent phone seemed to brood about not being asked to ring after closing time.
Sitting next to Anna on a Naugahyde sofa, Jeff jiggled his foot, thrummed his fingers on his knee, and stared into space. The drive here had flattened him emotionally, but he’d expected to feel better once he got Earnest into Dr. Nilsen’s capable hands. Wrong. Now Jeff was more shattered than in the car. He felt like he was lost on Uranus, and his rocket back to Earth had broken down.
He now saw in blazing Technicolor the toll on Earnest of his and Anna’s fight, and he felt chastened to the core. If Earnest did not survive, Jeff would never, in ten lifetimes, shake his guilt for distressing him so much that he’d tried to cross the street to comfort Jeff tonight. He could be reincarnated in ten different countries in the next three hundred years, and in each new body, he would feel horrible remorse if he came upon a dog. His remorse would be unshakable, eternal. He could not escape it. Ever.
Anna looked like she felt the same.As she sniffled and swiped her cheeks with a crumpled tissue from the bottom of her purse, Jeff bet she’d give anything to relive the last hour so Earnest would not have gotten hurt and they wouldn’t have to be here. Sharing the regret should have brought them closer together, but they stared into space, in their own worlds, as if he spoke Chinese and she spoke Romanian—and if they tried to talk, they wouldn’t understand each other.
What would Jeff say anyway when piggybacked onto his remorse was horror at Earnest’s injuries and fear that he might die. His blood was smeared all over Jeff’s sports coat, pants, shirt, and hands. He might as well have just laid down a scalpel in an operating theater.
So far he hadn’t gone to the restroom and cleaned himself up because Dr. Nilsen might come out to let them know Earnest’s prognosis—and Jeff would be gone. He also felt a superstitious nagging that washing off Earnest’s blood would be like washing him down the drain. Sticky hands were far easier to live with than that disquieting image.
Please, please don’t die, Buddy.
“Want a cup of Dr. Nilsen’s coffee?” Jeff asked Anna.
“No, but thanks for asking,” she said.
“Mind if I get one?”
“You don’t have to ask me.”
“I’m worried about crossing the room and leaving you here. You don’t look so good.”
“Yes . . . well . . .” Anna contorted her fingers into an anatomically challenging position. Weeping had smeared her mascara. Her face was puffy, but the rest of her seemed to have withered and shrunk. Her hair stuck out in tufts, which suggested that a tornado may have sucked her into its vortex and spit her out on a freeway in rush-hour traffic.
“I’ll be okay if you cross the room. Go get your coffee,” she said.
“You’re sure you don’t want any?”
“All I want is for Earnest to be okay.”
“Me too.”
“I know.” Tears trailed down Anna’s cheeks again.
We’re falling all over each other, trying to get along, Jeff thought as he stretched out his legs, crossed his ankles, and sipped his coffee. Earnest’s injuries had shown Jeff—and surely her, too—that their grievances against each other meant nothing compared to their love for him. Earnest mattered most. They’d do anything for him. Like they also used to feel they’d do for each other.
Jeff would take a while to sift through Anna’s accusations tonight. For now, he was willing to admit she was right about one thing: Proving that he was not irresponsible like his father partly fed Jeff’s drive for success. But he would never agree that his job had been more important to him than Anna had been, or that he’d thought only of himself when he’d taken on Cedar Place. He’d hoped for it to help, not hinder her. His intentions had been honorable.
On the other hand, he’d admit that not telling her about the project from the start had been a mistake. And he should have better understood the importance of Mrs. Blackmore’s house to Anna. Any little kid whose parents had abandoned her to pursue their ambitions would have latched on extra hard to a caring grandmother—and to the house they shared. And when the little kid grew up, she was bound to be touchy about the ambition of someone she loved—especially if it made her feel abandoned again, a hurt repeated.
Jeff couldn’t blame Anna for her feelings. He blamed himself for not being more sensitive
to them. He was very, very sorry. About Anna, Earnest, everything. The whole damned mess.
Jeff wrapped his arms around himself to hold in his regret. Anna is right. When it comes to importance, love ranks right up there with water and air. Jeff would quit his job and beg on the streets if only Earnest would be okay—and if only they could all go back to the peaceful life they’d had.
Dr. Nilsen had stayed after hours to take care of Earnest. The long day showed in his shoulders’ slump and the sag around his eyes. Lacking his usual energy, he plodded into the reception room. He pulled an empty chair from the row along the wall and sat facing Jeff and Anna. He said, “I know you’re upset. But don’t worry. Earnest’s going to be all right.”
Jeff’s eyes met Anna’s. Their collective relief seemed to fill the room and press against the walls. He let out a slow no-longer-tortured breath and said, “That’s fantastic news.”
“He’s stable. We’ve cleaned him up and given him pain meds.” Dr. Nilsen leaned forward and rested his wrists on his knees. “So here’s the plan.... Tonight I want to x-ray Earnest’s chest to see if he’s got extra air in his lungs. That’ll tell us if the car ruptured his diaphragm. The car also skidded him on the pavement so he’s got road rash and some bad lacerations. I’ll have to stitch up one on his thigh right away.”
Dr. Nilsen paused and looked at Anna. “Are you all right?”
Jeff turned to her. Her face was as white as drafting paper.
“Don’t faint on me. I can only take care of one patient at a time,” Dr. Nilsen said.
“Do you want some water?” Jeff asked her.
“I’m just wobbly. It’s hard to hear about stitches in Earnest. I’d rather they were in me,” Anna said.
To shore her up, Jeff took her hand. It was cold and stiff, but it was the most familiar hand in the world to him besides his own. She did not pull away or seem to mind Earnest’s blood on Jeff’s skin. Something between him and Anna seemed to shift. Months of wasted anger piled up at their feet like discarded calendar pages.
“Do you mind hearing about a broken leg, Anna?” Dr. Nilsen asked.
She shook her head.
“I’m pretty sure Earnest’s left femur is fractured. I have to x-ray it too. Our surgeon will be here tomorrow morning, and he can put in a metal plate.”
“Will Earnest have a cast?” Jeff asked.
“No, but maybe bandages, depending on the surgeon’s incision. Earnest will have to be confined for four to six weeks. You’ll be able to take him out to do his business a few times a day, but otherwise you’ll have to restrict him.”
“How?” Anna asked.
“In your kitchen or a crate. The surgeon can talk with you about all that.” Dr. Nilsen cupped his hand around his stethoscope’s chestpiece. “So are we all in agreement here? You want me to go ahead?”
“Absolutely,” Jeff said at the same time that Anna said, “Of course.”
“You two need to go home. Earnest knows you’re out here, and he keeps looking for you. He might relax if you were gone,” Dr. Nilsen said.
“Can we tell him good-bye?” Anna asked.
“If you only stay a minute.”
Dr. Nilsen led them through an exam room to the back of the clinic.When Jeff stepped into the surgery, his pulse seemed to stop, as if his heart had decided it ached too much to pump any more blood. Earnest was lying on Dr. Nilsen’s steel table, looking moth-eaten around the edges. His fur was rumpled, and his eyes, exhausted. But he raised his head and tried to get up—in Jeff’s opinion, a valiant act. A technician with a gap between her front teeth held Earnest down.
For Earnest’s sake, Jeff forced himself to act nonchalant. He coaxed his reluctant lips to smile and pretended that his buddy was fine and Jeff was used to seeing him with cuts and broken bones. But Anna’s sharp intake of breath showed that she could not fake aplomb as well as Jeff. He pressed his hand against her back and steered her to the steel table.
Jeff stroked Earnest’s ears, then cradled his chin in his hands. “Oh, Buddy. I’m so sorry,” he whispered. Sorry you’re hurt. Sorry for the misery we’ve caused you tonight—and for months.
“I’m sorry too.” Anna leaned down from the table’s other side and kissed Earnest on top of his head. Anyone would have thought that her and Jeff’s apologies to Earnest were also meant for each other.
“We can’t stay, Sweetie. We have to go home so you can rest.” Anna’s voice wobbled like the rest of her.
“Dr. Nilsen’s going to take good care of you,” Jeff said. “In the morning the surgeon will fix your leg, and then you can come home. Soon you’ll be good as new.”
As Anna kissed Earnest again and Jeff leaned over and stroked his muzzle, he rested his head on the table and seemed to relax. Perhaps he sensed that his people were understanding each other again and a match had been struck in their relationship’s dark, unhappy room. He thumped his tail on the table, a weak and nearly silent gesture, but it was the best he could manage.
Jeff urged himself, Hold it together.
CHAPTER 46
By the time Jeff drove Anna home, it was nearly ten o’clock. As usual on their island at night, they rarely passed another car, and nothing was open but Thrifty Market and Sawyer’s. Peace seemed to float like feathers through the air. Marauding raccoons were the closest anybody got to crime. Jeff turned onto the condo’s street, a couple of blocks from city hall.
If the city council were still meeting, Anna could get there for the vote. But it was not so important to her as it had been hours before. Though she still wanted to save the house, tonight her worry for Earnest had tempered her zeal.The fight still crouched in her shadows, waiting to spring—but she was not sure she’d welcome it again.
“I wonder if Dr. Nilsen is stitching up Earnest’s worst cut,” she said.
“He’d get to it right away,” Jeff said.
“I hope Earnest’s diaphragm isn’t ruptured.”
“We’ll know tomorrow. I imagine they’d repair it at the same time they set his leg.”
“It hurts to think about.” Anna mentally begged Earnest’s pain medication to do its job. “Do you think he’ll be all right?”
“Dr. Nilsen said he would.”
“I mean in the long run. What if he limps forever?”
“We’ll have to wait and see.”
Anna didn’t want to wait. She wanted Earnest to be chasing gulls on the beach or charging after his stick that very minute. She didn’t want months of watching to see if his hobbles turned into normal steps. She rubbed her thumb over stitches in the Honda’s upholstery and thought about the stitches that would be in Earnest’s leg.
“I keep telling myself that Earnest ran into the street of his own accord,” Anna said. “But we were fighting, and he was worried, and he wanted to get to you. I feel like it’s our fault he got hurt.”
Jeff’s exhale sounded weary. He pulled up in front of the condo and turned off the ignition and lights. “Anna, we have plenty to beat ourselves up about. I’ve been doing it too. But Earnest would be the first to forgive us. You know how he is. He lets things go in two seconds.”
“I know.” Earnest rid himself of grudges like he shook off water droplets after swims. Anyone could tell that he did not believe in sitting on slights till they hatched into resentments. Anna thought, Earnest lets things go—like maybe I should too.
In the few hours since she and Jeff had finally been honest with each other, she’d admitted to herself that she’d judged him too harshly. He’d meant well with Cedar Place. And though she hadn’t exactly liked being called “blind” and “stubborn,” he might be right about her clinging to the past. She’d have to think about it.
Meanwhile, she was so tired of being mad at Jeff. The anger had dragged them both down too long. Maybe slates never got wiped completely clean, but it was time to shed her bad feelings. The question was: How? As usual when Anna needed guidance, her thoughts went to Grammy, though Jeff might accuse her again of cling
ing to the past.
Once Anna’s third-grade teacher had planned a field trip to the Seattle Zoo. Anna would see elephants and polar bears and a two-headed snake! Tigers would roar, and monkeys would swing from ropes. A Komodo dragon would flick its forked tongue. For weeks Anna talked of little else, and she hardly slept the night before. But the next morning she woke with fever and a sore throat—and blazing disappointment.
Grammy wrapped her up in an afghan of crocheted hearts, and put her, inconsolable, to bed. “When something terrible happens, it’s an opportunity. It’s your job to turn it into something good,” Grammy said.
That afternoon she brought Anna paper, colored pencils, homemade cinnamon rolls, and tea, which Grammy sometimes spiked at night with rum. Together, she and Anna drew red-and-black-striped pterodactyls and green fire-spitting winged serpents. They invented their own mythical creatures—a lion with a crow’s beak, an elephant with fins. Anna would never have met these fantastic beings at the zoo, Grammy pointed out. Anna’s unfortunate classmates would never know them.
Just as Grammy had turned disappointment into a memorable afternoon, maybe Anna was supposed to transform her anger at Jeff into something good. Maybe that something should be forgiving him.
Anna could never kiss Jeff and make up like people did in movies. Too much water had flowed under their bridge, and nobody knew yet about the house’s future. Still, she could follow Earnest’s example of letting go of grudges. She could hand back her anger to the god of war and move on.
Anna tugged at her parka’s sleeve to have something to do with her hands. “Jeff, I’m tired of fighting.”
He turned his silhouette so they were face-to-face. “Me too.”
“I’m sorry about all the misunderstanding.”
“No need to be sorry. I can see how you felt the way you did,” he said.
Earnest Page 22